Tomorrow there will be a matinee and an evening performance. Jerry will have to get up early to get to the morning "Jesus" class to make up the one he'll miss in the afternoon. Brandon and Vicki Vetter will be at the Pepsi Cola Theater on Opening Night. That's reason enough to make it special, but you never know who else is going to show. Of course the three Goehring Girls are scheduled to bring their husbands, their mother, and one may even bring her daughter on Friday night. That will be another special occasion. Reverend Boyd Blumer and his wife will be in attendance on Saturday night. Of course you never know when those cute blonds will show up. Jerry will always have to give 100%. To do less would not be the Hinkle way!

When Jerry Hinkle went to the Easter dinner at the Vetter house last Sunday, he was the only one to show up. That may have been a point in his favor. When it was discovered that Jerry would be in Kornfield County over the Summer, he was offered the chance to house sit for Brandon and Vicki Vetter while Brandon is in Africa on the DWU Mission Trip and Vicki is seeing in Kentucky and Bismarck, North Dakota. The job also entails looking after Jack. They have three qualifications for this job. The person must love dogs, which Jerry does. He or she must get along with Jack, and Jack took to Jerry right off. the third is that whomever gets selected has to stay at the house for two weeks. That won't be a problem either. It's been a while since Jerry walked a dog, and he's never walked a half husky half German Shepard before. Still, not every lesson in life is in a classroom.

In every job there are little extras that make the position more desirable. For some it's a signing bonus, for others it's a title. Here are some job perks that would appeal to the average middle-aged guy:
Coffee on an I.V. drip.
Office near the men's room.
Voice-activated computer so you don't have to reach around your stomach to access the keyboard.
Large font inter-office memos.
Phone set up for outgoing calls only.
No office parties. Ever.
The boss is older than you.

Happy Holidays!
We have all kinds of Holiday here. It's the first day of Spring, the second day of Passover, and since tonight is the first full moon of Spring, Easter is just two days away. That makes today Good Friday. That means you've got to get your potatoes planted.
Spring is here at last. Squirrels are out of hibernation and scurrying along the sidewalks. That's a sure sign of spring. Of course, Kornfield County has a 30% chance of snow today and tomorrow, so don't put the winter garb in the attic just yet.
Anne Frank a "No Show" in Huron.
There were plans to take "The Diary of Anne Frank" on the road, but no suitable venue can be found. If you want to see this production, it looks like the Pepsi Cola Theatre is not only your best bet, it's your only bet.

During intermission last night, director Dan Miller told Jerry Hinkle that his acting was getting better all the time. Then after intermission Jerry messed up on his second line. He still got back on the old horse and rode it on through.

Jerry Hinkle felt honored when Dick Solmonson from the Methodist church started calling him "Brother". He'd be Jerry's older brother on top of that. As it turns out, Jerry discovered the reason for that is he couldn't remember Jerry's first name. Cheer up, Bub! At least he didn't call you "Sister"!

There is good news. Brandon and Vicki Vetter are expecting their first child in October. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate feel sure that they will make excellent parents. They've done wonders parenting our Publisher. He now knows to take his shoes off at the door, to sit at the table at meal time during Koinonia, and more importantly, not to overstay his welcome. As a matter of fact, Jerry has been invited to the Easter Seder at the Vetter home this Sunday. Since this is the first time in over a month he hasn't had to work at the Hut on a Sunday, he decided to take them up on it.

Spring Break was over a couple weeks ago. Now Easter break looms ahead. Holabird Advocate Publisher, Jerry Hinkle, had to hit the ground running to keep up with the kids in Ethics and Public Policy. The classroom portion of that class is over as of last Saturday, Now Jerry has to do a book review. The book he's reviewing is on the way. He has until the end of April to do it, but that will be here before you know it.

I was in a department store the other day, and I had a very unsettling feeling. Although the store carried thousands of different items in a variety of styles and colors, I had this sense that there was nothing here that I really needed. Not one thing in the store that was going to make enough of a difference in my life to make it worth the purchase. I was turning into a marketer's worst nightmare -- the reluctant consumer. I always read about how advertisers want the younger market. They're not interested in advertising to guys like me. I'm beginning to understand why. We've run out of money, interest and storage space. And we've lost the naive optimism that got us to buy things like hot tubs and expensive sunglasses. We see ourselves as we really are, and it makes us very difficult to manipulate. The only sales tool they have left is sex and the clock is ticking, believe me.

As it happens, When Jerry walked in by himself, he was given the best booth in the house. We know this because even though Jerry brought his homework with him he only had time to read two pages. Jerry had two servers and the manager filling him up. He hopes the generous tip is split between the three of them. Jerry was please to find out from some of his church friends that they were all getting that "Royal Treatment" kind of service. They even called Jerry by name like they knew him. Oh wait! They do know him. In fact, they've known him since September. Still, it was nice. Jerry should go back as a customer again sometime and bring a friend with him. Someone that he wants to impress.

When I was growing up, movies and television provided us with a lot of heroes. Men who always did the right thing at the right time. Men who were honest and true and fought for justice and "the American way." These were ideals, and it's good to have someone like that to look up to, someone who gives you a goal to strive for. However, when we fall short of the mark and pale by comparison with these icons, that can make us look bad, especially in the eyes of our wives. That's when you need to go the other way. You need to introduce the anti-hero into your spouse's life. Let her see someone on television who's way worse than you are. Someone who will make your indiscretion seem harmlessly trivial. If you're in minor trouble, a couple of episodes of "Judge Judy" might do it. If you're in the deep stuff, you may have to watch "Cops" or even "America's Most Wanted." All you need to do is to expose your wife to three men who are worse than you, and you're off the hook. If that can't be done, maybe it's time to turn yourself in.

A man was being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn,screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus do?' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, naturally.....I assumed you had stolen the car."

Life is not a western for me. It may have been once upon a time, but not now. It's a Midwestern. You see, here in the real world, the villains don't advertise their moral leanings with their head gear, and neither do the heroes. It's hard to know who to trust.

When I saw "Casablanca" for the first time last week, I had an involuntary recall of two things. "Barb Wire" starring Pamela Anderson, and a comedy sketch that had Roy Rogers playing Rick and Dale playing Elsa, or is it Ilsa. Well anyway, she had the part played by Isabella Rosselini's mother. They were funnier than Bogie and company, but Bogie was no Roy Rogers. In a way "Casablanca" was so much more realistic than a western. There was black, white, and all the shades of gray in between. In the Western, Roy, taught boys in his audience right from wrong. In the Midwestern, University students are told there is no right or wrong answer. The Message tells me a different story. It's just too bad I left it in the car that night. But as Ranger Gord says, "A poor workman blames his tools". The Message may not be a six-gun, but it blazes away at the truth. Just what this Midwestern world needs.