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 Holabird AdvocateProviding all the news we see fit to print since 2002!Wednesday, November 29, 2006 VOL. V Issue 11R Ice Ice Baby Holabird woke up to a sheet of ice on the ground, which made the roads and the sidewalk slippery. Even the gravel had to be tread upon with caution. It wasn't ideal traveling weather, but Harold and Mary took Agnes Hahn to Platte and back to bury Ilah Hansen. Harold reported that the trip went better than expected. Who's the Mechanic Marion Maginnis has been critical of the modern day mechanic. He claims they are nothing more than replacers of parts. That's why Marion would be proud of his nephew Harold Hinkle. The corn rolling machine at the Ponderosa has a baring cease up on it. Darrel Hinkle took care to measure the baring for a future trip to town. Harold used a nickel worth of grease and a dime worth of WD-40 and got the baring moving again. Some say Harold is tight with money, but he just spends it only when necessary. AFA Boycotts Ford So, have you driven a Ford lately? Back in March, the American Family Association (AFA) called for a boycott of Ford Motor Company. In a statement at that time AFA stated, "We asked Ford to remain neutral in the culture war over homosexual marriage, as Wal-Mart has decided to do. Ford refused and elected to throw their company resources behind the promotion of homosexual marriage. Prior to the recent elections, Ford Motor Company sent an e-mail to their salaried employees pointing them to Ballot.org for information on how to vote on issues including homosexual marriage. The Ford-recommended Web site urged voters to vote against constitutional amendments which defined marriage as being between one man and one woman in Arizona, Colorado, South Dakota, and Wisconsin. For has been in financial difficulty lately. Perhaps this is part of the problem. Not that it matters, but all of us here at the Holabird Advocate drive GM cars. Our Publisher wouldn't trade his Buick for any Ford car. Maybe a Ford truck, but not a car. North of 40: Car Care by Red Green I have a friend who wanted a new car, but he had to talk his wife into it. He really loved this car. He suggested that since they had an important anniversary coming up, they could buy the car for each other. That way each of them would own half of the car. That's how bad he wanted this car. Well, the magic day came and he brought the car home. When his wife wanted to take it for a spin, he stopped her, pointing out that he owned the driver's side, which included all the controls and the gearshift, whereas she should stay in her half, which included the glove compartment and the lighted vanity mirror on the sun visor. He doesn't seem to like the car all that much anymore, now that he's living in it. Publisher's Notes by Jerry Hinkle Let me start out by letting you know that I am not going to actively boycott the Ford Motor Company. I'm just reporting that it's going on with links to back up the claim. Like Alan Jackson, I'm crazy 'bout a Ford truck. As he sings, "If I had money, tell you what I'd do! Go downtown, buy a Ford truck or 2." Right after I buy my Dodge Viper. I'll be taking the day off tomorrow. I'll be preparing the 1000th post of the Holabird Advocate, which, Good Lord willing, will be online December 1. I'll also have the last of the Ditty Bop calendar pictures for the year, and if anyone wants more on this site, they'll have to buy next years calendar and send it to me. I'll also have my pick for the Person of the Year for 2006. It won't be Todd Epp, but there's still 2007. As some of you may recall, back in January, I said that somebody will have to work really hard to beat Hunter Mees for the title. Well, someone did! When you here her story, I think you'll agree that we picked the right person for the honor. Did anyone notice that Grandad's obituary did not mention that he was the "Week-end Update" Person of the Year in 2001? Not much of an honor is it? How soon they forget! Even more forgot about the "Week-end Update". Oh Well! Join me Friday of the 59th Monthiversary of the Holabird Advocate. That's all for this Month! See Y'all in December! Monday, November 27, 2006 VOL. V Issue 11Q Newquist Possibility For Sexy Carnivore It has come to the attention of People Eating Delicious Animals (PEDA) that David Newquist wears something called a Pork Pie Hat. If Mr. Newquist can produce a photo of himself in said attire by years end, he just might become the Sexiest Carnivore for 2006, leaving Amanda Nolz eating his dust (which is not part of the recommended diet for PEDA members). Speaking of Amanda Nolz, our friends at the Dakota Radio Group caught up with her recently because will be one of this week's speakers when she talks to convention attendees on Thursday morning at the South Dakota Cattlemen's Association Convention, which is to be held in Pierre. Nolz says she still receives e-mails from people across the country expressing appreciation for her efforts to stand up for her belief in the agricultural industry. As part of her appearance in Pierre this week, Nolz says she will talk about her story growing up in South Dakota and why she is so pro-active for agriculture. Since we are still negotiating to move our home office to her hometown, we are just going to take her word for it that the Humane Society is anti-Agriculture in spite of her lack of proof, rather than fight about it. Simple Home Remedies Submitted by Mary Jo Nemec 1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed. 2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away. 3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. About lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink. 4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer. 5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button. 6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be to afraid to cough. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are. You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape. And finally.....Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. One out of every four people suffer from a mental disorder. If you have three friends, and none of them have a problem..Well..You do the math! Picking Flowers in Autumn? Well, it's 22 degrees outside with freezing rain. What better time to pick flowers? The 4 choices for our official flower are loaded up and ready in alphabetical order. We've noticed that our friend's at Pierre's City Hall are checking in looking for their chance to weigh in on this. Saturday, November 25, 2006 VOL. V Issue 11P Hinkles Have a Walton Thanksgiving-NOT! Author Max Lucado says that every family wishes their family could be more like the Waltons. They'd like to have the picture perfect Thanksgiving. Smiling, happy faces all around the table. Loving each other until night fall. Then going to bed yelling "Good night John Boy!" Fade to black, see ya next week. Well, nobody has a family like that. It takes longer than an hour or two including commercials to solve the latest family crisis. In the case of the Hinkle family, things went OK. They had to wait, and then wait, and wait some more for Ashley Pothast to get home before they could eat. At 2 pm, they sat down to noon vittles. Then someone tried to Walton up the meal by going around the table telling the assembled company what they were thankful for. It was corny, and interestingly enough, even the person who thought up the exercise didn't want to do it, but nobody died. Then it was eating time. The feast was excellent, and as always, plenty of leftovers. Some by their own admission ate too much, but Jerry Hinkle managed to get by with only one plate full of food. For the pre-dessert walk, Noel Pothast suggested a stroll around the Capitol Christmas Tree display rather than to walk outside. It was so cold outside that the eternal flame was just a cloud of steam. Jerry was able to get all of his last years Christmas Credit from Walmart spent. He got another hour of Tracfone time, and a gold watch. He only spent $9.87, but it was appraised at $200 (by Brittany Hinkle, who could either work for "Antiques Road Kill" or the Property Tax Assessment division of the South Dakota State Government). He also threw in a couple 2 liter bottles of soda, which forced him to put up 35 cents of his own cash. Thanksgiving 2006 is over! Now comes the Christmas Rush! HO HO HO! The Life and Times Of Ilah May HansenIlah May Hansen, 92, of Forest City, died Wednesday Nov. 22, 2006 at the Good Samaritan Center in Forest City. Funeral service will be held at 10:30 a.m. Monday, Nov. 27, at the Immanuel Lutheran Church in Forest City with the Rev. Lee Laaveg officiating. Visitation will be from 3 to 6 p.m. Sunday, Nov. 26, at the Petersen Lund Funeral Home, 505 N. Clark St., Forest City. Graveside service will be at 1:15 p.m. Tuesday, Nov. 28, at the Platte Cemetery in Platte, S.D. Visitation will be from noon until 1 p.m. at the Platte Funeral Chapel in Platte, S.D. In lieu of flowers, the family requests memorials to the Forest City Good Samaritan Center or the Platte Cemetery Association. Ilah May (Beltman) Hansen was born in Platte, S.D., on May 25, 1914, the oldest of three daughters of John and Bertha (Muller) Beltman. She was baptized and confirmed in the Platte Christian Reformed Church and married Clarence Otto Hansen of Platte on Jan. 8, 1936. In 1946, along with Clarence, she helped start and manage the Platte Airport in Platte, S.D. She worked at Graff’s Grocery and DeBoer’s (K&K) Grocery in Platte, was the manager of the Bake Shop for Safeway Foods in Rapid City, S.D., and crafted for Mary’s Curiosity Shop in Forest City. She was an avid gardener, enjoyed doing crafts, knitting, quilting and crocheting, playing the piano and accordion, baking breads and making pies, and loved to read and write poetry. Ilah was an active member of Immanuel Lutheran church, serving on the Alter Guild as Communion Chair for many years, and was a member of a Women’s Circle and WELCA (Women of the Evangelical Church in America). Her community groups included the Forest City Birthday Club, 20th Century Club and the Federated Come-a-long Club and she held many offices for each of them. Ilah is survived by two children: Ken (Joan) Hansen, of Forest City; Verla (Ron) Kamykowski of Stickney, Ill.; five grandchildren: Glenn (Crystal) Kamykowski, of Lyons, Ill.; Kristi (Jim) Teolis, of Stickney, Ill.; Susan (Greg) Geitzenauer, of Eden Prairie, Minn.; Kevin (Jamie) Hansen, of St. Paul, Minn.; and Annette Hansen, of Mason City; and many nieces and nephews. She was preceded in death by her parents; by Clarence, her husband of 67 years; and her sister, Marvel Patterson-Cavanaugh, of York, Pa. Robin Sparkles on "How I Met Your Mother" One of the best shows on the CBS Comedy line-up is "How I Met Your Mother". Last Monday It was discovered that when Robin was a teenager, she was Canadian Pop Star "Robin Sparkles". She had just the right combination of Debbie Gibson and Tiffany for 1993. Get a load of the music video that was part of last weeks episode. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate take back everything bad that we've ever said about Canada. This is an excellent video! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mJAsgIIfNM&mode=user&search My $64,000 Answer by Jerry Hinkle Holabird Advocate Publisher Well, I guess it's time to end the speculation and let you, the Readers, in on my plan for next year, vis a vis DWU. I have applied to Dakota Wesleyan as a Religious Studies major with minor in Theater. It is my intention to at least dabble in Political Science and look into Entrepreneur program as well. This class gives each student $100 and turns them loose on the world to make a profit. It will be interesting to see if my experience with Market America was time well spent. From that company, I learned that there are 3 recession proof products, the 3 Cs. Those being Candy, Cigarettes, and Cosmetics. Grandad will come back down to Earth and walk around my dorm room all night if I sell cigarettes. The Pink Caddy girls would pitch a fit if I sold make-up. I may have to become the Candy Man of Cornfield County! I have yet to be accepted into DWU. Right now the plan is to take a tour of the University sometime this next week. Most likely Tuesday after the Ilah Hansen funeral. If I am not accepted, I have been invited to apply at Waldorf College. Nice to know I have a choice! I could always get a job putting wheels on Winnebago Motor Homes! Thursday, November 23, 2006 "We thank God for our homes and our food and our safety in a new land. We thank God for the opportunity to create a new world for freedom and justice." Elder William Brewster of the Plymouth Colony Happy Thanksgiving from all of us here at the Holabird Advocate! Do you know what time it is? TIME TO GIVE THANKS!!!!! Wednesday, November 22, 2006 VOL. V Issue 11O The Truth About Thanksgiving There has been a lot of folklore about the first Thanksgiving after all this time. Our Friends at Snopes have put together as many facts about the event as possible. Here they are: Thanksgiving did not originate with the Pilgrims; it was an ancient historical custom they would have been familiar with from England. What the Pilgrims were celebrating was really not a "thanksgiving," which to them was an occasion for religious piety and solemnity, but rather a harvest festival, full of (secular) revelry such as feasting, drinking, dancing, singing, sports, and games which the Pilgrims would have considered completely inappropriate activities for a religious observance. Although contemporary accounts of the first Thanksgiving mention "wild turkeys," the Pilgrims and Wampanoag likely feasted on a variety of other fowl, such as geese, ducks, and partridges, and even birds we no longer commonly consider as food, such as cranes, swans, and eagles. Corn on the cob was unlikely to have been on the menu, since Indian corn was primarily kept dried by that time of year and used for grinding up into meal. The pumpkin pie and cranberry sauce we're familiar with were absent from the table as well, since the colonists had no supply of sugar, and wheat flour may have been scarce. (The celebrants might have made something like a pudding from boiled pumpkin sweetened with honey or syrup, however.) Potatoes (mashed or otherwise) were probably also absent, as they were not common in that area at the time. Although we don't traditionally associate seafood with Thanksgiving, the colonists may have included cod, eel, clams, lobster, and even seal in their feast. The Pilgrims didn't dress in black-and-white clothing with large buckles on their hats and shoes for Thanksgiving, as they are now commonly depicted. Pilgrims garbed themselves in such black and white clothing only on Sunday and other formal or solemn occasions, and large ornamental buckles didn't come into fashion until much later in the 1600s (and were likely to have been eschewed by the Pilgrims as a frivolity in any case). Due to a poor harvest the next year (and an influx of settlers in subsequent years), the pilgrims never celebrated another Thanksgiving, and it remained an irregularly-observed holiday in America for more than two centuries. The first time all the states in the U.S. celebrated Thanksgiving together was in 1777, but that was a one-time only affair prompted by the Revolutionary War. Abraham Lincoln established Thanksgiving as a national holiday celebrated on the last Thursday in November in 1863, and Franklin Roosevelt moved it to the fourth Thursday in November in 1939. Journal of the Pilgrims at Plymouth by Edward Winslow Our harvest being gotten in, our governor sent four men on fowling, that so we might after a special manner rejoice together after we had gathered the fruit of our labors. They four in one day killed as much fowl as, with a little help beside, served the company almost a week. At which time, among other recreations, we exercised our arms, many of the Indians coming amongst us, and among the rest their greatest king Massasoit, with some ninety men, whom for three days we entertained and feasted, and they went out and killed five deer, which they brought to the plantation and bestowed upon our governor, and upon the captain, and others. And although it be not always so plentiful as it was at this time with us, yet by the goodness of God, we are so far from want that we often wish you partakers of our plenty. Ilah Hansen to Spend Thanksgiving at Home It has been reported that Ilah Hansen has left this world for her Heavenly home sometime this afternoon. This is an event that can be looked upon with both sadness and gladness. Her family and friends will miss her, and yet they will be glad that she is free from sickness and pain. We need not shed a tear for her. Heaven would be a great place to spend Thanksgiving. Perhaps we'll join her someday. Paris Hilton Throws Up It appears that Paris Hilton's singing makes her nausea as well. The famous-for-no-reason star was recently caught vomiting onstage during a performance in Las Vegas. Paris Hilton showed the crowd over the weekend that she just can't keep her act together - not even on stage. Paris Hilton got up on stage to sing some of her "songs". Instead she leaned over and threw up all over the Vegas stage! North of 40:Bank on it by Red Green You can learn a lot about relationships by looking at your bank statement. Whenever you do something thoughtful or sensitive, that's a credit. When you do something boneheaded, that's a debit. When it gets to the point where your debits are greater than your credits, you now have a debt. This debt will draw a great deal of interest -- especially from your wife. If you apologize sincerely at the time of the debit, the amount can be forgiven. If you don't apologize or don't apologize properly, the interest will compound until such time as the account goes dormant, and then it will eventually be closed. So, I suggest you get your accounts in order long before it gets that far. Try to do it during banking hours. Expecting to get an appointment with the credit manager after bedtime is asking for foreclosure. What Time Is It? by Jerry Hinkle Holabird Advocate Publisher Last Sunday, my nephew, Justin, was wearing a paper watch that he made in Sunday School. His teacher had written on the watch "Time to give thanks". Indeed it is that time once again. All of us had so many blessings this year. We need to take that time. Some may wonder if they have anything to be thankful for. I can give each and every one of you a list of 3 things for which you can give thanks. First, be thankful you're in America. We have our problems to be sure, but I don't hear Iraqis complaining about too many people trying to enter that country illegally. Second, be glad you're not Paris Hilton. The living proof that money can't buy happiness, or class. Last of all, be glad you will be able to eat too much tomorrow. Back in the 30s, my grandparents had to get by on barley soup sometimes. Hard to overeat on a diet of that stuff. Nothing to be thankful for? Check your watch! Then tell me what time it is. Tuesday, November 21, 2006  VOL. V Issue 11NIf PEDA Was a Religion This Would be the Church Yahoo had a story about a restaurant in Arizona that proudly admits to trying to finish off its customers has introduced a new item on its menu It's called the "quadruple bypass burger". The burger at the "Heart Attack Grill" restaurant is stacked with four beef patties, cheese, onions, tomatoes and fried bacon, and weighs in at only 8,000 calories, more than three times what the human body needs in one day. Customers who have no appetite for the "quadruple bypass burger" can opt for the "triple" or "double-bypass". If one has room for more one can also order French fries "fried in pure lard" and they can also purchase cigarettes off the menu. As a courtesy, the restaurant offers its "best customers" a wheelchair service to their cars by waitresses dressed in slinky nurses' outfits.The idea, however, has not gone down well with the Arizona State Board of Nursing which has expressed concern that some patrons may confuse the waitresses with real nurses. To avoid any confusion, Heart Attack Grill owner, John Basso has posted a long message on his restaurant website saying that his employees in no way are medical professionals. Basso also said that his ultimate goal is to open a restaurant in France. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate hope that anyone going to this place has their affairs in order. The only problem PEDA has with the place is that the burgers have too many vegetables on them. Ilah Hansen Ready for Homecoming Joan Hansen reported that her mother-in-law, Ilah Hansen is not expected to live through the day. She is not interested in food. When she was offered broccoli soup for supper she wrinkled up her nose and said,"I'd rather have a good hamburger!" Ilah is in Hospice Care with a condition known as severe pulmonary hypertension, which means that the right side of her heart can't keep up pumping the blood into the left side. Her heart is just getting weaker and weaker. It's only a matter of time until she leaves this world for her Heavenly home. Our Publisher knows what it is like to have a family member in this kind of shape. His own Grandma Bergit had a condition somewhat like this until she died 12 years ago this December. Because of this, all of us here at the Holabird Advocate send our thoughts and prayers to Ilah and her family at this time. Updates and Corrections blame it on our small town ways or whatever, but we just had to find out who at First Baptist Church of Sioux Falls has become a Reader. We have discovered that our Reader is Scott Aseltine. A real nice guy, who happens to be the church administrator. He is proud of the church and from what we've seen, his pride is well placed. Take a look at their website and see. The address for the church is www.firstbaptistsf.org. Another member the church is Jason Folkerts. He is a cartoonist who does brilliant work. We'd put him up there with other great South Dakota artists like Terry Redlin or Jim Zilverberg. He does editorials, and from the look of things, our Publisher probably wishes he had discovered Jason during his Janklow Period, if indeed he had one. The best part is, he doesn't play favorites. Whether Democrat or Republican, no statesman escapes his scrutiny. You can get a daily dose of the artist and his brilliance at http://www.jasonfolkerts.blogspot.com/ Monday, November 20, 2006  VOL. V Issue 11M Too Late to Save Kate Katie Holmes (pictured left, obviously looking for an escape route) was married to Tom Cruise over the weekend. Mr. Cruise is claiming to be the father of Ms. Holmes daughter, Suri, even though he is sterile. Well, miracles happen! All of us here at the Holabird advocate have been privy to more details about this story than we'd like to be, courtesy of our own Hollyweird insider, Ethan Aniston. Ethan claims that the wedding ceremony was conducted in the traditional Scientology manner. However, Italian law does not recognize Scientology as a religion, thereby making the marriage null and void. Tom fixed this detail be arranging a civil ceremony in California before he and Katie left for Italy. Tom sure didn't spare any expense on this sham either . This whole arrangement must have cost a bundle. After the marriage, Tom forced Katie to go away on a honeymoon, but wouldn't tell her where they were going. At least it's all over now. Perhaps we can get on with more important things like who the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby is. The Life And Times of Charles "Bud " Dancey Charles "Bud" Dancey, 82, of Holabird, died Thursday, Nov. 9, 2006, at St. Mary's Hospital in Pierre. He was doing what he loved to do the most, working cattle with his son, Sam. Mass of Christian Burial was held Tuesday, Nov. 14, at St. Mary's Catholic Church, Highmore, with Father Paul Nereparmpil, Father Gary DeRouchey and Deacon Bud Jetty officiating. Burial was in St. Mary's Catholic Cemetery, Highmore, directed by Luze Funeral Home of Highmore. Charles "Bud" Dancey was born December 13, 1923, at Harrold, S.D., to Sammy and Mary (McCarthy) Dancey. He was baptized and confirmed in the Catholic faith and was an active member of St. Mary's Catholic Church in Highmore. He attended school and graduated from Highmore High School. He was united in marriage to Elizabeth Jane "Betty" Wheeler on October 8, 1960. To this union, four children were born: Kelly, Samie, Shannon, and Sam. They made their home in Holabird, where he farmed and ranched until his death. Bud loved his family, friends, horses, chickens and working on the ranch. Left to cherish his memory are his children, Kelly (Mark) Twambly of Vienna, VA, Samie (Jim) McCauley of Highmore, Shannon (Rick) Myers of Pierre and Sam Dancey of Holabird; six grandchildren; three sisters: Mona Gluhm of Colorado, Virginia (Phil) Kusser of Highmore and Kay (Lee) Peterson of Holabird. He was preceded in death by his parents, Sammy and Mary Dancey; his wife, Betty; one sister, Mary Lou Gregg; one uncle, Charlie; four aunts, Myrtle, Sr. Marie Helen, Sr. Immaculata, and Sr. Patrice; two brothers-in-law, Clarence Gluhm and Scott Gregg; a nephew, Dancey Peterson; and a niece, Sandy Gregg. Quinn Concert Cancelled Jackie Quinn will not be performing in concert for the Christmas tour season. Ms. Quinn is expecting the birth of her second child in the next month. Her Christmas CD, "Celebrate the Child" is available for purchase. The cost is $15 plus $3 for postage and handling. Order forms are available at the Methodist Church In Highmore. Come 2 Jesus Mininistries has copies available for purchase at $18. Contact Reverend Jerry Hinkle for more information. Caution: Don't Trust Little Old Ladies by Doug Hague A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him. She finally overtook him at the checkout, And she turned to him and said,"I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son." He answered, "That's okay." "I know it's silly, but if you'd call out "Good bye, Mom" as I leave the store, It would make me feel so happy." She then went through the checkout, And as she was on her way out of the store, The man called out, "Goodbye, Mom." The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him. Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his Groceries. "That comes to $121.85," said the clerk."How come so much ...I only bought 5 items.." The clerk replied,"Yeah, but your Mother said You'd be paying for her things, too." Thursday, November 16, 2006 VOL. V Issue 11L Original Name Still The Greatest In the end it wasn't even close. The Holabird Advocate is retaining the name it has held for almost five years. Holabird Advocate Readers voted, and 60% of them want the name to stay the same. SDWC will still be the best educational blog out there. The Readers have also asserted that our Publisher is nowhere near ready to place his feet in SDBWM's shoes. And nobody will be calling him "Caesar" anytime soon. There will be a one change however. Effective December 1, the UBS Network will be disbanded. Holabird Advocate Publisher, Jerry Hinkle, will make himself available to do freelance blog consulting, whether the client wants it or not. He would also not be adverse to a few joint ventures, should the need arise (which it probably won't). Jerry is also hoping to get to DWU to seal his educational deal sometime in the next two weeks. Hopefully by then his car will have an odometer that works. Publisher Gains a Nephew Don't read this article unless you want to feel old. OK, for the rest of you, Holabird Advocate Publisher, Jerry Hinkle is not losing a niece, he's gaining a nephew. His oldest niece, the former Jaimie Pothast, was married to John "Dexter" Donnen some time back. The new Mr. And Mrs. Donnen will be coming to Pierre for Thanksgiving to see home folks. Jerry hopes to welcome his new nephew into the family, even though it was a bit sudden. Jerry believes one shouldn't curse what the Heavenly Father blesses. Kind of an "If you can't beat 'em join 'em" situation. Amanda Nolz to Speak at SDCA Convention According to the Tri-State Livestock News, the program of the South Dakota Cattlemen's Association, the 58th Annual Convention and Trade Show will feature Amanda Nolz, the 2005 National Beef Ambassador as a Breakfast Meeting Speaker on November 30. In the event that there is a question and answer time, all of us here at the Holabird Advocate hope that someone will ask Ms. Nolz what the Humane Society does that is anti-agriculture. After checking their website, it appears they are mainly concerned with animal fighting and animal cruelty. These are two things that we are opposed to as well, of course we can't speak for Ms. Nolz. Our Publisher admits that animals do fight on the Ponderosa, but it is not encouraged. Nobody seems to want to try to separate the bulls when they try to mark their territory. The cats fight at night, and nobody wants to get out of bed to stop that either. We are wondering if perhaps the Humane Society was mistaken for the terrorist group PETA. If Ms. Nolz wants to go up against PETA, more power to her! We'll do all we can do to help her in that fight. We need bona fide proof before we slap leather against the Humane Society. Wednesday, November 15, 2006  VOL. V Issue 11KThis is Hunter Mees It has been brought to our attention that a certain amount of confusion exists about Hunter Mees, and our connection to him. It is our hope to clear this up right now. Hunter is an eight year old boy from Alpena, who goes to school in Wessington Springs. He was diagnosed with Hodgins Lymphoma a year ago. He has sense been treated and is currently in remission and will be until we hear differently. Some may have confused Hunter Mees with Hunter Solberg, who lives in Highmore and has health issues as well. We have not reported on Hunter Solberg or his condition because we know nothing about it. If we needed to know something, we'd be told about it. Shannon Walls, mother to Hunter Mees has told us plenty about her son because our Publisher told her that whenever she needed someone to listen to, he be just a computer away. This is not the first time we have used the photo to your left. It may not be the last, although we expect we will get more recent photos when needed. At least we have photos of Hunter. We have yet to see Morgen Hoffman or Brexton Day! Doug Hinkle Plays Smokey Bear Our friends at the Dakota Radio Group report that food left cooking on a stove too long caused some smoke in a Pierre apartment yesterday, which resulted in a call to the Pierre Fire Department. First Assistant Chief Doug Hinkle says the department was called about 11:15 Tuesday morning to 710 West Dakota Avenue. The occupant of one of the apartments in the building had left a frying pan on the stove's burner, which contained food and the smoke that resulted from the burned food set off a fire alarm. As luck would have it, there was no fire. Firemen worked to ventilate smoke from the apartment and adjoining hallway and were at the scene for about forty minutes. North of 40:For Whom the Cell Tolls by Red Green "A friendly smile from a stranger is a sure way to frighten smart people." I want to talk about cellular phones for a minute. In the old days, when you saw somebody walking down the street jabbering away into thin air, you never thought of the word "phone," just the word "cell." Now, we have all these nuts driving around talking on the phone with just one hand on the steering wheel. Sure, in a fit of road rage you've often taken a hand off the wheel to communicate with other drivers, but that was a whole different kind of digital signal. And, these cell phones don't just ring. No, they play little tunes and jingles and go off at the worst times -- like in church. I mean, it's not even your phone, but everybody still turns around to see where it's coming from, and there you are, sound asleep. To me a cell phone is just a leash. And, you'd better come when you're called, or you'll lose your spot as top dog. Whenever I see somebody on a cell phone, they're always alone, talking to somebody as they walk around the room trying to get a clearer signal. I'll tell you how to get a clear signal. Go to the person's house and talk to them. Cell phones are OK in an emergency, but if you use them to communicate with friends and loved ones, you will eventually get disconnected. That'll ruin your weekend, no matter how many free minutes you get. South Dakota Songbook "Smokey the Bear" by Steve Nelson and Jack Rollins, written under license of the U.S. Dept.Off Agriculture to Hill and Range Songs, Inc., Copyright 1952 by Hill and Range Songs, Inc., New York, N.Y. International copyright secured. All rights reserved including the right of public performance for profit. With a Ranger's hat and shovel and a pair of dungarees, you will find him in the forest always sniffin' at the breeze. People stop and pay attention when he tells 'em to beware, 'cause ev'rybody knows that he's the Fire Prevention Bear. Smokey the Bear, Smokey the Bear. Prowlin' and a growlin' and a sniffin' the air. He can find a fire before it starts to flame. That's why they call him Smokey, That was how he got his name. You can take a tip from Smokey that there's nothin' like a tree. 'cause they're good for kids to climb in and they're beautiful to see, you just have to look around you and you'll find it's not a joke, to see what you'd be missin' if they all went up in smoke. Smokey the Bear, Smokey the Bear. Prowlin' and a growlin' and a sniffin' the air. He can find a fire before it starts to flame. That's why they call him Smokey, That was how he got his name. You can camp upon his doorstep and he'll make you feel at home; You can run and hunt and ramble anywhere you care to roam. He will let you take his honey and pretend he's not so smart, but don't you harm his trees for he's a Ranger in his heart. Smokey the Bear, Smokey the Bear. Prowlin' and a growlin' and a sniffin' the air. He can find a fire before it starts to flame. That's why they call him Smokey, That was how he got his name. If you've ever seen the forest when a fire is running wild, and you love the things within it like a mother loves her child, then you know why Smokey tells you when he sees you passing through, "Remember..Please be careful...It's the least that you can do." Smokey the Bear, Smokey the Bear. Prowlin' and a growlin' and a sniffin' the air. He can find a fire before it starts to flame. That's why they call him Smokey, That was how he got his name. Tuesday, November 14, 2006 VOL. V Issue 11J Baptists Get "The Word" From Holabird Advocate The First Baptist Church of Sioux Falls holds the distinction of being the first place of worship to log onto the Holabird Advocate Newsblog. At least as far as we are aware. They have a very good website, check it out here: http://firstbaptistsf.org/ The Holabird Advocate has also picked up traffic from the Northern Valley Beacon. David Newquist, a man we've never met, has said some of the nicest things about our little Newsblog, and it's courageous, dynamic Publisher. Modesty forbids us from going into too much detail about it, so read it all here for yourself: http://northernbeacon.blogspot.com/2006/11/south-Dakota-blogs-on-propagation-care.html Former Holabird Girl Raises Adoption Awareness Our friends at the Dakota Radio Group report that adoption advocates are working to raise awareness and increase the number of adoptions placements in South Dakota. The number was 250 last year. One such advocate is Chellee Nemec. She is a co-founder of Sioux Empire Adopt. This Sioux Falls area organization started earlier this year as an umbrella for other groups that are in the adoption business. Chellee, who grew up in the Holabird area, says that the number of adoption placements in the state are too low, and something has to be done. If anyone can do it, Chellee can. Go get 'em kid! Houston, You're Problems Are Over When Barney Nemec was growing up, had he told someone he was going to build a space station, he'd have been laughed at. Word from his mother is that this very day he has a job working on a new space station for NASA. The exact details of his job have not been revealed at this time, but if Barney is behind it, you can bet your bottom dollar (and you may have already) that it will be the best. Monday, November 13, 2006 VOL. V Issue 11I Holabird Advocate Explains it All Down to the Capital City Hall The Holabird Advocate has recently been read by someone using a computer at Pierre's City Hall. Our little Newsblog is used to attention from colleges, high schools, defense contractors, and once a U.S. Representative, who is still as of yet unknown. This is the first time a major South Dakota City has allowed it's employees to read our Front Page. This should come as no surprise, since we've always had a certain amount of traffic from the Capitol City. Perhaps we should make the Petunia the official flower of the Holabird Advocate. Right now, It's dandelion. Any other idea's? Before Virginia Caraway chimes in, we'll also throw in the Yellow Rose to make it a 3-way race. Dancey Funeral Tomorrow Holabird, and the rest of the world, will say "so long" to Charles "Bud" Dancey tomorrow morning at 10 o'clock at, we assume, the catholic Church in Highmore. Official details are scarce as nobody seems to want to talk about them with us. Mary Hinkle is planning to take her mother Agnes Hahn to the funeral. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate Hopes she will find it. Our Publisher, Jerry Hinkle will not be in attendance. This is because he found out that the lady undertakers are both married, and one of them has a baby. To that he says, "RAT FINKY!!" Better luck next time, Bub! Seriously, we do want to say that Buddy Dancey was in many ways one of the things that make Holabird great. He never sought attention, or the spotlight. He lived his life as best he could. He was a good and generous man . It was once reported that he gave a neighbor in need some winter hay. The next Spring, when the neighbor tried to repay him, he refused, Saying "I didn't give you the hay for payment, I gave it to you because you needed it. That is the mark of a true Holabird resident. Flying Circus Shows Promise Z-Money's Flying Circus played to a packed house at the Outpost in Highmore last Saturday night. Seth Zilverberg, owner of Holabird's newest enterprise, did himself proud. He's even picked up some groupies. A group of young ladies come all the way from Sioux Falls just to see his karaoke show. It's reported they are always part of the crowd when Seth sets up his musical extravaganza. That's devotion, no matter how you slice it. The Flying Circus coincided with a surprise 50th birthday party for Mary Jo Nemec. Her family really did her proud. They put on quite a dinner, with a choice of beef or pork. The real treat was this dessert salad that Jerry Hinkle called "Death by Chocolate" because he was dying to have some more. The crowd liked it more than the birthday cake. Whoever catered the affair did an excellent job with meal preparation. As near as he could tell, Jerry thought the dessert contained bits of Snickers, 3 Musketeers, Mars Bars, Oreo cookies, chocolate pudding and Cool Whip. The exact recipe is not known, but we can assume it's a trade secret. Nothing that good could ever be public knowledge. Some folks have said that at 50, Mary Jo is over the hill. "It's all down hill from here!", they claim. But we have heard that people who ski enjoy the downhill part best of all. May she have 50 more years! If she really wanted to die right away, Mary Jo could eat her fill of that dessert. She'd sure die happy, anyway. Either that, or need dentures for 50 years. Called to the Mountain by Jerry Hinkle Holabird Advocate Publisher I might not get to the computer as often this month. On top of everything else, I plan on taking advantage of the free Hallmark Channel. "The Waltons" are on for two hours a day Monday through Friday. It has been good to see the old show again. I loved seeing Will Geer as Grandpa Walton. He reminded me so much of my own grandfather. Seeing the episode where the family celebrated his birthday by going to his grave was a real tear-jerker. Funny that I cried more for him than Grandad, but then I still feel him here with me. Watching Ellen Corby as Grandma brings a chill to me as well. She could convey the full gambit of emotions even after her stroke. I remember as a boy hearing on the news that she had died, only to find out that the report was premature by 20 years. When Will Geer died for real, I didn't believe it. Perhaps the best part of the show is the kids. None of them grew up to experiment with drugs, rob a convenience store or appear on a reality show. They were good at acting poor too. And you know they had to have been living in the Hollywood hills while doing the show. That's why they call it acting. The show changed a lot through the years, but I've never seen any show that was as good before during or since. It has a timeless quality, which is rare for a period peace. The issues they dealt with in the 30s and 40s were not that different than in the 70s and 80s. Even in the 21st Century, the same issues crop up. The Walton family may be fictional, but in many ways, they are more real than a lot of what is seen on TV. Saturday, November 11, 2006 Happy Veteran's Day Holabird Advocate Salutes The Vietnam Veteran South Dakota gave their proper respect during our hiatus. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate wish to do the same at this time. Better late than never! Emotions about the Vietnam era in our national history, and our state's history, still run high after all this time. It was a time when future presidents would join the National Guard or go to England to smoke dope to avoid going to Southeast Asia. Of course, the national guard was needed here because those who didn't hot foot it to Canada were rioting in protest of the war. That is all behind us now. Now it is a time for healing. Mistakes were made on both sides. The Tomb Is Empty by Jerry Hinkle Holabird Advocate Publisher During my 3 week involuntary exile from the internet, there was an event in South Dakota that effected me deeply, The Vietnam War Memorial. I'd be lying if I said I remembered anything about that era in our nations history. Like the hippies, I don't remember the 60s. Of course I was just a baby back then, but I digress. Still history has taught us plenty. The tomb of the Unknowns in Arlington National Cemetery has a grave for one soldier from every war in the early 20th century. Both World Wars, Korea and Vietnam. I remember seeing on the TV news a report that the family of the soldier who occupied the Vietnam grave was fighting the government for custody of their loved ones remains. Through DNA analysis, they found out that this soldier was indeed who they claimed. Since he was no longer unknown, they claimed he did not belong there. I thought at the time about the progress we've made. Every dead soldier had a name. I thought that should be comforting in a way. It was at the dedication of South Dakota's Vietnam War Memorial that I discovered some 88,000 American soldiers were Missing In Action (MIA). Isn't that something else? We have the technology to figure out the identity of the dead, but we can't find the missing. In a way it's fitting our Unknown Soldier from Vietnam is MIA as well. That empty grave should remind us of the empty bed at home, the empty chair at the dinner table, or the empty place in a mother's heart for the boy who left home, and the man who disappeared in the jungle. For the husband and father who just vanished from the face of the Earth. People like to compare Gulf War II to Vietnam. I don't see it! We had a few hundred die there, a few thousand maimed there. We still have 88,000 missing from Vietnam. Don't get me wrong, that is still too many, but always remember it could be worse. I hope it doesn't come to that. One last thought before we go on the musical part of the day's observance. Every one of those 88,000 who are missing will be found. On the day ofJudgment, I believe that another occupant of an empty grave will find each and every one accounted for. I only wish it wouldn't take so long to find them. South Dakota Songbook "8th Of November " by Big and Rich He Said goodbye to his momma as he left South Dakota To fight for the red, white and blue He was 19 and green with a new M-16 Just doing what he had to do He was dropped in the jungle where the choppers would rumble With the smell of napalm in the air And the sergeant said...Look up ahead Like a dark evil cloud, 1,200 came down on him and 29 more They fought for their lives but most of them died in the 173rd Airborne [Chorus:] On the 8th of November the angels were crying As they carried his brothers away With the fire raining down and the hell all around There were few men left standing that day Saw the eagle fly through a clear blue sky 1965, the 8th of November Now he's 58 and his pony tail's gray But the battle still plays in his head He limps when he walks but he's strong when he talks About the Shrapnel they left in his leg He puts on a gray suit over his Airborne tattoo And he ties it on one time a year And remembers the fallen as he orders a tall one And swallows it down with his tears [Chorus] Saw the eagle fly through a clear blue sky 1965...On the 8th of November the angels were crying As they carried his brothers away With the fire raining down and the hell all around There were few men left standing that day [Chorus] 8th of November...8th of November Said goodbye to his momma as he left South Dakota To fight for the red, white and blue He was nineteen and green with a new M-16 Just doing what he had to do... Friday, November 10, 2006  VOL. V Issue 11H Maybe Next Time She'll Think Before She Eats At the 79th National FFA Convention in Indianapolis, Indiana, RFD-TV sponsored a Mega Concert which showcased Heartland, Jason Aldean, and Carrie Underwood. Fliers were passed out by an unknown source detailing Carrie Underwood's activism against meat-producing farms and companies. These fliers also asked concert attendees to support Heartland and Jason Aldean, but walk out when Carrie took the stage. Carrie Underwood is a spokeswoman for Sketchers Shoes, which is ironic, seeing as their shoes are made from leather, and last time we checked, leather came from cows. She has also appeared in a "Got Milk" campaign. Milk comes from cows as well, and if bull riding is cruel, then all of us here at the Holabird Advocate believe that squeezing a cow's udder until white stuff comes out sure should be. Maybe it is, but milk is just so darn tasty! As you can see from the photo of Ms. Underwood, she is a super skinny chick that could use a shot of beef steak. Faith Hill was among those trying to get in good with People Eating Delicious Animals (PEDA) by distancing themselves from Carrie Underwood. She threw the mother of all hissy fits when Ms. Underwood was chosen as CMA Female Vocalist of the Year earlier this week. Too bad she tried to appease the Hollyweird crowd by saying it was a joke. PEDA Founder, Jerry Hinkle summed it up this way, "Faith Hill is dead to us!" Here Comes The Snow A blanket of snow was gently laid down last night and this morning in different places around the state. The Holabird area was no exception. While the white stuff was not measurable, it was a sign of things to come. The mercury is rising, however, and the blanket of snow may be gone before the night come. End of the Trail for "Bud" Dancy Darrel Hinkle reports that he had heard during his weekly bowling outing that Charles "Bud" Dancy has left this world for the next one. Details are sketchy and being hunted down as we speak. All of us here give our most sincere condolences to Bud's family. He was an institution in the Holabird area, and will be sorely missed. Another Call to Prayer by Jerry Hinkle Holabird Advocate Publisher Once again a sick child has found there way into my heart. This time it's 1 year old Brexton Day. Brexton is the son of Martin Day, and the great-grandchild of Nadine Day of Highmore. Brexton has a health problem known as CP. His family is asking for a miracle, the miracle of deliverance from this CP. There may be other things that I'm not aware of as well. Brexton and his family will be attending a healing prayer service sometime on Sunday, November 12. I'll be praying for him in the morning, at noon, and in the evening of that day. I hope that any and all Readers who are able can join in anytime and as often as possible. This may be the biggest thing we've asked of our Heavenly Father yet. As long as Brexton stands in the need of prayer, I intend on being one of his many who will supply that prayer. God will supply the healing! Thursday, November 09, 2006 VOL. V Issue 11G Fifth Platter to Make Possible Comeback As most fanciers of good music know, Mary Hinkle was one of the members of the fabulous 50s group the Platters. She was the fifth Platter for a few minutes back in 1998. Mary noticed that Holabird's newest entertainment sensation "Z-Money's Flying Circus" was going to be in Highmore and half jokingly talked about singing. Her oldest, and possibly meanest son, Jerry Hinkle, is pushing her to get out and do it too. He thinks people would pay to see a show like that. Hopefully, Seth Zilverberg has some Platters songs in his musical library. Even better though, how about The Ditty Bops. Nemec is Nifty at Fifty Well, the cat is out of the bag. Mary Jo Nemec is 50 years old. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate were going to be discreet about her age . After all we didn't know how old she was until she told our Publisher her true age. The Highmore Herald was not the least bit discreet. They even sent a paparazzi to snap a very unflattering photo of her. She should sue, really she should. Of course you know the old saying, "You're not getting older, you're getting better". E.E. Hinkle believed that until he reached 99. So Mary Jo has about 49 good years left. Three Strikes and Going Home Morgen Hoffman's family will have something to celebrate this Thanksgiving. It is hoped that by then, Morgen will be home. That little girl had three strikes against her. First, there was the hole in her lung. The Doctors claim now that the hole "healed itself". Then there was a heart defect. The defect is "Gone" now. The latest thing was a tumor that was discovered on her neck, which since "disappeared". Prayer works! Wednesday, November 08, 2006 VOL. V Issue 11F Holabird Celebrates Two Birthdays Today marks two big birthdays in the Holabird Metropolitan Area. Justin "Good buddy" Hinkle turns 5 years old. Also deserving of a cake is Mary Jo Nemec. She is nowhere near 5 years old. Let's just say she's older than Justin and younger than Janette Patterson and leave it at that. Mary Jo wanted to wake up and find Jack Billion was elected Governor. Our Publisher did the next best thing. One wonders what her reaction to the previous edition was. We hope that she at least got a chuckle out of it Todd Epp Refuses Gift This morning our Publisher tried to transfer the 10,000 shares of Holabird Advocate stock that was rightfully his, only to find that he is currently refusing gifts. Now that's class! Mr. Epp is a real gentleman. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate feel he is a great example to us all. North of 40: Forever Young by Red Green Just last week, I was in the drugstore picking up some deodorant -- you know the kind, strong enough for a man and made for one, too. All of a sudden, this mannequin in a lab coat comes to life from behind the makeup counter and says to me, "Excuse me sir, but would you like to try a sample of Adonis, a new skin treatment specifically formulated to meet a man's unique moisture needs?" I'm like, "Miss, you have no idea what my unique moisture needs are." Long story short, I end up dropping 35 bucks on a shot glass-size bottle of margarine-colored goo and feeling like a world-class chump. On my way out, I look back and see another guy with a desperate look in his eye getting the same pitch and reaching for his wallet. Why are we falling for this stuff? Just so that when we're 90 people will say, "Gee, you don't look a day over 85!" Maybe, but I'll tell you what, the goo really works. Now, my storm door hinges squeak with a youthful confidence they never had before. Time for Change? The 1000th post of the Holabird Advocate Newsblog is coming up. It is on the occasion of that milestone that we will break in the new name. Hopefully by then our Publisher will be accepted to DWU. Here are all of the names on the short list. As a Reader, your mission is to help us narrow it down to either 1 or 2. If none of these choices gets 51% of the vote, then we'll have a run off. Tuesday, November 07, 2006 VOL. V Issue 11E Billion Defeats Rounds All of us at the Holabird Advocate Hope this headline gets the Governor's attention. As it happens, we are playing the part of the Chicago Tribune in this final chapter of campaign '06. This is because Dr. Jack Billion had his rear handed to him by Governor Marion "Mike" Rounds by a comfortable margin of 62% to Billion's 36%. If this keeps up, it looks like we have a new stockholder. Welcome aboard Mr. Epp. In other news, it appears that Ruth Wood will be able to return to the Aberdeen American News as a columnist, if they're lucky and she's desperate. Flying Circus Spreads Wings Near Holabird Holabird can lay claim to a new business, and although the name implies livestock involvement, Z-Money's Flying Circus does not own cattle. The Flying Circus, rather, entertains locals with its mobile karaoke show. "The business name combines my college nickname with circus imagery, both reminiscent of good times," said owner Seth Zilverberg. The Flying Circus performed during the last two weekends at D&K Outpost in Highmore. Holabird and Highmore residents found previously undiscovered talent both nights. The next karaoke show will be November 11, starting at 9:00 pm at D&K. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate hope this was not Seth's way of breaking the news to his parents. We also wish him well in this new venture. Hopefully all of Holabird will invade Highmore to see Seth in action. His business has a cute logo, but we were unable to cut, copy and paste it onto the Front Page of our little Newsblog. We were also unable to download or save it to the disc drive. Kennedys Arrive Home The Election Day traffic did not hinder George and Mavis Kennedy from making it to their Winter place in Green Valley, Arizona. They made it safe and sound earlier today. Mavis has her computer set up and waiting for something worth reading from Holabird. Let's hope she doesn't wait too long. She is grateful for this service, because it let's her know all of the stuff that her brother, Harold Hinkle, forgets to tell her. Monday, November 06, 2006  VOL. V Issue 11D 90 Never Looked So Good The Family of former Holabird resident Janette Zilverberg Kubat Patterson got together recently to wish her well on reaching her 90th birthday. Janet Zilverberg Kopecky, who is nowhere near 90 years old, submitted this photo of the birthday girl with her brothers Jim, Dave, and John. As we understand it, Jim is the only one in the photo who has yet to become a nonagenarian. Missing from the photo is oldest brother, Mac who could not be present because he died before he could turn 90. Our Publisher never met Mrs. Patterson, but E.E. Hinkle used to talk about how his cousin Vernon Hosbrook used to hold her in a high regard. It would be interesting to hear her side of that story, since neither E.E. or Vernon can dispute her point of view. More To Celebrate Tomorrow Another Zilverberg is having a birthday! Mary Jo Zilverberg Nemec is also getting another year older. We aren't sure about the day, but Jerry Hinkle remembers being invited to her 30th birthday back in 19??, AND it just happened to be Election Day too. Jerry always celebrates her birthday by voting for at least 1 Democrat. This Election Day just happens to be the 75th Anniversary of E.E. and Bergit Hinkle. Jerry often talks about the day he registered to vote at the Hyde County Courthouse. E.E. Not only went along, but made sure he filled in the form correctly by looking over his shoulder. Jerry would like to think that both E.E. and Bergit will be looking over his shoulder to make sure he fills out the ballot correctly. Jerry used to joke about changing parties the day after his "Grandad" was no longer around. Trouble is, Jerry still feels E.E.'s presence. Not only that, E.E. hears better than he used to. DWU Is Reading Us The Holabird Advocate Circulation Department reports that 3 of the last 10 hits have come from DWU. They obviously like what they see, or they'd be telling Holabird Advocate Publisher, Jerry Hinkle to find another school to attend. Jerry is getting somewhat anxious about the process because the only thing in the way is his tour of DWU, which he has been unable to find time for. Between putting tin on the roof of his brother's house and weaning cattle, Jerry has been very busy. The Come to Jesus Taxi still needs work, too. Oh well, There's always next year! We're just glad that Jerry didn't take Nick Nemec's advice and change the name of our little Newsblog to "The Holabird Advocate and Co-Ed Skirt Chaser" Apology Time Once Again by Jerry Hinkle, Holabird Advocate Publisher It has come to my attention that Mr. Todd D. Epp, Esquire is no longer Dr. Jack Billion's Press Secretary. They evidently had a parting of the ways, possibly during my involuntary exile from the internet last month. I humbly apologize to both the good doctor and Mr. Epp for the error. Good luck to both of you tomorrow! Perhaps you'll prove us all wrong. Saturday, November 04, 2006
Friday, November 03, 2006  VOL. V Issue 11C Amanda Nolz Named PEDA Sexiest Carnivore of The Year PEDA (People Eating Delicious Animals) have decided to name Amanda Volz of Mitchell, South Dakota with the "Sexiest Carnivore of the Year" for 2006. The reason for the choice is simple. The other candidate was Carrie Underwood. The Mitchell Daily Republic (who also supplied the photo of Amanda Nolz to your left) reports that Nolz, who is a Freshman at SDSU majoring in Ag Communications and Political Science, has created some waves because at the Indianapolis, Indiana National FFA Convention when she led a walkout protest against country music star Carrie Underwood. Ms. Underwood, it seems is a a vegetarian as well as a supporter of the Humane Society. Something that Ms. Nolz takes exception to. She is active in FFA and is also a National Beef Ambassador. Nolz claims that Underwood's support of the Humane Society aligns the singer with a group whose "main goal is to abolish animal agriculture." All of us at the Holabird Advocate thought that the Humane Society just found homes for stray dogs and cats. They have apparently branched out. As part of the award PEDA would like to give Amanda her own PEDA t-shirt. Trouble is, they haven't been made yet. PEDA had a logo, but the design was lost. The effort was dropped because people stopped asking for them. Perhaps PEDA needs new leadership. Pollmaster General We've got a poll that is so accurate, we feel that we could almost take it to the bank and borrow money on it. The Holabird Advocate Newsblog is going to project that incompetent-make thincumbentant-Governor, M. Michael Rounds will be elected with 71% of the vote, give or take 3.5%. That is, of course unless the Keloland poll shows different. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate still encourage you to vote. Who knows, we could be wrong and you could laugh at us. If we are wrong our Publisher will gift Mr. Todd Epp, Esquire with 10,000 shares of Holabird Advocate stock, worth a little more than B$600,000 at today's price. Top Ten Listby Jerry Hinkle Publisher Holabird Advocate Sometime after the election, I am going to have a poll with the short list of the new names for the Holabird Advocate that I have come up with. The name may chance in the event I do get accepted into DWU next year. So from the home office in Holabird South Dakota, here are the Top Ten New Names for the Holabird Advocate Newsblog: 1. UBS News (pronounced UBS Snooze) 2. Mitchell Nightly Democracy (to compete with a certain newspaper) 3. The Dakota Statesman (named after George McGovern) 4. The Prarie Deacon (named after Grandad) 5. South Dakota Blog Watch (A name too good to be dead this long) 6. Cornfield County Courier (I still miss "Hee Haw") 7. The Hinkle Empire (just call me Caesar) 8. Hinkle University (Watch out SDWC) 9. The Jerry Hinkle Program Online (in case I get a job at KORN) 10. The Holabird Advocate (I could be wrong about the need for a change) Thursday, November 02, 2006 VOL. V Issue 11B Holabird Company to Appear on KSFY The Highmore Herald has reported that Scott Holler of the Holler Construction company will be featured on the ABC Television show, "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition", which will air Sunday November 5 at 7 pm Holabird Time. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate may watch this silly show if someone could answer one simple question. (Who the $#&% is Scott Holler?) No not that one, this one. Would Scott Holler like to join the Holabird Chamber of Commerce so we can get to know him better. (Oh, you mean who the $$$$ is Scott Holler!). Welcome to Holabird, Scott. We thought we knew everybody here, since Holabird's population is only 38. Looks like we goofed, doesn't it? Scott volunteered to be a part of the "Extreme Makeover" project. The least we can do is volunteer to watch the show and support one of our own. We'll even let him into the Chamber of Commerce for free. Happy Anniversary Hunter It was almost a year ago, on November 4 that Hunter Mees was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma. Since then, he has fought the disease and is currently in remission. He will be having another check up soon and in and effort to spread a positive vibe, Holabird Advocate Publisher, Jerry Hinkle is declaring November 4, "Face of Hope Day" for Hunter and the rest of our Readers. We encourage any and all people who are able to send photos of Hunter Mees to our G-mail address: publisher@gmail.com and we will put in as many as possible along with a special message from Shannon Walls and maybe a word or two from Jerry himself. This may be an occasion when we can break our old Circulation record of 94 hits. Don't Write Me In! by Jerry Hinkle Holabird Advocate Publisher I met Ruth Wood back in the Summer of 1998 during my tour of duty as an agent for the Census Bureau. When I told her of my intention to run for District 23 House of Representatives in 2000. She talked me out of that noble endeavor by saying, "Politics is not a noble profession. Stay out of it kid!". I took her advice. I have not had an iota or remorse or regret about that decision since. A short 8 years later, the shoe has changed foot. Ruth is running I am not. Truth be told I was shocked that in the Pollmaster General I got 9 votes and everyone else got 3. Fact is, were I to run, I believe all I'd get was 9 votes in the whole entire district. I'm going to stand by my pledge to not tell you who to vote for. But I will tell you who not to vote for in this election. That would be ME!!!!! Here's a second chance to do the job right. Wednesday, November 01, 2006  VOL. V Issue 11A This is November? According to The Ditty Bops calendar, this is what their November looks like. Apparently life in Southern California does have certain advantages. Todd Epp can tell you himself, It's not like that in South Dakota. The Ditty Bops have completed their bicycle tour across America for some time. Now they are working on a DVD of their trip and we'll let you know when it's complete. The Ladies are also going to be out on the road off and on for a couple of weeks doing some Tour de Fat dates and E town, then it's back to Los Angeles for a little rest and relaxation. Brock Family on "Old Home" Tour Kenny, Zada, and Mary Jane Brock have been all over the state of South Dakota, catching up with all of the family and friends possible. Yesterday, Mary Jane drove Kenny to Hitchcock, where he saw Norval Goehring for the first time in 55 years. Vera Goehring tried, with no success, to give away a cat or two. The Brocks pulled into the Ponderosa at a little after 5 pm last night. Kenny almost didn't believe his eyes when he saw Ardis Aasby in Harold Hinkle's chair. One thing he was going to ask Harold was if Ardis was still around. Kenny and Ardis went to Loomis School together a few years back. Ardis was invited to the Ponderosa get-together as a surprise guest. His appearance was indeed a surprise. The Brocks stayed overnight, but Ardis went back home. The visiting went on until 11 pm. One story that sounded incredible was the time that Harold shot at a goose but hit 3 ducks instead. Had Kenny not been the one relating the tale, it would have been dismissed. The next morning, Harold showed Kenny all around the country so he could note all the changes over the years. Mary Jane took several photos around the ranch. While thumbing through some back issues of the South Dakota Magazines in the living room, Zada discovered that Jerry Hinkle was famous. Mary Jane requested copies of the articles, so we can expect some hits coming from Nebraska when they get back home. Mary Hinkle force fed the assembled company. Everyone ate their fill, and some went beyond that. Of course no visit is complete without a Cowboy Breakfast. Mary is practicing for a future Bernie Hunhoff visit. She has heard of his fondness for pancakes and plans on serving him a pancake buffet for $3.19. Noon vittles were a little skimpy, consisting of soup and sandwiches, but nobody was all that hungry anyway. The Brocks left after having a choice of either going to see Zada's brother in the Harrold area or watching "Dr. Phil". If it is possible to have too much fun, it came pretty close to happening at the Ponderosa. This is usually the case. Kennedys Prepare for Trip South George and Mavis Kennedy are getting ready to head for their winter home in Arizona. They plan on striking out as soon as Saturday. They have no need to worry about thieves around their home, because Jani Peterson will keep a pretty tight reign on the place. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate would offer just one piece of advice to Jani. Run the water faucet for a spell every once in a while. Maybe do some light baking in the house. Cookies, cakes, maybe bread on the odd weekend. North of 40: A State of Mind by Red Green I've heard it said that age is a state of mind. Well, so is insanity. Age is a state of body. Our minds can take advantage of arrested development, but our bodies remain at large, armed and dangerous, careening the getaway car headlong into old age and infirmity. In our society, if you're not young, you're old. You'd better get ready for it. Some day soon you'll be riding a bus, and that pretty young thing that you've been sneaking a peek at will get up and offer you her seat. You better take it, because when that happens, you're going to need one. Now don't go nuts and run out and buy a red Ferrari or something. If you truly need a car, make it something conservative and normal. A Ferrari is a mid-life crisis, what you need is a mid-life Chrysler. Embrace the autumn of your life. If you don't, you're riding for a fall. 
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