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 Holabird AdvocateProviding all the news we see fit to print since 2002!Monday, December 30, 2002 VOL. I Issue 12J E.E. DEVELOPS NASTY SKIN CONDITION E.E. Hinkle had an eye infection some days ago, which he was treating with pennicillin. He has developed some sort of rash on his right arm that is being speculated as being a sort of reaction to the pennicillin. Medical assistance has been been sought on this at the Highmore Clinic. More details will be forthcoming. 2002 THE YEAR OF NO NUDITY REQUIRED by Buster Brock of the Holabird Advocate Harold Hinkle always says that men want only 2 things: a beer, and to see something naked. Beer was optional in the entertainment world this year, although that would explain the popularity of of Ozzy and Eminem this year. Nudity did not spell success for a lot of folks in 2002. Former teen popstar, Tiffany, was in the April issue of this years Playboy. She was trying to get publicity for her upcoming album. Well, I didn't buy this album of hers. Did you? Incedently, if any of you Readers can arrange a viewing of the April Playboy for us, please do so (strictly for research purposes) George Clooney had a movie ( the name of which we forgot) in which he mooned the camera . Not even Mr. Clooney's backside could get people to the theater for this show. What was the biggest movie of the year. A real snoozefest called "My Big Fat Greek Wedding". Harold Hinkle started watching this movie 3 times and he didn't see enough nudity to keep him awake either of those 3 times. I've seen the gal who was the "star" of this movie on various talk shows. Her being nude would have killed the movie for sure. PUBLISHERS NOTES by Jerry Hinkle Wednesday will mark the first anniversary of our Newsblog. We've had a lot of fun toogether and we've also learned a lot as well. I want to thank you, the Readers for giving this a try. Next year with Bravenet.com we may add a new service, depending on how the poll vote goes. If you have any ideas on what you'd like to see in the Holabird Advocate, feel free to let me know. I'm happy to do whatever it takes to enhance your reading pleasure. Because of publishing delays, I've been thinking of going to Blogger Pro. It is not a free service. I would like to find a corporate sponsor to pay for that if we end up doing that. Next month's poll, the first for the new year will ask the question. "Who should be our corporate sponsor?" Right now, I have 2 corporate sponsors in mind. Wells Fargo Bank has let quite a few of their employees read the Holabird Advocate. This is thanks in part to one of the original Readers. A young lady, who if she weren't already my cousin (and married to a guy who'd beat the tar out of me) I'd give a great big, wet, juicy kiss. Another possibility is the newly formed Venture Communications. We have at least one Reader from there. A little word of mouth and we could catch on there as well. Of course, you the Reader may not think we need Blogger Pro at all, so we will have that option as well. Please remember that just becuse I ask doesn't mean that either of these businesses will sponsor us. On behalf of myself and everyone else at the Holabird Advocate, have a Happy New Year. We'll see you next year. Saturday, December 28, 2002 VOL. I Issue 12I HAROLD HINKLE CAUSES THE BLIND TO SEE It's been called a Christmas miracle. Today E.E. Hinkle complained to his daughter-in-law, Mary during breakfast that he couldn't see good enough to read his customary chapter of the Bible. E.E.'s smartest son, Harold, went over to see what could be done. After trimming his father's nose hair, he noticed that E.E. wasn't wearing his glasses. Harold then looked for the glasses all over the house, finding them at a place where E.E. said they weren't. After placing his glasses upon his eyes, E.E. was reading like nobody's business. The question that remains, however, is Why didn't Mary figure this out herself. It doesn't really matter because now E.E. can sing "On the 4th day of Christmas, my smart son gave to me FOUR EYES!". Doesn't that make you feel better? PHEASANT HUNT WENT WELL Professor Ken Hansen manage to bag 2 pheasants before dinner time. The limit is 3, but there are plenty of frozen pheasants for him to take back home with him. Professor Hansen had to cut things short so he could take down Christmas lights for his mother-in-law, Agnes Hahn, so she can go to Hawaii. Friday, December 27, 2002 VOL. I Issue 12H JERRY HINKLE HAS GREEN CHRISTMAS Once again Christmas was pretty good to Holabird Advocate Publisher, Jerry Hinkle. Instead of the usual crap that people usually get on Christmas, Jerry and his family had no Chia pets, Clappers, singing fish, and not even socks and underwear to contend with. Most of his gifts came in the form of cash. When asked what he was going to do with the filthy green stuff, he said, "I ain't a buyin' no socks and underwear, chum!". The Christmas dinner at Agnes Hahns home was divine as well. The prime rib roast was cooked to perfection, and there were plenty of leftovers to go around. One dessert that was worthy of mention was the hot fudge sundae cheesecake, which was Dianne Hoffman's contribution to the Christmas fun. As the name implies it was neither low in calories nor in fat. HUNTING POSIBLE ON PONDEROSA Earlier this week it was asked of Harold and Mary Hinkle if it were possible for Professor Ken Hansen of Waldorf College to bring his gun and his corn for some hunting. He was told that he could bring his gun, but to leave his corn at home and get it locally. The Professor's hunting party is expected at the Ponderosa at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning. There may still be birds in the trees. STILL CELEBRATING CHRISTMAS by Jerry Hinkle, Special to the Holabird Advocate Where did this month go? I was so unprepared for Christmas this year, and I'm sure that I won't get any better next year. I have always prided myself on my ability to get my Christmas cards written and mailed by November 30th. I mailed a total of two cards on the 19th of December. Those with e-mail get an e-card from me instead of a Christmas card. I was late in doing that as well. It is simply unexceptable for me to say, "Oh well, everybody else runs late too." Why are the holidays such a busy time? Why is it exactly that I'm busy, yet get nothing done. It could be, maybe, that I am getting older. I'm sure the Advent season went by at a crawl for my nieces. My 5 year-old niece Brit will have to wait for 20% of her life for next Christmas to roll around. My Grandad, on the other hand, has only to wait for 1% of his life. At any rate, today is only the 3rd day of Christmas. there are 9 more to go. Let's you and me use the next 9 days to think about the important part of Christmas. The love that went into everything that we did and had done. Heck, I just heard that the Birth of Jesus really took place on April 17, 6 B.C. I wonder if it really matters anyhow. Well, at least we celebrate Elvis's birthday on the right day. Be that as it may, I hope you had a Merry Christmas. Monday, December 23, 2002 VOL. I Issue 12G CHRISTMAS WEEK STARTS FOR HINKLES The Sunday School program at the Methodist Church in Highmore got the Hinkles in the Christmas spirit. Brittany Hinkle did a great job with her part in the show. Some folks thought the kids racing to the microphone was a bit much. Shelby Hinkle made so much noise during the service that Mary had to take her to the back room. Later on at the Ponderosa, there was pork loin with a choice of mashed potatoes or stuffing. For dessert, there was assorted cookies, fudge with nuts, and fudge without nuts as well. With so much food on the menu only one person, 100 year old E.E. Hinkle, was able to eat ice cream and cake after "Happy Birthday" had been sung to Noel Pothast. PONDEROSA ONLINE FOR A WHOLE AFTERNOON While Jerry Hinkle was in Huron on Market America business, Mary Hinkle went online with her computer that she bought with her own money. When she was done she neglected to disconnect and as far as can be determined was online from about 1pm to 5:30pm shortly after Jerry got home. Among those who called were Jerry himself, Wilbur Goehring, Doug Hinkle, and Kristi Hinkle. WHY DIE? THINK! INDEED by Jerry Hinkle, of the Holabird Advocate All over South Dakota along the roads there are signs that say "X marks the spot" "THINK!" and "Why Die". the "spot" mentioned in the sign is where a fatal automobile accident has happened. Hyde County will be getting another sign soon, I'm sad to say. A young lady was killed this weekend on a graveled county road. Another young lady is in the hospital. A young man is facing DUI charges and I don't know what all. "Merry Christmas", right. The Christmas tree display in the South Dakota capital building has a display of poinsettas sponsored by MADD. There is one plant for every person killed by a drinking driver the past year. I don't know the number of plants there are this year. Regardless, one plant is too many. Too much money is spent on those highway signs and on the poinsetta display. but the real cost is in human life. The empty place at the Christmas dinner table. The gifts that will not be openned. The plans and dreams for the next year. The life that could've been. It's all gone. It's not coming back. My dear Readers, please remember that drinking and driving is not the best way to celebrate the birth of our Lord, nor any other occasion for that matter. If not for yourself, then for the other people in your car, or on the road. TOP 10 CHRISTMAS WISHES OF OUR PUBLISHER, JERRY HINKLE by Jerry Hinkle, Special to the Holabird Advocate Yes it's that time of year. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. So, FROM THE HOME OFFICE IN HOLABIRD SOUTH DAKOTA, THE TOP TEN WISHES OF ME, JERRY HINKLE.THINGS I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS. OK LET'S GO: 1. Peace on Earth 2. Good will to men 3. For everyone to love Christmas like my Grandma Agnes 4. To be as healthy as Grandad when I'm 100 5. I can't go into too much detail on this one, let's just say it involves Jennifer Garner, a weed eater, some Cool Whip, and a live chicken 6. More rain this year 7. The next winning Powerball numbers 8. To be able to go to McDonald's without that "guilty feeling" 9. Tires that never go flat 10.For Doug and Noel to get married and live happily ever after (or at least 2 weeks) Friday, December 20, 2002 VOL. I Issue 12F HINKLES SAY "ALOHA" TO HAWAII In this case "aloha" means "goodbye". It seems that Harold and Mary Hinkle couldn't get a flight out for less that $1400. Harold said that if he needs a vacation, he'll go to Arizona. At any rate, it looks like Harold and Mary will celebrate Elvismas at home instead of "Blue Hawaii". On the bright side, they will be able to attend their grandson Cade's 1st birthday party. NO CHRISTMAS GOOSE FOR AGNES HAHN Agnes Hahn will be serving prime rib for her Christmas dinner. Of course, there's always "room at the table" but you'd better call ahead or your plate may be empty, although that's not very likely with Agnes. SERVICE FOR ZILVERBERG TO BE HELD A memorial service for Lucinda Zilverberg, Daughter of Former Valley Township residents David and Carol Zilverberg, will be held on Friday January 3, 2003 at 2pm at the United Methodist Church in Highmore. Ms. Zilverberg died on Thanksgiving day, November 28, 2002 at the age of 52 years 1 month and 2 days fighting a brief battle with cancer. TRENT LOTT STEPS DOWN, NOW WHAT by Jerry Hinkle, of the Holabird Advocate Well the left leaning pot smokers in the media can really pat themselves on the back. After a relentless attack on the character of one of the leading members of the Senate, Trent Lott has decided to step down from his leadership post. It is important to note that he is still a member of the Senate, but for how long. The media is not the only one to blame. congressional members from both sides of the fence and our all the sudden wimpy President W are also to blame. Their silence on this issue spoke volumes to me. Weak as water, the lot of them WEAK AS WATER!!! You, the Reader, may think me a racist for suporting Senator Lott. This is not the case. I supported Senator Lott because, and only because, former South Dakota Senator, Larry "Press Release" Pressler, A witness to the speech Senator Lott made, said that the media made much ado about nothing. Of course, I suspected as much before he said that. I personally feel that Senator Lott was lying just to make Strom Thurmond feel good on his 100th birthday. Senator Lott is, after all, a politician. They do it all the time. As always opposing views are welcome for equal time publication. So far, I've not recieved one. I'll be waiting. Tuesday, December 17, 2002 VOL. I Issue 12E HINKLES MAKING HAWAII PLANS Harold and Mary Hinkle are starting to plan for their expected trip to Hawaii. Their departure date, interestingly enough is January 8th, Elvis's birthday (airports will be open on that day, go figure). So, if they do in fact go, they will spend Elvismas in "Blue Hawaii". Agnes Hahn got the "A-OK" from her doctor (A for Aloha, one assumes) so she will be going as well. In fact he wanted her to take him along with her. Mary arranged for Joyce Ferris to come over for that two week period to babysit Jerry and E.E. Hinkle ( they being too stupid to look after themselves and all). It is certain that she'll have vegetables with her when she comes. and as for the wild women, forget about it. CHRISTMAS COMES EARLY FOR THE HINKLES A couple of early Christmas presents have been opened at the Ponderosa. The first was a Grill 'n Cook, a George Foreman Grill knockoff, for Jerry Hinkle that was one-fifth the price of a Foreman. The Second was a Sauder china cabinet for Mary Hinkle. Sources say the cabinet was very heavy. Heavy enough to be made of oak, but for some reason cost was not disclosed. The Hinkles will be celebrating Christmas early as well. Their gift exchange will be on December 22nd. They will have a cake for Noel Pothast's birthday which is the 23rd. SOUTH DAKOTA SONGBOOK Here's another Gordy Pratt Christmas song for you, the Reader. The tune is "Jingle Bells" SANTA'S FINE HE'S ONLINE 1st verse Back in olden days the kids all made a list of all the things they want and mail it of to old St. Nick. In this computer age, the written letter's dead. The kids all run computers and e-mail him instead. chorus: Oh Santa's fine, He's online. booting up his ROM. Don't forget his new address claus@n.pole.com 2nd verse He knows if you've been bad, so be good for goodness sake. Santa now keeps track of it on his new database. The elves are obsolete, production is too hard. He orders toys from QVC and pays with Master Card. (repeat chorus) 3rd verse Santa's one big fear, it could happen in a flash. his computer screen goes blank, the hard drive does a crash. The message on the screen says retry or abort. It's Christmas Eve, he's on the Phone with Gateway Tech Suport (repeat chorus until sick of singing it) Monday, December 16, 2002 VOL. Issue 12D STREP INFECTIONS BECOMES EDIPDEMIC Severeral elementry school kids were taken ill with with strep throat. Among them was Brittany Hinkle. She left the school Thursday with a sore throat. It hurt her to the point that she didn't want to talk. Kristi Hinkle took her to the clinic, where a medical professional was consulted, on Friday Morning. Kristi was informed that this strain is contagous and to watch herself and the other members of the family, especially the children. Britt was given bed rest for the next day and a half, being healthy enough to go to Sunday School and church. She along her parents, sister and brother missed the Nemec Christmas Party that was held on Saturday night. DARREL HINKLE'S EYES WORK FINE Also seeking a doctor was Darrel Hinkle, Who was in need of an eye exam to comply with the powers that be who yanked his flight certificate. Both Darrel and his eye doctor filled out forms in triplicate. Time will tell if he can get the certificate back now. Darrel's Brother, Jerry Hinkle, Holabird Advocate Publisher, is blaming Janklow for the whole mess because the original forms at the eye doctor's office show that he sees 20/20. It is the sincere hope of all of us at the Holabird Advocate that when Mike Rounds assumes power next month he can find people who know how to read those government forms. NEMECS HAVE A QUIET PARTY Holabird's biggest party was thrown at the home of Ed and Barbara Nemec. The usual ham, baked potato, hot dish, and pies were on the menu with plates of goodies afterward. John Zilverberg brought a pinochle deck so naturally a pinochle game followed. Several of the area's children were absent because of strep, but those in attendance were well behaved. New to the gathering were Mr. and Mrs. Ben Coughlin, who reside on the Ziltner place AKA the old Moss place. They were complemented on the repairs and refurbishments that they have completed this year. Betty Eckstien noticed that she had neighbors a few months ago, when a mailbox with their mame appeared next to her's. They are fine folks and welcome to the area. I'LL TAKE MY COFFEE AFRICAN-AMERICAN, PLEASE by Jerry Hinkle, Special to the Holabird Advocate By now I''m sure you've all heard about the flap caused by the left leaning pot smokers in the media over a few words said by Senator Trent Lott (R-MS) to 100 year old Strom Thurmond (R-SC). It seemed that some people took offense to Sen. Lott saying that the country would have been better off if Thurmond had been elected President in 1948. Since then Sen. Lott has been called "racist" and "bigot" and other things not printable here. Let's be fair now. He didn't say one word about segregation as the idiot on the TV news claim.He was just giving his friend in the Senate a tribute. Now there is a bipartisan effort to unseat Sen. Lott for "racist comments" that were not racist in any way. If this keeps up the agitators just might make the KKK look good by comparison. The Democrats especially should keep quiet. After all Sen Thurmond was a Democrat when he ran for President. A lot of his supporters were too. Some of those Democrats are still in the Senate as well. This newsblog and I stand by Sen. Lott! Opposing views are welcome and may get published! Tuesday, December 10, 2002 VOL. I Issue 12C HINKLES CONTEMPLATE HAWAII TRIP Harold and Mary Hinkle have a chance to go to our lands 50th state for a couple of weeks in January. This is all courtesy of Larry and Phyllis Ehlers. It also may be possible for Mary and Phyllis's mother Agnes Hahn to join them as well. It seems the only thing holding them back is leaving 100 year old E.E. Hinkle at the mercy of Jerry Hinkle. They are afraid,it seems, that Jerry and E.E. will eat pizza, drink heavily, and chase wild women all the time. They want Harold's sister, Joyce to come over for that 2 week period and force them to eat vegtables and all that jazz. That said, all of us at the Holabird Advocate hope that you the readers will e-mail Mary and Harold at mhhink@sbtc.net and encourage them to go on this trip. Also any and all wild women out there are encouraged to come on up to the Ponderosa if they'd like to watch a 100 year old man eat pizza. LEGAL NOTICE: JUSTIN HINKLE IS NORMAL A child development expert of some sort was called to the home of Darrel and Kristi Hinkle because cetain people were concerned that 1 year old Justin is not progressing as much as he should be. Said expert played with Justin and he talked, and he walked and pretty much proved that he is a typical, thriving, healthy boy who is in no way abnormal. His cousin Cade now, he's Allergic to peanut butter. THAT'S ABNORMAL DARREL HINKLE HAS FLIGHT CERTIFICATE YANKED It appears that because he had the famous Lasix procedure done to his eyes, Darrel Hinkle is no longer a licensed pilot. Steps are now being undertaken to reinstate is credentials. Good thing he hasn't got a plane yet. Saturday, December 07, 2002 VOL. I Issue 12B HINKLES FINALLY WEAN CALVES Our Publisher has been persona non grata around the Holabird Advocate press room lately. The Hinkles weaned cattle this week and has not even had time to send out Christmas cards. It has been going pretty good so far. Now they are waiting for warmer weather on the ponderosa so they can give the calves their winter shots. SHELBY HINKLE TURNS TWO Hard as it may be to fathom, Shelby Hinkle is two years old today. She will be the guest of honor at a party to be held at the Darrel and Kristi Hinkle home on Sunday afternoon. Her grandmother, Ruby Hoffman is reported to be baking a cake for the occasion, but several folks who claim to be in the know will believe it when they see it. NEMECS TO ENTERTAIN DEC. 14 Ed and Barbara Nemec will be holding their annual Christmas party. It will be held Saturday, December 14th at 6:30pm. Barbara has devised some additional fun for all. she has asked all that are willing to do so may bring their favorite Christmas tree ornament and tell that ornaments story. The usual fun, food, socially acceptable stylishness will be presented. SOUTH DAKOTA SONGBOOK This song was written by Gordy Pratt of Deadwood South Dakota. He is also known as, Orville T. Saddlesore and The Original Fabulous One Guy, you know, that One Guy. If you like this one, I'll see if I can find some more. The tune is "Good King Wenceslas" "Old King Whatshisname" Old King Whatshisname got lost crossing South Dakota. He turned left at Pierre and found himself in North Dakota. There he saw the flatest land he thought he ever had seen. He thought he was in Kansas when he spotted Aberdeen. Monday, December 02, 2002 VOL. I Issue 12A GEITZENAUER SELECTED 2002 "PERSON OF THE YEAR" The Editorial staff has selected Susan Marie Hansen Geitzenauer, of Eden Prairie, Minnesota, as it's "Person of the Year" for 2002. "She was the only obvious choice.", declared Holabird Advocate Publisher, Jerry Hinkle. "It was because of her that the Holabird Advocate newsblog was started. She gave me the idea of blogging by sending me an article from USA TODAY, After which I thought about it,debating pro and con, checked out Blogger.com, and finally decided to bring my unique talents and abilities as well as my hometown of Holabird, South Dakota to the world." There will be more on Mrs. Geitzenauer later in this edition for the benefit of those that don't know her. PONDEROSA HAS TUMBLEWEED BLIZZARD Strong winds blew tumbleweeds all over the Ponderosa Friday afternoon into the night.huge piles of tumbleweeds were gathered around the houses, barns, and other buildings. It was mentioned that if this had been snow, we would have had a lot of trouble. Besides the tumbleweed mess, there were road signs that had blown over and also dirt was blowing in some places. OUR 2002 "PERSON OF THE YEAR" by Jerry Hinkle, our Publisher If one was to look up the word "Lady" in the dictionary, I believe that there should be a picture of Susan. She is very elegant even when she is lounging around the house in her pajamas on those rare occasions when she is able to. She is also very kind warm and loving. She had the benefit of a Norwegian Luthern upbringing. This taught her the value of family, hard work, and having fun in life. I've known Susan for-well-for a good many years. In fact I can't remember a time when I didn't know her. Many of the best times in my life were brought about, either directly or in directly, because of her. Susan's wedding Greg, her husband of 6 years, was wonderful, I got to go to Forrest City a few days ahead of the rest of her Family and friends to help out. I got to drive a new Caddilac for the first, and so far the only time. It was also because of the wedding that I was able to renew the aquaintance of the only woman I'll ever love, and even though I screwed that up royally, I still look back on that time with fondness. It is needless to say that starting the Holabird Advocate has been just one more wonderful thing in my life. I hope all of you, the readers, approve of our Person of the Year" for 2002 : SUSAN MARIE HANSEN GEITZENAUER. 
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