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 Holabird AdvocateProviding all the news we see fit to print since 2002!Saturday, April 29, 2006 VOL. V Issue 4R UBS Cancels Thanks a Billion After only 62 people have read it since it's inception, the UBS Network has decided to cancel Thanks a Billion. It has become incredibly obvious that It was not necessary to the Billion campaign. We'll read all about it on SD Watch & Epp Law Report. Does this mean we Are not supporting Dr. Jack Billion? No! If Dr. Billion is in the area, we may even cover the event. UBS will find a way to help the campaign. Just not the way we have been. If Todd Epp Needs us, he knows where to look. Getting Ready For Mai Fest With just one week to go before Mai Fest, The family of Joan Hansen has started getting things ready to wish her well with her journey into middle age. Her mother, Agnes Hahn, is getting into the act. She has been baking Black Forest Cake, German Chocolate Cake, and Apple Strudle. Closer to Holabird, it appears that if nothing changes, the plan is for Harold, Mary and Jerry Hinkle to head out bright and early next Friday Morning. Jerry is hoping to find his sleeping bag should he have need of it. He is also hoping to somehow pack his walking stick in a way that will get it past Homeland Security ( i.e. his father). With Harold Driving, there is no need to convert The Ditty Bops to cassette tape, as he wouldn't let the rest listen to it anyway. Jerry broke the new odometer that he bought at Walmart. It still works, it was the clip that broke. Jerry has fashioned what Red Green calls "the Himmelman Hinge" from a somewhat excessive amount of duct tape. "Spare the duct tape, spoil the job". Jose, Can You See? by Jerry Hinkle Holabird Advocate Publisher The immigration debate was already heating up to a fever pitch, and then somebody decided to write a Spanish version of "The Star Spangled Banner". America is supposed to be "the great melting pot", but some of these so called Americans are just not melting. As for me, I have no problem with the Spanish version. I do wonder why it was done. It's hard enough to sing in English. Ask Roseanne Barr, Aretha Franklin, Robert Goulet, or anyone else who ever messed it up on national television anywhere else for that matter. Conversely, I think we are missing a wonderful chance for some ethnic diversity. Why not have a German version of the song? After all it was but just one vote that German was not our official language. Maybe a Norwegian version before next Syttende Mai rolls around. Perhaps our neighbor to the north will follow our lead and print a French version of "O Canada" if they haven't already. Would that be so bad? Friday, April 28, 2006 VOL. V Issue 4Q Happy Arbor Day South Dakota celebrates Arbor Day on the last Friday of April. Its a time to plant a tree. At least one. We could sing that John Denver song that the TV plays this time of the year. You know, "Plant a tree for your tomorrow! It's your tree that clears the air". We could even print that Joyce Kilmer poem. We could, but we won't. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate love. Some of us may even be "tree huggers". One might go overboard with such a thing. But then, on Arbor Day, perhaps a little tribute is in order. After all, trees are kinda special. Trees are natures home builders. Just about everything that lives above ground uses a tree in some way. Take the horned owl. They can live just about anywhere, but prefer old growth forrest. One such owl lived in an abandoned Kmart sign. A tree would have been better. A tree is a work of art. We've heard of so called artists who get government grants to make sculptures with elephant dung. A tree does not require an artist to build it. Given a choice betwixt the two, we'd rather look at a tree. E.E. Hinkle was a big believer in trees. This was because he saw the devastation caused by soil erosion back in the 1930s. Soil conservation was more than a hobby with him. If you take from the Earth, you must give something back. It's a promise that he lived by, a guiding principle. He passed this to his son, Harold Hinkle. If Harold does nothing else in his life, he can be proud of one thing. The Ponderosa Pine that he planted in his front yard. It had a rough start. Through deep freezing snow, blistering heat, blowing snow and bulls rubbing it raw. Still today, it is the crown jewel of the Hinkle tree collection. Future generations can look at that tree and see what men, with help from God, can do for the Earth. Anyone who has gone to the Black Hills of South Dakota and looked at a tree growing in the side of a mountain can truly marvel at the wonder of creation. That tree wasn't placed there by chance and folly. Have we gone overboard giving props to the tree? Maybe we have. But it's only once a year. How many times do we walk past the tree and think nothing of it? If you don't live in South Dakota, you can find out when your state celebrates Arbor Day at the Arbor Day Foundation Website: http://www.arborday.org/arborday/arborDayDates.cfm Too Much of a Good Thing? Ken Ferris once told our Publisher that too much of anything can kill you. Almost proving that point was a patient of Surgeon James McClurken who reported a while back on a 50-year-old man who complained of abdominal pain and constipation. McClurken sliced him open and found "a large amount of bran-like material with a dry, thick, toothpaste-like consistency" in the lower small intestine. It seems the man had eaten two large bowls of bran with less then the recommended amount of milk the day before. His intestines absorbed what liquid there was and his guts basically turned to concrete. After the blockage was removed the patient was put on a liquid diet for a few days and was soon OK. Much Ado About Hair Doo South Dakota Representative Stephanie Herseth received a fair amount of press in the last few days. Not because of her demanding an investigation for price gouging at the fuel pump, but because of her new hairstyle. Some are saying that the Hair Doo is more of a Hair Don't. As for our Publisher, all he would say is "Hair grows back!" This whole hair thing will blow over soon enough. Still, why is it nobody gave this kind of press to John Thune or Tom Daschle. You can't tell us that is their real color! Wednesday, April 26, 2006 VOL. V Issue 4P Critical Off Highway Vehicle Discussion Scheduled For Tomorrow on SDPTV Two of our most valuable Readers, Ed & Dee (no last name on file), have brought to our attention that South Dakota Public TV will be having a program dealing with off road use of the Black Hills. The program will be on your local SDPTV station Thursday evening at 8 pm Holabird Time, 7 pm Black Hills Time If you want to be able to continue to enjoy the Black Hills on your ATV, Off Road motorcycle or Jeep/4X4 etc , You need to watch this show and call in with your questions. The five panelists are all members of the Black Hills National Forest Advisory Board working towards establish a trail system in the Black Hills National Forest. The SD GF&P Representative, Scott Carboneau, is also responsible for all OHV trails in South Dakota. Make your thoughts known. This information was brought to Ed & Dee by John Langdell, Secretary South Dakota Off Highway Vehicle Coalition (SDOHVC) secretary@sdohvc.org 605-642-2395 Joyce Ferris Departs So She Can Return It was an all too Short visit to the Ponderosa for Joyce Ferris. She had to go back home Tuesday morning so she could come back in order for the Hinkles to attend Mai Fest. Jerry Hinkle is committed to going, Mary Hinkle is involved in going, but Harold Hinkle hasn't seriously committed either one way or the other. Joyce didn't just sit around knitting while she was here. She did a fair amount of baking. In fact her Bread Pudding recipe has made a hit. Our Publisher gives her Apple Cake two thumbs up, and wishes he had a third thumb to give it. Joyce also showed Harold and Darrel Hinkle a new and hopefully better Mouse Trap. Demonstrations of the Mouse Trap at the Ponderosa can be arranged by appointment only. This is providing there are still mice around to catch. Nemecs Take in FCCLA Convention A very sleepy Mary Jo Nemec had the pleasant experience of being asked to chaperone a very well-behaved group of Highmore High school kids at the state FCCLA convention in Sioux Falls this week. It was at this same convention that her daughter, Erin Nemec, had the honor of being chosen 1st Vice President of the State FCCLA organization. Erin will be headed to the national convention in Nashville, TN in July. She is looking forward to a busy year in FCCLA. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate Wish Ms. Erin well with her new undertaking. We're sure she will do fine. Monday, April 24, 2006 VOL. V Issue 40 Ponderosa Gets Snow in April In the Laura Ingles Wilder book, "The Long Winter", the author describes how they celebrated Christmas in May. Well it was beginning to look a lot like Christmas at the Ponderosa when freezing rain turned to sleet and then snow in the morning hours. Visibility during the squall was about a half mile. The snow did not accumulate, however, as temps rose to 36 degrees, thereby melting the nasty white stuff. E.E. Hinkle Puts Daughter to Work Joyce Ferris is up to the Ponderosa Pines Old Age Assistance Home looking after her 103 year old father, E.E. Hinkle, so the rest of the Hinkles can get away for awhile and attend to other things. She arrived Saturday afternoon, just in time. E.E. has her looking in all kinds of dresser drawers for all of his misplaced treasures. She has also been baking up a storm. She has discovered recipes for Apple Cake and Bread Pudding that are all right. Mary Hinkle Celebrates BirthdayHolabird Advocate Publisher, Jerry Hinkle, was unusually quiet about the birthday of his mother, Mary Hinkle, all day yesterday. Mary was serenaded twice with "Happy Birthday". Once in the morning church, then again in the afternoon at the GRHS meeting. The GRHS chapter in Pierre got together to learn all about making cheese buttons (kase knefle) and Jalupsi. Mary and Jerry tried their hand at cheese buttons, while Harold Hinkle looked on. Mary may even have talked Mike Mehlhoff into giving her his recipe for Knofle soup (hopefully, all the German words printed here are spelled correctly, spell-check was no help at all with that) After eating their fill, Harold, Mary, and Jerry went to Doug Hinkle's house to see what they were up to. Doug and Noel were grilling chicken on the front yard, while Cade slept. After Cade woke up, he played "dead" on the driveway so everyone could make chalk outlines of his body. One wonders what TV show he learned that from. Before heading home, the group made a short Walmart run. Jerry got a new odometer that he paid for himself. Perhaps he will take better care of that one. His previous two odometers were lost. His second was found in the barnyard after at least one cow trod upon it. When the weather cooperates, he'll restart is "Journey of 1000 Miles". House for Sale Rem and Marla McGeorge are putting our house in Highmore on the market to sell. They are hoping and praying for a quick sell. Their asking price is $20,000 ( which is well below the appraised value) . So if any of you Readers hear of someone looking for a home in Highmore... Please have them call their home at 853-2141 or Marla's cell phone 870-0128. None of us here at the Holabird Advocate is getting a commission from any possible sale of the house, nor would we take any money offered to us. As our Publisher says, "I can be had, but I can't be bought!" Friday, April 21, 2006  VOL. V Issue 4N Erin Nemec Becomes Star in Central Park April 1, 2006 was not just a day for Fools alone. It was night for Hyde County youths to put on the best formal wear money could buy and do the town right. The theme for this years prom was Stars in Central Park. Holabird's own Erin Nemec was one such star. Erin is pictured left with Eric Volek of Highmore. The photo provided by Erin herself, and, it looks like, it was at great expense on somebody's part. After the Prom, Erin and the rest of her class went to Pierre to go bowling. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate would have liked to see that. After all, it's not everyday that teenagers go bowling in formal wear. But then again, at 1 am anything is possible. Early Birthday For Mary Hinkle Tonight Harold "Big Spender" Hinkle will be taking his wife Mary Hinkle to Lower Brule to celebrate her Birthday. Joining them will be Roger and Linda Wurts along with Arnold and Ethel Rittel. Hopefully they will find some cheap gas on the way, but that's doubtful. Mary's actual birthday is on Sunday, but that is the day of the big GRHS meeting where they will be making something called Cheese Buttons and some other kind of food. If Harold doesn't go along, Jerry Hinkle will take her out to dinner afterwards. As to where he will take her, Jerry says that he doesn't know where that will be. He knows she won't want to go to McDonald's. Enjoying Everyday Life With Joyce Meyer by Jerry Hinkle, Holabird Advocate Publisher Not long after we got the Dish at the Ponderosa, my sister in law, Kristi recommended to me a program that she thought we would like. The host was a lady preacher named Joyce Meyer. The program was called "Enjoying Everyday Life". It's not so much a TV show as much as it is a meal of spiritual food. The first part is a preview of what we are about to see, as well as an opening word from her. The appetizer, if you will. Then comes the main course. Her message for the day. Joyce has an interesting way of bringing together the trials of living, scripture and a little bit of humor. As she puts it, "If you can't laugh at yourself, what can you laugh at?" She has this uncanny knack for talking about me too. How does she know all that stuff? After that, there is coffee. The time she takes to convince the view they need to buy her latest book, or tape, or even to come to the venue that she is appearing live and in person. My favorite "commercial" of hers is the one for her website. My have this little old lady trying to speak that Snoop Dogg talk. Picture your own mother, or grandmother saying "Mad props-G!" or "It's gizzle fer kizzle". Funny Stuff! Of course, every meal needs dessert, eh! So here Joyce gives a closing word and shows what we will see next time. Of course you don't have to take my work for it. Watch it for a week of two straight. You'll see how great it is. Check your local listings or go to www.joycemeyer.org to see where to watch it in your area. Remember, It's never too late to enjoy every day of your life. Thursday, April 20, 2006 VOL. V Issue 4M Lead in the Deep Stuff Yesterday we reported that the Black Hills were getting 10-19 inches of snow. Boy were we ever wrong. The town of Lead, South Dakota (just down the road from Deadwood) got an almost eye popping, jaw dropping 5 feet of snow. That's 59.5 inches to be exact. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate believe it'll be a while before all of that melts. When it does, it'll be messy. Prom Photos Better Late Then Never Erin Nemec will have pictures of the April 1 Junior Prom in Highmore ready for publication shortly. Hopefully they will be less than 2 MB, as we've had trouble with that kind of thing lately. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate can't wait to see this dress that we've heard so much about. Besides, the last time we saw Erin in a dress, it was a "Judy Garland as Dorothy Gale" Gingham number. Hopefully she's waved goodbye to the Yellow Brick Road. Thumbs Up To Keloland by Jerry Hinkle Holabird Advocate Publisher Keloland did me three favors last night. First, it saved me from having to watch "TomKat" news from "Entertainment Tonight" (I gotta learn how to change that channel, I just gotta). Second, it makes me glad that I don't live in Sioux Falls so I don't have to vote for either of the Mayoral candidates. And what a choice they have. The incompetent-OOPS-incumbent Mayor, and a guy that looks like Red Green. Last of all, I got to see a side of Jodi Schwan that I've never seen before. She proved herself to be an excellent moderator. If Hemmingsen isn't careful, she could replace him has "First Monday" host. That is, providing Keloland has the good sense to bring back the show for the 2006 election season. Too bad they ran out of time. It was a great show. Wednesday, April 19, 2006 VOL. V Issue 4L SDSU beats DWU 6-5 In the recent polling 11 Readers voted to settle which university would be our official institute of higher learning. It was a squeaker, but SDSU narrowly defeated DWU by a score of 6-5. The reasons that SDSU was even up for the honor was because a number of Holabird residents went there, and some even came back. It seems to us that Ana Nemec is studying there as of now. She may even read us from there. E.E. Hinkle even took high school classes there back in the 1920s. SDSU claims, "You can go Any where from here!" Now they prove it by getting in the Holabird Advocate. It's Cold in Them Thar Hills Holabird got down to 35 degrees with a light sprinkle of snow last night. But in the last few hours The Black Hills have had anywhere from 10-19 inches of snow. It was 13 years ago today that Holabird had an April blizzard, so we know what that was like. The Ponderosa was in the middle of calving. Some newborn calves were buried alive in snow. Then they froze to death. Publisher Finds Bedroom Floor Holabird Advocate Publisher, Jerry Hinkle is a real nice fella and all. But as a housekeeper, he'll never be confused with Mr. Belvedere. Case and point, he was looking for his CD of The Ditty Bops to convert it to cassette tape for the road trip to Minnesota next month. He had a dickens of a time finding it, and resorted to cleaning his bedroom. There were 4 years of National Geographic magazines, bank statements, credit card reports, clothes, shoes and the stale smell of something that may be dead. After most of the debris was cleared (without the aid of FEMA) he went to the living room to take a rest, and saw the CD on the entertainment center, which of course is where he left it in the first place. Lesson learned: if you want your house clean, either do it yourself or tell Jerry you have one of The Ditty Bops CDs hidden in your mess somewhere. Another Tip From Hinkle Brothers The newest spam sent to the Hinkle Brothers Mutual Fund has a tip to buy Southwesterm Medical before April 19 (today) because the price is going to sky rocket. Hinkle Brothers bought in when the market price was 13 cents (they paid 14 cents, since 13 was unlucky. As of press time the price is 14.2 cents. If stock were fireworks, this company would be a punk. New Kid on the Blog by Jerry Hinkle Holabird Advocate Publisher Bernie Hunhoff claims this is the best blog on our side of the Ree Hills. One blog that I predict will increase in popularity in the Ree Heights area is Bridgie In Iraq. It is written by Bridget Deuter, a young lady that has won my respect and admiration. She blogcasts from Tikrit, Iraq when she's not too busy fighting Freedom's foe. No matter what your political outlook may be, we need to support Bridget and the others who do the same job. The Politicians write the checks, but folks like her pay the bill, with their sweat, and sometimes their blood. So give her a read and thank God for her and others in our Fighting Force. Her address is http://bridgieiniraq.blogspot.com/. Tuesday, April 18, 2006 VOL. V Issue 4K Billion Website Open for Business Dr. Jack Billion's official campaign Website appears to be up and running. Here it is, at long last: http://billionforgovernor.com/site/index.phpAs the excitement of the Democratic Gubernatorial race accelerates, and shifts into low, UBS announces that since reporting it will close down Thanks A Billion last month, the number of folks who've visited almost doubled to 55. Among those who have taken notice is someone from the North Dakota State Government. You can see what they see at www.vote4billion.blogspot.com .Thus far, Dr. Billion has neither condoned nor condemned the actions of Thanks a Billion. Even though UBS has endorsed the Billion candidacy, a clear majority of Holabird Advocate Readers prefer the status quo. A whopping 58% are going Republican. Clearly this is not scientific, but we have learned a few things here. First, the Holabird area's estimated population is 38. Since 12 people voted in this poll, that is about the national average. Secondly, no matter how bad a Republican Governor screws up, he can count on the support of his party. We'll do another poll as soon as the Democratic nominee is firmly in place with his running mate. Corrections and Apologies Over the weekend we discovered a mistake that we made a few moths ago. We gave the impression that Robert Hanson turned his brother Allan on to our little Newsblog. Allan claims to Larry Nickleson that it is just the opposite. As it happens Robert wrote to us first, so that's how he got the credit. Nancy Kutz, who is their sister also reads from time to time. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate are sorry for the mix-up and we're glad that they all read and enjoy what we do here (whatever it is). Wikipedia is Fun The Ditty Bops were mentioned in an internet service called Wikipedia. We're not sure what it is exactly, but if Google doesn't own it, they should buy it. Out Publisher was up until 11:30 pm last night looking up all kinds of things. Holabird even has a listing in there. Check it out when you have time at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holabird,_South_Dakota Can't Stop the Madness by Jerry Hinkle Holabird Advocate Publisher Yes, I know. Helen Hunt is the poor man's Jodie Foster. Still, the show "Mad About You" showcases her comedy talents in a way I've never seen before. I was used to her in dramatic fare like "The Fitzpatricks" and "Twister" (which was funny at times, and unintentionally so,but not, I believe, on her account). "Mad" has more to offer than the lovely Ms. Hunt. Paul Reiser, as her husband was an inspired choice. Imagine having a job where your only work was to kiss Helen Hunt, hug Helen Hunt, he even got to tickle Helen Hunt. I can picture Mr. Reiser filling out his W2 form "Occupation-Helen Hunt's Hubby". He made $1,000,000/ episode doing that, too. I'd have worked for minimum wage. The character of Paul Buchman complained a lot, but I didn't buy it. I loved the "Mad Marathon". But now that I'm seeing the shows in order, I just like it. That Selby guy is so annoying. I hope cousin Ira replaces him soon. I don't like many of the supporting players, but Ira and Ursula are the lone exception. Ursula reminds me of someone. I wonder who it is. This is a great show! Two thumbs up! Saturday, April 15, 2006 VOL. V Issue 4J Countdown to Easter The traditional Easter Sunday is tomorrow. Interestingly enough, it is also the real birthday of Jesus, but that's another matter. That doesn't happen every year. The Hinkle's are getting ready to celebrate something tomorrow. It won't be as festive as previously reported. When Cousin Curt Neuharth told Harold Hinkle the menu, he was taken aback. Harold insisted that instead of turkey, ham, and turkey ham, he wants chicken, pork loin and the turkey ham set aside for E.E. Hinkle's evening vittles. So the food is getting less, but the guest list keeps growing. Ken and Joyce Ferris were invited for noon vittles (which will be around 1 pm, 1:30 at the latest). Time will tell if they get here for that or not. Also slated to arrive is Jamie Pothast's boyfriend. Jerry Hinkle always asks just how ugly his niece's boyfriend is. If the Good Lord is willing, he'll find out soon. Anyone in the Holabird Area is welcome to come over for evening vittles to pick over the leftovers. There will be leftovers! It IS a biblical principle! Belated Birthday Wishes It turns out that besides Hunter Mees having his 8th birthday, yesterday was Brigette Nemec's Sweet 16th. Does that mean she's sweet? We'll let her mom and dad field that question. But according to the laws of the great State of South Dakota, Brigette can operate a motor vehicle without parental supervision (consent is another matter, but that's not our worry). So a big congrats to Brigette. It's just too bad she has to pay $2.79/gallon at the gas pump, eh! More about the EPIC Flash by Jerry Hinkle Holabird Advocate Publisher After watching the EPIC 2014 Flash, and the sequel, EPIC 2015, I just can't wait for the future. There are a few things I missed in the original report, but still, it's a wonderful vision. First of all, I need to make a correction. It isn't Google that becomes "Big Brother", but Googlezon. A combination of Google and Amazon.com. Secondly, I'm not quite sure that these things will pan out. After all, the Government broke Standard Oil, and AT&T. There is no way that they'd OK Googlezon. It'll depend on how President Hillary feels that day, I guess. That part about making the news relevant struck home with me. After all, in today's world some TV markets run Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune in the network news time slots because of bottom line issues. CBS has even canned Bob Schieffer in favor of Katie Couric to trick younger people into watching the news. When all is said and done, the only thing we can do about 2014-15 is to wait and see what really happens when we wake up on December 31, 2014 and look around. Until then, don't ever sell your stock in Google. Friday, April 14, 2006 VOL. V Issue 4I It's Like 1984-30 Years Later Todd Epp has found and interesting Flash that describes the world of 2014. It sounds like Utopia to all of us here at the Holabird Advocate. After all, there's no more New York Times for a start. And Google, in the roll of "Big Brother", finds out what the people like, and how they like it, then they give them what they want, the way they want it. That is the kind of "Big Brother" to have, eh. Have a look for yourself and see if you agree. Here is the link: Ponderosa Put up for Sale Darrel Hinkle noticed that the Ponderosa Steakhouse and Lounge in Orient is in the real estate listings. He is under the impression that his oldest brother, Jerry Hinkle, should buy it and convert in into a church. Darrel says that the current owner is asking $45,000. However, the Holabird Church of Universal Life only has $49.29 in the Treasury. Happy Birthday Hunter!!! by Jerry Hinkle Holabird Advocate Publisher Despite what you may have heard, I don't spend all of my time watching "Mad About You". In fact, my brother does remind me from time to time that this is an actual working ranch. Oh! That Helen Hunt. She really is- Hold on just a minute, that can wait. Today our good buddy Hunter Mees turns 8 years old. It's been quite an interesting year for him too. Some good, some bad, but he made it through, with God's help. He's become quite an inspiration to me, and to many of you. Some of the reader have told me that Hunter and his story has given them a stronger faith. Some have even found a faith they didn't know they had. As for me, Hunter's story has restored my faith in humanity. So many people have demonstrated their love for Hunter. A boy who was, up until November, a total stranger to many of them, myself included. Hunter has showed us all what he, and the rest of us, are capable of when we have to be. HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUNTER MEES!!!!! May you have many more! Only 95 years before you're as old as my Grandad. Wednesday, April 12, 2006 VOL. V Issue 4H Publisher is Mad-About Helen Hunt Holabird Advocate Publisher, Jerry Hinkle has just discovered "Mad About You". Nick At Nite has started running "Mad Marathons" in 4 hour blocks of time, which Jerry has been recording on the DVR. Jerry has had a thing about Helen Hunt since before he saw her on an obscure TV program known as "The Fitzpatricks". He even enjoyed her performance as the title character in " Quarterback Princess". He also stated that she deserved an Oscar for "Twister". Jerry likes what he's seen so far, and will have more details about this as soon as he's watched at least 4 episodes of the show. Early Mai Fest for Agnes Hahn It appears that Agnes Hahn will be going home with Phyllis and Larry Ehlers, spending a week there, and then spending another week with Ken and Joan Hansen before Mai Fest next month. This means that Jerry Hinkle will have to figure out another way up there. With $2.67/gallon gasoline, it may be more feasible to stay home. Harold Hinkle sure doesn't want to waste that much money on gas. Mary Hinkle has to host May Fellowship Days which is about the same time. It looks like Jerry may have to stay home as well. Hyde School District School Board Results Clint Buchholz 231 Kristin Rittel 214 Mike Solberg (I) 213 Kevin Baloun (I) 194 Jerrod Gutzmer 123 John Mewes 45 All of us here at the Holabird Advocate are speculating that there may be a recount. Other than that, these results are official as reported by our good friends over at the Dakota Radio Group. Tuesday, April 11, 2006 VOL. V Issue 4G Easter Rabbit Dies at Ponderosa The Hinkle family was shocked and a little saddened to discover that Peter Rabbit, the Hinkle kids pet rabbit, an Easter present from 4 years ago, had died in his cage. The cause of death was not established, and will not be investigated. It is known that foul play was not suspected. The timing of this event proves that the Father in Heaven has a very interesting sense of irony about him. Raccoons are believed to be behind the more violent death of Milk and Quackers, the two ducks that Ruby Hoffman had at her house that were also Easter presents for her grandkids. Ruby kept the ducks because she was told that Jerry Hinkle still has his Grandma Bergit's recipe for roast duck with orange sauce. This afternoon Ruby went to Pierre to buy baby chickens as this years Easter present to the grandkids. Hyde's Loss is Miller's Gain It has been reported that the Miller Area School District has hired Mike Ruth as their Superintendent. Mr. Ruth comes to Miller after not having had his contract as CEO and Elementary School Principal renewed with the Hyde School District. Our Publisher will certainly miss seeing the Ruth family in church, still he and the rest of us here at the Holabird Advocate wish them all well. We also hope they will come back often to visit. Run-off Starts Early The race for the official learning institution of the UBS network is down to 2 universities. Those being DWU and SDSU. This will decide things once and for all. Monday, April 10, 2006 Extra! Extra! Read All About It Another Blogger in the Family Holabird Advocate Publisher, Jerry Hinkle, has discovered that his distant cousin, Kassidee Kennedy has discovered blogging. From the look of thinks, she is pretty busy with her missionary work, as she doesn't have too many entries. All of us at the Holabird Advocate couldn't be prouder of Kassidee or the work that she is doing. She's a real inspiration. If anyone would care to give it a look, her blog is at this address: Hinkles Prepare for Easter Mary Hinkle is getting preparations underway for Easter at the Ponderosa. She is painting the walls all around the house. Mary is also planning to feed 20 people with their choice of turkey, ham, and turkey ham. Mary's mother,Agnes Hahn is worried that her oldest daughter may be working too hard. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate believe she is just following her mothers example.  VOL. V Issue 4F Time to Celebrate for Hunter Good Friday will truly be a GOOD Friday for Alpena's Hunter Mees. His families are going to have a Potluck Party on Friday April 14th. Hunter will be turning 8 and his mother, Shannon Jurgens, he is all done with Chemotherapy treatments as of Wednesday the 12th! That makes this a time to celebrate! They will be grilling hotdogs and hoping that everyone who attends the event can bring their favorite dish in addition to or in place of hotdogs! Hope you can come and join the fun! In addition Hunter will be throwing out the first pitch at DWU baseball game on April 15th at 1:00 pm in Mitchell. He also will participate as their batboy for the day! So go and support DWU in another win for their season! UBS to Pitch Reality Show The brass at the UBS Network believe that, due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, South Dakota should have its own, titled "Survivor-Dakota Style." The contestants will start in Aberdeen, travel south to Redfield, then west to Pierre, Belle Fouche, Spearfish and on to Rapid City. Then they will head east to Wall, Chamberlain and Mitchell. From there they will proceed south to Yankton and east to Vermillion and then over to and up along I-29 stopping at towns along the way including but not limited to Sioux Falls, Brookings and Watertown. Then they will go to Hayti and then Clark and on up to Webster and Britton before dropping back toward Groton and eventually returning to Aberdeen. Each will be driving a pink Volvo with California license plates and large bumper stickers that read: "I'm gay" "I'm Vegetarian." " Beer is harmful to your health." "Republicans suck. " "Hillary in 2008. " "Deer hunting is murder" and "I'm here to confiscate your guns." The first one that makes it back to Aberdeen alive wins. Good luck to all contestants. Another Runs For Governor Another candidate is challenging Governor Rounds in the South Dakota governor's race. Steven Willis of Sioux Falls is running under the Constitution Party. He ran unsuccessfully for the Public Utilities Commission two years ago. Tom Gerber of Sturgis is on the ballot as a Libertarian. Jack Billion of Sioux Falls and Dennis Wiese of Flandreau meet in the June primary for the Democratic nomination. Ms. Amanda from the Ditty Bops is trying to talk Jerry Hinkle into leaving the Democratic Party and running for Governor on the Green Party ticket. Does South Dakota have a Green Party? Oh well, he's not taking the bait. And so here ismost latest, nost up to date poll in the Gubernatorial race from UBS and the Holabird Advocate. Friday, April 07, 2006 VOL. V Issue 4E Voter Fraud at Holabird Advocate? It appears that the integrity of previous polls taken at our little Newsblog may have been compromised because of some people voting more than once. This was brought to our attention by Nick Nemec, who actually did, it appears, vote more than once. While we are disappointed that this happened, we are grateful that Nick had the moral fiber to admit it. After all, we're sure he's not the only one who has done this. Of course, like Red Green says "I only cheat because I care about winning". Our new polling system, it seems, does not allow repeat votes. This is good, because Holabird is not in Florida. Nor is it in Cook County, Illinois. We will look into getting rid of the Bravenet polling system soon. District 23 Goes Republican Early There will be no need in printing election ballots for the legislators in South Dakota's District 23. The good news is that the so-called "phantom molester" was rumored as a possible candidate for State Senate. The bad news is that no Democrat, appears to be running either. Nick Nemec would have been ideal to run, and a shoe-in to get our endorsement. The only candidates for District 23 are the incumbents-all Republican. Of course, as legislators go, their not so bad. At least they don't champion silly causes like making the middle finger the official finger of South Dakota (our Publisher supports the thumb himself). Dishing on the Dish by Jerry Hinkle Holabird Advocate Publisher "Undercover Brother" was on a few months too late for Black History Month. Still I learned quite a bit about Black people (or did I). First, there is a good chance I am a black man, at least partly, judging from this movie. According to this flick, Brothers (as they call themselves) like skinny white girls (who doesn't?), and they don't like mayonnaise (neither do I). They have to put hot sauce on the Mayo to make it edible (I think I'll try that sometime). Second, Dave Chapelle is not funny. Not in this show, anyway. Not funny at all! Third, Billy Dee Williams is funny. Not many actors, regardless of color, could pull of the things he had to do with such dignity and class. He's one cool cat! If a sequel with Billy Dee running for President would be great. But I'm not sure America could take it. Not unless they got a sense of humor soon. I give it one and a half thumbs up, a half thumb down, and no middle fingers in between. Thursday, April 06, 2006 VOL. V Issue 4D Let There Be Rain The dry spell in the Holabird area is over for now. The Ponderosa had 1.7 inches of rain, starting at about 4 am this morning. There was the usual thunder and lightning on top of it. In fact the power went off and on again several times in that 5 and a half hour span. Darrel Hinkle had just finished planting 130 acres of alfalfa on Wednesday afternoon. Tyler Smith Drops out The Democratic primary is now down to just two people because Tyler Smith dropped out. "Tyler Who?", you may ask. Well, all kidding aside, he is a married 25 year old college student from Aberdeen. That was the problem, you see. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate know more about our favorite Jeopardy contestant. Smith has not ruled out a possible run for one of the South Dakota Constitutional offices. If he is reading ( as most folks who are worth their salt are) he should know that the full power of our little Newsblog could be behind him if he could answer just one question, "Who is Tyler Smith?". It sounds easy enough, but there is nobody that we know can tell us the answer to that question. The candidate should know that of all the candidates we have endorsed in the last 52 months only one was not elected. Two if you count Stephanie Herseth's first run in 2002. No School Board Endorsements All of us here at the Holabird Advocate just can't come to a clear choice as to who we like in the Hyde School district. There are two slots open, and six possible candidates. None of the six have even asked for an endorsement, so that make it even. If you are registered to vote in the Hyde School District, don't forget to vote for next Tuesday. As to who to vote for, you're on your own there. We haven't a clue. The Resident and TLC by Jerry Hinkle Holabird Advocate Publisher My staying at home to watch The Ditty Bops Show that didn't air was not a total loss. I usually watch the lead-in anyway. It's a show called "The Resident". Lori is the host, and she has plenty to say about everything. You might say she is the slender married female version of me. She can't stand Jimmy Fallon, Paris Hilton, or Jessica Simpleton's no talent sister. Smart gal! She had a special show last Monday, featuring clips from her own DVR. One was from TLC. I'm quite sure it was the same show that Nick Nemec started to talk about, but was prevented from finishing by his daughter Brigette. It was the Half Ton Man, Patrick Duell. The images were quite graphic. Mr. Duell was seen on his bed as this group of medics and heavy construction workers were trying to lift him out of his bed and into a truck. For those who don't know, he was taken from his home in Nebraska to one of the Sioux Falls hospitals (I forget which one it was). Anyone who is looking for motivation to get up off of their couch and move around even a little bit should watch that show. It is not a pleasant thing to watch at all. On top of everything else, it may even make you lose your appetite (if not you lunch). One thing I know for sure is I gotta get back to walking on the road again. That is the kind of show that could a person nightmares. Tuesday, April 04, 2006 VOL. V Issue 4C VeraSun IPO Brings Interest A possible stock offering from the Brookings based Ethanol company, VeraSun Energy has garnered a lot of internet buzz for the company. From Main Street in Brookings to Wall Street in New York City, everyone is hoping for their piece of the alternative fuel dream. VeraSun is hoping to raise $150 million to expand their operation. Internet search engines have even lead people to the Holabird Advocate for more information on the company. Indiana Reads Holabird Advocate Some time ago Sharon Korn from Indianapolis discovered our little Newsblog. Her parents came from the Montrose and Humboldt areas. They moved out east, but visited South Dakota often. Sharon also says that she come back for a visit one a year or so. She has been more than kind and filled with praise of the feel of the Holabird Advocate and also the subject matter. As she put it, "Somehow it still feels like home". That is possibly the nicest thing anyone has ever said Sharon reads us about once a week with no trouble keeping up. She'll have to come to Holabird when she is able. We're sure that the Holabird Chamber of Commerce would proclaim "Sharon Korn Day" in her honor. The summer grilling season would be the best time, when the PEDA cookouts are in full swing. Pollmaster General Well, here we are with the School poll now. Hopefully all the bugs have been removed. There has been only one complaints so far about the current Governors poll. No choice for those who are currently undecided. Our next poll will give them a voice as well. Speaking of which, at press time we have 13 votes in that poll, unlucky for some. Let's hope #14 comes along quickly. Monday, April 03, 2006 VOL. V Issue 4B Who Stopped the Rain? The Holabird area was promised as much as 2.75 inches of rain this past weekend. The Ponderosa reports a mere .05 of an inch in the Keloland Rain Gauge. All the snow has melted and the ground is drying up fast. It is so dry, in fact, that Jerry Hinkle has quit wearing irrigation boots in favor of his walking shoes at feeding time. The Prodigal Son Returns Wilbur Goehring and his wife Lynnette are the honored guests at the Come Hahn Inn tonight. The fatted calf is corned beef, with cabbage on the side. Jerry Hinkle did not go in to the feast. This is not because he does not like the entree, in fact he loves it. But rather because he wanted to watch The Ditty Bops Show on the computer tonight, only to find it was not on this week. Hinkle Gives Two Week Notice According to Harold Hinkle, his son, Doug Hinkle, has given up his job turning wrenches at the Chrysler Division at Wegner Auto for a job with the state. The job apparently has something to do with hazardous material removal or some such thing. It is not known if Doug will have to quit being a fireman as well, but it's a cinch that he won't get a Gold Viper after working 30 years with the state. He probably would not have gotten one at Wegner either. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate wish Doug well in this new line of work that he is pursuing. Were sure that whatever he does, he will be the very best at it. He wouldn't have been hired otherwise. Trouble Fixed With Pollmaster There was a little hiccup with the new Pollmaster General project. We had two polls in the same post, but only one worked. A Reader complained that he was voting in the Governor Poll, and the School poll showed up instead. It is believed the problem has been fixed. New Segment For Holabird Advocate Since South Dakota's current Governor is Looking for votes, all of us here at the Holabird Advocate thought he should have a chance at it. In our brand new Pollmaster General Segment, we will explore in the next week or two a different dynamic in the race for Governor. The candidates, at least those we know about, are listed in alphabetical order. Unlike some polls we encourage all to vote. If you happen to live out of state, we'll just say you came to Hyde County in an RV and registered to vote here (which is still legal, or so we're told) Be careful, both parties just might learn something if things go the way we think they will. Whether they do or don't, our courageous, dynamic Publisher will provide some analysis concerning the results. Saturday, April 01, 2006  VOL. V Issue 4A Publisher to Marry the Ditty Bops No, it's NOT what you think! The Ditty Bops, Abby and Amanda have asked Holabird Advocate Publisher, Jerry Hinkle to officiate, in his capacity as a minister of the Universal Life Church, their commitment ceremony this afternoon at 5pm PST (7 pm Holabird Time). To hurry things along, they have chartered a Boeing 707 to take Jerry from the airport in Highmore to the LAX Airport. Two questions come to mind. First off, why Jerry? Well, it seems Ms. Amanda's Rabbi wouldn't do it. Second of all, Why is he doing it? He claims that he was told they would make it worth his while. Some have speculated that this was part of some publicity stunt dreamed up to stir up interest in their new album, "Moon Over the Freeway". Nothing could be further from the truth. They don't need publicity to sell their album. Even if they did need the publicity, in California it would take more than two chicks getting married to get the attention of the media. Hell Hath No Fury Like a Hungry Cow Some well meaning Republicans, and possibly a Democrat or two, have expressed concern that Nick Nemec may be spending so much time on the internet that he is neglecting to feed his cows. How anyone would know what he does or doesn't do is beyond us, short of having homeland security spy on him. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate aren't all that worried. If we even thought Nick wasn't feeding his cows, we'd call the Humane Society or at least tell Dr. Sam Holland so the Governor could close the Interstate. Our Publisher is Glad we have solid citizens like Nick keeping informed about the world around them. If it were not for folks like that, we wouldn't be here now. Nick has also taken his wife's place as our Publisher's Democratic conscience. As for the Republicans, none of them want to do our Publisher's thinking for him (Except the Governor, of course). Vera Sun Energy to go Public It has been reported that Vera Sun Energy is filing papers with the SEC to become a publicly traded company. No word on when the IPO will go down, but you can be sure that Big Oil already has all the valuable stock locked up. In fact, Shell Oil has help finance some of what they've done so far. Vera Sun is a company headquartered in Brookings, South Dakota that makes ethanol. The stock offering is to help pay for possible expansion of this enterprise. Top Ten Women by Jerry Hinkle Holabird Advocate Publisher Well, it's time for that ultimate April Fools Joke Daylight Savings Time. As always, I will not be setting my clocks and watch to this devil worshiping, one world government, sheep to the slaughtering house time. However if I was to get a date with any of the following women, I will change my mind. 1. Amanda Barrett 2. Jennifer Love Hewitt 3. Kirsten Dunst 4. Abby Dewald 5. Jessica Alba 6. Kate Looby/Leslie Unruh (tie) 7. The Bush Twins 8. Stephanie Herseth 9. The lady undertakers 10. The lady tree planters 
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