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 Holabird AdvocateProviding all the news we see fit to print since 2002!Thursday, August 28, 2003 VOL. II Issue 8R PUBLISHER EATS HUMBLE PIE Holabird Advocate Publisher Jerry Hinkle has said in a statement this morning that it is possible that he was wrong about something. "In an earlier edition of the Holabird Advocate, I said that the State Fair should be held in the last week before Labor Day.", He said. "That would be this week. It has been rather hot, into the 90s, up to 100 and beyond sometimes this week. Even though it may cool down this weekend, it was really hot earlier in the week. The State Fair had a slight increase in attendance, something like 6,000 more people took in the fair. Perhaps they do know whgat they're doing." AGNES HAHN'S FAMILY GROWS BY ONE Cough up another great grandchild for Agnes Hahn. The latest arrival was Joseph Alan Hoffman, who was born early Wednesday morning, August 26, 2003. At a Weight of 6lbs. 2oz.which has some of the Hinkle's wondring if he's premature. Joseph was 19 inches long, which sounds about right. Joseph will join his Parents John and Rachel Hoffman, and their pet greyhound Jasper at their home in Pierre. Agnes's daughter Dianne Hoffman of Faulkton, South Dakota is the child's grandmother. TOP TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR THE ACLU by Jerry Hinkle, of the Holabird Advocate Well, the ACLU is at it again. In Montgomerty, Alabama, three ACLU lawyers have forced the Alabama State Supreme Court to remove their monument to the Ten Commandments. This monument was placed there by Chief Justice Roy Moore, a man elected to that position with an 85% majority, by the people of Alabama. Justice Moore had a reputation for displaying the Ten Commandments in his own courtroom as a Judge in Alabama, and I'm quite sure those 85% that voted him in knew what he was all about. The ACLU are offended by the Ten Commandments for some reason. I of course have a solution to this problem. Put the monument back, and alongside it place another monument with Ten Commandments that won't offend the ACLU. Since God's busy with other stuff, I have taken it upon myself to help out. SO NOW, FROM THE HOME OFFICE IN HOLABIRD, SOUTH DAKOTA, HERE ARE THE TOP TEN COMMANDMENTS THAT WILL NOT OFFEND THE ACLU: 1. I am the LORD. I may be your God, or I may not. But please worship me and me alone, if you like. 2. Please do not make or worship an object that is supposed to represent Heaven, Earth, water or anything that they contain. Since you don't know what I look like, that might not be a good idea. 3. Please don't use the LORD's name to something I didn't sign off on. Since all of you in the ACLU don't believe there is a God, it shouldn't be that hard for you. 4. Please take a day off from your work to reflect on and remember what was done the other six days of the week. Hopefully you did something wonderful in those six days. 5. Please at least think about your parents once in a while. Remember that you might be that age someday, if you're lucky. 6. Please don't kill anybody of anything needlessly. If you do, please don't leave a big mess to clean up. 7. Attempt to stay mentally, emotionally and physically faithful to your spouse. After all, you did marry that person for some reason. 8. Try not to take something that doesn't belong to you. If you do please put it back as soon as possible. 9. Please be careful not to lie, especially in court. Those with a bad memory may find telling the truth a lot easier. Then again you may not. 10. Please watch out for that old green eyed monster of Jealousy. You may start wanting someone else's wife, children, property or even certain abilities that that person has. Afterward, you may find that getting them is not all that great once you do get them.
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