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 Holabird AdvocateProviding all the news we see fit to print since 2002!Wednesday, August 31, 2005 VOL. IV Issue 8W E.E. Hinkle's Options Still Being Weighed It appears that E.E. Hinkle has two choices, both of which he don't care for. His pacemaker, which was guaranteed for 12 years is failing after 8.5 months. His doctor wants it out, and a new one in. E.E. Can wait until September 26, and have the operation done in Huron, or go to Sioux Falls and have it done at Sioux Valley Hospital on Friday afternoon. E.E. Says he's rather die that go to Sioux Falls, but if he sleeps long enough they can just say he's in Huron and he'll be none the wiser. Because E.E. is 103, the doctor wants to do some preliminary tests on the old boy at 2 o'clock tomorrow afternoon. Harold and Mary Hinkle were looking for something to do on Labor Day Weekend. Somehow, all of us here at the Holabird Advocate believe that this was not what they had in mind. Ponderosa Cattle Sort Easy Getting cattle to go where you want them is not always easy. Sunday night at the Ponderosa, Harold, Mary and Jerry Hinkle chased a couple steers all over trying to get them in the barnyard, and they wouldn't go in. Once they gave up the chase, Harold put corn in the bunk. Those steers came in by themselves overnight, with a little prodding from God, we suppose. Tim Zilverberg found a couple Ponderosa bulls among his cows. While Harold and Jerry were on their way with the stock trailer, Tim tried to coax the herd into his barnyard. Both bulls and one of his cows separated from the herd. Loading the bulls took a while, but it could have been a lot longer. It wasn't all good though. The bulls escaped two more times after that. Hopefully, they are in for good this time. Christian Relief Groups Right Behind Katrina By Allie Martin and Jody Brown of Agape Press Emergency disaster services teams from The Salvation Army and other relief agencies are preparing to meet the needs of storm victims and relief workers in those areas hardest hit by Hurricane Katrina. Early reports on Katrina are saying it could be one of the most damaging storms in U.S. history, with insurance costs estimated in the $25 billion range. The storm left death, destruction, and flooding in its wake; hardest hit appear to be New Orleans and southern Mississippi. Louisiana Governor Kathleen Blanco said now is a time for both prayer and action. President Bush, at a speech in California on Monday, thanked Americans for praying for those who got caught in the wind and floods, and pledged that federal help is on the way. The Salvation Army and the Southern Baptists are among church groups moving in to provide food for victims and relief workers. Salvation Army has more than 70 mobile kitchens which will feed thousands of people who are expected to be without power for days and possibly even weeks. Major Dalton Cunningham is helping to coordinate relief efforts from the Jackson, Mississippi, office. Cunningham says partner agencies such as Operation Blessing and the Southern Baptist Men's Association are assisting with the feeding efforts. Long-term aid, he says, will also be available after the primary, initial response of providing food and water. Publisher's Notes by Jerry Hinkle Well, what a month we've had here in Holabird. It was long and hot, but we got through it. This is the farthest we've been through the alphabet too. A lot of things will be happening in September. Some we all know, like the South Dakota State Fair, the Jerry Lewis Telethon, and if it is God's will, a replacement for Grandad's pacemaker. A lot of things that we don't know will pop up. We'll handle it all, good and bad. Looks like the noble cow is our favorite dead animal. No vegetarians or vegans must have taken the poll, but they were sure welcome to. A couple responders had a favorite animal no on the list. I wonder what they could have been. Next months poll will deal with Intelligent Design. I'm curious to see what you readers make of it. Is it a viable theory that should be taught in school, or is it junk science. Perhaps you think evolution is junk science too. We'll sort that out in September. All of the AdSense revenue from September will be donated to the Salvation Army Hurricane Relief. The Salvation Army has been my charity of choice since I've heard so many less than flattering things about the Red Cross through the years. If you give separate from the AdSense, I hope it is through the Salvation Army. 'Nuff Said! That is all for August. See ya'll next month! Tuesday, August 30, 2005 VOL. IV Issue 8V Holabird Advocate to Aid Hurricane Relief All of us at the Holabird Advocate want to help out those who were afflicted by Hurricane Katrina. We are going to donate all of the ad revenue from September's banner ads from Google Adsense on the Holabird Advocate Front page to the Salvation Army. So all you Readers click early and click often. E.E. Hinkle May Need New Pacemaker At his doctors appointment today, E.E. Hinkle was examined through and through. It was determined that the problem was not so much with the 103 year old patient as with his pacemaker. Said pacemaker jams and stalls at times. At other times it goes into high gear. It is possible for it to quit altogether someday. It is also possible for E.E.'s heart to quit altogether someday. The Hinkle family will be weighing their options for the next few days. Apologies And Corrections by Jerry Hinkle Holabird Advocate Publisher I may have been a little too harsh on Mr. Snoop Dogg the other day. Sure, I only understand half of what the feller says, but that's no excuse. I thought one of his phrases was, "I got the nephew hook-up". After listening to that commercial again, I believe he said, "I got to hook up Nephew". Now, I'm hip enough to understand that. Obviously that nice Mr. Dogg is going to buy his nephew a Chrysler. If he does that, well, he can't be all bad. Mr. Dogg, I'm sorry that I misjudged you. I hope that your nephew enjoys his vehicle. I also hope he shows his Uncle Snoop the proper respect and gratitude as well. They may be less expensive, but new Chryslers still aren't cheap. Mr. Dogg, you are truly a gentleman. I can't speak your language (and the spell checker would blow a fuse if I could) but I feel I must say that you can chisel a sizzle for me anytime. And I mean that in the best way possible. South Dakota Songbook "Hurricane" By Leon Everett 1. 30 miles out in the Gulf Stream I can hear those south winds moan Bridges are looking lower, shrimp boats hurrying home The old man down in the quarter slowly turns to me Took another drink of whiskey and he looked at me and said (Chorus: I was born on the rain of the Ponchatrain beneath that Louisiana Moon Don't mind the strain of the hurricane, she comes 'round every June And high black water, she's the devils daughter, she's hard and she's cold, and she's mean Nobody taught her that it takes a lot of water to wash away New Orleans) 2. A man come down from Chicago gonna set that levy right He said it's got to be 3 feet high up or it won't make it thru the night The old man down in the quarter said don't you listen to that boy The water be down by morning, son he'll be on his way to Illinois Chorus 2: I was born on the rain of the Ponchatrain beneath that Louisiana Moon Don't mind the strain of the hurricane, she comes 'round every June. And high black water, she's the devils daughter, she's hard and she's cold, and she's mean But we finally taught her that it takes a lot of water to wash away New Orleans (Chorus) Monday, August 29, 2005  VOL. IV Issue 8U Ms. Amanda in the Pink? Holabird's fastest growing quiz sensation is "What Color is Ms. Amanda's Hair? Some say it's orange, some say it's red, and now there is someone who claims it is pink. Anna, from New York supplied us with this photo from a recent appearance of The Ditty Bops at a show in Boston. She is at the left of the photo, while Ms. Abby( who's hair color has never been much of an issue) is pictured at the right. Where some see red or orange, she sees pink. Anna reported to the Holabird Advocate earlier that she and a friend saw them both in the flesh as well, so we believe her, even if we don't see pink hair. Let's not forget that the most important thing is The Ditty Bops music. Some say it's good, some say it's great. We say, it's excellent! Way excellent! Car Fire in Valley Township Darrel Hinkle saw a fire in the distance while in was on the way home Sunday evening. Once home, he got his water tank hooked onto his pickup and motored out to see what was the problem. It appears that on the someone from Polo was driving and pulled into an approach next to the Bar JZ Ranch. The driver noticed his car was on fire. The fire also burned about an acre of grass. Darrel got a good start on putting the fire out while people started gathering to watch. Some firemen from the Onida Fire Department came over after a while to finish off the blaze. Two of the firemen mistook Darrel for Doug Hinkle, who is the Second Assistant chief of Fire Engine Company #1 in Pierre. After Darrel sprayed all of the water in his tank, he visited a little with Howard Brown and Harry Thomas before checking in at the Ponderosa. Constable Hinkle Always Gets His Mouse To catch a mouse these days, all you need is a few well placed traps and a $20 reward. It took Valley Township Constable Jerry Hinkle only 18 hours to catch a mouse that was running around E.E. Hinkle's place. Once Jerry showed the offending critter to his grandfather, E.E. said, "Well it looks like I owe you $20! Do you want it now?" Like a darn fool, Jerry said, "It can wait". Jerry hasn't collected yet, but he has faith that he will, because he donated an extra $20 to Kassidee Kennedy's Mission before he caught the mouse. That's faith in action right there. Come Hahn Inn Closes Up Agnes Hahn has left the Running of the Come Hahn Inn to Craig and Vicki McQuarie while she takes a well deserved vacation in Minnesota. Larry and Phyllis Ehlers took her home with them yesterday. When she's tired of Minnesota, Joan Hansen will show her around Iowa the plan is for her to be gone for 2-4 weeks depending on who you talk to. Agnes may find time to bake some bread while she's gone, but that is about as much work as she plans to do. She sure needs a vacation. Somebody hugged her too tight last weekend and now her neck hurts. Yes, it is possible to love too much. Holabird Advocate Gets New Readers Lucille Myers has recommended reading the Holabird Advocate to all of her friends with good taste. One such recommendation was to Paula Spilde, who hasn't complained yet, so that's a good sign. We know that Paula has good taste because Darrel Hinkle said that he has tasted her cooking and even leftovers are delicious. Judy Haiwick has also told any and all relatives who would listen how wonderful the Newsblog is. Harold Hinkle didn't believe her, but that's his hard cheese. Once home, Judy promises to find a picture of Agnes Hahn babysitting 10 nieces and nephews back when she was known as Agnes Haiwick. We'll publish that picture as soon as time permits. Mainstream Churches Embracing Same Sex Marriage by Albert Mohler Unwilling to risk the financial and membership losses that would surely result from an open embrace of homosexuality, mainline denominations inch their way towards a progressive embrace of homosexual practice. This homosexual agenda is propelled by activists who offer various rationales and arguments for the normalization of homosexual relationships and behaviors. The emergence of a new book, "What God Has Joined Together?: A Christian Case for Gay Marriage", offers a summary of the arguments now common among the proponents of same-sex marriage. Saturday, August 27, 2005 VOL. IV Issue 8T Church Website Shuts Down The Website for the Holabird Church of Universal Life has been deleted. Reverend Jerry Hinkle has decided to close the website due to lack of interest. "People just have not come to the website.", He said. " I never had much of a turnout, but I haven't had one hit all week. It's time to forget that and concentrate on results producing activities." Rev. Hinkle will still be available for weddings, baptisms, funerals, even confessions. As he puts it, "Everything but circumcisions". Mouse in the House Looks like Jerry Hinkle will have to put on his Constable hat. It seems that there is an unwanted intruder in E.E. Hinkle's house. Last night, while polishing off a bowl of pudding, the old boy saw a mouse running across the kitchen counter. E.E. Is so anxious to get rid of the little scamp that he has offered a $20 reward for his capture. Jerry has named the mouse Mort (Latin for dead), and has mouse traps placed in strategic locations around the house. It's too bad he didn't know mice were so valuable, as he caught 5 last week that E.E. never saw. Mary Hinkle caught one herself. The one known as Mort is still on the loose. Not for long. Turning a Red State Bright Orange by Garrison Keillor, Reprinted from Salon.com At a South Dakota barbecue, a colorful young woman proved why America's red-blue divide is mostly a bunch of B.S. I was in Mitchell, S.D. (pop. 14,000, home of the Corn Palace), not long ago standing around in a parking lot next to City Hall eating barbecue off paper plates, the way you do sometimes, with conservative, church-going, stick-to-business towns people, and there, standing next to me, eating just the cole slaw (she is a vegan), was a slender young thing from Los Angeles who was in Mitchell to visit her cousins. In her 6-inch heels, she stood a little taller than I, and her hair was a swatch of brilliant atomic orange, and she wore a cut-off T-shirt revealing a large section of flat midriff with a bluish rhinestone in her belly-button. It was her first time in Mitchell and she was having a great old time. Everybody was talking to everybody -- good pork barbecue will do that to you -- some of us lurking around the long grill where the hog lay with his legs splayed, picking at him, and others standing around the beer kegs, about 40 people in all, some invited, others drop-ins, and it was two congenial hours during which (as I think back on it) I didn't hear anybody talk politics. We could look at each other and sort of guess at the political vibe -- looking at the Lady of Orange, you thought feminist green Euro lefty libertarian -- and why pursue it further? Miss Orange was gadding about, chatting up everybody, laughing her orange head off, and it was clear that, even in a red-state crowd, orangeness is not necessarily a social handicap. It helped that she was young and smart and funny, no doubt about it. But the good Republicans of Mitchell are not above having fun, and this flamboyant oddball in their midst was Not A Problem. It was a pleasure. One shouldn't generalize, but that is what columnists do, so I will: People enjoy oddity and flamboyance, even if they won't say so (not wanting to encourage their own children), so long as it's amiable and not defensive. There are plenty of old grumblers in Mitchell (and anywhere else) but deep down, we're all in favor of people living their lives as they choose and we are fond of true independents and adventurers and gypsy musicians. Red or blue, we agree that freedom is at the heart of American life and it's a big country and there's room for everybody. We all know that life is short and quickly ebbs to a close, so you should go ahead and take that ride down the rapids, fly to Australia, dye your hair, go in the Peace Corps, follow your star, so that when you must sit in the nursing home eating your corn mush and watching stupid TV shows, you have some vivid memories of big adventures. Everyone in this parking lot is in favor of this, even if they don't say so. What we don't need is Too Much Information. There really is no need for a unit on Orangeness in the Mitchell public schools -- let's focus on math and English composition and American history and leave Orangism to be discovered later. But Mitchell enjoys you, Mademoiselle L'Orange. It admires your spunk, your gumption, your sense of hilarity, the way you swan around us plain Midwesterners and throw your head back and laugh. You are right not to assume our disapproval. Too many Orangists do this. They tend to gravitate toward the coasts, which is perfectly understandable, but you shouldn't assume the hostility of the Great In-Between. Don't alienate people who aren't necessarily your enemy. The red/blue business is 78 percent B.S. There's a lot of purple going around, and mauve and magenta. Red or blue, we know that life can be unfair, and hard work is not necessarily rewarded. The world can be merciless. Time marches on. The precipice lies ahead. This is not a Democratic or Republican point of view -- it's common knowledge. And knowing that, we love being around you, vegan L.A. lady at the Mitchell barbecue with your orange hair and 6-inch heels. I'm wearing a navy blue suit and white shirt and thank you for not drawing hard and fast conclusions about my politics and taste in companions. All of us here wish you well and want you to be happy, Miss Orange. And take my word for it, this is terrific barbecue, vinegary and savory and chewy and memorable and altogether worth the loss of life. Thank you, pig. (C) 2005 BY GARRISON KEILLOR. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. DISTRIBUTED BY TRIBUNE MEDIA SERVICES, INC. A Modest Proposal by Jerry Hinkle Holabird Advocate Publisher As most things go, I'm pretty hip. I know that things aren't like they used to be back when I was a kid 20 years ago. Look at the South Dakota State Fair. My parents used to drop my brothers and me off at the carnival and turn us loose. That doesn't happen anymore. I used to laugh when I'd hear the loudspeaker at the fair call somebody to the police barracks at the west end of the Grandstand. But now, children being separated from parents is no longer funny. It's a dangerous world out there. Even in South Dakota. I have an idea how we can make the world just a tad safer. How about, when that Snoop Dogg fella comes on TV, we get an English translation of what the heck he's trying to say. Subtitles are nothing new to TV, and definitely needed here. I feel so sorry for Lee Iacocca on the Chrysler ads. I hope he's getting paid well. If I had to be on national TV with I guy who says something like, "I got the nephew hook-up.", I'd be worried about Justin and Cade. No, this won't make it safe for parents to use the carnival for a babysitter. But it's a step in the right direction. If the kids actually start talking like Mr. Dogg, then we really are in for it. On the bright side, that Eminem guy is out of commission for a while. Friday, August 26, 2005 VOL. IV Issue 8S EAFB Not Dead Yet BRAC has voted 8-1 to keep South Dakota's Ellsworth Air Force Base open. The Pentagon had recommended in May that the base be closed. South Dakota's congressional delegation, Governor, and others from the state lobbied hard to get BRAC to reverse the Defense Department's recommendation. Officials had estimated closing EAFB would cost the Rapid City area 6800 jobs. The base is the state's second-largest employer. EAFB is home to part of the nation's B-1 bomber fleet. The Air Force had proposed putting all the B-1 bombers at Dyess Air Force Base in Texas. No one person wants to take credit for this turn of events. Everyone concerned is calling it a "team effort". All of us here at the Holabird Advocate think that is because they don't want to be blamed if it all goes wrong. Still, it's nice to see what a little bipartisan effort can do. Of course, there are still a few channels to go through officially, but everyone is being cautiously optimistic about the future of EAFB. Holabird Advocate "Must Read" Usually, if there is something that all of us here at the Holabird Advocate feel that you "Must Read" we publish it ourselves. This time, we gotta give it up to our Publisher's publishing role model, Bernie Hunhoff. So go out and buy a copy of the September-October South Dakota Magazine, if you don't already have one. Then go right to page 87. At the lower right hand corner, you will find the poem, "Momentum" by Bruce Roseland of Seneca. Like most modern poems, there is little if any rhyming, but the poem tells a story that is true to life, and it also has a good message at the end. If you can't get South Dakota Magazine at your local newsstand, complain. Of course, if you subscribe, you won't ever have to deal with ignorant newsstand owners again. And at $19/year, what could be more affordable. My "Journey of 1000 Miles" by Jerry Hinkle Holabird Advocate Publisher I have walked a little more than 8 miles this week. I must say that there have been many good points about my walking time. I was taken by surprise when I felt the call to be my mother's walking "buddy", but it has been a real blessing. While walking down the road, I notice things that I never did before. Rabbits hopping in the pasture. Pheasants grousing by the fence line. The rooster pheasants are just getting their colored feathers. I also notice that there are a lot of grasshoppers along the road too. I could do without that, but that's how it is. I was afraid that I might slow my mother down when I started, I'm sure she did too. She was always asking if I had enough and wanted to go back. I have been taking it slow, but there's no hurry I guess. I'm walking, not jogging. Yesterday we started walking a little further. The extra distance is uphill. It was hard, and I felt the devil himself egg me on to give up, yet I went the distance. Whenever I feel like I should give up, I look at the washboard pattern on the gravel road, and that reminds me of what, and who, I'm walking for. The trip away isn't so bad, but the sun beating down on face during the return trip is another trial of the trail. I haven't had any aches or pain from walking either. I wonder if I'm doing it right. Oh well, just 992 miles to go. Thursday, August 25, 2005 VOL. IV Issue 8R Airport in Holabird? When Hinkles dream, they dream big. Darrel Hinkle has been dreaming out loud lately about building an airport in Holabird. Darrel's brother, Jerry Hinkle, became interested when he said that all it would take is regular flights to a foreign country to make it an international airport. Anyone up to visiting Canada? It could be a possibility once Holabird International Airport gets off the ground. That won't be for a while yet, if at all. Kassidee Kennedy: Woman on a Mission Mavis Kennedy proudly reports that her granddaughter, Kassidee Kennedy is safe and sound in Europe. Her teaching assignments in Prague, Czech Republic start next Monday. When she and the others on her team drew lots to see who got which bedroom, she drew the master suite. God has indeed been with her. She needs Him too, because while she was training she sprained her ankle. It's still pretty swollen up. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate are hoping and praying for the best for Kassidee during her year long mission. Oh Yeah! We almost forgot to say that the Czech check is in the mail. Doctor Delay for E.E. Hinkle Harold Hinkle thought that the doctor appointment for his father, E.E. Hinkle, was on Friday. He later discovered that it turns out to be next Tuesday. Jerry Hinkle isn't all that concerned, however, because the 103 year old sure doesn't act sick. He eats pudding as fast as Jerry can make it. Mary Hinkle took his pulse this morning, and it was 48, so there could be something fishy there. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate hope it's just a low battery on the blood pressure gauge. Another Byte Of Reality by Buster Brock Holabird Advocate Managing Editor Perhaps I was too hasty to dismiss the show "Survivor". It could be that the twists they describe will be shocking. So here is what it's gonna take to shock me. #1. No babes in bikinis #2. Jeff Probst throws himself down a volcano. If either of these two things happen, that would be a shocking twist. Maybe Pat "The Smiling Zealot" Robertson will assassinate the winner. Again, that would shock me. If I see nothing shocking, well lets say I'll make a date to see Joey's sister on NBC. Wednesday, August 24, 2005 VOL. IV Issue 8Q Ellen Degeneres Coming to Holabird Talk Show Host and alleged comic Ellen Degeneres will start her 3rd season overall, but it will be her 1st in Holabird. Only those Holabird residents rich enough to have a dish have seen her before September. "The Ellen Degeneres Show" comes to Holabird the day after Labor Day at 3 pm, on Channel 4, opposite "Dr. Phil", on Keloland. This could be a real clash of the Titans. Dr Phil has dispatched such worthy competition as Jane Pauley, The People's Court, and reruns of Cheers. If Ellen hopes to unseat Dr. Phil, she has her work cut out for her. E.E. Hinkle watches Dr. Phil whenever he's awake, just to see "If that pretty redhead (Dr. Phil's wife, Robin) still leaves with him". Is that what keeps the 103 year old E.E. going? Maybe Ellen has a prettier redhead on her show. First Day of School For Hyde County Classes began this morning for the Hyde County School District. Because it's the first day, classes ended at 2:30 this afternoon. Among the students eager to start the new year off right is 3rd grader, Brittany Hinkle. It doesn't seem possible that the little girl who, not that long ago, used to play "kindergarten Here I Come" on the computer is in the 3rd grade, but she is. Brit seems ready for 3rd grade too. All of us at the Holabird Advocate hope that Mrs. Domke was ready for her. We bet that she is. SD Watch Links Holabird Advocate It appears that having friends in high places may start to pay off for us. The Holabird Advocate Circulation Department reports that they discovered a link originating from SD Watch earlier today. Obviously their good taste is because of SDBWM's influence. He even made this weeks poll a "Must Read". Too bad more Readers haven't made it a "Must Vote". Anyhow a big, and possibly belated, thank you to SDBWM for doing his part to bring the rest of the world to Holabird, and vice versa! Reality Bytes by Buster Brock Managing Editor Holabird Advocate Well, "Survivor" will be back on September 15. They are going to Guatemala for this adventure, and promising, not one, but two big twists in the game this time around. According to the promo, if they tell us what they are, we will have to be sacrificed to the Mayan gods. Well, we can't have that now. Can we? Perhaps this adventure is too much for you and me. Oh well, I guess there's always "Joey" on Thursday night. So long "Survivor!" It was real, or was it. Monday, August 22, 2005 VOL. IV Issue 8P Axtmann Featured in "Eye on Keloland" Former Hyde County States Attorney David Axtmann was featured on KELO's "Eye on Keloland" Last night during the 10 pm newscast. Mr. Axtmann has retired from the legal profession to be a mouthpiece for God as a Priest. He has a really inspiring story. After losing his wife and one of his children to death in the past 10 years, he decided to join the priesthood. His decision came at a time when being a Catholic Priest was not treated as a noble profession. All of us at the Holabird Advocate believe that the parish that is eventually served by Mr. Axtmann will be truly blessed by the Heavenly Father. May God continue to be with you, Mr. Axtmann. Wonderfully great things are ahead for you! Camping Trip Short but Sweet Even though they had fun, Harold and Mary Hinkle came home early from their camping trip with the grandchildren. Kristi Hinkle had to take Brittany and Shelby Hinkle to Sioux Falls on Sunday afternoon to keep a doctors appointment on Monday. Among the highlights of the trip was getting cousins Justin and Cade Hinkle to share their toys. Mary bought a set of lifting weights for Harold to trip over at one of the many rummage sales they went to as well. Hinkles Get on the Road Mary Hinkle finally got her oldest son, Holabird Advocate Publisher, Jerry Hinkle to join her in walking on Sunday night. All it took was a little sweet talk, and a word or two from God. After he walked a half mile, she told him he could go turn around and go back anytime. Jerry stuck with it though and they both walked about two miles. One mile away, and one mile back. Mary thought, since Jerry was not used to long distance walking that his feet, legs, or at least his knees would be hurting. The only part of him that hurt was his right shoulder, because of his walking stick. It's been said that a journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step. Jerry is 2 miles closer than he was before. Where he's headed, only the Heavenly Father can say. But if getting there is half the fun, he's ready for the fun to start. Haiwick News Glen Mitchell's Burial is set for 11 am on Saturday, August 27 according to Judy Haiwick, who called Shirley Mitchell to find out for sure. Judy and her nephew, Jim Myrvold, have their tickets and are ready to go. In Haiwick news outside of South Dakota, Larry and Phyllis Ehlers got home from Orlando Florida with their children and grandchildren. No word on if they went to Disney World, but they were just glad to get home before the airline mechanics strike. Memo to Diddy: Get Over Yourself by Jerry Hinkle, Holabird Advocate Publisher Mr. Diddy, I really don't know you all that well. I guess your supposed to be some famous singer or something, yet I never hear you on the radio. What's up with that? When Bill Maher was the host on "Politically Incorrect" he had a bit called the "Prince Rogers Nelson Get Over Yourself Award". You Mr. Diddy indeed deserve to have this award. How many times have you changed your name? Have you no respect for the name your mama gave you? And these names! I mean Really Mr. Diddy! Puffy? Puff Daddy? Then that P. Diddy crap? Now you have shorten your name to just "Diddy". Are you sure that's the name you want? Perhaps you can figure out what you want to be called in a couple years, and change your name to that. Well, good luck with the new name. Don't waste too much money putting it on your underwear now! In conclusion, let me just say "Good night sweet Prince!" Saturday, August 20, 2005 VOL. IV Issue 8O Gas Prices on the Rise Janis Joplin once asked for a Mercedes Benz. Here we are, 35 years later, and some of us wonder if she'd be praying for the Lord to buy her a full tank of gas to go with it. With gasoline edging ever closer to the $3/gallon mark in some places, a lot of folks are getting tense. Harold Hinkle siphoned 80 gallons of gas out of his motorhome, which not only lowered it's value by half, but ruined a pretty good selling point besides. Jerry Hinkle doesn't even drive anymore unless he absolutely has to. He picked as good time to take up walking, too. Ethanol is nearly as expensive. One point in it's favor is that we don't have to send troops overseas to defend it's supply. There may be other advantages, too. We ask ourselves, "When will it end?". The answer is, "Not soon enough!". Reality Bytes Again by Buster Brock Managing Editor Holabird Advocate Well, America! Get your Dancing Shoes on! ABC is bringing back "Dancing with the Stars". This is for two nights only (we can hope). Seems that some were upset when scantily clad, but gorgeous soap actress, Kelly Monaco won the original competition. She and John O' Hurley will be doing a dancing "Do Over". This time it's "For Real". Will the Dancing Queen's crown slip from her head? Can the poor man's Bill Cullen take the throne. Well, we'll have to watch an see. When I saw the final dance-off, I must say that I was underwhelmed by Ms. Monaco's dancing. It was good, but lacked a certain something. The word clothing comes to mind. She sure gets points for originality. The same judges will be present, but will not vote. Only the audience will chime in. Let's hope that no matter who wins that this pair of shows resolve the matter and we can all go on to worrying about more important matters like the price of gas, the anthrax epidemic, and the most delicious animal in the world. Hip As The Wanna Be by Amber Ray, NY Metro "I don't think I could be hip if I tried," the Ditty Bops' Abby DeWald says. Still, the eclectic cabaret-style music created by the soft-spoken guitarist/vocalist and band mate Amanda Barrett (vocals, mandolin and dulcimer) draws scenesters out of the retro rock garage for their down home fusion of ragtime, hot jazz and Western swing. Like fellow purveyors of our nation's lost sounds of the last century, namely the faddy Sufjan Stevens, Dresden Dolls, Joanna Newsom and Devendra Banhart, the Ditty Bops may have inadvertently involved themselves in a bizarre genre of seemingly genre-less music."That's not what we set out to do, we weren't trying to come up with something indescribable," DeWald says when presented with that label-defying concept. "We set out to play what we were writing."In that venture the Los Angeles-based duo has proved immensely successful. After only eight performances the band was signed to Warner Bros., with a debut album released last October. In the year since that freshman outing, DeWald and Barrett have continued to write songs prolifically while taking their theatrical live show on the road."We like to constantly play fresh material, DeWald says. "I've been told we have something like 30-35 songs that we perform live that aren't on the record. Fans actually have an archive site where they put up our live performances because it's been so long since we've recorded."If DeWald has her way, work on documenting those songs for a follow-up release will begin shortly after the duo returns home from touring. The two also hope to expand their sideshow of a stage-act. "We have a friend who is a puppeteer, but we can't take her on the road," DeWald explains. "I'm hoping she'll work with us in L.A." How enigmatically hip. South Dakota Songbook "Mercedes Benz" By Janis Joplin Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz ? My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends. Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends, So Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz ? Oh Lord, won't you buy me a color TV ? Dialing For Dollars is trying to find me. I wait for delivery each day until three, So oh Lord, won't you buy me a color TV ? Oh Lord, won't you buy me a night on the town ? I'm counting on you, Lord, please don't let me down. Prove that you love me and buy the next round, Oh Lord, won't you buy me a night on the town ? Everybody!Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz ? My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends, Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends, So oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz ?That's it! Friday, August 19, 2005 VOL. IV Issue 8N Jerry Hinkle Forms New Company With Audio Blogging here, and Vlogging on it's way, Holabird Advocate Publisher, Jerry Hinkle, has decided to expand the scope of his operation. He created a networking corporation called Universal Blogcasting Services, or UBS for short. The company name came from Jerry's father, Harold Hinkle. Jerry asked him what kind of name would best describe what Jerry was all about. Almost at once Harold shouted, "UBS!!!", and the rest is, or at least soon will be, history. UBS will operate all of Jerry's web projects separately and independently from each other. Hinkles Try Out New Camper Harold and Mary Hinkle decided to see how the other half lives now that they have a fancy new fifth wheel camper. This being the last weekend before school starts, they thought that they'd better gather up as many grandchildren as they could to join them. Jerry and E.E. Hinkle stayed behind at the Ponderosa. Jerry wanted to make sure that the cattle stayed anthrax free. E.E. Just wants to eat, sleep and be left alone. Harold and Mary should be back home sometime Sunday evening. Haiwick News Word From Judy Haiwick is that she and nephew Jim Myrvold will fly up from Tucson to meet and pick up a rental car in Pierre on Thursday. While in South Dakota, they plan to spend some time in Gettysburg, as her grandfather, Ed Morrill, had the livery stable there in 1910, and Judy's mother Della Haiwick and her sisters had charming stories about their childhood. They will also plan to look in on Ing and Della Haiwick's grave at Pleasant View Cemetery. They hope to join the burial of Glen Mitchell on Saturday, August 27. The exact time of burial has not been revealed yet. Is Kirsten Dunst Expecting? by Ethan Aniston, Holabird Advocate Entertainment Editor Kirsten "$6 Burger" Dunst has sparked speculation she may be pregnant. She was photographed with her on-off beau Jake Gyllenhaal looking at prenatal vitamins. The twenty three year old beauty was seen studying a box of New Chapter Organics Perfect Prenatal dietary supplements at Hollywood's Whole Foods market last Saturday. And Gyllenhaal contributed to the effort by grilling an employee for more information about the product. According to New Chapter, the vitamins promote physical stamina and emotional well-being while nurturing mother and baby. How far down the "Top Ten" list will she fall if this is true? Wednesday, August 17, 2005 VOL. IV Issue 8M Jerry Hinkle Gets Exercise Buddy Holabird Advocate Publisher, Jerry Hinkle needs an exercise buddy. He wants Ms. Amanda to be his exercise buddy, but in the words of The Rolling Stones, "You can't always get what you want". Jerry will get what he needs, but not in a way he would have chosen. It appears that God has told Jerry that he should go out walking with his mother, Mary Hinkle. He put up a fight, but it was useless. The way God sees it, if Jerry can keep up with is mother, perhaps he can move on to Ms. Amanda. Jerry's Heavenly Father even arranged for his Earthly father, Harold Hinkle to pick up a walking stick for him at Dakotafest, courtesy of the Fellowship of Christian Farmers International. Looks like it could be time for Jerry to get off the couch and on the road. Fire at Modern Cleaners by Jeri Thomas, News Editor, Dakota Radio Group A fire in a dryer at Modern Cleaners at 215 East Prospect left damage at the business. Pierre Fire Department First Assistant Chief Doug Hinkle says the blaze was reported around 2:30 p.m on Tuesday afternoon when a gas dryer in the building caught fire. He says the dryer was filled with clothes and as the clothes burned, they caused a lot of smoke in the structure. Hinkle says employees and patrons were in the store at the time the fire broke out, but says everyone evacuated safely. He says prior to the department's arrival at the fire, employees had worked with extinguishers to put out the blaze as best as they could. Most of the smoke came from the rear and east side of the business, as the fire burned. Hinkle says it's not certain what caused the dryer to malfunction. He says the dryer and the clothes inside sustained fire and smoke damage and the structure itself was mostly left with smoke damage. New Questions in the Vote Caster Two questions have been retired and two new questions take their place. The first question is "Who is your favorite Beatle?". Of course, one has to be of a certain age to appreciate Beatles music. Yet, our Publisher likes the early Beatles stuff. He believes the band "Jumped the Shark" when Paul died. The band was never the same and it showed. Speaking of shark jumping, the second question is, "Has the Holabird Advocate jumped the shark?". All of us here at the Holabird Advocate look forward to those responses to flood right in to the Holabird Advocate Vote Caster. The link is at the bottom of The Front Page. Tuesday, August 16, 2005 VOL. IV Issue 8L E.E. Hinkle Fools Doctors Once again, 103 year old E.E. Hinkle has passed all of his medical tests with flying colors. Doc Paul's son Doctor Robert Hohm gave the old boy a right going over because the phone test on E.E's pacemaker showed something wrong. He ended up putting Holabird's oldest citizen on a monitor for 24 hours. After the 24 hours are up, the Hinkle's will send the monitor back and he'll go back to the doctor in 10 days. Being healthy may be expensive for E.E., after all how many visits where nothing is wrong does it take to convince a doctor that there's nothing wrong. Dr. Robert must need the money. Hinkle's to Take in Dakotafest Despite gas prices racing up to $2.70/gallon, Harold and Darrel Hinkle are planning on going to Mitchell for Dakotafest. None of us here at the Holabird Advocate have ever been, but there's no way it could be as good as the South Dakota State Fair in Huron. Holabird Advocate Publisher, Jerry Hinkle, couldn't go if he wanted to anyway because he is going to be busy tomorrow with monitoring his grandfather, E.E. Hinkle, and helping his mother, Mary Hinkle, while she's on Brat Patrol. Kristi Hinkle has EMT duty, and so Mary and Jerry will be watching Brittany, Shelby, and Justin Hinkle. That'll be more fun than Dakotafest anyway. At least the Ponderosa has air conditioning inside. Temps are expected to reach 94 degrees tomorrow. Ice cream and Pop-ice weather! The Ditty Bops Welcome Newest Fan The Ditty Bops Website has 169 registered fans. One of the newest is a young lady from New York named Anna. Her amazing story is reprinted here in most of her own words: I'm not what you'd call a religious person by any means, but I may have just had a little taste of what could be called karma, fate, or luck. So, here's me earlier today, " I'd love to go see the DBs, but I can't make it to a show, etc"... Then, after I got off work, I went to meet up with my friend for dinner, because I bought her a copy of the DB CD and wanted to give it to her. So, my friend and I are walking from the subway to the restaurant, and I'm all "They're so great you're gonna love them" and she points up to the next corner and is like "oh, look at the girl with pink hair, remember when I had hair like that?" So, I look, and guess who it is? Yep. Both of 'em, just standing on the corner, hanging out. I don't know what the odds of that happening are, but they've got to be comparable to being struck by lightning. For a minute, I honestly thought I'd lost it and was hallucinating or dreaming (especially since I had it in my head that they wouldn't even be in the NY area until next week).I usually refuse to approach celebrities of any level of fame, especially ones I'm particularly fond of (I don't know, just something about respecting their personal space), but I figured I'd hate myself if I didn't say something (what with fate and fortune practically dropping them in my lap), so I got it together enough to say hi and gush a few words of praise before leaving them to their evening. Well, that was a pretty fantastic (albeit brief) event for me. Monday, August 15, 2005 VOL. IV Issue 8K E.E. Hinkle Does Good For a Sick Man He has an appointment for tomorrow to see the doctor, but the Hinkle family isn't too worried. There may be something wrong with E.E. Hinkle's pacemaker, but his stomach works fine. E.E. Has developed quite an appetite for a 103 year old man. He wanted pizza for dinner on Saturday, and got it by golly. Jerry Hinkle usually has to clean up his grandfather's leftovers. This time there were no leftovers to clean up. E.E. Has become partial to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches without the peanut butter too. The good book says "Man can not live by bread alone", but he used try it pudding. Now he'll eat whatever is in the fridge. E.E. walks about a quarter mile every day too. Sometimes he walks at night too. He never goes anywhere, but he's moving right along. The old boy may outlive us all yet. The doctors appointment hasn't phased him either. Instead of stewing about what may be wrong with his pacemaker, he is more concerned with getting a haircut and his fingernails trimmed. Harold Hinkle Has New Toy We didn't want to say anything before, in case he didn't see it through, but Harold Hinkle has done moved uptown. The latest thing, it seems are these 5th wheel camping trailers with a slider. Harold got a 26 foot Dutchman. We never asked, and he never told the price tag. As long as he pays the bill, it's gonna stay that way. No word on what's to become of his other camper, and his RV. One thing's for sure, there's plenty of room to sleep at the Ponderosa now. The new camper is a sharp looking unit. It has an upstairs bedroom, an impressive sound system, central air, and a microwave oven. WOW! Haiwick News Glenn "Mitch" Mitchell died earlier this year after dealing with Alzheimers Disease for a few years. He will be buried in Miller, S.D. on August 27. His only living aunt, Agnes Hahn is having a gathering for all of the Haiwick cousins who come to the funeral from 2-5 pm that afternoon at the Come Hahn Inn. Lucille Myers and Minnie Haiwick have both volunteered to make cookies for the get together. A Google Ad We'd Like to See Mt. Carmel, Utah is the place to go because Zion Ponderosa is your destination for excitement and luxury living. We are located where Zion National Park touches the sky, on the East Rim of Zion National Park, in Southern Utah. Our "all inclusive" recreational package includes ATV Tours, horseback riding, zip line, climbing walls, paintball games and much more. All for one affordable price. That's the Zion Ponderosa Ranch near Mt. Carmel, Utah! Saturday, August 13, 2005  VOL. IV Issue 8J Jazzercise With "Sister Kate" The Ditty Bops are proud to announce that "Sister Kate" one of the songs off their debut CD was just to the national Jazzercise Program. Finally, an exercise routine that Holabird Advocate Publisher, Jerry Hinkle can endorse. "Keloland says that you need a buddy to exercise with!," Jerry was heard to say. "And if Ms. Amanda was my buddy, I think I could do it." When asked if he thought he could keep up with Ms. Amanda, who is pictured left admiring a photo of herself as a brunette, Jerry said, "I'll die trying!" Of course that is what we were afraid of. Still, it is nice to see Jerry interested in getting healthier. Perhaps a nice beginners jazzercise class would fit the bill. Anyone in the Holabird area that knows of one might want to let us know. Who's the Caretaker Here? Last night, it was raining pretty hard and fast. Mary Hinkle thought she'd better call her son, Jerry Hinkle, at the Ponderosa Pines Old Age Assistance Home, and have him shut all the windows so it didn't get too wet. She figured it would ring twice before he'd answer, but it kept on ringing. It wasn't until E.E. Hinkle got out of bed and answered the phone that she got through. After relaying to him the message, he yelled out, "JERRY, SHE SAID TO CLOSE ALL THE WINDOWS!" That woke him up, just like it was the good old days again. After he closed all the windows, it stopped raining. Turned out they only got .12 of an inch of rain at the Ponderosa anyway. Jerry made up for his "sleeping on the job" by making E.E. "The best breakfast I had all day!" Well, you can't expect E.E. to do everything around there now, can you? Nemecs Back From Vacation Nick, Mary Jo and Brigette Nemec went on a little adventure to Colorado. They had lots of fun from the sound of things. They even took a white water raft trip. Mary Jo reports that they managed to stay in the boat. All of us at the Holabird Advocate think that raft trip was Brigette's idea. We can see her trying that, but not her parents. Sounds like they all enjoyed it though. Anna and Erin Nemec stayed behind to take care of things at the Nemec Ranch. They must have done a super job. No complaints so far. If they had any trouble, they never called the Ponderosa for help. Maybe they did, but Jerry was asleep or something. Welcome back Home! Veronica Mars Report by Jerry Hinkle Holabird Advocate Publisher Well, CBS had four episodes of Veronica Mars on Friday night. I heard all 4, but only saw 2 (the TV picture wasn't to good the first week). One thing is for sure, I am not the target audience for this show. But, since Kristen Bell, who plays the title role, was born on July 18, I wanted to see what it was all about. The show was hard to follow even with the picture. One thing is for sure, the Veronica character is unlike anything I've ever seen. The language was hard to take, given it was on at 7 pm on a Friday, but nothing I haven't heard from own my teen-age nieces. Bell, at 25 is older than the character she portrays, yet she conveys a teen angst that even I remember well from my own growing up. Of course, I didn't have 10% of the trouble Veronica has. As for whether or not she's a good role model for today's teen girl, parents will have to decide that for themselves. Veronica is not perfect, but then none of us are. In the future, I may watch it if KELO runs it again, but I wouldn't get a dish to see it regularly. It was an interesting way to kill an hour. Friday, August 12, 2005    Well, it took 4 tries, but I think I got this down pat. The photo to the upper left is a shot of Ms. Amanda, my dream girl, dressed in costume for The Ditty Bops show with the theme of "Bikes", as in Motor Bikes. This is her idea of a biker chic, I guess. (photo courtesy of my good pal Oddjob, Thanks, Oddjob) Pretty good picture in my opinion. To the lower right is a photo that the Ditty Bops graciously allowed to appear in with me. It was taken at the Corn Palace in Mitchell, South Dakota after the Prairie Home Companion radio show. I'm the guy in the middle. I call this shot "Beauties and the Beast". I played the Beast, of course. The Ditty Bops, who played the Beauties, are on either side of me. That's Ms. Abby on the left, Ms. Amanda on the right. (Photo courtesy of Phyllis Ehlers, Thanks, Aunt Phyllis) I hope to meet The Ditty Bops again sometime. It could happen, I pray a lot. VOL. IV Issue 8I Barbara Bel Geddes Dead at 82 After a 15 year battle with lung cancer, actress Barbara Bel Geddes passed away on Monday. The actress, who played Eleanor Southworth Ewing Farlow or "Miss Ellie" on the TV show "Dallas" for 12 years was 82. Although she gained some fame late in her career for her work on "Dallas", she also acted on the Broadway stage in "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof" playing "Maggie the Cat". Bel Geddes had an interesting turn on an episode of "Alfred Hitchcock Presents" playing a woman who kills her husband with a lamb shank, cooks the evidence, then offers some of it to the officers who are investigating the death. Anyone with this episode on DVD or video is asked to get in touch with our Publisher by G-mail ASAP. After being put on the Hollywood Blacklist, work was hard to come by for her until "Dallas" came along. Barbara was so popular as Miss Ellie that when she tried to retire, the role was recast with America's favorite mother, Donna Reed, the public tuned out in droves. A very expensive lesson for the producers. As a joke, she dressed up a bag lady for a scene involving the character of "Sue Ellen" as a skid row drunk. Sharp eyed viewers can see her as the one who hands Sue Ellen the bottle in that scene. Bel Geddes retired from "Dallas" and from acting in 1990 to battle Lung cancer. She lived as a recluse since then. Her "TV son" Larry Hagman said of her, "Barbara Bel Geddes was the glue that held 'Dallas' together. Not a bad legacy at that. E. E. Hinkle Has Pacemaker Glitch Yesterday, E.E. Hinkle had a pacemaker check up. Something was discovered that needs medical attention. It is not an emergency, since they say that this is able to wait until next week. Still, they also say that he needs an appointment. It may be nothing, but even at it's worst, one can not deny that E.E. has lived a good strong life. At 103, he's lived a good long life too. All of us at the Holabird Advocate are hoping and praying for the best. Another 59 hits day For Holabird Advocate With 59 hits on both Wednesday and Thursday, The Holabird Advocate is having a pretty good spike in readership. To celebrate, we are going to put together a "Jerry Hinkle Program" with music from "The Ditty Bops" later on today. That way you Readers can have something pleasant to listen to as you read. It's hard to do better than that. Thursday, August 11, 2005 VOL. IV Issue 8H New Record For Holabird Advocate The Holabird Advocate Circulation Department has reported that yesterday we set a new record of 59 hits. This surpasses the earlier record of 51 hits that was set last month. Of course, it's not the quantity of Readers that we care about, but the quality. We'd like to think that our Readers are the best. They must be if they read us. Holabird Advocate Brings Family Together Our Publisher received a G-mail from his distant cousin, Judy Haiwick from California. As it happens she is an industrial engineer at Northrop Grumman. She checks the Holabird Advocate every morning while she is waiting for her charts to come up. It's a nice way to start the day, For her anyway. Her only complaint that she had for our Publisher is that there is not enough Haiwick news. Jerry Hinkle countered that there aren't enough Haiwicks. To remedy the lack of news, she told him that her sister, Ruth Myrvold, has a granddaughter, Bethanie. It seems that she and her family are leaving for Stavanger, Norway this month, where Bethanie's husband will teach music at the International School on a two-year contract. Stavanger, of course, is the port from which both Bethanie's great-great grandparents Knute and Gunda Haiwick immigrated. They'll have 2 years to figure out why Knute and Gunda left for America. Maybe things have improved since 1889. Closer to Holabird, it has come to our attention that Gary Haiwick's grandkids really did the family proud at the Hyde County 4-H Achievement Days. LaKessiah Rodman took the Reserve Champion Senior Sheep Showmanship award. Nicholas Haiwick won in the Junior division. Nathan Haiwick did so in the Beginners division. One can only imagine how Proud Grandpa Gary is of his progeny, and rightly so. Are We in the Middle Ages? by Jerry Hinkle, Publisher Holabird Advocate It was the great comedian, W.C. Fields, who in his famous "Temperance Lecture" once said something of the following: "Throughout the Middle Ages, the use of liquor was universal! Drunkeness was so common, that it was unnoticed!". He closed that routine with, "Don't say you can't stop drinking! It's easy! I've done it 1000 times" This statement may seem funny to some, but I don't find it so funny anymore. A man that I know told me that he took his daughter to the Keystone Center in Canton. It's a famous place. Many folks from here used to refer to going to that facility as "taking the cure". I hope for this man's daughter, that it takes. He also told me something that surprised me. All of the people who know about his situation tell him of a relative of theirs going through that same problem. Is the use of liquor really that big of a problem? Is there a family that is not effected by demon drink? I'd be hard pressed to answer anything but "YES" to the first question, and "NO" to the second. Indeed even in my own family, I know damage that has been done. I don't find this problem the least bit funny. If any of you Readers have a family member with this problem, pray for them. They need it. Do whatever you can do to help them stay in control of their sickness. It will help if they wish to be free of it, so start there. Once you'd done all you can do, leave it up to God. I wish I had an easy answer, but I don't. You find someone who does, and I'll give them all the blog space they can handle. Until then, just keep the faith. It may take awhile, but I believe it can happen. If your loved one wants it good enough, it will happen too. Wednesday, August 10, 2005 VOL. IV Issue 8G Two New Interesting Readers For Holabird Advocate There are two distinct groups of people who have discovered the Holabird Advocate. The first is the defense contractor Northrup-Grumann. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate hope that we give them enough inspiration to keep on doing it for America. The other group is the environmentaldefense.org group. We may have to check those guys out a little closer. We may add them to our free links page. Like every small town, we have to check out the new neighbor before you invite them in the house. Memo to ABC: OK, He's Dead, Move On! by Buster Brock , Holabird Advocate Managing Editor Peter Jennings death was reported Sunday night. It has been reported over and over again since then. ABC, I'm sure that everyone who wants to know has already found out. Can you tone it down a bit? I mean really! Isn't this kinda overkill? I mean no disrespect to the man. I'm sure he lives up to the send off you have given him. Still, there are other issues that need to be given time on the news. This is just what you did to John Ritter. Did we need to be constantly reminded of his death? NO! We knew he was dead, and didn't need your constant reminders that he was no longer with us. It's the same here. Both Jennings and Ritter left us much too soon. In that great tradition of leaving the people wanting more, he was a success. But he have departed from the world. Jennings needs to be left alone to rest in peace, and so do we. A Few Words in Defense of PBS by Jerry Hinkle, Publisher Holabird Advocate It's that time once again. SDPTV is doing their fundraising bit. I love this time of year, all those pledge specials. Music, Red Green, and begging for pledges! I don't know why I enjoy it so, but I do. There's just something about limousine liberals getting all dressed up to beg for money that I just dig the most. I used to be bothered by the fact that PBS gets a government subsidy. But, then I realized that the farmers get a subsidy from the government for the same reason that PBS does. If the American people had to pay the farmers what it cost to grow their food, only those rich enough to get tax cuts would be able to afford it. That's how it is with PBS. Here in South Dakota it costs $35/year for a basic membership. For just $35, I can watch Red Green, Hyacinth Bucket, Motorweek, Wake up Calgary, and Mr. Rogers. That's only $7/show. It only costs $7 to keep Mr. Rogers alive on SDPTV. How sweet is it that Mr. Rogers gets paid after his death? Nice work if you can get it, eh! Now if I had to pay what it really costs to crank out those shows, that would pretty much break me, as it would a lot of other folks, I reckon. So, if you like PBS, make a pledge! Some folks don't do that you know. Last I heard, only 1 out of 7 people that watch PBS make a pledge to support the programs. But it's only $35/year. If your like me, and have those 5 shows that you like, that's only $7/show. Maybe some of you out there have more than 5 PBS shows that you like. Then it's cheaper yet. So what are you waiting for? Make a pledge, already! Give until it feels good, Ya'll ! Holabird Advocate Crosses Line Publisher Offers Apology by Jerry Hinkle As one can imagine, the blogger known as Erin took exception to the remarks made here yesterday concerning her appearance on Keloland. More to the point, the remarks of how she appeared. She was a little bit upset about it in the same way I'm a little overweight. My Grandma Bergit told me that I should never ask a woman about her age or her weight. I am still learning that lesson, albeit the hard way. I let my Erin down, I let my grandma down, and I also let you the Reader down. And for that, I need to apologize. What I should have mentioned, but didn't, was that she was on Keloland not to promote a movie, TV show, or even herself. She was there in a professional capacity giving consumers a voice in the DNA matter. A subject that I know little about, and that she knows plenty about because, as she said, it happened to her. She has even tried to help me understand the mess a little better. She didn't ask for what she got, and for that I am truly sorry. It was never my intention to "Get rid of her" either. I hope that she continues to fight for those who don't have a voice, in Iowa, South Dakota, or wherever she can do the most good. In spite of what she may think, I will keep her in my prayers as she goes about her job. I apologize if I have made her job harder. Reading the Holabird Advocate should be a good experience, I'm sorry that, for her, it was not. She deserves better, and so do all the Reader of our little Newsblog. That is why there are going to be some changes. I will no longer devote so much time to covering the South Dakota blogging community. Clearly, it is turning me into someone I do not wish to be. In conclusion, I want to say that I was out of line, I know that, and I will do better in the future. I had no business trying to make a joke at Erin's expense. For that let me say to Erin, Grandma Bergit, All of the Holabird Advocate Readers, and to the Heavenly Father himself, that am sorry. Tuesday, August 09, 2005 VOL. IV Issue 8F SDBWM Takes Over SD Watch In what has been hailed as a temporary arrangement, the legendary SDBWM has become the editor of SD Watch. The Holabird Advocate uncovered some time ago that something big was up. We didn't say what, but told you, the Reader that it would be major. Now that it has been made public, we can tell you what it is. Erin on TV? Yes Bloggers, Erin took time off from all that blogging and e-mailing that she's so famous for to do her job as a consumer advocate. We caught her being interviewed by Keloland's Jodi Schwan in connection with DNA. We even caught her true name. So what are we bid? Just kidding, Erin. We wouldn't sell you out. Not now anyway. We noticed that she looks different than the picture she sent to have BOJ make up to look like a cheerleader. And she looks quite a bit older too! Must be the stress of her job. She reported to us that BOJ wouldn't publisher her photo until she did something newsworthy. If we were BOJ, we'd wait on that one a bit longer too. She'll get there eventually. Bad News For Fat People The FTC is trying to take the obesity drug CortiSlim off of the market because it is unable to do what it claims. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate are wondering why this is. They should just force the people who sell it to change the name. We're thinking "Politician" would be the perfect choice. W Supports Teaching Intelligent Design President Bush set off a new wave of debate over whether intelligent design should be taught alongside evolution in public schools when he gave his opinion in a roundtable discussion with Texas newspaper reporters Aug. 1. "I think that part of education is to expose people to different schools of thought," he said. "You're asking me whether or not people ought to be exposed to different ideas, the answer is yes." The President also said he believes the matter should be decided by local school boards, not by a federal government mandate, according to The Houston Chronicle. While running for President in 1999, Bush said school children "ought to be exposed to different theories about how the world started." But he has not said publicly which theory he supports. As could be expected, Bush's conservative base welcomed his remarks and used the opportunity to further emphasize their desire for the teaching of intelligent design. Richard Land, President of the Southern Baptist Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission, told The New York Times he was pleased with Bush's stance. "It's what I've been pushing; it's what a lot of us have been pushing," Land said, adding that evolution "is too often taught as fact," and that "if you're going to teach the Darwinian theory as evolution, teach it as theory. And then teach another theory that has the most support among scientists." Monday, August 08, 2005 VOL. IV Issue 8E Anthrax Hits Close to Home There have been confirmed cases of anthrax south of Holabird. Ben Coughlin found a dead deer by the side of the road near his place in Valley Township. The deer was tested for anthrax, and came up positive. There is a vaccine for anthrax, but it is most effective when used in May or June. OOPS! It can be used at any time, but it takes 4-5 weeks before it works. When all else fails, all of us here at the Holabird Advocate recommend prayer. PITA Renamed Once Again The human rights group, People Ingesting Tasty Animals, is changing it's name to People Eating Delicious Animals, or PEDA. It's a good thing they didn't order the t-shirts yet. The reason for the name change is because an English major reported top them that there is no such word as "ingesting". In the interest of good grammar, the name will be changed. Corrections and Apologies It appears that not only did Mary Jo Nemec not get a big job at the Highmore Healthcare Center, but she didn't even apply for the job. No problem. Mary Jo has a job that she loves already working with a medically fragile child in his home. The rewards of which are great. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate are humbled that we let idle gossip pass for hard news. We most profusely apologize to Mary Jo, her current employer, and The Highmore Healthcare Center. Everything has worked out to be as it should, for now. In an unrelated matter, Diane Macek is still cancer free. Nemecs Get Set to Go Away Nick, Mary Jo, Brigette Nemec will be headed to Colorado next week for a little vacation. Ana and Erin Nemec will be at home to keep an eye out for intruders, fire and wayward cows. Hopefully there will not be any beer parties. If there are, perhaps they'd better give the Ponderosa Pines Old Age Assistance Home and Alcohol Rehabilitation Center. After 28 days of changing a 103 year old mans pants, anyone should loose the taste for beer, or any other kind of booze for that matter. Is the Lady of the House Reading After several days, we have noticed that somebody at house.gov is reading the Holabird Advocate on a semi-regular basis. Could it be that we have finally won the attention of Ms. Herseth now that we no longer desire it. Maybe it's just our old friend Russ Levsen making sure we don't hurt the good Representative's reputation (Who, us?). Perhaps it's only some minimum wage flunky getting paid to read our little Newsblog like the FBI agents do. In any case, All of us here at the Holabird Advocate hope that Rep. Herseth would like to be the second person we ask 10 questions of, providing South Dakota War College doesn't get there first. Saturday, August 06, 2005 VOL. IV Issue 8D Prof. Hansen Get's Rollin' On the River Despite the PETA protest, today marks the second day of fishing for Professor Kenneth Hansen of Waldorf College. Yesterday was nothing to write home about, he came up with nothing. Could it be that Iowa canned corn just doesn't make very good bait. Harold and Darrel Hinkle took Ken aboard The Last Chance to see if they could catch a fish. Harold claimed that he caught the limit. Darrel was close-mouthed about his results, but he and Harold both agree that Hansen couldn't even catch a cold yesterday. Larry and Bonnie Nickleson took him out on the water today. Cow Creek was the official destination, but God only knows where they'll end up. The annual fish fry at The Come Hahn Inn is at stake. Will Professor Hansen deliver? Claire Geitzenauer will be so disappointed. Should a trophy fish be caught this weekend, we hope Bonnie Nickleson will be able to send us a picture of 150 KB or less to tell the story. If that works we'll get her to take a picture or two of E.E. Hinkle fully dressed at 103 years old. Good News Comes in Twos So much Good news in Holabird today we don't know where to start. We hear that Mary Jo Nemec got the big job at the Highmore Healthcare Center. Great Job Mary Jo! Congratulations on a job well done. Better news comes from Dianne Macek. For a while there, Dianne thought she may be having a second bout with cancer. It turned out the lumps she found were just fat. This is one occasion where fat is our friend. Still, as anyone who's seen Dianne knows, she only has a half ounce of fat on her whole body. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate rejoice with her at this wonderful news. We'd all rather have a half ounce of fat than a half ounce of cancer anytime. "Flash" Hinkle Takes Purple at Achievement Days Just as her favorite uncle predicted, Brittany "Flash" Hinkle came away with the purple ribbon at the Hyde County 4-H Achievement Days for her exhibit of photography. Because "Flash" is too young, her exhibit is not eligible to go to the State Fair. She'll get 'em all next year. No Word From Sen. Kloucek It appears that, despite what Professor Powers of South Dakota War College says, Senator Frank Kloucek will not support every silly idea that comes to him. He has not replied to PITA's request that Homestake rename themselves Beefstake. There may be hope for him yet. Despite his lack of support for PITA policy, they would gladly support him for Governor in the future, Say 2010. Rounds has 2006 in the bag. The only way he won't get re-elected is the dead girl/live boy scenario that we have all heard before. Thursday, August 04, 2005 VOL. IV Issue 8C PETA Makes Fish Stink in New York Once again showing their ignorance, the animal rights group People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals is calling for the town of Fishkill, NY to change its name. The Poughkeepsie Journal reports that PETA wants the town to be known as FishingHurts.com, which just happens to be the Internet address for a PETA web site dedicated to the group's, "fish empathy project.'' Fishkill officials weren't biting Wednesday. The name Fishkill is actually derived from two Dutch words: Vis, for fish, and Kill, for stream or creek. PETA acknowledges the true meaning of the name, but said most who see Fishkill on a map wouldn't know that. PETA also offered to donate 15-thousand dollars worth of a soy-based, faux-fish product for school students in the town if the name is changed. Also showing their ignorance is the human rights, People Ingesting Tasty Animals. They want the Homestake mine to change it's name to Beefstake because people will think that folks around Lead-Deadwood grill houses to eat them. Some PITA members have even threatened to involve State Senator (and suspected PITA member) Frank Kloucek if their demands are not met. Perhaps Senator Kloucek can at explain to them that Homestake is no longer in business, and hasn't been for a while. Hansen Gets Rollin' On the River Do Over Last year, Professor Ken Hansen begged a few of his friends and relatives to get together for a Rollin' on the River fishing get together. After said begging, he took a teaching job in China and missed the whole thing. This year, he's ready to do it for real, or is that reel. Harold and Darrel Hinkle are so anxious to get him in the water, they are planning to get up at 6 am to take him north of Pierre. Jerry Hinkle hopes they don't get him up for that. Bonnie Nickleson was hoping to get a camping spot next to Lake Oahe. If that is done, Doug Hinkle offered his parents the use of his camper, since Noel Pothast is having a rummage sale that weekend. Anyone in the Pierre area who goes to that sale is asked to check out Kaitlin Pothast's Lemonade stand. She claims she will also sell cookies and hamburgers. Not just any hamburgers, but PITA approved hamburgers. Hooking Update by Ethan Aniston Holabird Advocate Entertainment Editor Well, Amy from South Dakota surprised me tonight. She managed to dump two guys in this week's episode of "Hooking Up". At least she didn't "play doctor" with the doctor. Right in the middle of the 4th episode, she decided to take a break from dating for awhile, then she was gone. If she's not back by next week, I might be gone too. Darrel Hinkle claims that "Hooking Up" is a stupid show, and he's right. Jerry Hinkle told me that his brother didn't exactly quit watching it right away either. Harold Hinkle says one can't always go by Darrel's taste in TV either, as he's been known to watch so real crap in his time as well. Yes, "Hooking Up" is not the best thing on TV, but it knocks the socks of "Pimp my Bike". Tuesday, August 02, 2005 VOL. IV Issue 8B It's Too Darn Hot Let's go Fishing Temps climbed up all the way to 102 degrees in Holabird today. Yesterdays high was 98. Holabird Advocate Meteorologist, Storm Chaser, forecasted a high of 85 for tomorrow. Today we reached 85 at 10 am. The cooler weather makes it ideal for fishing. Sometime this weekend, Harold Hinkle is going to take a fishing party out on The Last Chance. Booking on the boat are easy to come by. If you buy the bait and boat gas, Harold will float you anywhere you want to go. Professor Ken Hansen is planning to come over either tomorrow night or Thursday morning for some hard core fishing. It is rumored that his wife is coming along. She'd better get her fishing license bought. State Bar Gives Janklow Thumbs Up It looks like the South Dakota Bar's Disciplinary Board has recommended that former South Dakota Governor and Representative Bill Janklow should regain his license to practice law next February. That would be about a year before Janklow's probation period ends for convictions for causing a crash that killed a motorcycle rider in August of 2003. His law license was automatically suspended temporarily after Janklow was convicted of second-degree manslaughter for killing 55-year-old Randy Scott of Hardwick, Minnesota. A circuit judge gave Janklow a suspended imposition of sentence, which means the manslaughter conviction will be erased if he complies with all terms of his probation. He also served 100 days in jail. Janklow has been seeking to have his law license re-instated. The Disciplinary Board says Janklow is remorseful for the fatal crash and would not present a danger to clients if he resumed practicing law. The South Dakota Supreme Court will have the final say on when Janklow can regain his law license, but the high court has not yet scheduled a hearing in the case. The five justices have disqualified themselves and appointed five circuit judges to hear the case in their stead. Holabird Needs a Few Good Refugees The Holabird Chamber of Commerce has heard that Sioux Falls is just full to overflowing with refugees from all over the world. Some gal from the Sioux Falls City Council complained that Lutheran Social Services is "Dumping" refugees on them. The Chamber has suggested that LSS start dumping some refugees here in Holabird. There are several empty houses in the Holabird Metropolitan Area. There's a house just a mile from the Ponderosa that some of those poor people may think is a palace. Either that, or they might go back to where they came from. The best part is that cattle and pigs in Holabird don't stink. Well, we haven't seen many pigs around lately, but the cows around here don't stink at all. In fact, they smell like money. Until the government let live cattle from Canada come into our borders, they smelled like pretty good money. They are also quiet. Some ranchers have to check their cattle to make sure they are still home because they are so quiet. Holabird also needs more deaf people. There are quite a few folks in the area who can't hear all that well. More folks like that couldn't hurt a thing. They may be fussy about the condition of some of the empty houses, but you can't always get what you want. Anthrax Update The number of animal anthrax cases in South Dakota is now the highest its been in years. Five new cases of the disease were reported Monday in Potter, Spink, Hughes, Hyde and Sully counties. The total number of cases in the state now stands at 15. State officials say that the unusually high number of cases is caused by the hot, humid weather and the low number of cattle that have been vaccinated for the disease. Anthrax is not usually contracted by humans, but those who work with animals on a day-to-day basis should take proper precautions, officials say. The number anthrax cases has not been this high since 2002, when ranchers reported 9 separate outbreaks of the disease. State officials refuse to name the ranches where the anthax cases are being reported. We can tell you that no Ponderosa cattle have anthrax. Harold Hinkle claims that this is because they are checked regularly, and they don't graze in one place too long. E.E. Hinkle doesn't ever remember having anthrax on this range. He did have a case where they thought it was anthrax, but turned out to be a poison weed. This could get serious. Monday, August 01, 2005 VOL. IV Issue 8A E.E. Hinkle Ventures Out For the first time since turning 103, E.E. Hinkle left his home and went into Highmore to church. Quite a few folks were glad to see him out and about. E.E. Managed to stay awake during the service, but was hoping to get a chance to say something, and was disappointed that he hadn't had the chance. "Well, there's always next time!", Jerry Hinkle told him. Mary Hinkle said that this may be the last time he goes to church, but it was pointed to her out that none of are promised next week, or even tomorrow. We all just do the best we can. Holabird to Welcome the Deaf The Holabird Chamber of Commerce has decided to open it's doors to the development to their deaf and hard of hearing community. They have heard that there is a group that South Dakota's answer to Clarence Darrow, Todd Epp is representing that don't want a deaf community around because cows and pigs stink. We're sure there's more to his case, but that's all we're privy to right now. The Chamber is more than willing for Mr. Epp to nose around Holabird looking for any stink. Actually the only problem with the Holabird metropolitan area is the 20 free range turkeys that the Hyde County Zoning Board can't seem to get rid of. Passing semi trucks have not had that problem, however. Opening up the G-mail Bag by Jerry Hinkle, Holabird Advocate Publisher The Holabird Advocate G-mail Account has 103 MB of stored content. There area couple things that I felt needed to be addressed. First, a warning about the dialing "90#" if someone asks you to. It is said if this happens to you, be advised to not only refuse, but hang up at once. After checking this out, I have discovered that there is a certain element that can really screw up a phone bank if this is done. This is primarily because there are some places where one has to dial "9" to get an outside line. Private telephones are not in any known danger, but it is always better to be safe than sorry. Secondly, Patrick from Pierre asks, "Jerry,... What's the relationship between you and the 'Ditty Bops' ? Help me understand it."! Well, Patrick, I'm a little confused about that one myself, but here goes: See I attended the "Prairie Home Companion" radio show at the Corn Palace in Mitchell. The Ditty Bops were performing at the show, and I've been a fan ever since. In fact, I will play some music from The Ditty Bops on a future "Jerry Hinkle Program". I would have done so today but the cell phone signal gets interference from the AC. With 96 degree weather outside, I think the program can wait for a spell. If anyone has a question or a comment about the Holabird Advocate or our related enterprises, feel free to send a G-mail to me at publisher@gmail.com and I'll read it, you may get it printed, and if your really lucky, I'll write back to you. Be patient though. I wade through a lot of requests for me to put foreign money in my bank account, and read them when I need a laugh. SDBWM has new project already On Saturday, it was reported to the Holabird that the nationally famous SDBWM does in fact have a new project. We have been told some of the details, but not everything. It's just enough to know that he won't be coming here. As for what the new venture is, we aren't going to say. We're just saying we know what it is, and he'll tell you the rest when he's darn good and ready. Red Green Proposal Rejected It seems that with South Dakota War College Professor trying to move to Brookings (Good luck with that, Prof.) it will not be feasible for the South Dakota Bloggers to recreate the Red Green Show. The news isn't all bad, as we found out that Pierre's Possum Lodge is a bar. A bar in which few of the goings on should be televised. 
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