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 Holabird AdvocateProviding all the news we see fit to print since 2002!Wednesday, February 28, 2007 Here we go Again The Ponderosa got an accurate measure of 10 inches of snow this past weekend. Keloland is predicting that this area could get as little as 4 inches and as much as 8 inches of new snow over the next couple of days. The Hinkle family decided amongst themselves to postpone session 4 of the Methodist Church's study on the book of Daniel when Kristi Hinkle reported that the Hyde School District was dismissing school at 1 pm. Better safe than sorry. This new squall, such as it is, at least gave us something to write about. Mr. Smith: The Sequel by Jerry Hinkle courageous, dynamic Publisher of the Holabird Advocate One of the best movies ever made was "Mr. Smith Goes To Washington". The story of Jeff Smith, a common man who is selected to finish the term of a deceased Senator. During my latest hiatus from publishing, I watched a different kind of Mr. Smith on the PBS show "Independent Lens" last night. In the Documentary film, "Can Mr. Smith Get To Washington Anymore". It was quite a film! While it is nowhere near as good as the first "Mr. Smith" movie, it shows that times sure have changed since 1939. This Jeff Smith is nothing like Jimmy Stewart. This Mr. Smith is a short, whiny voiced, potty mouthed Political Science teacher. He is one of a crowded field of 6 running for a seat in the House of representatives from Missouri. In spite of his short comings, he does does a good job of getting grass roots support for his campaign. I found it interesting when he decided to "go negative" for a spell, and then he got back some of his own. To me, he came across as a cheerleader I knew in high school who gave it up to a football player, only to want it back soon after. Some things can't be undone. On the other hand, one has to ask, "If you tell the truth about your, are you really 'going negative'?". I'll wait for the SDWC to answer that sometime. To make a long story short, he doesn't get to Washington. Two years later, he makes it to Jefferson City as a state Senator. Did he learn anything? Well, Mr. Smith has a blog. See what you think http://www.jeffsmith2006.com/ North of 40: Go Easy by Red Green "Don't spend more than one quarter of your income on housing or one third of your day on a bar stool." My wife always beats me at golf. It's not because she's a better golfer than me. OK, she is a better golfer than me, but it's not because of that. It's because she doesn't swing hard, and she doesn't hit the ball very far. Her mistakes are always shorter than the width of the fairway. Whereas I put everything into it, so when I make a mistake, it's an over-the-fence, out-of-bounds, through-the-parking-lot, out-onto-the-highway kind of mistake. I guess for most of us golf is similar to climbing the corporate ladder or being on a date -- it's safer when you don't go too far. Saturday, February 24, 2007 Weekend Blizzard Forces Caution Keloland is predicting 4-8 inches of snow for the Holabird area. Some are saying we may have a foot already. Several parts of the state are under a travellers advisory. We have been informed that there will be no service for the Methodist Church in Highmore tomorrow. Harold Hinkle reports that it's slicker than Dick Cheney on the road and the sidewalk. Mary and Jerry Hinkle were so busy looking at the snow blowing that neither one of them heated the chicken in oven for dinner, so they had soup. Jerry said, "I prayed for this snow, so I got the right to watch it". The blizzard rated a very weak 2 on the Harold Hinkle scale at times, meaning that the second telephone poll was not always in view. Tomorrow may not be a day of rest for the cowboys at the Ponderosa when it comes to feeding time. Harold Hinkle may have to remind his oldest son that he prayed for this snow when the time comes. Mary Jo and Betty Seize An Artichoke We have and answer to the question as to how to seize an artichoke. Mary Jo Nemec tells us that it means to seer the artichoke. That sweet talker, Betty Crocker, says that sear means to "Brown meat quickly over high heat to seal in juices". The answer is somewhere in there. We would have answered this question sooner on the Front Page, but Art Vandelay of the Ditty Bops web site found our little Newsblog and so we stayed quiet until the heat went down before he figured our our Publisher's secret identity. No need in him getting seared and seized along with all the artichokes now! Is there? More Americans killed by illegal aliens than Iraq war, study says by Jim Brown of OneNewsNow.com Illegal aliens are killing more Americans than the Iraq war, says a new report from Family Security Matters that estimates some 2,158 murders are committed every year by illegal aliens in the U.S. The group says that number is more than 15 percent of all the murders reported by the Federal Bureau of Investigation in the U.S. and about three times the representation of illegal aliens in the general population. Mike Cutler, a former senior special agent with the U.S. Immigration and Naturalization Service (the former INS), is a fellow at the Center for Immigration Studies and an advisor to Family Security Matters (FSM). He says the high number of Americans being killed by illegal aliens is just part of the collateral damage that comes with tolerating illegal immigration. "The military actually called for the BORTAC team, ... the elite unit of the Border Patrol, to be detailed to Iraq to help to secure the Iraqi border," Cutler notes. "Now, if our military can understand that Iraq's security depends in measure on the ability to protect its border against insurgents and terrorists, then why isn't our country similarly protecting our own borders?" he asks. "We are not five and a half years, nearly, after 9/11, and yet our borders remain open," the Center for Immigration Studies fellow observes. "We have National Guardsmen assigned on the border, but it turns out they are unarmed," he points out. "Their rules of engagement are very simple: if armed intruders head your way, run in the other direction." This situation would "almost be comical if it wasn't so tragic," Cutler asserts. "If our borders are wide open, this means that drugs, criminals, and terrorists are entering our country just as easily as the dishwashers," he says. The report from FSM estimates that the 267,000 illegal aliens currently incarcerated in the nation are responsible for nearly 1,300,000 crimes, ranging from drug arrests to rape and murder. Such statistics, Cutler contends, debunk the claim that illegal immigration is a victimless crime. "Then we even have another problem," he adds, "and that's the Visa Waiver Program." The federal government's Visa Waiver Program enables nationals of certain countries to travel to the United States for tourism or business for stays of 90 days or less without obtaining a visa. According to the U.S. State Department website, the waiver program was established in 1986 with the objective of "eliminating unnecessary barriers to travel," stimulating America's tourism industry, and allowing the government to focus consular resources in other areas. Cutler says the U.S. retains the Visa Waiver Program because the nation's travel, tourism, and hospitality industries want America's borders wide open. In other words, the former INS official contends, the nation's security is being compromised in the name of trade. Thursday, February 22, 2007  How to Seize an Artichoke The Ditty Bops have a recipe for something called "Artichoke Al Judeo" on the February page of their 2007 calendar. The recipe instructions read in part: "Crush baby artichokes with the back of a heavy saute pan. Quickly seize artichokes in hot palm seed oil..." this begs the following questions: "How does one seize an artichoke?" And also "How can one know when it has been seized properly?" Surely there is someone out there who knows the answer to these questions. Isn't there someone out there who was so hungry during the Depression that they actually seized an artichoke to eat it. Or possibly an upscale chef who provides this service to the discriminating palette of upper class clientele. This has provided some of the members of The Ditty Bops board with a head-scratching moment. Any help that can be provided from out there is welcome. The Hurdles are Jumped Now we Wait The Admissions staff at DWU has all the information they need from our courageous, dynamic Publisher, Jerry Hinkle, for them to make up their mind whether or not to let him enter the university at the Summer or Fall term. all of us here at the Holabird Advocate are hoping for the best, and are reasonably sure that we will have a new home office in the next few months. Goehring Sisters Plan European Tour Mary Hinkle, Joan Hansen, and Phyllis Ehlers are working on some details for their trip abroad this Summer. The way things are looking, they will fly to Berlin, Germany and work their way up to somewhere in Norway. Nothing is set in stone as of yet, but possible stops along the way are the concentration camp at Dachau in Germany, and also Hoyvik (the approximate Norwegian for Haiwick), and Stavanger in Norway. One thing is for sure, they'll appreciate the benefits of being an American a whole lot more after they get outta there. How do we know? Because Knute Haiwick left Norway in a hurry and never went back. Smart guy! Wednesday, February 21, 2007 War on Cancer Sounds Battle Cry We have heard through our War on Cancer website of a man fighting pancreatic cancer. His name is Mark Etzen. As for his address. let's just say he is a Holabird resident for now. So log on to his site and give him some good old fashioned Holabird love! Here it is: http://etzen.blogspot.com/ Also fighting Cancer is Robin Boller who grew up in Highmore, and lives in Reno right now. We understand she has had surgery and is home right now. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate wish both Mark and Robin well in their fight. for more information about these battles and more log on to the War on Cancer site at http://wardeclared.blogspot.com/ Quinn Book Ready for Reading Wildflower Ministries is proud to announce that Jackie Quinn's book, "At the End of Myself", is available for purchase. Those so inclined can buy the book directly from the publisher, Xulon Press, online at www.xulonpress.com/bookstore.php or by phone toll free at 1-866-909-2665. Purchases can be made online at the new and improved Wildflower Ministries website http://www.jackiequinn.com/ at soon as they get all the bus worked out. You can also purchase the book from Come 2 Jesus Ministries or borrow it from the Library at the Methodist Church in Highmore soon. Jackie will be in Yankton on February 25 to present her book at St. Benedict Church at 1:30 pm. She will also be performing in concert at 2:45 pm. On February 26, Jackie will be at The Vineyard at the Yankton Mall from 11:30 am -1 pm for a book signing. At 7 pm Jackie will be with the Yankton Area Christian Writers at Peace Presbyterian Church in Yankton at 7 pm. Jackie will have a review of "The Confident Woman" by Joyce Meyer in the spring issue of Spirit of the Plains Magazine. She will also debut her column, "Resolve to Risk". to subscribe log onto http://www.spiritoftheplainsmagazine.com/ Jesus will be opening many doors for Jackie. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate pray that she will be able to walk through each and every one. Top Ten List Top Ten Bill of Rights If I Ran Jet Blue Air by Jerry Hinkle 1. You have the right to remain silent. (So shut the ____ up!!!!! Ahem! After all you can fly coast to coast for $139!) 2. You have the right to huddle up close for warmth. (Why do you think we crowd you in there like sardines? Moron!) 3. You have the right to criticize us in the media! (Of course you seem to know that one already! Don't ya?) 4. You have the right to blame us for the nasty snowy weather while being safe and warm in one of our airplanes. (Don't ask me why, but you do!) 5. You have the right to a commode that works. (And they do until you ungrateful Smegheads use them all at once! Ya filthy animals!) 6. You have the right to be fed. (As soon as we reach our destination!) 7. You have the right to be entertained. (So sing "Micheal Row the Boat Ashore" until you lose your collective voices!) 8. you have the right to a free trip if your flight was not satisfactory. (But you don't have the right to tell us where to stick our free trip!) 9. You have the right to be comfortable. (So give each other back rubs! Make a new friend!) 10. You have the right to pray (and you better start right now, Bub) North of 40: The Hard Sell by Red Green If any of you own your own business, manage a store, or engage in any commercial activity, I have a suggestion for you. You need to identify any of your customers who are middle-aged men and assign only your best salespeople to them. It is very hard to sell anything to a middle-aged man, unless it floats or rolls. The problem is that by this age they've made so many idiotic purchases that they've run out room for error -- especially if they're married. They've already bought the 8-track home entertainment system with the psychedelic color organ, the February time-share in Baffin Island and the amphibious car. They've already experienced that things don't work as well as expected, particularly when you don't read the manual, and that no matter how softly you hit something with a hammer, the store probably won't give you a refund. If you're interested in selling something to a middle-aged guy, put not only your best, but also your oldest salesman on the case. When a middle-aged guy is confronted with a senior citizen who still has most of his fingers and can form a sentence, he immediately starts feeling better. And, if the old guy can tell him stories about the stupid things he's bought in his life, the middle-aged guy gets absolutely buoyant. He realizes that you can continue to make the kinds of mistakes he's been making and still manage to reach old age. Now he's optimistic and that's how all his troubles started in the first place. He's putty in your hands. That is, until he gets home, where he'll be in his wife's hands -- and in something much more serious than putty. Monday, February 19, 2007  Mural Enhances Methodist ChurchClassroom Two by two by Janice K. Erfman of the Miller Press Two elephants, two giraffes and even two detailed cardinals sit perched on the brightly colored, three-dimensional mural recently completed in the pre-school/kindergarten Sunday School classroom at the First United Methodist Church in Miller. When the Christian Education Committee at the church decided to depict a Bible story on the wall of the classroom, they were turned down after asking Mary Breitling to take on the task. It wasn't until some time later that she changed her mind and decided to tackle the project as it fit into her schedule. "Lots of churches have Noah's Ark. I wanted to do something different," said Mary. And different she did! Mary enlisted the help of her husband, Bryan, and together their creativity blossomed. "Mary told me what she wanted, and I did it," remarked Bryan. "She wanted a ten foot ark!" The couple started the project on a Saturday and finished a week later on Sunday. First, Bryan constructed the ark in their garage using plywood, shaped 2x4s and quarter-inch tongue and groove to get the 3-D effect. "We had to leave one of our vehicles outside," Mary added, "the ark took up one whole stall in our garage." Mary added the finish to the ark using a watered-down brown paint which she rubbed off after applying it. Next, Mary searched through clip art to decide which animals would be featured in the ark. The animals were then blown up and Bryan cut them out of wood. Mary carefully painted each one adding life-like details. The only problem she encountered was while painting the animals. The green printing stamped on the plywood bled through after the animals were painted, so she had to turn them over and free-hand the faces on the other side. The male lion was saved until last, which turned out to be their favorite animal. The animals were fastened to the wall using various sizes of spacers to add to the three-dimensional effect.Pastor Dave Andrews helped prepare the wall initially by painting it blue and also helped paint the waves. Gene Norton added the two port-holes and the men's breakfast group also lent a hand with the project."It turned out a lot better than I thought it would," said Bryan. Mary recalls conveying her satisfaction with the project to Bryan as well. The Education Committee was awed with the finished ark, having thought she was going to just paint a mural on the wall. "We really appreciate all their work," remarked Pastor Andrews. "They have made Noah's Ark come to life."This was the first project of any magnitude that they had ever been a part of. Before they had a family, Bryan used to cut projects out of wood and Mary painted them. However, Mary has completed a few other painting projects including a solar system and the Twins logo in her sons' rooms. As for now, they have no future plans for any huge woodworking projects.The Breitlings are members of the Methodist church. Bryan is administrator at Hand County Memorial Hospital. He is also currently working on his Masters in Business Administration with an emphasis on Health Care at the University of Sioux Falls. Mary is employed by the Miller Area School District in the Special Education Department. They have three children, Mason 10, Camden 7 and Abby 6. (Mary is the granddaughter of John and Margarite Shepard, who were longtime residents of Holabird) The Holabird Advocate Joins Another Network Once again, our little Newsblog his listed with a group of bloggers. This time it is the Knight Citizen News Network (KCNN). they call us a Citizen Media Site. You can read what they have to say about us in more detail on this link: http://www.kcnn.org/citmedia_sites/detail/234/ Faith is Tested, and Rewarded at Onida After a whole lot of reading, study, and prayer, nothing was going to keep Jerry Hinkle from the Lay Speakers course at the Methodist Church in Onida. The Friday Night session was cancelled because of a widespread blizzard. A blizzard that at one time was rated as 2 telephone polls on the Harold Hinkle Blizzard Scale. That's less than a quarter mile! People came to Onida from as far away as Rapid City and Clear Lake, South Dakota to learn all they could from Larry Cass and Susie O' Connell. There were 11 students in the basic course, among them were Mary, Jerry, and Kristi Hinkle, Tom Hovland of Pierre, who serves as the Secretary of the Department of Public safety, and as such, works with Doug Hinkle, and Carol Zilverberg's sister in law, Mary Lomheim. The event was fun, but Jerry Managed to learn a little something along the way. One little note to all of them who have said through the years that Jerry is certifiable, he did get certified. He won't be able to preach outside his own church just yet, but they won't be able to contain him very much longer, try as they may. Death+Taxes= Death Tax by Jerry Hinkle courageous, dynamic Publisher of the Holabird Advocate John Zilverberg brings his unique perspective on taxes. In his way, he asks a question that many have been asking. " If a man can afford to buy a hospital, is he paying his fair share in taxes? " We won't name any names, even though we all know who we are speaking of whenever the question is posed. More on John's grasp of the subject can be read here: http://johnzilverberg.blogspot.com/2007/02/taxes.html As for me, I think of it as the 21st Century version of the old Robber Barons. The Carnegies, the Morgans, and the Rockefellers. Each of these men made an obscene amount of money while they were able. Later on they decided to give it away. They build libraries, parks, even hospitals with their names on them. I don't begrudge anyone who has the means to do that the opportunity to do so. After all, Jesus tells us to give money to the poor. I do wish that those that do it didn't have to do so on the backs of those with huge interest on their credit card bills. Wednesday, February 14, 2007 The Ditty Bops to Show in Minnesota The Ditty Bops announce that on Friday, March 9, 2007 they will be performing at 7:30 pm at the Varsity Theater at 1308 4th St. SE in Minneapolis, Minnesota. The tickets will run from $17-19 plus fees This is a show for ages 18 and upwards. The Ditty Bops will be appearing with special guest Jesca Hoop! Tickets are on sale as of today, February 14 at Ticketmaster. They will also be featured on an upcoming episode of the L Word on Showtime on March 4. Go HERE and look for episode listing #409 for details. And they have just started posting a new bi-weekly comic called "The Environmentalist's Dilemma" check it out here! Mary Hinkle Checks Out OK Harold Hinkle took his wife Mary Hinkle to Pierre for a doctor appointment. The object was to see what may be responsible for her RHS. They seem to blame it on the medication. Apparently the generic Toprol is only half as effective as the name brand. That's what they'd have us believe anyway. A good dose of prayer helps out as well. Jerry Hinkle went along. His assistance was not needed, and in Harold's case it was not wanted either. Jerry had to pick up anther hour of Tracfone time had a few shaving accessories. At the dollar store, he found a 10 pack of razors for $1. They were ladies razors, but the bargain price just proved to be too much for him. The Hinkle's saw Mary Jo Gran at the Countryside Hospice Thrift Store. It was odd not to see her with Orville, but then time apart is good for a marriage. It's the same way with eating. Time away from the kitchen makes the food taste better when one goes back. They also saw Myron Kusler at Burger King without his wife Mabel. The guys he was with didn't have their wives along either. Perhaps the ladies went to McDonald's Publisher to Take a Brake Because of the Lay Speaker Training in Onida, our Publisher, Jerry Hinkle will be in Onida on Friday and Saturday. That leaves Thursday to study. So we'll be back on Monday with all the news that is news, and some of the news that isn't news. Until then, as E.E. Hinkle always used to say, "God be with you and do the best you can!" North of 40: No Inanimate Objects I've worked on enough cars and lawnmowers and sump pumps in my life to tell you for a fact that there is no such thing as an inanimate object. Every machine and structure is a conscious being with attitudes and feelings, and they're all directed toward you. You may think the lawnmower doesn't mind you taking its engine apart, but wait until you get to the last bolt. You'll skin your knuckles, you'll break your wrench, you'll round the head off. That's because the lawnmower doesn't like you. It's mad that you ignore it all winter and then expect it to be ready to go with one quick pull. That should be an important life lesson for you. Every time a machine breaks down, a barbecue blows up or a concrete block drops on your foot, that's not an accident, it's a wake-up call. However, when a concrete block falls on your head, it's just the opposite. War on Canceer Report Monday, February 12, 2007 Blizzard!!!!! High winds and falling snow God says "Look out below!" At press time we have a blizzard that rates a 4 on the Harold Hinkle Blizzard Scale. That means less than a half mile visibility. Things were iffy before, but Mary Hinkle is glad that she came home from the Francis Marshall funeral at 1:45 pm instead of delivering prayer like she had planned. This may even delay her doctors appointment if it keeps up like this. This is good weather to pop some corn and curl under a blanket and pray for anyone who has to be outside in weather like this. "War on Cancer" has Battle in Highmore One of Prairie Deacon Media's other blogs, "War on Cancer" has all of the details for "Toosday Tacos" an event to benefit "Steps For Hope" that is being sponsored but the First Bank of Miller. Read all about it here:http://wardeclared.blogspot.com/2007/02/give-cancer-montezumas-revenge.html Mary Hinkle has RHS Attack Friday Morning, Mary Hinkle had an attack of what we are calling Restless Heart Syndrome, because that's the best name for it. Her heart beats really fast for no known reason. This was her third attack of RHS so far. It always seems to strike her at about 1 am when she is usually in bed asleep. by the time she got to the Pierre hospital, her condition was not so bad. She is going to Pierre again tomorrow to have the doctor give her the old poke, prod and cough routine. The reason this news is late getting out is because the Hinkle family is not all that concerned about it. If things were truly of a serious nature, Mary would have at least been put in the hospital overnight. Besides that, everyone in her immediate family hadn't been informed about this attack until last night. Coming Soon to a Methodist Church Near You Instead of waiting for DWU to see if they want him or not next term, Jerry Hinkle has decided to pick up with his Methodist Ministerial Education. Jerry is planning to go to a Lay Speaker Training Class in Onida on February 16-17. Mary and Kristi Hinkle are also planning to go along with him as well. This is a 10 hour course spread over a period of two days. With 9 Methodist Church Parishes needing a minister, and at last report, 3 applicants to fill those vacancies, Lay Speakers are a valuable source of ministerial supply. When the Pastor goes on vacation, or is ill, a Lay Speaker can always help in a pinch. That is precisely what Jerry wants to do. To travel all over the South Dakota Countryside, helping churches in need wherever possible. Too bad Harrisburg isn't in Jerry's district. He would be able to keep certain lawyers awake during the service with his unique delivery style that he learned from watching "The Red Green show" Even a Genius Has an Off Day by Jerry Hinkle courageous dynamic Publisher of the Holabird Advocate After reading John Zilverberg's latest blog entry, I noticed something odd. John had accused me of being wrong. It seems that he claims I told the world he is 92, when he is in fact 93. http://johnzilverberg.blogspot.com/2007/02/wrong.html After reading the Front Page of the Holabird Advocate,(which I simply must do more often) I saw where I went wrong. It seems that I had reprinted a remark made by Richard Harter that gave John's approximate age as 92. I must admit that when I reprinted that excerpt, I knew it was incorrect and made no steps to correct it. I'm sure that Mr. Harter would have printed the correct age had he known it. I am slightly amused to see that there is something Mr. Harter doesn't know, since reading his website usually makes me realize how truly ignorant I am. At any rate I apologise most humbly to John, Mr. Harter, and all of others of those who I have wronged here. John's nephew, Shorty Zilverberg, is having a birthday today. I think he's 48, but I could be wrong (it has happened you know). If that is the case, I'll be more than happy to correct it. Friday, February 09, 2007  Anna Nicole Smith 1967-2007Anna Nicole: Like My Body? Publisher: Not anymore! Anna Nicole Smith, a woman that everyone knew of, whether they wanted to or not, dies suddenly yesterday from a cause so mysterious that the coroner still hasn't figured it out. The jury of public opinion is all too eager to believe it was drug related. Our Publisher believes it was murder, but he can't prove it. It's a gut feeling. When his gut gets a feeling, it's hard to ignore. Ms. Smith's light shined all too briefly. It is a shame that someone that young and beautiful had to go so soon like that. But death is the great equalizer. The weak and the strong, the young and the old, the rich and the poor we all must face our day of reckoning. Anna Nicole's troubles are all behind her now. God only knows what will happen to the baby girl. Her troubles are just starting. Ana Nemec has written what all of us here at the Holabird Advocate consider to be a rather brilliant perspective about Anna Nicole Smith. She said it better than anyone else in the blogging community could. Read it for yourself and see if you don't agree http://www.collegetales.blogspot.com/ Harold Saved, For Now Our good Friends at KCCR report that a bill that would give the Harrold School District an extra year to work on a consolidation plan passed the House Education Committee today. The bill, which now goes to the House floor, would give the district until July 1, 2008 to consolidate with a neighboring school district. Harrold had tried to consolidate with the Stanley County school district, but Stanley County voters rejected that plan late last year. Harrold Superintendent Ward Thelen says the district is now talking to neighboring school districts about consolidation. Others that had been initially approached when Stanley County was chosen were the Pierre, Agar-Blunt-Onida and Hyde School Districts. While Thelen says some of those districts are being considered, he says Stanley County is probably "out of the mix." Thelen says the Harrold board is doing everything its can to make a consolidation work instead of having to dissolve district this year But he says making a consolidation plan work takes time. The Legislature gave a similar extension last year to the Midland School District. Some House Education Committee members questioned the need for such extensions. Hank Kosters of the Associated School Boards says many schools facing consolidation, such as Harrold, are doing everything they can before asking for a legislative extension. The bill passed 9-4 with 2 abstentions. District 24 Representative Ryan Olson of Onida is the bill’s primary sponsor. The other two District 24 legislators – Representative Tim Rounds and Senator Bob Gray, both of Pierre – also are bill sponsors. Are We Living In Babylon? by Jerry Hinkle courageous dynamic Publisher 0f the Holabird Advocate This Wednesday, I started studying the book of Daniel. The Bible tells us that in about 605 B.C. the Babylonian Empire overtook the Kingdom of Judah. They went throughout the countryside, looking for young, good looking men to assimilate into their empire. The Babylonians worshiped youth and beauty, or so it seemed. The media of today does the same thing. "Train-Wreck TV" is what they call it. They hold up the rich, young, and beautiful up to be admired, and anyone that isn't so is held up to ridicule. This is nothing new, it's just that now, more people know about it. Right now it's Anna Nicole. Before that, Lindsey Lohan. Before her it was Britney and her missing under britches. Next week Paris Hilton and Jessica Simpleton will get in a cat fight, and we like sheep will sit glued to the tube, unable to look away. The Grammy Awards are coming up, and guess what! We get to choose which "undiscovered" beautiful, young girl singer will get to sing with Justin Timberlake. Well praise the LORD and pass the Depends underwear, so we'll never have to leave the couch to see that unit! Do these girl singers know that Timberlake likes to disrobe his singing partners on live TV? It has happened before, you know! Just ask Janet Jackson, she knows! She knows, and how she knows! It wouldn't surprise me if he tried it again and nobody will even flinch. What Babylon did to Daniel, his three friends, and many other Hebrew youths was called "friendly captivity". After a while the captivity stops being friendly. It happened 2612 years ago, and it will happen again, unless we repent and come to Jesus before it's too late! Wednesday, February 07, 2007 SD 123 Is Back! For the first time since being hacked into, the South Dakota 123 site has linked up to the Holabird Advocate. Good has once again triumphed over Evil! Ben Hanten must be well pleased with himself, and for good reason. Now if he could only get the Dirty Flower site up and running again, all will be back to normal. After all, without the Dirty Flower, how would we get those cheesy photos of the Desperate Housewives God Has it Covered! submitted by Marla McGeorge O Father, in the Name of Jesus, I receive and walk in Your Blessings. Forgive my sins and show me areas in my life that I need to change so I don’t hinder Your good plans for me. I believe You are opening doors in my life today and I am Saved and set free. By Your Power, Love, Grace and Mercy I know and declare that Your Word is active and effective in my life and I will walk in Your good plans for me.Because of Your Spirit and Your Anointing and the Authority Jesus gave us, we take back everything that the devil has stolen: Emotional Health Physical Health Finances Relationships Children Jobs Homes Marriages I cancel every plot, plan and scheme the enemy has devised against us in the NAME OF JESUS. And I declare: NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST US WILL PROSPER. I speak LIFE into every dead situation. And, I thank you that nothing is over until YOU say it's over! I speak prophetically into our lives and to our situations: Our households are Blessed; Our health is Blessed; Our marriages are Blessed; Our finances are Blessed; Our relationships are Blessed; Our businesses are Blessed; Our jobs are Blessed; Our children are Blessed; Our grandchildren are Blessed; Our parents are Blessed; Our siblings are Blessed; Our ministries are Blessed; Our decisions are Blessed Our friends are Blessed. Godly husbands are on the way; Godly wives are on the way; Mortgages are paid and debts cancelled; Our hearts' desires are on the way According to YOUR perfect will and plan for our lives. YOU SAID YOU'LL NEVER FORSAKE US! IN JESUS' NAME Betty is Better All of us here at the Holabird advocate are proud to announce that Betty Phillips is improving. The blot clots she had are dissolving, and she is eating hospital food. She's not totally healed, but well on her way. As Marla McGeorge said previously, God has it covered. Our Publisher would like to thank all of those who prayed along with him for Betty's recovery. He's going to pray for her just once a day now, since things are not as bleak as they started. North of 40: Urban Irony by Red Green I used to live out in the country with acreage and well water and peace and quiet and all that, but for the last 10 years I've lived right downtown in a medium-sized city. In that time, I've had raccoons in my chimney, mice in my basement and bats in my belfry. I never had any of those problems in the country. That's because in a rural environment there's room for everybody. Mice and raccoons can have their area; I can have mine. But in the city, we're all sharing the same space. The tree that was the raccoon's home was cut down and turned into a deck. Mice like dark and dank and my basement is an ideal source of each. If you want to get away from animals, move to the country where they have options. If you live in a congested city, having animals infest your home is as understandable as your adult children moving back in. They have nowhere else to go. Tuesday, February 06, 2007 Callee Bauman, Recording Artist The Holabird Advocate Circulation Department has reported that our articles about Miss South Dakota Callee Bauman has been the object of a lot of search engine traffic. It is because of these inquiries that we have discovered that Ms. Bauman has recorded an album and even has her own website (well who doesn't anymore) Anyhow here is the address of her website: http://www.calleebauman.com/ The album is called "There's More Where That Came From". Here is a link to the video from a 2004 single called "Who Has Your Heart": http://www.sharpmusic.com/callee.html None of us here at the Holabird Advocate would presume to ask or even tell anyone to buy any of her music. But if you're curious, like our Publisher, a chance to watch a South Dakota girl sing for free is too good an opportunity to pass up. Breakfast For Bloggers Jerry Hinkle, courageous, dynamic Publisher of the Holabird Advocate, would like to invite any and all of the bloggers out there to the East Park in Highmore, South Dakota for a pancake breakfast. This is one of the events during Highmore's 125th anniversary celebration on June 16. This event is especially for, but in no way limited to: John Zilverberg, Richard Harter, Rita Mosquita, Ana Nemec and even Kevin Woster, if he's got the guts to show. We'll provide more details on the breakfast when we get closer to the Quasquicentennial. Send your RSVP to publisher@gmail.com whenever you get around to it. Please Pray for My Friend Betty by Jerry Hinkle I come to you, dear Readers, humbly stepping out from behind the role I play as Publisher to ask you to pray for my good friend, Betty Phillips. Last week, she went for surgery on her knees at the Avera Hospital in Aberdeen. After the operation, she developed at least one blood clot in her lungs. I don't know what that means, other that she was moved from the hospital in Aberdeen to the Avera Hospital in Sioux Falls by air ambulance. That move right by itself tells me that it's a serious matter. And that is what brings me here before you today. Betty has been my friend ever since I was a kid in school back in the old days, and she was one of the lunch ladies. This morning word came that they are keeping her sedated so she doesn't move. She is in the intensive care unit, so this is definitely worse than a hangnail. Those who are able, please pray that Betty will be healed. If the right words don't come to mind, use Psalm 91 as your guide. I am praying for her twice a day, once in the morning, and once in the evening. How often you pray, if at all, I'll leave up to you. I'll try to keep all concerned updated as Betty progresses. Thank you all in advance! Monday, February 05, 2007 John Zilverberg Listed With SDWC It has been reported that The South Dakota War College has picked up "My Opinion by John Zilverberg". It won't be long until other bloggers start reading it, and talking about both it as well as him. One thing is for sure, he'll get some attention. To see what's on John's mind, log on here: http://www.johnzilverberg.blogspot.com/ All of us here at the Holabird Advocate hope John doesn't let whatever fame he achieves get him in over his head. He sure does deserve whatever he gets. Pollmaster Shows No Impeachment As John Zilverberg said in his blog, a poll taken in Hyde County, South Dakota would be more supportive of W. Sure enough, 55% of those who participated in the poll say no impeachment, and only 45 % for it. Only 40% of the 45% wanted his Presidency to come to a premature end. E.E. Hinkle Becomes A Hero Brittany Hinkle had to write about a hero for a school project. She had to write about someone who was brave and courageous. The hero she chose was her great grandfather, E.E. Hinkle. Her assignment was due last Friday. Some members of the Hinkle family are curious as to what she wrote about him. It's nice to know that even after all this time that has passed since he has left the scene, that E.E. is still able to be headline news. Young people today could do worse than to live up to the example of E.E. Hinkle. Come to think of it, there are some old people who could learn a thing or two from him as well. Good job Brit! Top Ten List Top Ten Best Super Bowl Commercials by Jerry Hinkle Holabird Advocate Publisher Well, the Super Bowl is in the can for this year! No Wardrobe Malfunctions, unless you count the Aunt Jemima scarf worm by the moron formerly known as the Artist known as Prince. The game had it's moments, but let's face it, the Commercials are what everyone really tunes in for. This was not a very good year for Super Bowl ads. Most of them fell flat. I mean is there really a business known as godaddy.com? If so, I'm not sure I want to buy what they are selling. I did come up with 10 commercials, however. So from the home office in Holabird, South Dakota, here are the "Top Ten Best Super Bowl Commercials": 1. "The Late Show" Promo with Dave and Oprah 2. Bud Lite Rock, Paper, Scissors ("Rock" beat "Paper" that time) 3. Coke Celbrates Black History 4. Sprint Connectile Disfunction 5. Doritos (Hot, Cheesy, Crunchy) 6. Two and a Half Men Promo with Brooke Shields (the first one, NOT the second) 7.Hot Stuff Pizza Opera( www.hotstufffoods.com/contest 8. Emerald Nuts with Robert Goulet 9. E*Trade One Finger (NO, not THAT finger) 10. California Cheese Saturday, February 03, 2007 Al Franken For Senate? A senior Democratic official from Minnesota has confirmed that alleged comedian Al Franken has decided to run for office, but the New York Liberal has not made an official announcement for himself. The 55-year-old has been calling members of the Minnesota congressional delegation to get their advice on his candidacy. He announced this week he would be leaving his show on Air America Radio on February 14, and told his 30 listeners that he would be making a decision soon on his run for office. Franken will take on Republican "Boston Norm" Coleman, a first-term senator who is among the Democrats' top targets. When all of us here at the Holabird Advocate heard this, we thought perhaps it was the plot of a plot of a new Hollyweird box office bomb called "Stuart Saves Minnesota". Since we have no vested interest in Minnesota, we will remain neutral in this fight, mostly because we don't particularly care for either of the morons who are running in this contest. the nutcases over at Free Speech TV made a film where some suspected that someone working on behalf of "Boston Norm" was responsible for the plane crash that killed former Senator Paul Wellstone. Mr. Franken better stick to the bus if he runs next year. We would suggest that someone at "A Prairie Home Companion" give both candidates a copy of the book "How to Speak Minnesotan". In Coleman's case, maybe he could hire the people who did the voice coaching for the movie "Fargo" so he doesn't sound like a complete moron every time he opens his mouth. One listen to "Boston Norm" and you'll know why we gave him that name. One wonders how he would do in an election with an opponent that is alive. Delilah Tompkins Looking Good For 90 Allen and Dot Hanson report that instead of mooching free vittles from Wegner Auto's BS, they have elected to traverse the frozen tundra of central South Dakota to Redfield to see their aunt, Delilah Tompkins, who is having her 90th birthday. Keep warm guys! The Idiot Report submitted by Joan Hansen Number One Idiot of 2006 I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center.Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants.I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away. Number Two Idiot of 2006 Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home.Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them.It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator's beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.They are no longer employed at Boeing. Number Three Idiot of 2006 A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this. "Put all your muny in this bag."While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window.So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America. Number Four Idiot of 2006 A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that; measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs.He immediately mailed in his $40. Number Five Idiot of 2006 A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer.After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21."The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him.At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag.The robber then ran from the store with his loot.The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license.They arrested the robber two hours later. Number Six Idiot of 2006 A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him. Idiot Number Seven of 2006 Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape. (Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote) IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD: I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."From Kingman , KS IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. He was a Chef? Yep...From Kansas City ! IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,!"Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."Happened in Birmingham , Ala. IDIOT SIGHTING: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!" She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS IDIOT SIGHTING :At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to "downsizing", our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often."Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlight stare. This was a bunch at Texas Instruments. IDIOT SIGHTING:I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less. IDIOT SIGHTING:When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!" His reply, "I know - I already got that side."This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton , Mississippi ! Friday, February 02, 2007 If You Can't Stand The Heat Then You Must Not Be Here It is almost ironic that a day after some E=MC square head blames most global warming on humans that Holabird, South Dakota has -30 wind chill values. If one was to go outside, they'd be colder that Oprah Winfrey's heart. They'd be stiffer that Bob Dole on-well, pretty darn stiff. Still Mary Hinkle had to get her teeth looked at by the dentist in Miller. As it happens, that's all the guy did. Mary has to go back on Tuesday. She'll be OK though. She has a huge pot of soup on the stove. No BS for Doug Hinkle Wegner Auto will not be seeing former Chrysler Specialist, Doug Hinkle, at the Blizzard Sale. He left for Gillette, Wyoming for a fire fighting school after getting off work today. Doug's big brother, Jerry Hinkle was hoping to take him out for dinner at BS so they could check out the Eagle Talon listed #238 on the sale bill. Jerry needs this car about as much as Mary Hinkle needs another hole in her mouth. Chances are that the car will be sold before Jerry gets out of bed tomorrow morning anyway. With -30 wind chills, Allan and Dot Hansen may even stay home, even though their granddaughter, Capitol Area Junior Miss Megan Meier, will be one of the beauty queens on display at BS this year. If you need more BS go to: http://www.wegnerauto.com/ Gary Haiwick Turns Horse Trader The Haiwick Ranch has consigned 7 2006 AQHA Horses to the February 19 Corsica Horse sale. His lot includes: 2 Buckskin Stud Colts, 2 Bay Roan Stud Colts, a Bay Stud Colt, and a Bay Filly, all out of an own son of Ciderwood. There is also a Sorrel Stud Colt out of Airel Orphan Drift. All 7 colts show Snippy's Driftwood by Snippys Cowboy on their papers twice. Gary Haiwick claims that they are pictured with their papers on his website. Go to http://www.haiwickranch.com/ and see if Gary has any horse sense. We Thought He Was A Genius Now We Know He Is For Sure Bloggers to the left of me, bloggers to the right of me by Richard Harter The romance between Hyde County and the blogosphere continues apace. Since my last editorial there have been two more local residents starting blogs. Currently we have: Jerry Hinkle The Holabird Advocate John Zilverberg My Opinion by John Zilverberg Ana Nemec Tales Of A College Girl Rita Mosquita Rita's Ramblings Properly speaking, neither Ana nor Rita are Hyde county residents. Ana is a college student attending South Dakota State University where she is studying something. Rita is (or was as the case may be) a teacher in Denver, Colorado. Rita has a nice blog article entitled I Am No Longer an Unknown! about being discovered by the Hyde county contingent. It should be pointed out that John Zilverberg is, was, or will have been 92; I have had to concede seniority to him. Both John and Jerry are residents of Holabird (population 38) which makes it a veritable hotbed of Internet activity. These days I rely upon The Holabird Advocate for all of the Hyde County news that the Highmore Herald does not see fit to print. Thursday, February 01, 2007 WAR DECLARED Prairie Deacon Media Declares "War On Cancer" This morning at 10 am Holabird Time, Prairie Deacon Media has officially declared "War on Cancer" with their new website. The battle plan so far is to recruit "soldiers" to share information, request prayers, and let the reader know about fundraising benefits. There will also hopefully be survivors who will share their "war stories" on the site. Our Publisher promises that his won't be like the "War on Ignorance" that he started 5 years ago. Victims of that disease would rather stay that way. Not so with cancer! To read the newst blog in the Prairie Deacon Media family go to: www.wardeclared.blogspot.com Why do they call it Peanut Brittle? Harold Hinkle ran off a new batch of his famous peanut brittle. It isn't like it used to be since replacing Aunt Martha (a Sears Kenmore microwave oven circa 1980) with a new microwave oven. His peanut brittle is now harder than Bob Dole on Viagra. In fact, it is so hard than Mary Hinkle, his wife of 43 years, broke off a tooth and has to go to the dentist in Miller tomorrow. At their age, perhaps softer food should be the order of the day. Mary has switched to soup, which will help her considerably in the long run. Cable Guy on TPIR The other day, Harold and Jerry Hinkle heard a familiar name on The Price is Right. It was none other that Keloland's own Shawn Cable. Jerry noticed that he looks taller on the game show. Must be the Keloland weather lab equipment that make him look so small. Mary Hinkle found this link to the Cable Guy's appearance: http://www.keloland.com/NewsDetail6162.cfm?Id=25,54294 Wegner Auto Wins National Award Our good freinds at KCCR tell us that a Pierre business and a national association will celebrate 100 years of growing together this weekend. Wegner Auto will receive a Century Award from the National Auto Dealers Association at its national convention in Las Vegas. Both the business and the association are celebrating their 100th year anniversaries this year. Jenny Wegner, who owns the company with her brother, Jim, says the Pierre company has been a member of the National Auto Dealers Association for most of that century. She says not many businesses nationwide are receiving the award. Wegner says she is most proud of the fact that the Wegner family has owned the business all 100 years. The award presentation also comes during Wegner’s busiest day, Saturday’s Blizzard Sale. Wegner will represent the family and business at the national convention. She says it was important for the family to be at both events. Wegner Auto plans to celebrate its 100th anniversary throughout this year. The Hinkle family hopes to celebrate with them. Every year Jerry Hinkle goes to the BS, looks for Williams and Ree, and also Hank and Tony, and finds out the car he wanted to buy was already sold to someone of the Native American persuasion. He then shrugs his shoulders, has a bag of popcorn, a hot dog, and some soda in a paper cup. He then repeats the digestion process until he is full or until Hank and Tony show up and ask Doug Hinkle if he knows this bum. Doug usually looks the other way, or he says, "what bum?". As it happens, Doug doesn't work there anymore, so this time he doesn't care if Jerry shows up again this year or not. Whether or not Jerry shows up will depend on the weather. Harold and Mary Hinkle are thinking of going to BS for dinner, and then to the Lutheran Churches Lutefisk and Swedish Meatball supper that night, providing they can find cousin Onie to buy a ticket. 
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