At the DWU Holiday Showcase, Bernie Hunhoff asked our Publisher what the Ditty Bops were up to. As it happened, He didn't know because he'd been so busy with classes, Pizza Hut, and other things that he just hadn't kept up with that wacky Los Angeles based duo.

Well, Jerry Hinkle has gone back to the Ditty Bops Website to see that they've been rather busy. From trying to ban plastic shopping bags, appearing in their own Farm Tour, as well as Farm Aid itself.

Of course Amanda Barrett and Abby Dewald wouldn't be The Ditty Bops if they didn't put out another bikini calender, of which this is the cover. The calender is made from post consumer material, and printed in soy based ink. No word on what the bikinis were made from. Jerry isn't buying the 2008 calender from The Ditty Bops because rent is due tomorrow, he'd like to eat sometime this week, and tuition is due next week as well. The American Bible Society has given Jerry a free calender that will last until 2009.

The Ditty Bops have another album coming out in early 2008. None of the song titles look familiar to Jerry, but he's sure they are just as good as their earlier stuff. The new album is called "Summer Rains" And look for "The Environmentalist's Dilemma", a comic book they wrote in their spare time to come out soon.

In case any longtime Readers are curious, Ms. Amanda is still brunette, like she was when Jerry last saw her back in August. No orange, pink or purple streaks. There is speculation that she'll go green to promote the Ditty Bops environmental message, but nothing had come of it thus far.

“Be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.”

(1 Peter 3:8b)
It’s resolution time again. Time to re-evaluate our lives, set goals for the new year and generally focus on ourselves. But I have a new challenge for you something different than the usual “lose 10 pounds” or “stop smoking.” I want to challenge you to change your life by focusing on someone else’s need.
We all know someone with a need, often related to a job situation, a marriage, an addiction, a sinful lifestyle or health concern. Or perhaps someone has a desire for greater commitment or a deeper prayer life. God wants us to be someone’s answer to prayer this year.
You will have to ask the Lord to show you who, what and how this will come to pass, but there is no shortage of need in the lives of those around you. People are drowning in their situations, like a diver whose oxygen is running out deep underwater. Their only hope is a lifeline from above.
Any counselor will tell you that the first step toward recovery is admitting that a problem exists. Unfortunately, the shame associated with many needs prevents people from opening up to others. It is only by creating a safe harbor through unconditional love that people will be willing to talk about their situation. If people believe that the storm on the surface is more dangerous than their condition in the dark waters below, they will stay in the depths of their darkness.
There is great power in confession. I don't mean the type of confession where you repeatedly admit your failures or needs in a dim booth, chant a few lines and return to the same lifestyle. I mean real agreement that a need exists, followed by a willingness to do whatever it takes to make a permanent change. It's one thing for someone to admit that he or she is drowning, but it is not the same as returning to the surface. To truly help others, we must be willing to help them up instead of condemning them in their desperate condition.
We never apologize for needing glasses or hearing aids. Likewise, we should never demand an apology from one who needs help seeing or hearing the truth. Christians, especially, must come to the aid of others with a voice of compassion and the light of love.
It is also critical to understand that "surfacing" is not always instant. Often, it is necessary to come up slowly. This can be one of the more difficult things to accept and understand, but we must be willing to say to someone, "I'm not here to judge you. I'm here to walk with you through this process, no matter how long it takes." Those conquering a need must never give up in the battle, knowing that victory is possible. Those who care for them must never cease offering mercy and compassionate help.
This is especially true with sexual compulsions, including porn addiction and homosexuality. The deeper someone goes into sin, the longer it may take to come out of it. Like the deep sea diver coming out of absolute darkness in the depths of the ocean, the person recovering from deep sin will respond to progressive increases in light and oxygen, but it will take some time for them to be able to breathe on their own again.
Finally, it is absolutely crucial that recovery not create a void in someone's life. Like a lover leaving an adulterous affair, people can feel an emptiness that must be filled with something more pure and powerful. Frankly, I cannot imagine anyone truly recovering without the power of God. Granted, some may find fulfillment through the virtuous things of God, like helping others or meditating on good things. Whatever the case, nature abhors a vacuum and the only way to completely heal is to be filled with good things -- and there is nothing more "good" than God. Our minds can and must be renewed by the power of His Word as we meditate on transforming truth.
Our world is in drowning in need. As believers, we have a lifeline to salvation and freedom. Commit this year to act as an agent of recovery. Disciple that person, teach a skill, become a regular prayer partner, walk through an addiction, counsel a couple, lead a child or seek another way to fulfill a need. By meeting the need of someone else, you will discover a joy that cannot be found by focusing on yourself.

As 2007 comes to a close, I look out of my window at McGovern Hall and see the gently falling snow and it puts me in a reflective mood. Tomorrow brings with it not only a new day, but a new month, and a new year. The Year 2008!

A lot has happened to me this year, so much that I can't really remember what I was doing on New Years Eve 2006. It's a safe bet TV was involved, either Red Green or Dick Clark. The only thing I know about this New Years Eve is that I've got a date with pans and dishes at the Hut, so barring the unforeseen, Dick Clark will do it without me this year. You know, I doubt he'll even miss me!

God told me through Brother Copeland, my dad's least favorite preacher in the world, that 2007 was to be the year of the open door. Indeed it has been. Several doors opened for me this year. The biggest door was the front door at DWU. I made it! Things looked doubtful, but after a year of hunting up paperwork, going on tours, and having phone interviews, I got accepted into DWU. I had a moment like Robert Redford in "the Candidate" when he said, "We won the election, now what". I'll tell you what! I needed an apartment in Mitchell! They weren't cheap by half either. After much looking around, soul searching, prayer, and a little nervous stomach trouble, my parents and I found McGovern Hall. I named it after the man who may not have known it at the time, but he talked me into coming here, George McGovern. I didn't know how I was going to pay for it, but it was home.

I looked for a job in the afternoons after morning classes were over. Culver's, Taco John's, Perkins, Arby's, none of them wanted to take a chance. I applied at Pizza Hut and was over heard by another couple who were looking for someone to help "clean up" in the Janitor business. I took the job! Then Pizza Hut surprised me and took a chance and opened the door over there for me. Their only condition was that I had two weeks to leave the janitor job, so I did just that.

Another door opened was the door of DWU Campus Pastor, Brandon Vetter, and his wife, Vicky. I was invited to something called Koinonia. it supposedly means "Free Food" in Greek. Perhaps it does, but to me, it meant a home away from home. Actual human contact on a Sunday afternoon. I was given the chance to get to know some wonderful people. I was rather shy, but did manage to make friends after a while. I still laugh when I remember Preston Carpenter constantly asking my name, and apologizing for not remembering. I never had the heart to tell him that I'd forgotten his name as well. We learned each other's names eventually.

It was at Koinonia where I first met this cute, but nutty, blond who was trying to bake brownies, and had to substitute melted margarine for cooking oil. She did great! She had better luck with something called cheesy chicken and rice. I named a chicken pizza with extra cheese, "The Amy Price Special" in her honor after she and a group of other young ladies sang a song that she wrote at "Wesleyan Idol" called "Good News, Jerry is Coming" I had no idea she even knew who I was, and she was singing to me, for me, about me! It was both an honor, yet a humbling experience. I was going through a rough week because I had humiliated myself at "Idol" the week before, I thought I'd lost my best friend, and on top of that my cousin, Pam, had died that past weekend. I thanked her kindly for the song, and told her how it made my week She said that she was glad to do it. God has placed Amy and me together quite a few times this month and we've struck up a casual friendship.

Of course, you all know about how Katy Duffy first opened the door of friendship here at DWU. That was a door I didn't want opened. I was still kind of shy back then and didn't understand why she wanted to talk to me, or why she wanted me to talk to her. I do regret not seeing that she was just trying to be nice. My suspicious nature did me in. She may not be my best friend, but she'll always be the first friend I made here. She beat Annie Martinez by about 90 minutes. At the beginning of the month, when I named Katy our Person of the Year, I said that I'd trade every friend I ever made at DWU if only things could be like they were before. Well, guess what! They can't. I have to accept that. We can't go back, only forward. My friendship with Katy has taught me two things. First, I make a better friend than I do a sweetheart. Second, and more important, to get what you want you can't let anything or anyone stop you or get in the way.

That takes us to next year. I want 2008 to start out to be the "Year of Re-dedication" for me. I want to rededicate myself to Jesus and the ministry in the hope of moving forward with my life. That is what I want, and I will use what Katy has taught me to do it. I want to be the best minister that I can be, for God, as well as my neighbor. As of Midnight tonight, I want Jesus to be my true best friend. I've said it before, Katy doesn't need me. Perhaps I should stop needing Katy so much. wouldn't it be something if, when the time comes that she meets the man who she decides is to be THE Mr. Katy Duffy, she asks me to perform the ceremony. That would be a stretch. Still, if it made her happy, I'd do it. If she wanted me to go on a mission trip to China on her wedding day, I'd do that! Any true friend would.

After taking a quick trip to Kolda's with Harold Hinkle and Larry Nickleson to pick up some beef, Jerry Hinkle took off for Mitchell before the snow fell. It was only an inch. He stopped by the nursing home to see Esther Butzman and Lilian Larson, but ended up in the wrong room. As in most small towns. Jerry ended up visiting there for 15 minutes anyway. Harold and Alice Buchiem have the Butzman's old room. Wayne and Alice Sampson were visiting there as well, so he really got caught up. After he left to find Esther and Lilian, he discovered them both asleep. He stopped by the Come Hahn Inn to tell Agnes Hahn he was leaving. Jerry hit Mitchell about the time his gas gauge started ringing, so he stopped at the Burger King to refuel himself before doing the same to the Thrustmobile. How nice that 10% ethanol is still $2.69 here in Mitchell, if you know how to work it.

One more miracle and answer to prayer is that Jerry Hinkle, University Sophomore, has a final grade point average of 3.94, which must be impressive, because some have asked if Jerry is on the Dean's list. We don't know that there is a Dean at DWU,

Seriously though, all of us here at the Holabird Advocate do want to thank you for the love and prayers you send to and for our Publisher.

You and your wife pretty much see eye-to-eye. Or as close to eye-to-eye as married people get if they look at each other. But her taste in music is becoming a problem. If she's not playing "Dancing Queen," it's either "Waterloo" or "Can You Hear the Drums, Fernando?" She's worn out three ABBA's "Greatest Hits" CDs and all of your patience.
What you have to understand is that she's not just listening to music. She's reliving her life the way it was before she met you. And if you could go back in time, you'd see her the way she sees herself -- at a disco in a tube top with three pounds of blue mascara and a Harvey Wallbanger. She sure looks hot.
Of course, you looked pretty hot back then too -- three gold chains, four chest hairs and five bucks worth of breath mints. So what if you could walk up to her table and lay this on her, "Who loves ya, baby?" Would you care if they were playing Dancing Queen? No, because "you bad," my friend. And she knows it. So forget about ABBA. You just have to ask yourself ... do you feel lucky, Punk? And if the answer is yes, make love not war.

Harold Hinkle drove Jerry to Wegner Auto in Pierre today, because the Thrustmobile needs a new sending unit, or so his brother, Darrel Hinkle claimed. That's when it happened! Jerry saw the most beautiful thing that God ever created. A candy apple red Pontiac Solstice convertible, which could be his for the low price of $25,000, give or take a bit. As painful as it was for Jerry, he left his new love behind.

Just like girls from Platte, a new car can bring all kinds of unexpected trouble. Jerry may think things are going great, when all of the sudden something goes wrong. A bump in the road could suddenly find him walking the lonesome valley. One thing about the Thrustmobile, it's been his constant companion. It starts every time, although not always right away. It is dependable, and has never quit on him even when things got a little bit too difficult to handle. Of course, Jerry has to remember to drive slow and steady. Moving too fast invites trouble, no matter what you drive. Who knows, in this ever changing world in which we live, perhaps, after a while, a little bit of trouble may be worth the cost. Just remember, Bub, easy does it. A Pontiac can go from 0-60 in 5.4 seconds. Girls from Platte take a little bit longer than that.

Well, it's a White Christmas over at the Ponderosa. The Christmas haul was pretty good for our Publisher. It was good back at Thanksgiving with that Dell Inspiron laptop, but that's neither here nor there. Jerry's Grandmother, Agnes Hahn, gave a rather generous check, which he'll donate to http://www.one.org/ to help out those who were not blessed with as good of a Christmas as he enjoyed this year. If only everyone in the world could have a Grandma like Agnes, it would be a much better place indeed. Now that Jerry has full use of his credit card, he'll mail a gift card to his godson, Andrew Lennick, providing his address on the sheet is still good. Andrew sent Jerry a rather generous Walmart gift card and some peanut M&M's. Jerry shared the candy, because that's just how he rolls. Visitors to the Ponderosa will have to ask Mary Hinkle about her wall hanging that was imported from Tanzania. Mary was so impressed with it that she gave Jerry a digital camera. Don Grungio should like that! Cool pictures are on the way! Perhaps the best gift Jerry was given came from his niece Brittany. She made a Cowboy Cookie mix for him. Not only was it a gift from the heart, it was homemade. She also gave him 4 dozen eggs. All she got from Jerry was a hug. What a rip off!

Of course, as Garfield the cat once observed about Christmas, "It's not the giving, it's not the getting, it's the loving". All of us here at the Holabird Advocate hope that all of the Hinkletons out there remember that throughout the next 12 days, and into the new year.

"Trouble"

If you're looking for trouble

You came to the right place

If you're looking for trouble

Just look right in my face

I was born standing up

And talking back

My daddy was a green-eyed mountain jack

Because I'm evil, my middle name is misery

Well I'm evil, so don't you mess around with me

I've never looked for trouble

But I've never ran

I don't take no orders

From no kind of man

I'm only made out

Of flesh, blood and bone

But if you're gonna start a rumble

Don't you try it on alone

Because I'm evil, my middle name is misery

Well I'm evil, so don't you mess around with me

I'm evil, evil, evil, as can be

I'm evil, evil, evil, as can be

So don't mess around don't mess around don't mess around with me

It took a while, but Jerry Hinkle knows his Pizza Hut Schedule. He will be working from 11 am-7 pm on December 24, with December 25-27 off and back to work on December 28 at 3pm. Hopefully in that time he'll be able to see the Capital Christmas Trees, but that's not what Christmas is all about. Refer to the "Charlie Brown Christmas" special before the ACLU discovers that Linus is quoting from the bible in that and shuts the whole thing down. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate want to know just one thing. Would Jerry have gone if Prime Rib hadn't been mentioned?

It's Winter Break, day 2. Holabird Advocate Publisher, Jerry Hinkle is wearing his winter pajamas, and trying to run the world from his computer. Not to worry, he'll be in his Pizza Hut uniform by 5 pm. He knows that Katy Duffy can get away with that look. He also knows that he is not that blessed. Maybe on his day off. Then again, maybe not. The pajamas are one thing, but why does he insist on wearing that darn hat and scarf. At least he takes them off when it's time to eat and sleep. The campus e-mail has slowed to a trickle. Jerry has moved off the waiting list in English Lit., and is back up to 16 hours again instead of the previous 13 (unlucky for some). Jerry has started drinking more water as the caffeine from earlier in the week slowly leaves his system. He really has no reason to stay awake until noon anyway. Jerry has $95 worth of books he hasn't read, but doesn't know which one to start with, so he looks at them a lot. Jerry has looked at the table of contents of "South Dakota Curiosities" to see if he or the outhouse Museum is listed. He isn't, but the Museum is, however.

Remember America's Finest
by Hugh Hewitt
Submitted by Marla McGeorge
In this season we are always full of joy at the return of families and friends to familiar places. But of course hundreds of thousands of America's finest won't be home for Christmas as they will continue their brave and unselfish service in places like Iraq and Afghanistan as well as scores more far flung bases and camps across the globe.Take a moment to remember these soldiers, sailors, airmen Marines and coast guardsmen and their families in your prayers, and perhaps to find some space in the Christmas budget for a donation to one of the many fine organizations supporting them such as SoldiersAngels.com SemperFiFund.org or FisherHouse.org. These and many other fine groups dedicate themselves to serving those in America's uniform with a special emphasis on those who have been wounded in the battles.
Female Role Models: Closer Than You Think
by Jerry Hinkle
courageous, dynamic Publisher,
of the Holabird Advocate
At times like this, I'm glad I have to TV reception. The Internet is all over Britney Spears' little sister being, as the saying goes, knocked up. I understand that she is an actress on some kiddie show on Nickelodeon, and the powers that be are going to write the pregnancy into the show. That's just what I want my 10 year old niece to watch! NOT!!!!!!!!!
One thing I've tried to do since coming to DWU is use the phrase "young ladies" instead of calling them "chicks" like I used to back in Holabird. I have discovered some very impressive young ladies here in Kornfield County who would make better role models than the whole of the Spears family. Not one of them has been in the media spotlight because they got pregnant at 16 like Britney's little sister has gone and done. OK magazine hasn't offered any of these young ladies $1 million to be their cover girl, and I doubt they ever will.
Ya'll know about my friends Amy Price and Katy Duffy already. Amy and Viki Swanson are crocheting their way to Africa for a mission trip. I would be one proud uncle if my 10 year old niece, Brittany, was to follow their lead someday. Katy convinced enough of her friends to take a listen to some some guy she plucked out of the crowd, and almost turned him into the Wesleyan Idle. She also found time to make him, as well as herself into A students. If that wasn't enough, she got elected president of the Freshmen class to boot.
Like I said, you know that already. One of the most impressive young ladies I've come across would probably kick my courageous dynamic rear end if I mentioned her by name on the Front Page, so I won't. Still, I am impressed by her sportsmanship and her ability to "Represent" for Christ as a rapper. And don't let her physical appearance throw you. Spiritually, this young lady is 10 feet tall. On top of that, she's a kind, compassionate listener. And as far as a role model goes, not only would I want all of my five nieces to follow her example, I wish I could be more like her myself.

I know I joke around a lot on this Newsblog, but when I sign my name to an article, it's a promise that I make to Hinkletons the world over that I mean what I say. Each of the young ladies I've mentioned here have more to offer the world than just about anybody on a magazine cover this week. I thank God that he has blessed me enough to get to know each and every one of them.

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family
On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, 'How was the trip?' 'It was great, Dad.' 'Did you see how poor people live?' the father asked. 'Oh yeah,' said the son.'So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?' asked the father.
The son answered:
'I saw that we have one dog and they had four.
We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.
We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.
Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.
We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.
We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.
We buy our food, but they grow theirs.
We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them.'
The boy's father was speechless.
Then his son added, 'Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are.'
Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have.
Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!
'Life is too short and friends are too few.'

Ever since purchasing an African scarf at the DWU Holiday Showcase, Jerry Hinkle has never let it out of his sight . If you paid $30 for a scarf, you'd keep an eye on it too, eh! The scarf has been noticed quite a bit too! Then on Tuesday, Amy Price presented him with the $10 matching hat. When Jerry walked into his World History final wearing both the hat and scarf, all the students stopped studying long enough to give him the "thumbs up" on it and ask him where he got his new winter garb. He was all too happy to refer them to Amy. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate wonder if she'll have the time to fill all the orders that may come her way.

On the way home yesterday, when Jerry went to the Grand Opening of the new Godfather's Pizza Express by the mall, his hat and scarf got noticed by the Godfather himself. That's quite a Combo ya got there!" he said, "You're really stylin'!". The Godfather even gave him a coffee cup, frost scraper, a lottery ticket (a loser, but it was free), and an autographed picture of himself. Jerry felt like royalty. it was a good day to be him.

After having his credit card rejected at Walmart, Jerry Hinkle paid the bill. All $500 of it. Thank God and Pizza Hut, he could do that. Today, after checking the balance, he saw that he was in the clear, so he paid the Internet bill as well. By the way, Bub, Christmas is coming, so easy does it now!

All December long, Jerry Hinkle's mantra was "I have a credit card, and I'm not afraid to use it". well, the seeds sown came up quickly when his credit card was declined at Walmart this weekend. It appears that glasses, pizza, books and sending cute blonde songwriters to Africa is not so cheap. Jerry can pay the bill, of course. But he will have to sit on the Visa card for 5 days. Ironically, that same night, Jerry had to work at Pizza Hut from 5 pm-midnight. Not every lesson is learned in a classroom. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate wonder what E.E. Hinkle would say. Jerry thinks he'd just shake his head.

DWU invited all of their students to the Rec Center on North Main Street for a "Relaxer". Apparently, our Publisher's good friend, Preston Carpenter was supposed to have been in charge of things. The first thing Preston did was convince Jerry Hinkle to provide a dozen pizzas for the estimated 50 people. Trouble was only about 25 showed up. Quality people though, every last one of them. Jerry even made a few new friends, and manged to keep the old ones even after Amy Price allowed him to play basketball on her team. Let's just say it's a good thing nobody kept stats on the guy. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate wonder how Amy talked Jerry into "relaxing" that way.

Joan Hansen read that the Hinkletons wanted to see some cool pictures on this Newsblog, so she sent these. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate hope they satisfy. Please Join our Publisher in saying, "Thanks, Aunt Jo!"

Things were pretty casual after that. We'd talk about different things. Then came "Wesleyan Idol". I "denigrated" a song to her, calling her "my best friend in the whole wide room". She was so proud of that. Suddenly "Jerald" became "Jerry" after my audition, just as "Ms. Duffy" suddenly became "Katy". As time went on Katy helped me in other ways. She even warned me that another co-ed that I was interested in preferred ladies, so that saved me from what could have been a big disaster. I thought that perhaps we were getting closer, so started singing to her all the time. It got so that she didn't want to be around me. The ironic part of that was that there was a time when I'd have been glad to be shed of her, and when it happened, it was the last thing I wanted. We still speak to each other, but not as much as before. It's not like it used to be, and I doubt it ever will be.

Before Katy asked about my haircut on that September morning, I was walking a lonesome valley. Before I knew it, she was my best friend, heck, she was my only friend. After "Wesleyan Idol" I made hundreds of friends, but I'd trade every one of them in just to hear Katy say "I'm speaking to you, Jerald! Look at me and pay attention" just one more time and see the way that she smiles with her eyes. As I look back, I can only remember how I always wanted a friend who was kind, decent, smart, and 150% loyal. When I had that, I failed to be the same way. She sure doesn't need me at all. I know that she will go on to do many great things in the world. She can do anything, Governor Duffy, Senator Duffy. It wouldn't surprise me if she won every election she ran in straight to the White House. It's my hope and prayer that God will be with her as she does the best that she can. Until that day, she'll have to settle for President of the Freshman class, and one more honor. I give to you now the Holabird Advocate Person of the Year, for 2007: KATY DUFFY!

Wassup, Hinkster!
I just got done with finals and managed to keep the 4.0 average! Wooo! How've you been Mr. Hinkle? Doing great with your classes/the foxy ladies!?!?!? All my buds say 'yo' and hope you are having a blast!
P.S.- My girlfriend says you should update your blog and have pictures and other cool @$$ stuff.

Clever!!! Would be nice to have more judges like this. In Florida, an atheist became incensed over the preparation of Easter and Passover holidays.. He decided to contact his lawyer about the discrimination inflicted on atheists by the constant celebrations afforded to Christians and Jews with all their holi days, while atheists had no holiday to celebrate. The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the long passionate presentation by the lawyer, the Judge banged his gavel and declared, 'Case dismissed!' The lawyer immediately stood and objected to the ruling and said, 'Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other observances. Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah...yet my client and all other atheists have no such holiday!' The judge leaned forward in his chair and simply said, 'Obviously your client is too confused to even know about, much less celebrate, his own atheists' holiday!' The lawyer pompously said, 'Your Honor, we are unaware of any such holiday for atheists. Just when might that holiday be, your Honor?' The judge said, 'Well it comes every year on exactly the same date -- April 1st! Since our calendar sets April 1st as 'April Fools Day,' consider that Psalm 4:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.' Thus, in my opinion, if your client says there is no God, then by scripture, he is a fool, and April 1st is his holiday!

Now have a good day and get out of my courtroom!