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Holabird Advocate

Providing all the news we see fit to print since 2002!

Saturday, February 03, 2007
Al Franken For Senate?
A senior Democratic official from Minnesota has confirmed that alleged comedian Al Franken has decided to run for office, but the New York Liberal has not made an official announcement for himself. The 55-year-old has been calling members of the Minnesota congressional delegation to get their advice on his candidacy. He announced this week he would be leaving his show on Air America Radio on February 14, and told his 30 listeners that he would be making a decision soon on his run for office. Franken will take on Republican "Boston Norm" Coleman, a first-term senator who is among the Democrats' top targets.
When all of us here at the Holabird Advocate heard this, we thought perhaps it was the plot of a plot of a new Hollyweird box office bomb called "Stuart Saves Minnesota". Since we have no vested interest in Minnesota, we will remain neutral in this fight, mostly because we don't particularly care for either of the morons who are running in this contest. the nutcases over at Free Speech TV made a film where some suspected that someone working on behalf of "Boston Norm" was responsible for the plane crash that killed former Senator Paul Wellstone. Mr. Franken better stick to the bus if he runs next year.
We would suggest that someone at "A Prairie Home Companion" give both candidates a copy of the book "How to Speak Minnesotan". In Coleman's case, maybe he could hire the people who did the voice coaching for the movie "Fargo" so he doesn't sound like a complete moron every time he opens his mouth. One listen to "Boston Norm" and you'll know why we gave him that name. One wonders how he would do in an election with an opponent that is alive.
Delilah Tompkins Looking Good For 90
Allen and Dot Hanson report that instead of mooching free vittles from Wegner Auto's BS, they have elected to traverse the frozen tundra of central South Dakota to Redfield to see their aunt, Delilah Tompkins, who is having her 90th birthday. Keep warm guys!
The Idiot Report
submitted by Joan Hansen
Number One Idiot of 2006
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center.Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants.I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
Number Two Idiot of 2006
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home.Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them.It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator's beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Number Three Idiot of 2006
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this. "Put all your muny in this bag."While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window.So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
Number Four Idiot of 2006
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that; measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs.He immediately mailed in his $40.
Number Five Idiot of 2006
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer.After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21."The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him.At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag.The robber then ran from the store with his loot.The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license.They arrested the robber two hours later.
Number Six Idiot of 2006
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
Idiot Number Seven of 2006
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
(Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote)
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD: I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."From Kingman , KS
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. He was a Chef? Yep...From Kansas City !
IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,!"Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."Happened in Birmingham , Ala.
IDIOT SIGHTING: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded,
"What on earth are blind people doing driving?!" She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS
IDIOT SIGHTING :At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to "downsizing", our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often."Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlight stare. This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
IDIOT SIGHTING:I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.
IDIOT SIGHTING:When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!" His reply, "I know - I already got that side."This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton , Mississippi !

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