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 Holabird AdvocateProviding all the news we see fit to print since 2002!Saturday, April 01, 2006  VOL. V Issue 4A Publisher to Marry the Ditty Bops No, it's NOT what you think! The Ditty Bops, Abby and Amanda have asked Holabird Advocate Publisher, Jerry Hinkle to officiate, in his capacity as a minister of the Universal Life Church, their commitment ceremony this afternoon at 5pm PST (7 pm Holabird Time). To hurry things along, they have chartered a Boeing 707 to take Jerry from the airport in Highmore to the LAX Airport. Two questions come to mind. First off, why Jerry? Well, it seems Ms. Amanda's Rabbi wouldn't do it. Second of all, Why is he doing it? He claims that he was told they would make it worth his while. Some have speculated that this was part of some publicity stunt dreamed up to stir up interest in their new album, "Moon Over the Freeway". Nothing could be further from the truth. They don't need publicity to sell their album. Even if they did need the publicity, in California it would take more than two chicks getting married to get the attention of the media. Hell Hath No Fury Like a Hungry Cow Some well meaning Republicans, and possibly a Democrat or two, have expressed concern that Nick Nemec may be spending so much time on the internet that he is neglecting to feed his cows. How anyone would know what he does or doesn't do is beyond us, short of having homeland security spy on him. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate aren't all that worried. If we even thought Nick wasn't feeding his cows, we'd call the Humane Society or at least tell Dr. Sam Holland so the Governor could close the Interstate. Our Publisher is Glad we have solid citizens like Nick keeping informed about the world around them. If it were not for folks like that, we wouldn't be here now. Nick has also taken his wife's place as our Publisher's Democratic conscience. As for the Republicans, none of them want to do our Publisher's thinking for him (Except the Governor, of course). Vera Sun Energy to go Public It has been reported that Vera Sun Energy is filing papers with the SEC to become a publicly traded company. No word on when the IPO will go down, but you can be sure that Big Oil already has all the valuable stock locked up. In fact, Shell Oil has help finance some of what they've done so far. Vera Sun is a company headquartered in Brookings, South Dakota that makes ethanol. The stock offering is to help pay for possible expansion of this enterprise. Top Ten Women by Jerry Hinkle Holabird Advocate Publisher Well, it's time for that ultimate April Fools Joke Daylight Savings Time. As always, I will not be setting my clocks and watch to this devil worshiping, one world government, sheep to the slaughtering house time. However if I was to get a date with any of the following women, I will change my mind. 1. Amanda Barrett 2. Jennifer Love Hewitt 3. Kirsten Dunst 4. Abby Dewald 5. Jessica Alba 6. Kate Looby/Leslie Unruh (tie) 7. The Bush Twins 8. Stephanie Herseth 9. The lady undertakers 10. The lady tree planters
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