Holabird AdvocateProviding all the news we see fit to print since 2002!
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
VOL. V Issue 11F
Holabird Celebrates Two Birthdays
Today marks two big birthdays in the Holabird Metropolitan Area. Justin "Good buddy" Hinkle turns 5 years old. Also deserving of a cake is Mary Jo Nemec. She is nowhere near 5 years old. Let's just say she's older than Justin and younger than Janette Patterson and leave it at that. Mary Jo wanted to wake up and find Jack Billion was elected Governor. Our Publisher did the next best thing. One wonders what her reaction to the previous edition was. We hope that she at least got a chuckle out of it
Todd Epp Refuses Gift
This morning our Publisher tried to transfer the 10,000 shares of Holabird Advocate stock that was rightfully his, only to find that he is currently refusing gifts. Now that's class! Mr. Epp is a real gentleman. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate feel he is a great example to us all.
North of 40: Forever Young
by Red Green
Just last week, I was in the drugstore picking up some deodorant -- you know the kind, strong enough for a man and made for one, too. All of a sudden, this mannequin in a lab coat comes to life from behind the makeup counter and says to me, "Excuse me sir, but would you like to try a sample of Adonis, a new skin treatment specifically formulated to meet a man's unique moisture needs?" I'm like, "Miss, you have no idea what my unique moisture needs are."
Long story short, I end up dropping 35 bucks on a shot glass-size bottle of margarine-colored goo and feeling like a world-class chump. On my way out, I look back and see another guy with a desperate look in his eye getting the same pitch and reaching for his wallet. Why are we falling for this stuff? Just so that when we're 90 people will say, "Gee, you don't look a day over 85!" Maybe, but I'll tell you what, the goo really works. Now, my storm door hinges squeak with a youthful confidence they never had before.
Time for Change?
The 1000th post of the Holabird Advocate Newsblog is coming up. It is on the occasion of that milestone that we will break in the new name. Hopefully by then our Publisher will be accepted to DWU. Here are all of the names on the short list. As a Reader, your mission is to help us narrow it down to either 1 or 2. If none of these choices gets 51% of the vote, then we'll have a run off.
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