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Holabird Advocate

Providing all the news we see fit to print since 2002!

Friday, November 03, 2006

VOL. V Issue 11C
Amanda Nolz Named PEDA
Sexiest Carnivore of The Year
PEDA (People Eating Delicious Animals) have decided to name Amanda Volz of Mitchell, South Dakota with the "Sexiest Carnivore of the Year" for 2006. The reason for the choice is simple. The other candidate was Carrie Underwood.
The Mitchell Daily Republic (who also supplied the photo of Amanda Nolz to your left) reports that Nolz, who is a Freshman at SDSU majoring in Ag Communications and Political Science, has created some waves because at the Indianapolis, Indiana National FFA Convention when she led a walkout protest against country music star Carrie Underwood. Ms. Underwood, it seems is a a vegetarian as well as a supporter of the Humane Society. Something that Ms. Nolz takes exception to. She is active in FFA and is also a National Beef Ambassador. Nolz claims that Underwood's support of the Humane Society aligns the singer with a group whose "main goal is to abolish animal agriculture." All of us at the Holabird Advocate thought that the Humane Society just found homes for stray dogs and cats. They have apparently branched out.
As part of the award PEDA would like to give Amanda her own PEDA t-shirt. Trouble is, they haven't been made yet. PEDA had a logo, but the design was lost. The effort was dropped because people stopped asking for them. Perhaps PEDA needs new leadership.
Pollmaster General
We've got a poll that is so accurate, we feel that we could almost take it to the bank and borrow money on it. The Holabird Advocate Newsblog is going to project that incompetent-make thincumbentant-Governor, M. Michael Rounds will be elected with 71% of the vote, give or take 3.5%. That is, of course unless the Keloland poll shows different. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate still encourage you to vote. Who knows, we could be wrong and you could laugh at us. If we are wrong our Publisher will gift Mr. Todd Epp, Esquire with 10,000 shares of Holabird Advocate stock, worth a little more than B$600,000 at today's price.
Top Ten List
by Jerry Hinkle
Holabird Advocate
Sometime after the election, I am going to have a poll with the short list of the new names for the Holabird Advocate that I have come up with. The name may chance in the event I do get accepted into DWU next year. So from the home office in Holabird South Dakota, here are the Top Ten New Names for the Holabird Advocate Newsblog:
1. UBS News (pronounced UBS Snooze)
2. Mitchell Nightly Democracy (to compete with a certain newspaper)
3. The Dakota Statesman (named after George McGovern)
4. The Prarie Deacon (named after Grandad)
5. South Dakota Blog Watch (A name too good to be dead this long)
6. Cornfield County Courier (I still miss "Hee Haw")
7. The Hinkle Empire (just call me Caesar)
8. Hinkle University (Watch out SDWC)
9. The Jerry Hinkle Program Online (in case I get a job at KORN)
10. The Holabird Advocate (I could be wrong about the need for a change)

As a proud resident of Holabird I hope you keep the current title. Perhaps you could also include some by-line to indicate your new location and occupation.

Holabird Advocate and Coed Skirt Chaser Gazette.

Just a thought but you get my drift.
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