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Holabird Advocate

Providing all the news we see fit to print since 2002!


Saturday, August 30, 2003
 
VOL. II Issue 8T
JOYCE FERRIS IMPROVES BUT STILL TIRED
It looks like the third day of a 24 hour flu for Joyce Ferris. She has not been feeling the best in those three days. Joyce ate a few apricots last night, and made and ate breakfast this morning. She is still quite tired, but has not thrown up in the last 24 hours.
JANKLOW CHARGES GO NATIONAL
Charges steming from the August 16 crash involving Representitive Bill Janklow, most notably the felony charge of second degree manslaughter, have all in the meda speculating on the future of both Jankow and his seat in Congress. If he is convicted, Janklow will serve a maximum of 10 years and pay a fine of $10,000 at most. He would also be before the House Ethics Commitee and posibly lose his seat, unless he would happen to resign first.
In the event Janklow's seat is vacated, the Governor, in this case Mike Rounds, would call for an election 90 days from Janklow's removal. The winner of said election would finish out the term. Political scientists all over the state claimthat the Democrats would almost certainly run Stephanie Herseth, while Republicans have such notables as Barb Everist (whoever she is) willing to step into the ring. Ms. Herseth was unable to comment on this situation because she is spending the Labor Day weekend with special friend, Max Sandlin in Texas. Mr. Sandlin, as it turns out, is a Democratic U.S. Representitive from the 1st Congressional District of Texas. Of course, should there be an election, and should Ms. Herseth run, the Publisher and the staff of The Holabird Advocate would be behind her 200%, even if John Thune was Running.
POP STAND RAN BY YOUTHS CLOSED DOWN BY POLICE
by Jerry Hinkle, Special to the Holabird Advocate
I was outraged to hear that enterprising youths Mikaela and Annika Zeigler, ages 7 and 4 respectively, of St. Paul Minnesota were not allowed by police to operate a refreshment stand near the Minnesota State Fair for lack of a $60 business license.
The girls father, Dr. Richard Zeigler was likewise angry, and called on City Hall to explain, and was told the police are cracking down on unauthorized merchants. At this point he called this laughable and tragic, stating that the girls cleared all of $13 in this endeavor.
The children had been in business for a total of four days before St. Paul's finest shut down their racket, which offered, lemonade, orange juice, water, and soda.
On behalf of the the City of Holabird, I invite the Zeigler family to move here. We could use a Doctor around here, and there's no $60 licenses for refreshment stands.
PUBLISHER'S NOTES
by Jerry Hinkle
It's been a wild and crazy month, but it's almost over. With the play, Janklow's crash, and Joyce getting sick, a lot happened in the Holabird area in August 2003! The Poll for August was interesting, next month's promises to be more so as we see if you, the Readers think I could take on W. Of course you have until Monday to vote in this month's poll. Perhaps Joseph Lieberman or someone else will join in the fun for next month's poll as well.
I plan to bring back, "Let's go to the Videotape" next month. This time I will personally view a movie on videotape and let you know if it's good or bad. Perhaps one of you Readers would like to recommend a good movie on video or warn us about a real stinker. I'd welcome that too.
The home office of the Holabird Advocate will be open on Labor Day, but just long enough to change the poll and the masthead. I don't want to risk missing The Jerry Lewis Telethon when Norm Crosby is on. As you remember from last year, I think he's the funniest man alive today. See Ya'll next month.





Friday, August 29, 2003
 
VOL. II Issue 8S
PONDEROSA PINES BACK IN BUSINESS
It appears that the Ponderosa Pines Old Age Assistance Home may have to open up again. Joyce Ferris was very ill from an undetermined cause yesterday. She has improved today, but ever so slightly. Joyce has lived on chicken broth, crackers and 7up since 4am Thursday. It is not believed that this is a reaction to any medication. Joyce has not seen a doctor, and there are currently no plans to take her to one.
Joyce's plight could mean a visit from older sister Mavis Kennedy. That has not been confirmed as yet. Harold Hinkle has said that they are about as busy there as they need to be. They are chopping corn for silage in between breakdowns and sprinkles of rain.
E.E. Hinkle is taking Joyce's situation pretty well. He hasn't taken ill yet, but has run out of bananas. He is also keeping active,as active as one can at 101. he still walks his quarter mile every day.
JANKLOW FACES CHARGES
The 13th day after his crash has proven unlucky for South Dakota U.S. Representitive, Bill Janklow. The Moody County States Attorney has filed charges of failure to stop at a stop sign, reckless driving (not wreckless driving), speeding, and 2nd degree manslaughter.
Also this morning, self-appointed consumer advocate Ralph Nader called for Janklow's resignation. Apparently Mr. Nader thinks that Janklow is "unsafe at any speed", much like the Corvair.
In the case that Janklow is removed from office, all of us at the Holabird Advocate feel that there is one person who is in the unique position of being able to fill his shoes. No, not Stephanie Herseth, she's way overqualified, and besides she is too valuable at her current job. We feel that perhaps John Thune should finish Janklow's term, if it comes to that.





Thursday, August 28, 2003
 
VOL. II Issue 8R
PUBLISHER EATS HUMBLE PIE
Holabird Advocate Publisher Jerry Hinkle has said in a statement this morning that it is possible that he was wrong about something. "In an earlier edition of the Holabird Advocate, I said that the State Fair should be held in the last week before Labor Day.", He said. "That would be this week. It has been rather hot, into the 90s, up to 100 and beyond sometimes this week. Even though it may cool down this weekend, it was really hot earlier in the week. The State Fair had a slight increase in attendance, something like 6,000 more people took in the fair. Perhaps they do know whgat they're doing."
AGNES HAHN'S FAMILY GROWS BY ONE
Cough up another great grandchild for Agnes Hahn. The latest arrival was Joseph Alan Hoffman, who was born early Wednesday morning, August 26, 2003. At a Weight of 6lbs. 2oz.which has some of the Hinkle's wondring if he's premature. Joseph was 19 inches long, which sounds about right. Joseph will join his Parents John and Rachel Hoffman, and their pet greyhound Jasper at their home in Pierre. Agnes's daughter Dianne Hoffman of Faulkton, South Dakota is the child's grandmother.
TOP TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR THE ACLU
by Jerry Hinkle, of the Holabird Advocate
Well, the ACLU is at it again. In Montgomerty, Alabama, three ACLU lawyers have forced the Alabama State Supreme Court to remove their monument to the Ten Commandments. This monument was placed there by Chief Justice Roy Moore, a man elected to that position with an 85% majority, by the people of Alabama. Justice Moore had a reputation for displaying the Ten Commandments in his own courtroom as a Judge in Alabama, and I'm quite sure those 85% that voted him in knew what he was all about.
The ACLU are offended by the Ten Commandments for some reason. I of course have a solution to this problem. Put the monument back, and alongside it place another monument with Ten Commandments that won't offend the ACLU. Since God's busy with other stuff, I have taken it upon myself to help out. SO NOW, FROM THE HOME OFFICE IN HOLABIRD, SOUTH DAKOTA, HERE ARE THE TOP TEN COMMANDMENTS THAT WILL NOT OFFEND THE ACLU:
1. I am the LORD. I may be your God, or I may not. But please worship me and me alone, if you like.
2. Please do not make or worship an object that is supposed to represent Heaven, Earth, water or anything that they contain. Since you don't know what I look like, that might not be a good idea.
3. Please don't use the LORD's name to something I didn't sign off on. Since all of you in the ACLU don't believe there is a God, it shouldn't be that hard for you.
4. Please take a day off from your work to reflect on and remember what was done the other six days of the week. Hopefully you did something wonderful in those six days.
5. Please at least think about your parents once in a while. Remember that you might be that age someday, if you're lucky.
6. Please don't kill anybody of anything needlessly. If you do, please don't leave a big mess to clean up.
7. Attempt to stay mentally, emotionally and physically faithful to your spouse. After all, you did marry that person for some reason.
8. Try not to take something that doesn't belong to you. If you do please put it back as soon as possible.
9. Please be careful not to lie, especially in court. Those with a bad memory may find telling the truth a lot easier. Then again you may not.
10. Please watch out for that old green eyed monster of Jealousy. You may start wanting someone else's wife, children, property or even certain abilities that that person has. Afterward, you may find that getting them is not all that great once you do get them.





Wednesday, August 27, 2003
 
VOL. II Issue 8Q
FIRST DAY OF 1ST GRADE FOR BRITTANY HINKLE
School begins for the Hyde School District this morning. Brittany Hinkle, after a great year in kindergarten, is now continuing on to 1st grade. The bus stops at the mailbox at 7:09am. Because of this, her mother Kristi was going to drive her to town at a decent hour. Those plans must have been scrapped, because she was getting on the bus early this morning.
FUEL PRICES CONTINUE UPWARD
Gasoline increased another 10 cents in New York yesterday. The so-called shortage that the industry claims we are in is expected to last for at least another month, and perhaps even longer. The curious part in all of this is why ethanol prices are following suit. Ethanol boosters have been telling us that we wouldn't be as dependant on OPEC if we used it. That doesn't seem to be the case. The national average for fuel prices is $1.75. Highmore gas stations are running right at $1.73 at last report.
TELEVISION ENTERTAINMENT IS TURNING GAY, AND I'M NOT HAPPY
by Jerry Hinkle, Special to the Holabird Advocate
Let me start off this article by saying I am not homophobic, a term that really means: the irrational fear of being the same. I am also have no fear of homosexuals, irrational or otherwise. I do, however, get tired of hearing about the gay based television fare out there.
Recently ABC had a Promo for their new fall show, "It's All Relative", with comic actor, Lenny Clarke yelling, "YOU GOTTA GAY UP EVERYTHING, DON'T YA!", in true Archie Bunker style. I have quoted Mr. Clarke's line several times since then.
Cable TV's Bravo channel has recieved a lot of hype for two shows, "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" and "Boy Meets Boy". I have not seen either show nor do I want to. "Boy" seems to be some sort of "reality dating show" much like "The Bachelor". I don't understand the appeal, but then I'm not the target demograghic. "Queer Eye" on the other hand seems to be a show where a group of gay guys jump a straight guy, and then make him over to look like a gay guy. If the roles were reversed, it wouldn't be a TV show. It would be a "hate crime" and those old boys would be doing time.
What bothers me the most is the hype this genre recieves in the media. "Boy" and "Queer Eye" are not that highly rated. Ratings are figured differently for cable than for broadcast TV. If these were broacast shows, they'd be off the air in four weeks or sooner. Even for cable they aren't doing so well. Anyone curious as to what the highest rated cable show is? Would you believe it is reruns of "The Waltons"? The liberal media won't tell you that. Kinda hard to gay up that show, but it makes me just a little more hopeful for America's future.





Tuesday, August 26, 2003
 
VOL. II Issue 8P
JANKLOW MAY NOT RETURN TO CONGRESS
Russ Janklow, who has been acting as his father's spokesman since the collision he was involved in on August 16, has said that his father, Representitive Bill Jankow, may not be well enough to return to the duties that the people of South Dakota elected him to perform. Both houses of the Congress are in recess until after Labor Day next month.
A lot of people have been making sport of the Janklow situtation, both inside and outside the media. We at the Holabird Advocate have also managed to get our little digs in, while trying not to overdo it. Still there isn't a man or woman alive here in South Dakota who wouldn't enjoy going to the Williams and Ree shows (one at a casino near you) to hear what they have to say about it.
MARS CLOSEUP TONIGHT AT 9PM
Earlier the Holabird Advocate reported that Mars would be closest to the Earth on Wednesday night. Now, it appears, that the close encounter is at 9pm tonight. All of us at the Holabird advocate don't know who to believe, so we'll be watching both nights at 9pm. You, the Readers can do the same at 9pm your own local time, away from city lights.
GARY HART DROPS OUT OF RACES
The Holabird Advocate has learned that Gary Hart is no longer seeking the Democratic party's nomination for President. Accordingly, since he is no longer running, we have removed him from the poll. We have also learned that we have missed two candidates, those being Dennis Kucinich and John Edwards. Since nobody has e-mailed to complain of their ommision, we'll leave them out.
JOKES FOR KIDZ
by Brit Hinkle
Q. Why don't skeletons eat oatmeal?
A. It sticks to their ribs!
Q. How does a skeleton call his friends?
A. With a teleBONE!





Monday, August 25, 2003
 
VOL. II Issue 8O
YES WE HAVE NO SILVER SWORD
On behalf of our Publisher, all of us at the Holabird Advocate apologize for not having the "Silver Sword of Truth" high atop our front page. Bravenet.com is currently "working on it", and we are asked to "please be patient". Bottom line: it happens when it happens.
JERRY HINKLE TURNS DELIVERY DRIVER
Holabird Advocate Publisher Jerry Hinkle spent the morning on a journey into Highmore to deliver Joyce Ferris's urine sample to the Highmore Clinic to see if her bladder infection is getting better. Apparently they wanted it today and as soon as possible. Joyce had a sample ready, but her father E.E. Hinkle dumped it in the toilet, so she made another one.
After dealing with the road construction west of Highmore he made it to the clinice with the sample, placed in a jelly jar, which was placed in a plastic butter dish, which was in turn placed in a 5 quart ice cream pail. the clinic official that took the sample didn't ask if he wanted the recepticles back, and he didn't ask for them back, he just proceeded to the drug store, the grocery store, to Roger and Vicki Day's house to pick up his copy of the video of "A Good Land", and then to Nadine Day's house to visit her for a spell. He got home in time for dinner after going through the road construction.
BRITTANY HINKLE GETS CLEAN BILL OF HEALTH
Kristi Hinkle took he Daughter Brittany to Huron to see the doctor for a check-up. Brit has been sick for a good deal of the summer, but it appears that, for a while anyway, those days are behind her. Dr. Kappur could find nothing that would prevent Brit from entering first grade later on this week.
GAS PRICES GO UP SHARPLY
The prices for both gasoline and ethanol have risen 20 cents in the last three weeks in the Hyde County area. A shortage has been blamed for this increase in price. Truth be told, all of us at the Holabird Advocate, including the Publisher, are more upset about that than the whole "Silver Sword" problem that we have now.
DRY SPELL CONTINUES FOR BARBARA NEMEC
Despite the intentions of somne well meaning people. Holabird's own Barbara Nemec has not written another play. Some have suggested that Nemec write something about the history of Holabird, which may not be all that bad of an idea. Part of what struck a cord with "A Good Land" is that even though it was true-to-life, it was, for the most part, a work of fiction. She could do that.
Of course, all of us at the Holabird Advocate understand the creative process. We don't publish everyday an edition everyday. We'd either have to make stuff up, or write substandard material. Nobody wants that. We'd be no better that the "New York Times" if we did that. Neither should Barbara Nemce be forced to write something that she knows will be substandard material. Inspiration could strike again. when it does, it will truly be a work of art.
HOLABIRD'S SISTER CITY IS A GHOST TOWN
There is a certain amount of irony that Holabird, South Dakota's newly adopted Sister City of Hinkletown, Iowa is registered on the "Ghost Towns of the Old West" Web Ring. The town, which boasts a population of 20, has also requested that Keokuk County give it a tornado siren.





Friday, August 22, 2003
 
VOL. II Issue 8N
BRAVENET HAS CHOICES FOR COUNTERS AGAIN
After "improving" their visit counter services by taking away the variety and leaving there users with two choices, those being plain text or nothing, Bravenet.com has decided that, effective Monday August 25, the users of their counter products can have more choices as to the kind of counter they can have. Holabird Advocate Publisher, Jerry Hinkle, has taken this news to mean that we may be able to get the "Silver Sword of Truth" back. If that design is not available, you will see which one is selected by him at noon on Monday.
JANKLOW STORY GOES NATIONAL
The details of the collision that Representitive Bill Janklow was involved in on last Saturday afternoon has recieved attention from media outlets outside of South Dakota. Don Hinkle, of Bonita, California, reports hearing of the crash through his local media.
The Washinton Post ran a story yesterday about a Viborg, South Dakota man who claimed to be a private investigator working on behalf of Janklow's family. The man, identified as Jim Waistcoat, age 62, also claims to be a former D.C. Policeman who was hired by the Janklow camp to find information on Randy Scott, the man who was killed when his motorcycle ran into the Caddilac driven by Janklow. The story was later retracted when it was discovered that, not only was he not hired by Janklow's people, they have no idea who he is. Waistcoat later admitted that he was not in Janklow's employ. Waistcoat has a police record, but not the kind that would get him a P.I. job. Waistcoat paid a fine for burning a likeness of Osama bin Laden and also has been charged with tresspassing, disorderly conduct and distuburing police.
MARS TO GET CLOSER TO EARTH ON AUGUST 27
Many Readers have e-mailed to aske if it's true, and it is. The planet closest to the Earth will be even closer in the next week. On the evening of August 27, about an hour after sundown your local time, Mars will be around 34.5 million miles from Earth. This is the closest it has been in almost 60,000 years. It will be about 200 years before it gets this close again. Any readers who wish to do so can spot Mars tonight at about an hour after sundown, by looking to the southeast. The bright red light in the sky is Mars. It is expected to get bigger as time progresses. A telescope or pair of binoculars could enhance the viewing pleasure. Even an empty paper towel tube could help. It may be adviseable to be away from city lights. Don't miss this exciting event if you can possibly help it!





Thursday, August 21, 2003
 
VOL. II Issue 8M
HOLABIRD YOUTHS TEST NEGATIVE FOR WEST NILE
Earlier this month, the Holabird Advocate reported that two of Holabird's young people showed signs of the West Nile Virus. We have just learned that both of these kids tested negative for the virus.
JANKLOW SPED THROUGH STOP SIGN EXPERTS SAY
After careful study, it was determined that Representitive Bill Janklow went past the stop sign at the intersection, where at a speed between 70-75MPH, he collided with a motorcycle being driven by Randy Scott of Hardwick, Minnesota. The Caddilac that Janklow was driving was registered to a Mr. Mark Tobias of Sioux Falls, South Dakota. This is not Janklow's first collision, However, as he had rear ended another driver in Sioux Falls on a previous occasion, when he was Governor. Of course, a lot of people felt rear ended by Janklow when he was the Governor, most of those were farmers, naturally.
"A GOOD LAND" IS OVER. WHAT'S NEXT?
There are quite a few people wondering what's going to happen now that the performances of "A Good Land" are over and done with. Some have suggested that another performance of the play take place next year. Others are hoping for Barbara Nemec to write somthing as goo as that play. Mrs. Nemec has said that inspiration will have to hit her again.
One suggestion from Mary Jo Nemec has intrigued all of us at the Holabird Advocate. She thinks that someone should organize a performance of "The Wizard of Oz". This is, Of course, providing that her daughter, Erin, plays Dorothy Gale. As some of you may not be aware, the author of "Wizard", one L. Frank Baum, was from Aberdeen, South Dakota. In fact, it was an Aberdeen twister that inspired the tornado in the book. Baum had never been to Kansas. The next time you Readers have the chance to take a trip to Aberdeen, ask some of the locals about their Storybook park. It's worth a look.





Wednesday, August 20, 2003
 
VOL. II Issue 8L
NEMEC GATHERING ATTRACTS RAIN
Ed and Barbara Nemec hosted a gathering of the cast and crew of "A Good Land" and their families last night at their home. Many guests admired the house's decor. the back yard had been sprayed for grasshoppers, which also elminated flies, mosquitoes, and crickets.
After the dinner was served, Barbara showed a videotape of the play's Saturday night performance that was recorded by Mrs. June Bentz. Roger and Vicki Day consented to make copies for the cast members.
There was a sprinkling of rain last night as well. Jerry Hinkle reports that it rained on him all the way home later that evening. Unfortunatly, there was only .03" in the rain gauge this morning. Still, it was better than no rain at all, but just a little better.
DARREL AND KRISTI HINKLE TAKE IN FARMFEST
Darrel Hinkle went to his parents home to get a haircut and drop off the kids so he and Kristi could get up bright and earlly the next morning and go to Farm Fest in Mitchell. They were given free tickets to the event by their bank, Farm Credit Services.
WORK CONTINUES ON THE PONDEROSA
Shelby has been very helpful around the Pondrosa. This morning she found her great grandfather's glasses. It seems ol' E.E. Hinkle took them off and forgot where he put them. Shelby found them in just a few seconds flat. Brittany helped her grandma set the table for dinner, while Justin didn't do a thing except get wet in the backyard pond. Harold sprayed for bugs around the house, while Jerry sprayed inside the house with Market America's SOS to get rid of a dead chicken smell in the porch (details available upon request). It did the trick, too.





Tuesday, August 19, 2003
 
VOL. II Issue 8K
IT'S ALL OVER BUT THE PICNIC FOR "A GOOD LAND"
Now that the performances of "A Good Land" are behind the cast and crew, Director Babara Nemec has invited them all to the Nemec Ranch north of beautiful downtown Holabird for a potluck gathering. This gathering was inspired by the "Wedding Scene" in the play (except, hopefully no flies). Jerry Hinkle had planned on making ice cream in the antique churn that his father Harold so thoughtfully donated to the cause. As it happens, however, the churn's lid is rusted shut, so it looks like that part of the evening is not to be. Some of those involved were worried about finding the place, but Jerry has also decided to help out there if the need arises. Talk about the blind leading the blind.
Brittany Hinkle wanted to go to the gathering as well, but Mary told her that there wouldn't be anybody there but old people.
JANKLOW'S DRIVING RECORD REVEALED
Representitive Bill Janklow knows how to put his foot down while behind the wheel, and has done so on several occasions, accuring 12 tickets for doing such in the last 10 years. He hasn't had a speeding ticket since 1994, at least in south Dakota. Some have reported being a passenger in his care when he was going up to 99 MPH. His fastest documented speed is 90 MPH.
Janklow's driving record has become public fodder since he was involved in a collision in Moody County last Saturday afternoon. No charges from that collision have been filed yet.
Coincedently, this collision happened shortly after certain financial records were revealed as well showing Janklows net worth to be between $3-8 million with is largest asset to be 150 acres of real estate in the city of Sioux Falls which is worth just slightly less than Tom Daschle's new house.
BRITTANY HINKLE: MATCHMAKER
Brittany Hinkle has taken it upon herself to find her uncle, Jerry Hinkle a wife. She has asked him why he isn't married to someone, and he replied, "Who do you have in mind?". "Britney Spears!" she exclaimed. Jerry explained that he does not know her and that they haven't even shook hands. Jerry said to her that one should always shake hands before they get married to someone. Undaunted, Brit has decided to find Britney Spears and get her to shake hands with Jerry. What does Jerry think about all this, "Well, at least she's forgot about that Harry Potter kid.





Monday, August 18, 2003
 
VOL. II Issue 8J
"A GOOD LAND" WOWS HYDE COUNTY
The Buzz around Hyde County and the surrounding area was caused by the performances of "A Good Land" over the previous weekend. The play, which was written in two acts by Holabird's own Barbara Nemec, has been, for the most part warmly recieved. Some have called it "cheezy" in places, whatever that means. Of course, all of us at the Holabird Advocate like cheese
Agnes Hahn stated to the home office that many of the experiences portrayed in the production were true to life, because she experienced them herself. She also said that she laughed and cried in all of the right places. She partictularly enjoyed the singing of Roger and Jordan Day, and was plesantly surpised at the singing talent of Mary Wortman and Marilyn Hanson. She said that even though Jerry told her they could sing, he never told her they could SING. Agnes wouldn't be surprised if other towns asked Barbara to put it on in their area as well.
The author of " Good Land", Barbara Nemec said before the matinee performance,"This has been a dream come true for me. What I had pictured in my head has come to life." It must be said that Mrs. Nemec was very good natured about the amount of ad-libbing that took place in both performances. Not the least of which was done by our courageous dynamic Publisher, Jerry Hinkle, who along with Roger Day took to a convincing display of vebal gymnastics that had some believing to be a real fight (it's called acting, folks)
For Jerry Hinkle the weekend was kind of an "Old Home Week" as he was able to meet up with old friends like Ed and Barbara Nemec's daughter Becky, who came from Montana to see the play, June Bentz from northern Hyde County, cousins Harlan and Delores Stoley as their housguest and youngest daughter Dona, who is visiting from Nebraska. Perhaps the audience member who came from the farthest was Pat Dugan of Brazil in South America. He is the brother of Richard Dugan, a former Pastor of the Methodist Church in Highmore. Pat we understand was a former minister in this area himself.
Of all the people he talked to this weekeend there were two that he wishes could have been in the audience. His grandmother Bergit Hinkle, and his good friend Corky Day. "My grandma Bergit's dedication to the Historical Society is was captured my interest in this play." Jerry said, "As for Corky, He was a man that loved to laugh. If there are two things that could have improved the play, it would have been for Corky's laughter to ring the rafters and for me not to have 'dropped the coffee' at the Sunday afternoon performance."
The Historical Society can laugh and cry all the way to the bank. With 80 paid dinner reservations, and several ticket sales, they did alright. The Holabird Advocate is currently seeking a videotape of both performances, but would prefer the opening night performance.
JANKLOW IN INTERSECTION COLLISION
Saturday afternoon there was a collision on the intersection of County Highways 13 and 14 in Moody County. Randy Scott, 53 of Hardwick, Minnesota was killed instantly when his motorcycle collided with Representitive Bill Janklow's Caddilac DeVille. Janklow was driving his car when the collision occured. It has been reported that he had been wearing wearing a safty belt. His previous driving record is being looked at. He has had a reputation for driving just a little bit faster that the law allows. Scott was not wearing a helmet at the time of impact.
ON THE ROAD AGAIN
by Hiram Gonagan
Harold and Mary Hinkle left for their vacation on Thursday afternoon. Among their activities was a shopping trip to the Rushmore Mall and a visit to the home of Jon and Janette Wermers in Spearfish. They arrived back home at the Ponderosa at about 3pm. The didn't come alone. They brought Kaitlyn Pothast with them, much to Jerry's disgust. at 5pm they left the Pondrosa to go backto Pierre for a GRHS meeting. They Took Kaitlyn along and Jerry hopes that she will be left in Pierre this time.





Friday, August 15, 2003
 
VOL. II Issue 8I
NEW YORK BLACKS OUT
A power failure in New York has effected an estimated 50 million people. Because of an earlier story concerning one of Osama's boys getting captured was running on network earlier, some thought they were connected. This was later proven false. Still many jumped out of buildings, fearing the worst.
POLITICS MAKES STRANGE BEDFELLOWS
Since the beginning of Gulf war II, W has had a lot of support, but also a good deal of criticizm. Former President Bill Clinton has been such a staunch supporter of W that conservative radio talk show host, Rush Limbaugh has been quoting him on his show. Clinton may be trying to asuage his guilt over the unfinished business with the U.S.S. Cole.
One of W's most recent critics has been our own Bill Janklow. Janklow seems to be going out of his way to distance himself from the Bush policies concerning the "War on Terrorism". He is up for reelection next year, but maybe that has nothing to do with it.
IS "A GOOD LAND" ANY GOOD AT ALL
by Jerry Hinkle of the Holabird Advocate
With openning night of "A Good Land" just a day away, I thought I'd share with you, the Readers, a few of my observations, good and bad, about the play. The first thing that struck me when I read it the first time is that, for the most part, it is told from the female perspective. Granny Rose played by Crystal Domke, serves as the storyteller. Her tales of her great-grandmother grandmother, mother, and finally herself are made to come to life throughout the production. Victor Nemec serves as a Narrator in the tradition of the Stage Manger from Thornton Wilder's "Our Town". He lends support to Granny's stories, while at the same time becoming an impartial observer to the goings on. Barbara Nemec has efffectively written Granny as the main character in her own story. She is an intragal part of every scene.
Roger Day and Mary Wortman play Anders and Lena Nilson, Granny's great-grandparents. Day plays his part of the strong-hearted Anders, a Swedish immigrant with real conviction and an optomistic forethought of how their lives and those of their children will be in their new country. Wortman is both tough and tender in the role of Lena. She cries so much one wonders if she will dehydrate. Through this role, I imagine that she was a lot like my own great-great-grandmother, Katrina Goehring, who came to this country from Russia.
Marta, Anders and Lena's Daughter played by Marilyn Hanson,marries Karl Thorson, Played by Jordan Day, in a touching scene with a familiar looking minister. Karl is young and poor, Marta is young but hopeful. After an unseen stuggle they prosper to the point that Karl can buy a motorcar, a year old 1913 Buick. A musical number ensues which showcases both of the superior vocal talents of Day and Hanson.
Time passes and we see Marta and Karl's daughter Krystina, played by my distant cousin, Jean Fieldsen. She is talking to her daughter Rose( a younger version of Domke's character, played by Kathy Kerr). It is the Advent season in the year 1934. A drought that seems to have no end to it has gripped the land. Rose unselfishly wants to do without to give her brother, Dan, a red truck for Christmas, but Merry Christmas looks questionable, but trust me, it all works out in the end. You'll have to see for yourself how. I'm not going to tell you and spoil the surprise.
Once again, time passes. Rose and her family celebrate the end of WWII, but tragedy looms in as Dan was killed. Cathy Kerr, who had a bother go to war (not WWII, I hope) is totally authentic in her grief as Rose. Time passes. this time it's August of 1985 and Rose and her husband James, played by some guy pulled off the street, are flying for the first time in a scene that promises much comic relief.
Granny Rose and the Narrator close out the show with some words of wisdom that give all in the aidience somthing to think about. I highly reccomend that all who can see this show. It's worth the $4 admission.





Thursday, August 14, 2003
 
VOL. II Issue 8H
PONDEROSA PINES TO CLOSE DOWN
Because of Joyce Ferris's vast improvement, and the fact that her father, E.E. Hinkle, can mostly take care of himself these days, it looks like his house can't and most likely shouldn't be refered to as the Ponderosa Pines Old Age Assistance home any longer. Joyce gets around with a cane, but has been cooking for her and her father. Except for the time she made banana bread with pancake flour instead of regular flour, she has not had any setbacks.
"A GOOD LAND" ENTERS THE HOME STRETCH
It's been a long, difficult road for all of those involved with the Historical Society's production of "A Good Land". The play has been shaping up quite nicely. The cast and crew of this great production can be proud of what they've done so far. Next Saturday night and Sunday afternoon promises to be fun for all.
The work is not over, however, far from it, in fact. All the cast is to appear in costume tonight, those who have to make costume changes are going to start learning how to do it as quickly as possible.
Saturday night's performance is preceeded by a dress rehersal at 1pm that afternoon, which means for us that Holabird Advocate Publisher, Jerry Hinkle, will spend most of that day in Highmore, Hence, the home office will be closed that day.
E.E. Hinkle is worried that some big company is going to see Jerry's part of the play, take him out of Hyde County, and make him a star. Thus leaving nobody to take care of him. Nobody else seems to be worried about that.
TOP TEN ARTICLES IN THE AARP BILL OF RIGHTS
by Jerry Hinkle, Special to the Holabird Advocate
Recently the American Assosiation of Retired Persons (AARP) have come up with a "Bill of Rights" for seniors. Right away I knew this puppy has "Top Ten" written all over it. AND NOW, FROM THE HOME OFFICE IN HOLABIRD, SOUTH DAKOTA, HERE ARE THE TOP TEN ARTICLES FOUND IN THE AARP'S BILL OF RIGHTS FOR SENIORS:
1. The right to drink prune juice.
2. The right to wear sweatshirts in the summertime.
3. The right to nap when and where you want to.
4. The right to have the television on as loud as you please.
5. The right to shake your head at, and to complain about, everything the younger generation does, thinks, or stands for.
6. The right to force the government to pay for everything you need, or think you need, so you can pass on your vast personal fortune to your children, who will spend it faster than it took you to make it.
7. The right not to take any pills if there's nothing wrong with you in the first place.
8. The right to say, "don't forget my senior discount, Bubba" to the minumum wage flunky at the store.
9. The right to eat salt on any food you choose.
10. The right to enjoy life, because you're only old once.





Tuesday, August 12, 2003
 
VOL. II Issue 8G
JERRY HINKLE TO PLAY ANOTHER ROLE IN "A GOOD LAND"
It is said that some are born to greatness, and some have it thrust upon them. Our Publisher, Jerry Hinkle, was tentitive at best about making a comeback, as it were, to the stage. He took the role of the minister in "a Good Land" initially because it was a small part. However, when he stood in for another actor, who was unavoidably absent, he did so well that director, Barbara Nemec, demanded that he play that role as well. So now He also has the part of James Bergeson in two scenes. In the first, he is a 27 year old farmer. In the second, a 67 year old retired farmer flying to San Francisco to visit grandkids. Vicki Day, who is in charge of age progression makeup, will have no trouble making Jerry look 67, but if she can make him pass for 27, she should get the Acadamy award, or at least a Tony.
PUBLISHER VISITS HIGHMORE MAYOR
Jerry Hinkle, courageous, dynamic Publisher of the Holabird Advocate, went to Highmore on business and was pleasantly surprised to see that the Mayor of Highmore, the right Honorable Micheal L. Newton, was in town. They talked for an hour, Jerry reminded Mayor Newton of his grandfather, E.E. Hinkle's reaching the ripe old age of 101. The Mayor didn't come through with a holiday proclamation, but he did give the old boy a boy scout knife and a pen.
PETA UPSET BY PRINCE WILLIAM, BUT PITA COULDN'T BE PROUDER
The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA)are a little put off that during his holiday in Africa, Prince William of Great Brittain went along with a native hunting party and speared an antelope. Of course he was not the only one who speared something, but that's not important right now. Afterward the antelope, and the test of the animals, were cooked over an open flame. The People Ingesting Tasty Animals (PITA) are proud to announce that their membership boasts someone of royal blood. A man who not only hunts, but helps feed starving people in Africa.
PITA founder, and Holabird Advocate Publisher, Jerry Hinkle said, "Prince William is the kind of person that best symbolizes what PITA is all about. It'd nice to know that Brittain will have a King like him. Untill that day, I want to party with him".
ALL AROUND THE HOUSE AND HOME
by Lurleen Cheatwood
My most proud creation is my recipe for "Ice Cream Cake' The recipe is rater simple here's what you'll need:
14 oz. sweetened condensed milk (not evaporated)
3 t vanilla extract ( I use Watkins Vanilla, but do what you think best)
1 pint heavy cream ( I use fresh dairy when I can. Whipping cream can also be used)
and lastly a 9x5 cake pan
Mix the milk and vanilla. Whip the cream for 2-3 minutes, depending on the speed of your mixer. Pour the cream into the milk and vanilla mixture and stir it carefuly until it is combined thouroughly. overmixing may deflate the cream. Pour this mixture into the cake pan and "bake' it in your freezer at -10 for at least 6 hours. Optional: after 1-2 hours in the freezer top with chocolate syrup, or even your favorite fruit.
Until next time, Dearies.





Monday, August 11, 2003
 
VOL. II Issue 8F
BRITTANY HINKLE TO PERFORM AT RELAY FOR LIFE
The dance class that Brittany Hinkle belongs to will be having a recital at the Relay for Life in Highmore on Friday. The exact time has not been reported. Brit is very excited to show her family and friends what she has learned in the lessons that she has recieved for these many months.
AGNES HAHN HAS FAMILY GATHERING
One of Agnes Hahn's prodical children, this time Gene Goehring, came over for the weekend with wife Roxie, and daughter, International soccer sensation, Sydney. They helped Agnes rearrange her basement to accomadate her new antique sewing machine. Leanne Hoffman, Harold, Mary, and Jerry Hinkle were dinner guests that evening.
Agnes served prime rib with toast, a coleslaw salad with Tastefully Simple salad dressing, rum cake, and Irish cream fudge. Topics discussed were Agnes's generosity toward her renter, Ryan Forbes, on his birthday, Agnes's doing nothing for Leanne on her's, the subtle differences between farenheit and centigrade, the alcoholic content of candy and cake,and Tony Goehring's new girlfriend, who has won the approval of his parents, but more importantly, his seven year old son Jacob likes her as well. The lady, whose name was not reported, has a job, prompting Jerry Hinkle to ask, "Does she have an older sister?"
Jerry left the gathering at 7:45 to get to the rehersal of "A Good Land" at 8pm that evening, being picked up at a little after 10pm that night.
PLANS TO ELECT HOLABIRD MAYOR
A group of Holabird residents have come up with the idea of getting a mayor for Holabird. Holabird was never legaly incoporated as a city, but did have a mayor. The last elected mayor, Fred Wemmering, has been dead for a number of years.
ON THE ROAD AGAIN
by Hiram Gonagan
Darrel and Kristi Hinkle got back from their Sturgis trip early on Saturday afternoon. Kristi reported that she waited in line for three hours for the autogragph of some fella by the name of Paul Junior. Each of the three kids got a T-shirt from their parents. Harold and Mary got a thank you for taking care of the Brat Patrol.
Harold and Mary are looking forward to going on their trip to Silver City this weekend. They will be going with Doug Hinkle and his family.





Friday, August 08, 2003
 
"A GOOD LAND" TAKES SHAPE
The production of "A Good Land" has had a long road to travel. There are still a few bumps in the road, but things look promising for a good show. The publicity machine is in place and posters for the show are showing up at several venues in the region.
Barbara Nemec will be proven to be not only a good playwright, but a discerning director as well. Her son, Victor, as stepped in to help as sort of an unofficial assistant director. His help behind the scenes has been invaluable to the play. This is mainly due to his previous theater experience in both high school and at USD in Vermillion. The company of players has been helpful to them both. The evening Dinner Theater on August 16 and the Matinee on the afternoon of August 17 promises to be worth the price of admission, Maybe even more so. Those who are able should get those tickets bought and show up expecting to be entertained. You won't be let down.
JOYCE FERRIS IMPROVING
A pleasent surprise awaited all at the Ponderosa Pines Old Age Assitance Home, as Joyce Ferris was wide awake and sitting at the breakfast table. All she had was two slices of toast, but she was able to walk to her Brothers house for dinner. Joyce did not believe that she had nor has West Nile, and this afternoon the Highmore cliniccalled to confirm she did not have it. She thinks it is a reaction to her muscle relaxant pills. She not taken them since Tuesday morning, but will start in if she has those spasms like before.
Joyce has started making banana bread from bananas that Jerry got for 20 cents/lb for his grandfather, E.E. Hinkle to eat. The old boy just couldn't eat the whole pound in one week.
BRITTANY HINKLE PLANS TO ATTEND RACHEL HOUDEK'S BIRTHDAY PARTY
Despite recent oral surgery and the slow recovery Brittany Hinkle plans to go to the birthday party of Rachel Houdek, one of her school friends. The party, which is by invitation only, will be at the swimming pool at Elmer Quirk Memorial Park in Highmore from 6:30-9pm. Brit's Grandma Mary will take her in the absence of her parents, who are due back for Sturgis sometime tomorrow afternoon.
Also going along is Jerry Hinkle, who will be dropped off for another rehersal of "A Good Land" at the Hyde County Memorial Auditorium. Mary plans on visiting her mother, Agnes Hahn, while Brit and Jerry are doing their things .





Thursday, August 07, 2003
 
VOL. II Issue 8D
HOLABIRD YOUTHS TESTED FOR WEST NILE VIRUS
It may have been just a tad premature to claim that Holabird is not being effected by the dreaded West Nile Virus. Two of Holabird's young people are suspected of having the virus and are awaiting test results. If either of the children or anyone else test positive for this we will let you, the Reader, know.
JOYCE FERRIS MAY HAVE WEST NILE
Mary Hinkle Took her sister-in-law, Joyce Ferris to the Highmore Clinic this morning where a battery of tests were run. It is suspected that because Joyce has four of the six signs of West Nile Virus, perhaps that is the reason for her current setback. The test results will be in tomrrow, then she'll know for sure.
Joyce has lived on chicken broth, crackers and 7up since Tuesday morning. She has taken only her arthitis medicine since yesterday afternoon, but hasn't had those back spasms like before.
Joyces latest round of trouble started yesterday morning, when the smell of Mary cooking made Joyce sick to her stomach.
WHO ISN'T RUNNING FOR CALIFORNIA GOVERNOR
by Jerry Hinkle, Special to the Holabird Advocate
Politics used to be a spectator sport in the Peoples Republic of California. Lately it seems that everyone and his dog is running for the Governor's office. Arnold Schartzenegger is running, so is Gary Coleman. There are also strippers, porn actresses, hippies, and even a few crazies thrown in for good measure to join the fray. Looks like I'm the only one not running.
Am I missing something here? Why are all these people running? There are so many candidates that they are signing each other petitions. I wonder if these people realize the full scope that the job of Governor of California represents. From what I hear, none of the candidates could possibly be worse than the guy already in the Governor's chair, but then I could be wrong about that.





Tuesday, August 05, 2003
 
VOL. II Issue 8C
JOYCE FERRIS GETS SICK
Things are not going to great at the Ponderosa Pines Old Age Assistance Home today. Joyce ferris got sick and threw up shortly after breakfast this morning. Harold Hinkle blamed it on his, Mary's cooking, but Joyce just had cereal. She also did not have dinner today. The exact cause is not known,and is not even up for speculation at this point.
STATE FAIR MANAGER CALLS THIS YEAR A SUCCESS
With no attendence figures to back it up, State Fair Manager Susan Hayward claims this year's event successful. Attendence figures will not be available for a few days.
There could be trouble ahead for the South Dakota State Fair next year because the North Dakota State fair will overlap with them causing scheduling conflicts with vendors. Of course, Jerry Hinkle, our courageous, dynamic Publisher could straighten this mess out. Time alone will tell us if the State Fair board, and Ms. Hayward, is smart enough to figure out it out for themselves.
ON THE ROAD AGAIN
by Hiram Gonagan
It looks like Darrel and Kristi Hinkle will be making another trip to the Sturgis Rally and Races this weekend. They will ditch their children and rush right over there for the ususal entertainments that Stugis provides. It won't be all fun and play. Darrel has agreed to help move Andy Lennick out west where he will be going to school somewhere in Rapid City.
Harold and Mary Hinkle have once again found themselves in a situation where they just have too many irons in the fire. They have been invited to both the Iowa State Fair by Ken and Joan Hansen next weekend, and at the same time to go camping at Silver City in the Black Hills with Doug Hinkle and his family. It looks like they are leaning toward Silver City. The butter sculptures will just have to wait. Harold is hoping to find a prime fishing spot out there.
Also happening that weekend is Brittany Hinkle's first dance recital and the Performance of the Historical Society's production "A Good Land".
E.E. HINKLE'S LEAK IS PLUGGED
Monday night brought in much wind, thunder, lightning, and another .45" of rain. There was no water dripping from the roof of the Ponderosa Pines Old Age Assistance Home. We all can assume that Harold Hinkle is one heck of a handyman.





Monday, August 04, 2003
 
VOL. II Issue 8B
PONDEROSA PINES HAS REVOLT
E.E. Hinkle was very upset about the .45" of rain that came down early this morning. It seems that there is a leak somewhere on the roof of the Ponderosa Pines Old Age Assistance Home. The 101 year old E.E. raised such a fuss about it that Harold Hinkle finally went on the roof and claimed to fix the leak. We won't know if the leak is plugged until the next rain occurs. Who knows when that'll happen.
WEST NILE VIRUS INFECTS TWO IN HYDE COUNTY
It has come to the attention of the Holabird Advocate that there are two people in Hyde county that have tested positive for the West Nile Virus. Neither of these two people are from Holabird, so there's no reason to get excited about it just yet.
ANOTHER HEARING AID FAILURE FOR E.E. HINKLE
Harold Hinkle got the idea to get a Hearing aid device for his father, E.E., to use on the telephone. It was on sale at Radio Shack at the Pierre Mall for $11.99. When he got it home it was installed on E.E.'s phone. Some folks thought Harold was asking a lot for 101 year old ears. Joyce Ferris called her daughter, Sandy Soulek, and she talked to her grandfather for a while. He claimed he couldn't hear anything at first, but with some tweeking on Mary Hinkle's part, it is suspected that he hears better than he lets on. When Sandy asked if he could hear her, he said, "NO!". Nobody really believes that.
TOP TEN THINGS I'D LIKE TO ASK STEPHANIE HERSETH
by Jerry Hinkle, special to the Holabird Advocate
As most of you wll knoiw, I have never met Stephanie Herseth. There has been much speculation on what I would do or what would happen should I have the chance to meet her. To that end, I have compiled a list. SO FROM THE HOME OFFICE IN HOLABIRD, S.D., HERE ARE THE TOP 10 THINGS I, JERRY HINKLE, YOUR COURAGEOUS, DYNAMIC PUBLISHER WOULD LIKE TO ASK STEPHANIE HERSETH GIVEN THE CHANCE:
1. Are you really a Mensa Member?
2. Have you raised that $2 million for the Farmers Union Foundation yet?
3. Do you know the FFA creed?
4. If so, could you please recite it?
5. What denominational church do you attend?
6. Do you use ethanol?
7. Would you like to learn how else to imrove your automotive milage?
8. Would you like to meet a 101 year old Democrat?
9. How did it feel to have yourself and Bill Janklow refered to as "Beauty and the Beast"?
10. Can you tell that I've lost 60 lbs. in the last year?





Friday, August 01, 2003
 
VOL. II Issue 8A
HOLABIRD ADVOCATE STARTS 2OTH ISSUE
ASKING THE BURNING PRIMARY QUESTION
For most Americans, the question of who one will vote for in 2004 is not all that important. Not so with the "Draft Hinkle for President" crowd. They'd drag our Publisher kicking and screaming to the podium in the unlikely event he was elected, never mind that the conventions are not going to be held until a year from now.
After painstaking research, the Holabird Advocate has tracked down every known declared candidate in the Democratic party to put with the name of Jerry Hinkle. These names were put in alphabetical order. Some of the names are familiar, others are not. If you know every single name on the Holabird Advocate poll, we can only conclude you are either a news junkie or a close relative of at least one of them.
NEMECS GET READY TO HARVEST WHEAT
It hasn't escaped the notice of the Hinkle family that the Nemec's have moved a combine and a truck onto their wheat field next to the Ponderosa. Harold Hinkle was heard to say, "Nick and Mary Jo are fixin' to get rich". You can't deny that wheat looks good from the road.
JOYCE FERRIS SURVIVES DOCTOR VISIT
Harold Hinkle took his youngest sister, Joyce Ferris to the Doctor in Pierre this morning. The appointment was not until 12:15, but they wanted to get a few things done beforehand, so they could go straight home afterward. Dr. Tueber was unable to keep the appointment because of airplane trouble. His assisstant was unable to help until about 2:15.
Joyce has been in a great deal of pain due to muscle spasms in her back. She was able to get a prescription for muscle relaxants. Time will tell if they work or not. All of us at the Holabird Advocate will keep on praying for Joyce, as she's not done yet. There is hope though.
SENATOR DASCHLE TO START BLOGGING
This past year Senator Tom Daschle has learned what a blog is, and now he's going to "get his blog on". When South Dakota's senior Senator will start his annual tour of the state beginning in Rapid City during the August reccess, he will chonicle his adventures and his thoughts on a blog called "Travels with Tom". This blog will be posted on his web site www.daschle.senate.gov. During this tour he will be coming and going through 63 of the 66 South Dakota counties.
Daschle's energy bill has just been passed by the senate by an 84-14 margin. Because of this and his newfound passion for blogs the Holabird Advocate just might support his seeking an unheard of fourth term in the South Dakota U.S. Senate delegation.
IS THE SOUTH DAKOTA STATE FAIR BEING UNFAIR?
by Jerry Hinkle, Special to the Holabird Advocate
The South Dakota State Fair has undergone a number of changes since I was a boy. I always looked forward to the fair. I no longer do. I think that's sad. The new manger, Ms. Susam Hayward was brought in from the Twin Cities to see if she couldn't make the fair pay for itself. One idea she came up with was having off-season events. That may be neccessary. One idea I don't like is the 25% increase in gate fees and no special days for kids the handicapped, or farmers to get in free. Not even the fair employees can get in free. With this years fair half over, attendance has been reported to be sparse except for Wendesday which had the bonus of a Kenny Rogers concert that evening.
Ms. Hayward claims that most of the people she has talked to don't complain about the new gate fees. That's because Ms. Hayward is hard to find than Osama bin Laden or Saddam Husein when someone wants to complain to her, I reckon.
Fairgoers have said that the State fair needs to find some big names to draw more people. I agree, but with the limited budget, a big name is unlikely to appear at the South Dakota State Fair. In that respect I believe that Ms. Hayward is trying. Another suggestion is moving the State Fair to Sioux Falls. I really don't want that. If I won't go when it is in Huron I darn sure won't go when it's in Sioux Falls.
I don't have all the answers, but I have a few suggestions for the fair that Ms. Hayward ought to try, and I won't even charge her for them. First, get this fair back to the week before Labor Day like it used to be. Second, drop the gate fees to $1 for 12 and up, and let 12 and under in free. I really do believe it's that simple. As for drawing big names, well, Huron is Cheryl Ladd's home town. Get her to headline a grandstand show. There's plenty of other home grown talent out there, much of it undiscovered. Lastly rent the movie "State Fair" and do whatever that fair did. They had a heck of a crowd.
I hope I've given you all something to think about.




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