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 Holabird AdvocateProviding all the news we see fit to print since 2002!Saturday, January 31, 2004 VOL. III Issue 1U HOLABIRD WARMS UP, FOR A WHILE Friday in the Hyde county area started out at -12. Shortly before midnight, the temp was 31. This morning, at press time, it has cooled to a tolerable -1. Cold temps don't bother the Hinkles. Harold Hinkle says, "I keeps out the rirr-raff". His father, E.E. Hinkle, doesn't mind the weather either. The 101 year old boy has managed to walk to Harold and Mary's for dinner every day this week. He wasn't even hungry when he got there most of the time. RITES PENDING FOR ESTHER DALTON Esther Dalton, who is apparently a relative of Mary Hinkle's, has died this past week. Her funeral is planned for Monday, February 2, 2004. There will be more on Esther on a future date, providing we can find it. FERRIS TRIP SOUTH POSTPONED Ken Ferris had planned to go to Arizona to dig for gold yesterday. That was until he unexpectedly was the winning bidder for a banjo on e-Bay. It will be delivered to him on February 4. After that, it is expected he'll be off to Arizona with his banjo on his knee. He needn't worry about his wife, Joyce, either. She's doing extemely well under her daughters care. PUBLISHERS NOTES by Jerry Hinkle OOPS! I thought that yesterday was the end of January, but it's today. The Bravenet services I described yesterday are up, and the Vote Caster is running. The web journal was given the title "Signs Along the Highway of My Life". Grandad's life story will start being told sometime on Monday. I have taken several notes through the years. I will publish those, and will add to them on the web whenever possible. My dad has been really cranky this month concerning the Holabird Advocate, He'll be even more so when he find out that it cost him 60 cents. My advice to you Readers is not to share anything about the Newsblog with him as he does not enjoy it anyway. I have syndicated the Holabird Advocate with a service called Atom. The deal with Atom sounds promising. Hopefully, we'll know more about it in the coming days month. My cousin, Susan Geitzenauer, always said I should be syndicated. I hope the only difference in our Newsblog is the number of Readers going up. Time will tell. Now for my Super bowl pick. I've never been right so I'll take the Patriots by 17 points. I just hope the Winder Dance Party in Clear Lake didn't hold their festivities this weekend. That's too much fun in a few days time. Of course, I've never had too much fun. Friday, January 30, 2004 VOL. III Issue 1T COLD SPELL CONTINUES Holabird has been stayed below zero for the past 36 hours. it is forcast that we could get up above that magical 0 mark later today. Light dustings of snow have been the rule rather than the exception. Still, at least nobody is complaining of sunburn. JOYCE FERRIS SITUATION IS LOOKING UP Finally, some good news to share concerning Joyce Ferris. She is doing much better lately, her daughter, Sandy Soulek, has her up and around, eating with hardly any pain, and she actually crochetted yesterday. Joyce ate a normal meal and is getting stronger by the minute. She seems really upbeat and making progress. No word on her X-ray yet but Sandy feels that if she had a problem its obvious that the antibiotics are taking care of it. PUBLISHER'S NOTES by Jerry Hinkle Well, it's been quite a couple of days for me. The weather, while not ideal, is not the worst problem I got here. We got the phone bill here and when my dad saw a 60 cent charge to Bakersfield, California he hit the roof. It was a few moments later that I discover said charge was for the Audblog number, which I thought was toll free. It is for that reason that I've decided to delay the Audblog project until such time as I get a cell phone or some other arrangement can be made. On top if that, the gal who used to be Rudy Huxtable was executed on "The Mole". At least it's gonna warm up soon. On the bright side, a few more Bravenet services have become available. One is a web journal that I plan spinning off. The plan is to either start publishing Grandad's autobiography or try my hand at serialized fiction, providing it works, of course. There is also something called a "Vote Caster" that will allow you, the Readers, to vote on many different things. I will both of get those in February. Some things we could get in the future is a chat room, free e-cards, and a photo section. I don't want to get too many services, and so I've eliminated the guest book, since nobody used it. We'll see how all this plays out next month Wednesday, January 28, 2004 VOL. III Issue 1S PONDEROSA PIPES FREEZE AS TEMPS LOWER Early this morning Mary Hinkle turned a water faucet to find nothing coming out but a few drips. Jerry thought the whole place was dry, but it was just the one house. E.E Hinkle had running water as did the cows. Most of the morning the Hinkles used E.E.'s bathroom as an outhouse. Eventually Harold was able to thaw out the pipes. The high temp was 0 despite a forecast of -6. Tomorrow's high is forecast at -5. Light snow started falling in the afternoon. THE LATEST FROM WASHINGTON CONCERNING JOYCE FERRIS While saying that she feels like a news columnist, Sandy Soulek reported that she and Joyce arrived home from the clinic at 7pm last night. Her mom felt a lot better yesterday morning and her fever broke. Her pain from arthiritis is her biggest complaint. Because she is coughing stuff up and a little short of breath, the doctor will do a chest x-ray tomorrow morning. He started her on antibiotic as well as a new pain med, and increased her stomach pill to two times a day. He wants to be sure she doesn't have pneumonia or an infection before he turns her clear loose. Hopefully now she can really recover and start to get on her feet. "I think she has just been run down so long she can't get back up very easily." Sandy surmised. "One nice thing..the Dr has given her all samples so she's gotten free medicine that would have cost her about 300 dollars at least so far. He is really a nice guy." The doctor is also setting up an appointment with a Rheumatologist for Joyce as soon as she is better from this deal. Sandy closed her report with one last request, "Keep praying and all will turn out good soon." "COMEBACK" KERRY BECOMES "KETCHUP" KERRY Senator John Kerry had to play "catch-up" and that is what he did. Not only did Kerry catch up, but as far as the New Hampshire voters are concerned, Kerry passed Howard Dean. Kerry's big win has him sitting pretty for "Super Tuesday" on February 2, when seven different states around the country will be holding primary elections, South Carolina and North Dakota among them. Dean, being a litle more forthright in New Hampshire than he was in Iowa last week, admitted that he was never the front runner, it was all media hype. The voters, not the media, determine the front runner. The voters have spoken, now it looks like John "Ketchup" Kerry is the man to beat, for now anyway. Tuesday, January 27, 2004 VOL. III Issue 1R HERSETH HAS ADVANTAGE IN HOUSE RACE Stephanie Herseth, the Democratic candidate in South Dakota's race for the US House, reports having at least ten times more money on hand than Larry Diedrich, her newly chosen Republican opponent. Herseth issued a news release saying she has raised more than $352,000 and has more than $354,000 on hand. Her spokesman says that by the end of January the campaign could have about $500,000 in the bank. South Dakota's Republicans chose state Senator Larry Diedrich as the person to meet Herseth in a June 1 special election. According to his latest Federal Election Commission report, he had $34,000 on hand at the end of 2003. JOYCE FERRIS TAKES ANOTHER TURN Sandy Soulek reports that her mother, Joyce Ferris, has been feeling weak for awhile and started to gain a little ground but on Monday she came down with a fever with chills and a nasty little cough. She says that she feels like she is getting pneumonia. Her back has been hurting too. Sandy feels that there may be a little kidney infection along with it. She has a headache also. Sandy and Joyce will see the doctor sometime today for a follow up and to check it all out. They will probably do some blood work and maybe X-rays if necessary. SCHOOL HONOR ROLLS UNDER PRIVACY SCRUTINY by Matt Gouras of the Associated Press The school honor roll, a time-honored system for rewarding A-students, has become an apparent source of embarrassment for some underachievers. As a result, all Nashville schools have stopped posting honor rolls, and some are also considering a ban on hanging good work in the hallways — all at the advice of school lawyers. After a few parents complained their children might be ridiculed for not making the list, Nashville school system lawyers warned that state privacy laws forbid releasing any academic information, good or bad, without permission. Some schools have since put a stop to academic pep rallies. Others think they may have to cancel spelling bees. And now schools across the state may follow Nashville's lead. The change has upset many parents who want their children recognized for hard work. "This is as backward as it gets," said Miriam Mimms, who has a son at Meigs Magnet School and helps run the Parent Teacher Association. "There has to be a way to come back from the rigidity." The problem appears unique to Tennessee, since most states follow federal student privacy guidelines, which allow the release of such things as honor rolls, U.S. Department of Education officials said. "It's the first time I've heard of schools doing that," said department spokesman Jim Bradshaw. But Nashville school lawyers based their decision last month on a state privacy law dating back to the 1970s — a law that's not always followed because no one challenged the honor roll status quo. School officials are developing permission slips to give parents of the Nashville district's 69,000 students the option of having their children's work recognized. They hope to get clearance before the next grading cycle — in about six weeks at some schools. Until then, school principals are left trying to figure out what they can and can't do. Sandy Johnson, chief instructional officer for the Nashville schools, says the restrictions go "far beyond the honor role." "It's for anything having to do with grades and attendance or anything normally reserved just for the student or parent," she said. Getting parents to sign permission slips won't help protect students from being left out, but at least it will comply with the law, school officials said. Christy Ballard, general counsel for the state Education Department, said she's "getting a lot of calls" since the Nashville decision, and will recommend that all Tennessee public schools get honor roll permission slips from parents. But some school systems already get parents to sign a release before student information is made public. Others think it might be a good idea to get rid of the honor roll altogether, as Principal Steven Baum did at Julia Green Elementary in Nashville. "The rationale was, if there are some children that always make it and others that always don't make it, there is a very subtle message that was sent," he said. "I also understand right to privacy is the legal issue for the new century." Baum thinks spelling bees and other publicly graded events are leftovers from the days of ranking and sorting students. "I discourage competitive games at school," he said. "They just don't fit my world view of what a school should be." Parents at most schools, though, have been close to outrage over the new rule. "So far, what we've heard parents say is 'This is crazy; spend your time doing other things,'" said Teresa Dennis, principal at Percy Priest Elementary School. "It does seem really silly." A similar issue over student privacy went to the U.S. Supreme Court two years ago, when some parents objected to students grading each other's work. The court sided with tradition in that case, ruling the long-standing practice of teachers asking students to swap papers and grade them in class does not violate federal privacy law. "It's not always clear what falls into (the privacy laws)," says Naomi E. Gittins, an attorney with the National School Boards Association. "Schools often take a more cautious route." Monday, January 26, 2004 VOL. III Issue 1Q COLIN ZILVERBERG ANSWERS COUNTRY'S CALL When the 147th was reactivated Colin Zilverberg was activated with them. He will be bound for an undisclosed location in Europe, and from there to an undisclosed location in Iraq. According to his mother, Sue Zilverberg, Colin seems excited, yet realistic, about going out there. HOLABIRD "BLIZZARD" BRINGS TWO INCHES OF SNOW Despite all of the hype, Holabird had only a mere two inches of snow during the last blizzard. The new snow has done litle except to cover up patches of ice that can hurt when slipped and fell upon if one is not careful. It is also a chilly 2 degrees outside with subzero windchills. There have been reports from Yahoo! Weather that Mason City, Iowa and St. Paul, Minnesota have experienced some nasty winter weather, but no eyewitness testimony as of yet. KEN FERRIS GETS BACK HOME It is assumed by all of us at the Holabird Advocate that Joyce Ferris must be in pretty good shape for two good reasons. First, we have heard precious little from her or her caretakers, and second, Mary Hinkle has a total of four e-mails from Ken Ferris that were of questionable taste, so he must be home. A FEW WORDS IN SUPPORT OF THE PATRIOT ACT by Jerry Hinkle Special to the Holabird Advocate In his State of the Union Address, W called for the Patriot act to be renewed. A few pot-smoking liberal communist terror supporting traitors to their nation like Al Franken are opposed to this. I, as you can tell do not agree. The Patriot act has given the authority to the FBI to monitor American web sites since June of 2002. The Holabird Advocate is just one such web site. I have nothing to hide and welcome all G-men to read everything herein contained. I am very proud of the work that I have done here and hope that every FBI agent that is able to do so will read the Holabird Advocate. Saturday, January 24, 2004 VOL. III Issue 1P BLIZZARD PREDICTED FOR HOLABIRD Holabird Advocate Meteorologist, Storm Chaser, has forcast that a two day blizzard will bring as much as four inches to the Holabird Area. Snow and blowing snow has already made it's presence known throughout Hyde County. NO GLASES FOR BRITTANY HINKLE Ruby Hoffman took her grandaughter, Brittany Hinkle, to the eye doctor in Pierre on Friday morning. Brit's eyes tested good. No eyeglasses for her. This year anyway. After the eye exam, Ruby took Brit to McDonald's and then on to the Ponderosa to be with her brother, Justin, and sister, Shelby, while their parents spend the weekend snowmoibiling in the Black Hills. GOP NOMINATE DIEDRICH ON FORTH BALLOT Larry Diedrich, a farmer and State Senator from Elkton, South Dakota, has won the Republican nomination for South Dakota's vacant US House seat. He won on the fourth ballot which consisted of Diedrich and Larry Russell. Diedrich says he'll decide within a few days whether he can keep his senate seat for the rest of this year'slegislative session. He says his first obligation will be to the House campaign. Diedrich won the nomination at the Republican convention that has been going on this week in Sioux Falls. Diedrich will face Democrat Stephanie Herseth in a special election on June 1 for the seat formerly held by Bill Janklow before he resigned earlier this week. South Dakota voters who wish to learn more about Senator Diedrich can catch "First Monday" on February 2 at 6:30 on your local Keloland station. "First Monday" Host Steve Hemmingson as reported to the Holabird Advocate that he will touch on this special June election in on that show. BOB "CAPTAIN KANGAROO" KEESHAN, DEAD AT 76 Bob Keeshan, who children of all ages knew as Captain Kangaroo, died this week after a long illness. The former Marine had became a fixture in children's programing for almost 50 years. Keeshan was the first Clarabelle the Clown on the Howdy Doody Show, a role that earned him a place in the Clown Hall of Fame. After 6 years as Clarabelle, He moved on to his best known role as Captain Kangaroo in 1955. The show lasted for 31 years Keeshan ended each show by telling parents to "Spend time with your young person". "Captain Kangaroo" was on CBS until being cancelled in 1982 to help the network compete with morning shows like "Today" and "Good Morning America". CBS has been in thrird place since that decision. The "Captain Kangaroo" show was moved to PBS where it lasted until the death of Hugh "Mr. Greenjeans" Brannum in 1986. Television has been a poor babysitter ever since. Keeshan sold the name "Captain Kangaroo" to Saban Entertainment. They tried to do the show in syndication without him in 1997. The new show lasted one season. Keeshan spoke out against violence on television, prompting detractors to claim that, despite his wife and children, "Captain Kangaroo was the captain of a fairy boat". He was instramental in getting childrens programing to be more educational and informational, even if children never watched it. He will be missed, just as he has been missed by those who grew up watching him. So long, Captain. WHAT'S UP WITH DEAN AND KERRY, ANYWAY by Jerry Hinkle of the Holabird Advocate Hard to believe, but it has been just a few days since Howard Dean gave what has been known as the "I Have a Scream" speech in Iowa. The media has sure made a big flap about it. I say, "What's the big deal". Sure, it's a little festive for a third place finish, but other than that, it's alright. Who know's, if he comes in second at the New Hampshire primary, he may pull a Clinton on us and call himself "the Comeback Kid". John "Comeback" Heinz-OOPS-Kerry has already tried that since winning big in Iowa. He doesn't even say what he came back from. It's not lie he was ever the front runner or anything. Perhaps he is electable after all. Perhaps his wife sold enough ketchup and bought the vote in Iowa for him. After all, being Mr. Teresa Heinz does have it's advantages. We'll know for sure on Tuesday next. Thursday, January 22, 2004 VOL. III Issue 1O JUDGEMENT DAY FOR JANKLOW After a court session that lastest for almost 3 hours, former Representative William J. Janklow was sentenced to 100 days in the Minnehaha County detention center After the first 30 days, he will be let out to peform community service afterwards. Sentence is to start on February 7. Janklow was also fined $6000, and given 3 years probation. He was not ordered to make restitution to the the family of Randy Scott, the man he has been convicted of killing, pending the outcome of a civil suit filed in Hennepin County, Minnesota. WHETHER AT WORK OR PLAY HINKLES ARE OK Darrel Hinkle is taking another vacation, only his second one this year, to Deadwood, South Dakota. Nobody, and we mean nobody, begrudges him that, as in a few weeks time he will be calivng out 71 heifiers. This will more than likely mean a round the clock watch for him in the two weeks after February 21. Have fun while you can, Darrel. Mavis Kennedy has been after Darrel's brother Jerry to take a vacation as well. Jerry has said that the way things are is just fine. The arrangement they have is that Darrel takes four vacations a year, and Jerry takes one vacations every four years. It was pointed out that Jerry hasn't had a vacation since Memorial Weekend of 2000. Jerry has been working hard taking care of his grandfather, E.E. Hinkle. He has said that it is the hardest job he's ever had. "It is harder work then when I schleped furniture for the furniture store in Highmore," He quipped. "Mostly because the furniture didn't talk back to me". A FEW MORE BITES OF REALITY by Jerry Hinkle So called Reality Television is back on my radar screen again. "Survivor" is coming back next month, but more about that later. I feel I must congratulate ABC on their lasest in the "Mole" series. "Celebrity Mole: Yucatan" has some people I've actually heard of. Athough I've never seen Stephan Baldwin act, I assume he's Alec's Brother (Alec must be too busy living in Canada these days to be on these celebrity shows). Dennis Rodman, as I recall made a name for himself by Marrying Carmen Electra (both bride and groom wore a white wedding dress, which was brave for them both). Angie Everhart Used to be George Hamilton's daughter-in-law. Mark Curry was on a show that used the old "Growing Pains" set, but I forgot the name of the show. I haven't seen him since then until this show. Speaking of "Growing Pain's", this show also has Tracey Gold, who is looking better than ever after her eating disorder trouble. Not too skinny, and not too fat. she's my second choice for the jackpot winner. My first choice is the gal who used to be Rudy Huxtable on "The Cosby Show". She sure has growed up a lot since I saw her last. She's looking mighty fine to boot. Wednesday night is no longer bath night because of this show. "Survivor" talked about doing a elebrity version. Ray Romano was interested in trying out for it. Thankfully, the idea was scrapped, for now. "Survivor: All Stars" promises to be an interesting adventure. Somewhere around 18 previous survivor contestants, including 4 of the 8 winners have been brought together for another shot. It's not he same old "Survivor". I'm not sure what criteria was used for selecting contestants for this incarnation. It sure wasn't how well they played the game in the case of Amber. Unless she is in the same tribe as Jerri(who is also in this series) she won't know what to do. I don't remember Kathi from the Marqueses adventure. Hopefully she will do something memorable in this one. For better or worse reality television is still a part of the media. which may or may not be a good thing. Tuesday, January 20, 2004 VOL. III Issue 1N KERRY WINS IN IOWA GEPHARDT DROPS OUT Senator John Kerry won big at the Iowa caucus last night. With 45 delegats to the National convention to divide up, Kerry came in first, followed by Senator John Edwards. A distant third was former Vermont Governor Dr. Howard Dean. Representative Richard Gephardt from Missouri was fourth and decided to leave they fray. And then there were 7. Iowa is deserted, politically at least. Those politicains beat it for New Hampshire as soon as they could. The New Hampshire primary takes place next Tuesday. JANKLOW'S RESIGNATION TAKES EFFECT Today is the first day that South Dakota has no representation in the House of Representatives. The office's will be kept open, the staff will be paid, constituents problems will be listened to, but no votes will be taken from the South Dakota Representative until she-er-the new Representative takes office in June. Janklow sent a letter to 346,000 South Dakota households, explaining his position in detail, though not great detail. The Ponderosa recieved three such letters. This letter cost the taxpayers $46,000 in postage, because of the franking priviledge that all members of Congress enjoy. JOYCE FERRIS DISCHARGED FROM HOSPITAL There is good news for Joyce Ferris and her family. When Her daughter, Sandy went to see her yesterday noon they said she could bust out of there. She's tired but looks good. It was speculated that she may have had an ulcer, but it does not appear to be so. Just found that her blood was so thin she oozed out any cranny. The Doctor will see her back in the clinic on Tues next week and from there he wants her to see a rheumatologist to get more "modern" pain coverage for her arthritis without ripping up her stomach. For now he wants her left on the pain "patch" that she wears. She willcontinue to take an ulcer med for now just as a precaution. Shes in super good spirits and glad to be here in her 2nd home away from home. There have been a few Readers of the Holabird Advocate who have written to us at the home office telling how greatful they are that we keep us informed about Joyce these many months. The Readers, and the rest of us here at the Holabird Advocate hill keep her and the rest of the family in our prayers. She has a way to go, but she is on her way. She will get there. STATE OF THE NEWSBLOG ADDRESS by Jerry Hinkle The second year of the Holabird Advocate has been a year of exponential growth. we started the year with 700 Readers. We now have more than triple that number. In fact, the current number is 2645. Improvments to the Bravenet counter tells us that the current amount of repeat Readers is 12%. We hope to increase that number this year. Major stories covered this year were the Janklow crash, the trial that came afterwards, as well as the conviction and resignation that followed. We also covered the heath problems he experienced before the crash. Janklow's conviction was reported during an experiment with Audblog. This was the first, and possibly the last time Audblog will be used in the Holabird Advocate, due to the reluctance on the part of Holabird Advocate Readers to accept corporate sponsorship. that is their right, and I don't begrudge them that. One local story that was covered in the Holabird Advocate was the conversion of my Grandad's house into the Ponderosa Pines Old Age Assistance home. It was the first time many Readers really got to know that my aunt, Joyce Ferris was as delicate as she is. Many readers have come to know her and love her because of that series of articles. Not everything in the Holabird Advocate is local, but then not everything in the New York Times is local. I believe the world needs the Holabird Advocate more than it needs the New York Times. Bravenet services added this year were a Tell-a-Friend Announcer link, which I am sure accounted for the most of our growth this past year. Also a Forum page entitled "Vital Social Issues 'N Stuff" where Readers who choose to do so can reply to the goings on at the front page of the Holabird Advocate. So far no complaints, except from my dad. However, if I walked on water, he'd complain I wasn't running so that doesn't count. I discovered an interesting little television show called "Joan of Arcadia" this fall. The previews showed that it was not like anything else on TV. From the first episode, it posed the musical question, "What if God was one of us?" I worried about this show. I thought it didn't have a chance. I found myself caring for the family portrayed in the show, even thought they were fictional, the mark of a great company of players executing a well written script. Not only has this show become a hit, but it won the People's Choice Award for Favorite New Drama, but picked up a couple of Golden Globe nominatins as well. It is probably just a coincedence that this all happened after mentioning it in the Holabird Advocate, but every little bit helps. I still think it's a good show. Our 2003 "Person of the Year" was Judge Roy S. Moore, a man who I repspect a great deal personally because he sacrificed for what was right. most of the Readers did not agree with that choice. Time Magazine's choice of the American military person may have been a better choice. Both were courageous and dynamic, but we owe the Allied Fighting Force so much. The politicians do the talking, but the soldiers pay the dues. The "War on Ignorance" is taking another turn. Instead of fighting ignorace, we will embrace wisdom in 2004. It's not a surrender, just a change in tactics. I won't give up until every Reader of the Holabird Advocate is as smart as me. I might be here a while. I don't know what 2004 will bring us, but I do know that the Holabird Advocate will be there to report it when it does. Thank you, God Bless you, and God bless the Holabird Advocate. Monday, January 19, 2004 VOL. III Issue 1M JOYCE FERRIS HOSPITALIZED FROM PAPER CUT Word from Washington is that Joyce Ferris was admitted into the hospital after a paper cut resulted in a profuse amount of bleeding. Joyce's daughter, Sandy Soulek,reports that her mother had a busy night getting blood products The good news is her clotting factors are back to normal so she is no longer in danger of a major bleeding incident at this time. Right now she looks better but tired. CAM COWAN DOING BETTER One thing we've been neglecting here at the Holabird Advocate is news south of Holabird. There has been a bit of good news. Cam Cowan has been improving slightly. Her white blood cell count is better. Cam has been suffering from a flare-up of Hodgkins disease, a particularly nasty form of cancer. She has been battleing this for some time. Doctors have done all they can do medically. She has been recieving transfusions to keep her white blood cell count at a healthy level. All that can be done has been done. The rest is up to God. RITES HELD FOR FORMER HOLABIRD RANCHER Donald G. Kutz, 82, of Highmore, died Wednesday, Jan. 14, 2004, at Sioux Valley Hospice Cottage in Sioux Falls. Funeral services will be held Saturday at 2 p.m. at Our Savior Lutheran Church in Highmore, with the Rev. Wendy Popp officiating. Arrangements were announced by Luze Funeral Home in Highmore. Donald G. Kutz was born Aug. 27, 1921, to Otto and Ruth (Traver) Kutz in Highmore. He attended rural schools in Hyde County and Highmore High School. He married Dorothy Sarvis on Jan. 2, 1945. They ranched north of Holabird. They retired from ranching and moved into Highmore in 1975. He served on the Spring Lake school board in Hyde County. He was active in the Senior Citizen Organization in Highmore, receiving a commendation by Gov. George Mickkelson for volunteerism. He also reigned as king of Old Settlers Day in 2003. Survivors include his two daughters, Diana Heintz of Pierre, and Ginger Carman of Sioux Falls; six grandchildren; nine great-grandchildren; three brothers, Myron (Marla) Kutz of Sioux Falls, Dale (Marilyn) Kutz and Royal (LaVonne) Kutz, both of Highmore; one sister-in-law, Arlene Kutz of Highmore; and many nieces and nephews. He was preceded in death by his wife; his parents; four brothers, Carl, Harold, Richard and Victor; one son-in-law, Ronald Carman; and special friend, Dolores Crane. FAMED HYDE COUNTY RANCHER DIES Word was recieved that William "Bill" Schuette died at the Highmore Healthcare Center late Saturday night. Funeral plans are pending and will be reported by the Holabird Advocate when they are complete. Among his many accomplishments were being admitted to the South Dakota Hall of Fame because of his success at ranching, and miscounting ballots in the County Commision election of 1966. Bill Schuette, dead at 92. Friday, January 16, 2004 VOL. III Issue 1L FERRIS TRIP TO WASHINGTON A SUCCESS Ken and Joyce Ferris made it to Pasco, Washington at about 8pm last night Holabird time. According to Sandy Soulek, her parents were none the worse for wear. To paraphrase Robert Redford, They got Joyce to Sandy's house, now what? All of us at the Holabird Advocate have a feeling both Joyce and Sandy are in for quite an adventure. HINKLES PARTY IN PIERRE Noel Pothast threw a Birthday party for her oldest daughter, Jaimie, at the Pizza Ranch in Pierre tonight. Harold and Mary were in attendence, mostly out of guilt for missing Cade's party earlier this month. Jerry Hinkle was not invited, as he was also snubbed for Cade's Party. "Everyone knows that I take care of Grandad", said the erstwhile Holabird Advocate Publisher. "I would have liked to have gone, since Jaimie is my oldest niece, and the Heirhead to my throne. Grandad would not go, however. Despite his love of pizza, It seems he refuses to go to fancy parties thrown in upscale resturaunts like the Pizza Ranch and China Buffet." E.E. HINKLE AWAITS WARMUP Despite the January thaw, 101 year old E.E. Hinkle claims it's not warm enough for him to venture out. He has expressed a desire to go to Pierre when it is warm enough for him to go. No word on just exactly how warm that is, however. SOUTH DAKOTA LEGISLATURE IS IN SESSION It has long been speculation that the legendary January thaw spoke of in Dakota lore is around the time that the Legislators gather at the Statehouse. It's said the hot air they produce causes the thaw. Believe it or not, it looks like that is exactly what has happened this year, That's just a coincedence, of course. (or is it?) Among hot button issues being decided is whetherore not to eliminate the sales tax on food. This, after it was decided to double said tax at the local level in last years session. Also there is the establishment of, and funding for, an underground laboratory in the former Homestake gold mine. These are issues that the Holabird Advocate intends to follow, and when events warrant, report on the progress or regress of those issues. Thursday, January 15, 2004 VOL. III Issue 1K JANUARY THAW COMES BACK TO HOLABIRD Earlier this year, the Holabird area was visited, for a short time, with the legendary January thaw. Soon afterward the mercury got down to -12 degrees. Now it appears that the January thaw has come back. Most of the snow has either melted or turned to ice. The high temp for today was 48. We can expect those highs to stay in the 40s around Holabird for a while. Holabird Advocate Meteoroligist, Storm Chaser, predicts a snow storm next Wednesday. W TURNS SPACE CADET President George W. Bush has announced plans to have another moon shot take place in 2015 as the first step to puting a man on the surface of mars. This has earned him the nickname "Bush Lightyear" (We'll stick to W thank you very much). All of us at the Holabird Advocate support the space program. However, perhaps it's time to have some corporate sponsors help pay for this. That's the American way. POETRY CORNER "Why I Love South Dakota" When it's springtime in South Dakota, And the gentle breezes blow, About seventy miles an hour And it's fifty-two below. You can tell you're in South Dakota 'cause the snow's up to your butt, And you take a breath of springtime air And your nose holes both freeze shut. The weather here is wonderful, So I guess I'll hang around, I could never leave South Dakota. My feet are frozen to the ground! MEMO TO THE DEMOCRATS: QUIT $&#**^' AROUND by Jerry Hinkle, Special to the Holabird Advocate It was Will Rogers who first said " I'm not a member of any organized political party. I'm a Democrat." That's the way I feel. As I see the way the current crop of Presidential canditates are carrying on, I want to hit somebody. As the headline tells you, this is the second time I've had to use my anti-profanity program. The first time was with Ralph Nader. If not for the fact that we are commited to Joe Lieberman, I'd consider voting for Nader right now. Of course Lieberman isn't grabbing the headlines these days, which may or may not be a good thing. The morons that are grabbing them are ruining any chance this party has of putting a Democrat in the Oval Office this time next year. Front-runner Howard Dean, now here's the prototypical Limozine Liberal. A week or so ago, somebody got Dr. Dean's mother on videotape saying the imortal words, "I wouldn't say Howard had a prililaged background. We never treated the servants like servants". Oh yeah, W is gonna run that little clip on his ads every chance he gets, thereby running Dean's candidacy into the ground. Then there's John Kerry, or as I like to call him Mr. Teresa Heinz. His wife better sell a boatlaod of ketchup to pay for this folly. He has the nerve to say that he is electable-Dean is not. Well, Mr. Heinz-OOPS-Kerry, time will tell who is electable and who is not. Remember that in 2000, Bill Bradley tried the strategy that you are employing now. It didn't work. In the end both He and Gore were not electable. Now Richard Gephardt has the right idea concerning free trade, and it's the same one he had 10 years ago, before, as he puts it, NAFTA and GATT took jobs "overseas" to Mexico. When Gephardt ran in 1988, he was wanting to "get tough" on Japan. NAFTA did just that. How quickly they forget. I'd like to see a Lieberman-Gephardt ticket in November. I'd also like to see Jennifer Garner in hot pants and an "I celebrated Emory Hinkle's 100th birthday" T-shirt, rollerskating in the Ponderosa kitchen. This is not going to be my year. Wednesday, January 14, 2004 VOL. III Issue 1J JANKLOW'S GUILTY VERDICT STANDS Judge Rodney Steele denied the motion set forth by Representative Bill Janklow's legal team requesting that his conviction for manslaughter be overturned. The judge stated that the jury's verdict still stands and that sentencing in that case will be on January 22, just two days after Janklow's resignation is efective. As for the new trial motin, it was reported that the judge asked the prosecutor if he was ready for a new trial, but that is not official. Several Republicans have lined up to run for Jankow's seat in the U.S house, but Larry "press release" Pressler is not one of them. He is too busy travelling and making speaking engagments. It has been a while since Pressler has been to his farm near Humboldt, South Dakota. It looks like he's also too busy to put plow to the ground there too. KEN AND JOYCE FERRIS HEAD OUT. Everyone at the Ponderosa breakfast table was pleasently surprised to here that Ken and Joyce Ferris were on the road to Washington. They plan to be in Big Sky, Montana tonight. According to the Computer travelling program at the Holabird Advocate home office, they should get there tonight at 8pm Holabird Time. Of course, This computer does not know Ken Ferris all that well. Tuesday, January 13, 2004 VOL. III Issue 1I HAROLD HINKLE GETS BACK IN THE SWING It's been gone for a while, but Harold Hinkle is back and hit the ground running. He was well pleased with some of the things that went on in his absense, other things not so. Apparently nobody went into his bedroom to check the mousetraps. not only was a dead mouse found therein, but something started eating the mouse. It was neither a pretty sight, nor a pleasent smell. FERRIS X-RAYS SHOW NOTHING The X-rays that Joyce Ferris had done showed nothing wrong so far. Her doctor wants her to have another set done in February. Harold Hinkle has offered his sister the use of his diesel van. It is not known at this time if she and Ken will take him up on it yet, nor is it known when they will actually leave for Washington. KENNEDYS STILL ON THE ROAD. George and Mavis Kennedy called into the Holabird Advocate home office at 11:35am, Holabird time, to say they had just left Santa Fe New Mexico. As of 5pm Holabird Time they were enroute to Demming. They will probably be home sometime tomorrow. Monday, January 12, 2004 VOL. III Issue 1H FRUITBASKET UPSETS AT PONDEROSA This part of South Dakota sure lived up to it's name of "The Land of Infinate Variety" on Sunday as a lot of changes took place. Harold and Mary Hinkle managed to get back home in spite of Mary's taking too long (an whole hour) At the Watertown Walmart. They were welcomed by Mavis and George Kennedy, Ken and Joyce Ferris, As well as Justin, Skelby, Brittany, Kristi, Darrel, Jerry, and E.E. Hinkle. Supper that night was prepared by Darrel, who provided homemdade peach ice cream, and Mavis, who made meatloaf, spice cake with brown sugar frosting, and peach cobbler. Before during and after the meal, there was lots of catching up and visiting. Harold spent some of that time complaining about the Holabird Advocate(some people are just never happy) Afterwards Darrel and his family went home. The Ken and Joyce also left so Joyce could keep an X-ray appointment in Huron the next day. George and Mavis got up and left the Ponderosa at about 6:30am and after almost 12 hours of travelling, got to Trinidad, Colorado. They will stay with George's sister in New Mexico before returning home in Green Valley, Arizona. VIKINGS STAY IN MANKATO Despite all of the flap of moving their spring training camp across the state border from Mankato to Sioux Falls, South Dakota, the Mineesota Vikings will not move it at all. Another possibility has come about that the Kansas City Chiefs may move their spring training camp to South Dakota as well. All of us at the Holabird Advocate feel that the city of Sioux Falls should not exactly be waiting with sandwiches by the phone on that one. SCHOOLS TAKE LESSONS FROM HOLABIRD ADVOCATE The Holabird Advocate Circulation Department have discovered that someone in the Anoka, Minnesota School District has read our newsblog today. Whatever they want to learn, we will be glad to teach them. We may have to go slowly. We also recieved confirmation that former Holabird resident Barney Nemec has indeed been sampling this taste of Holabird from a comuter in the Physics Department of the University of Houston. it seems that USD was not able to challenge Barney's capable mind, so he headed south. We at the Holabird Advocate have a feeling he's probably teaching those Texans a thing or two himself. Keep it up, Barney. Saturday, January 10, 2004 VOL. III Issue 1G HINKLES MAKE IT BACK TO U.S.A. Just a few short minutes ago, Harold Hinkle called the Ponderosa to see what was going on while he and Mary were gone. They left 81 degrees to come back to 29 in Minneapolis. As he spoke from the garage of Larry Ehlers, to his son, Jerry Hinkle, Harold was shivering. It is hoped that they will be back home soon. Darrel Hinkle said that they'd rush home if they knew he was looking at airplanes. HOLABIRD ADVOCATE ENDORSES JOSEPH LIEBERMAN FOR PRESIDENT It was a long, hard process, but the Holabird Advocate's editorial board has decided to endorse the candidicy of Senator Joseph Lieberman. "I believe that Senator Lieberman has the drive, courage and moral fiber to lead the nation", said Publisher, Jerry Hinkle. "He was the only Democrat with the guts to say that what Bill Clinton did viv-a-vis the Monica Lewinsky affair was wrong. It was his placement as Vice President that convinced me to bite the bullet and vote for Al Gore." It is not known if this endorsement will help or hurt Senator Liberman's chances. The only other candidate that the newsblog supported was Stephanie Herseth. In the end she lost. Thursday, January 08, 2004 VOL. III Issue 1F SURPRISE VISITOR COMES TO PONDEROSA E.E. Hinkle got quite a shock when a Winnebago Chieftain rolled by his house to a stop. From out of this motor home was his own baby girl, Joyce Ferris. It seems that Ken and Joyce bought the outfit to transport Joyce to Pascoe, Washington, where their daughter, Sandy, lives. E.E. may have been surprised, Jerry Hinkle was too. Mavis and George Kennedy knew they were coming, although not sure when they would show up. Ken then left Joyce at the Ponderosa. After getting back home, he called to say the new Ferris Castle on wheels made just 6mpg. Sounds like somebody needs a little bit of Friction Free 3000. Joyce has been an examplery house guest, not complaining about the food, nor much about the noise. She was greatful to have breakfast by 8am instead of having to wait until 11:30 or even 3pm, like she has before. It is not known how long Joyce will be there, but she does have to have an X-ray on January 12. CADE'S PARTY ATTENDED BY SOME It seems that not all Hinkle's were kept out of Cade Hinkle's party. Noel managed to invite Darrel Hinkle and his family, and they went. It is not known why they were invited and nobody else. HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELVIS As most of you Readers know, we at the Holabird Advocate try to remember Elvis Presley's Birthday. The King turns 69 today. His Body may be dead (nobody knows for sure) but his spirit will live on eternally. Everyone who is of mind to should take some time out of the day and reflect on how they could be more like Elvis. You don't have to try and dress like him, like Vegas preachers at wedding chapples and Seattle cabbies do. Just remember to return the love you are given by others. Never forget that it's the people that love you make you the person you are today. Elvis spent all of his all too short life to return the love given to him by his fans. When you get down to it. Elvis would have made a great comic book superhero. After all, on stage he wore a cape and jumpsuit. He knew enough karate to fight any evil force. And only someone with superhuman strengh could eat a fried banana sandwich, make the manly moves on Ann-Margret, and still sing "Viva Las Vegas" at the same time. In time we may find that someone put kryptonite in his pill supply. Until next year, Elvis, have a happy birthday. Uh huh huh! Oh, and thank you very much. POETRY CORNER The following is a poem that our Publisher wrote in early December 2000. Let's hope this years Presidential race is not as complicated. "Campaign 2000" by Jerry Hinkle The voting now is over in election Y2K Some votes have been counted Some were thrown away Among the votes all tallied up some were counted twice. Al Gore, 300 votes behind said, "Lets go through them thrice." The campaign should be over now. The final race is run. No wonder why, back in D.C. that not a thing gets done. There taking this whole thing to court. Now isn't that insane? Would you want your next president selected by Mills Lane? How 'bout in campaign 2004 wouldn't it be a cutie, no election, just debate in front of ol' Judge Judy? We'll get through this, America. Just you wait and see. A final compromise can be reached if all listened to me. My final answer, Regis. No more to be said. Make both those morons President until one or the other is dead. Wednesday, January 07, 2004 VOL. III Issue 1E E.E HINKLE'S FARMERS UNION DUES ARE PAID Mavis Kennedy brought it to our Publisher's attention that the South Dakota Farmers Union has paid E.E. Hinkle's membership dues clear to the end of 2004. Information to that effect was conveyed in a letter from the Farmers Union to him some time ago. The letter was in among all of the old boys Christmas cards, forgotten. That is, until now. CADE HINKLE TURNS TWO The youngest living Hinkle, Cade Hinkle, is two years old today. A birthday party will be thrown for him tonight, but none of the Hinkles were invited. It could be that Doug Hinkle thinks that he's too good for the rest of them. BECKY LEE BISBEE TO MARRY Word has come from Jake Bisbee that his daughter Becky Lee is engaged to Brion Paul Brown of Harrison, Arkansas. The wedding and reception will be at the McDonalds in Harrison, where Becky Lee is employed, at 3pm. on January 10, 2004. The groom-elect is a student at barber college. Tuesday, January 06, 2004 VOL. III Issue 1D HOLABIRD WARMER BUT STILL CHILLED TO THE BONES Wind chill values are still in the 20-35 below zero range, but the temps themselves have stayed above the zero line. The water is still liquid, and no ill effects of the cold have been reported to the Holabird Advocate. Agnes Hahn has reported that the heater in her bird bath has continued to operate. CANCUN IN THE WINTERTIME: NICE WORK IF YOU CAN GET IT The Hinkles and Ehlers arrived safely in Cancun about 9am on Saturday and checked into the hotel alright. It was 81 degrees when they landed. After walking the beach, going downtown, cashing checks into pesos they ate at El Pescadors where Larry Ehlers had his famous coconut shrimp. Afterwards, having shrimp of one kind or another. The next day, they took the city bus for 6 pesos (about 54 cents) each down to the Solymar Hotel where A coworker of Phylis Ehlers is staying and walked the beach there for awhile. The group stopped at a flea market on their way back to the hotel and shopped. The bus at the hotel was so full of people the driver couldn't see them stand up to get off of the bus at their stop. So they got an unintentional tour of the city. When he came back around again They were able to get off. After that the gang of four ate at the Casa Maya. It was the resorts barbeque night. Good ribs were served at that occasion. On Monday They had a private boat tour to Isla Mujares. They then snorkled and shopped. Several fish were sighted during the snorkle outing. and Mary Hinkle and her sister Phyllis held a shark and had a picture taken with it. He had a rough skin and was heavy. The shark was 4 yrs. old or so. Mary emailed To the Ponderosa but it apparently did not go through as they recieved nothing there. This report came To us from Phyllis by way of her daughter Brenda Ehlers. THUNE TO CHALLENGE DASCHLE Last night as he addressed those in attendance of a Republican party dinner, Former Representative John Thune announced that he will seek to run against Senator Tom Daschle in the upcoming November election. Thune was narrowly defeated by incumbant Senator, Tim Johnson, two years ago when he challenged him. The margin of victory was a scant 528 votes. The Holabird Advocate is very opposed to endorsing Thune for this or any other contest unless and until he apologizes for attending a Dixie Chicks concert. ARE YOU READY FOR THE IOWA CAUCUS The Iowa Caucus, which doesn't even take place until January 19, has been in the news a lot lately, as it has been for several election cycles before. But, What is all the hype about the Iowa Causus really about. The Holabird Advocate has endeavored to dig deeper into the mess and see what all the fuss is about. Most of the information for this article was provided by Waldorf College Librarian Joan Hansen. A woman who, although has never attended the Caucus, loved her nephew enough to supply his Newsblog with more than the average person could ever want to know about this topic. The Iowa Caucus to Convention system has been a part of the Iowa political scene since 1846, when Iowa became the 29th state of the Union. The caucus, which is held every two years, is the point at which delegates to the county convention are elected. They must be held no later than the fourth Monday in February of each even-numbered years and shall be at least eight days earlier than the scheduled date of any meeting, caucus or primary this constitutes the first determining stage of the Presidential nominating process in any other state. A further enhancement to the caucus system, the Presidential straw poll, has been attracting national media attention since 1976. It is the one time every four years that the Des Moines Register and it's columnists are regarded as experts, while the rest of the time being ignored by the National media. The caucus straw poll is used as a barometer of presidential strength among Iowans likely to vote in the November general election. The poll is the first order of business after the caucus selects a permanent chairperson. The precinct chairperson will direct one or more persons to tally the results. The results are then reported to the caucus. Each precinct caucus will also have a designated straw poll reporter and an alternate. This person will be responsible for reporting the results of the precinct caucuses to a central reporting unit. The Republican or Democratic Party of Iowa, in a cooperative effort with the New York based News Election Service, will compile the results from all 2,162 precincts. The results will then be released to the State Party and the media. Although the national focus will be on the straw poll, the election of precinct committee people, county convention delegates and the discussion of platform issues are the "real business" of the caucus process. Individuals who wish to represent Iowa at the can National Convention must first be elected a delegate to their county convention at the precinct caucus. In addition, persons wishing to represent their precinct on the country central committee, the governing body of the county Republican or Democratic organization, are elected at the precinct caucus. Platform issues representing a range of topics from agricultural subsidies to education issues are also discussed in a neighbor-to-neighbor environment at the caucus level. The Iowa Constitution states that in order to participate in the Iowa Caucus, one must be a registered member of the Republican or Democratic party, be eligible to vote in the next election and be a resident of that precinct. CIRCULATION DEPARTMENT REPORTS BUSY SEARCH ENGINE ACTIVITY The Holabird Advocate Circulation Department has reported some very interesting search engine activity in the last 24 hours. The first of two hits was a computer from the Republic of Mexico looking "holabird advocate". We are assuming that it is Mary Hinkle being homesick. The second hit was from the University of Houston. We know that Barney Nemec is seeking education somewhere in Texas. (Ever hear of USD, Barney?) We don't know it's him, but we're glad people in Texas feel they have something to learn from us. Monday, January 05, 2004 VOL.. III Issue 1C WIND CHILLS GIVES HOLABIRD SHIVERS If you go outside in Holabird, you're gonna get cold. Wind chill values in the area -25 to -35 have got a lot of folks staying indoors. So far things are running smoothly on the Ponderosa. Wednesday, warmer temps are expected. Holabird Advocate Meteoroligist, Storm Chaser, says that we may get up to 30 degrees by then. MOTHER AND CHILD DOING BETTER It has been reported to our Publisher that Sara is home and resting. She and her son, John, have passed the crisis point. It is thanks, in part, to the prayers of each and every one of you Readers out there. The bulk of the credit, however, goes to God for answering those prayers in the way we wanted. From all reports, it could have easily gone the other way. It is unlikely that we will hear anymore about them. All of us at the Holabird Advocate wish to express our congratulations to Sara and her husband Andy, also our salutations to baby John. You're all very lucky, don't ever forget that. REVEREND EARLS INSTALLED IN BHH PARISH At each of the churches in the BHH Parish of the United Methodist faith, there was, instead of a sermon, an installation service held. The churches presented Janene and Martin Earl with a Bible, a pitcher of water, a loaf of bread, a cup of wine, a hymnal, and the Methodist Books of Discipline and Worship. The Earls will live at the parsonage in Highmore while they serve the BHH Parish. The term of their service will be until July, unless they are reappointed. In that case it will be another year. HINKLE ASKED TO SPEAK AT BREAKFAST Holabird Advocate Publisher, Jerry Hinkle, has been approached to be a speaker at the Community Prayer Breakfast in Highmore. Although touched by the offer, he does not know when he will be able to do such a thing. The Breakfast is usually held Saturdays at the Thunderbird Steakhouse in Highmore. Disscusion of the matter will be ongoing as to if or when he is able to attend, and what he will say at just such an occasion. more details will be published when they become available. Friday, January 02, 2004 VOL. III Issue 1B COLD SNAP TO HIT HOLABIRD TONIGHT Holabird is going to turn into Mother Nature's deep freeze pretty soon. Friday started off warm, but after a high of 41 degrees, the temp will get down to 7. By Monday and Tuesday 7 will be the high temp of the day with lows geting into the sub-zero range. It may be time to locate your winter underware. Tomorrow you may actually have to wear it. HAIL AND FAIRWELL: HINKLES TRAVEL ON Haraold and Mary Hinkle left for Minneapolis early this morning. Tomorrow at 5am, they will board a flight for Cancun. Interestingly, they will come back to the States on January 10 on seperate flights. What does the travel agent know that we don't? Darrel Hinkle left for the Black Hills at 5am. He will be doing some snowmobliling while out there. He plans to be back home tonight. Even George Kennedy has left the Ponderosa. He went to Wegner Auto in Pierre to have Doug Hinkle do some "Warranty Work" on his Buick. George will most likely beat them all back. METHODISTS TO WELCOME EARLS WITH POTLUCK The Methodist Church in Highmore will have a potluck dinner to welcome Janeen Earl, her husband Martin, and their two children to the BHH Parish. The dinner will be after the 11:15 service on Sunday, January 4, which is also her first service in the Highmore Church. Brittany Hinkle is excited, not only about the dinner, but on of the Earl kids will be in her class at school. HINKLE BROTHERS MADE 26% PROFIT IN 2003 The Hinkle Brothers Mutual Fund, managed by Jerry Hinkle had a 26% increase in 2003. Hinkle is optomistic about the funds chances in 2004, but says it is also possible to lose 52% this year as well. "Investing in the stock market is not for everybody. I've been lucky so far, took a few chances. Sometimes the gamble pays off, other times I'd have to use the stock certificates for toilet paper". When pressed for details on previous years, Hinkle claimed to not have the data, but promises to keep better track of such details in the future. SEAGRAMS SEND SURVEY TO DEAD WOMAN The Seagrams company is very curious as to the drinking habits of one Bergit Hinkle of Holabird, South Dakota. Trouble is she has been dead for 9 years and in that time has not consumed any of the products mentioned. Anyone who has knowledge of her comsuption of such beverages as whisky, Bourbon, vodka, gin, wine, beer, or any flavored malt beverage is more than welcome to fill out the survey. However, if nobody comes forward by months end, the survey will be used as toilet paper, just like the Northwestern stock. Thursday, January 01, 2004 VOL. III Issue 1A NEW YEAR CELEBRATIONS RING IN 2004 Many people all around the world celebrated the end of 2003, and the start of 2004 in many different ways in many different places. At the Ponderosa, E.E. Hinkle turned in at about 7-7:30pm. last night. George and Mavis Kennedy saw the new year in with Harold, Mary and Jerry Hinkle at the Ponderosa, however. They ate popcorn and crackers with Harold's secret recipe for lunchmeat. Several different wines were sampled by the group, including a combonation rhubarb/rasperry wine, a red wine, and sparkling grape juice that was five years old. Darrel and Kristi Hinkle took their kids to Mike and Karla Aasby's house. The Aasby's served champaine at midnight to the adults, but the kids were served sparkling apple cider. Jake and Verna Louise Bisbee went to the Dogpatch Dew Drop Inn for the holiday. Shortly after Jake arrived, it was discovered he had a hat with mistle-toe attached to the top. The Widdow Phelps noticed he keep hanging around the young girls, never once getting next to his wife, and asked him why. Jake said, "Well, when a man find his self wandering in a peach orchard he don't go 'round a lookin' fer rutabegas" As for his wife, Verna Louise drank tequila and monopolized the karaoke machine. Jake claimed to have not been drinking anything stronger than buttermilk(90 proof buttermilk if we know ol' Jake) and after 4 hours of listening to his wife sing that "Jose Cuervo" song, decided it was time to go home. Charlie Crenshaw, owner of the Dew Drop, and the County Sheriff, decided to let 14 year olds into the party, saying, "If yer ol' enuff ta git married, yer old enuff ta drink, so long as it's turnip wine". Granny Crenshaw's Turnip wine is the beverage of choice for most of the folks in the Dogpatch area. Jake Bisbee claims that it even improves the taste of buttermilk. After the Dew Drop closed at 2am. Sheriff Crenshaw took Jake and Verna Louise, and a few other folks, home in his cruiser. Any other night, they'd have been on their own. All of us at the Holabird Advocate congratulate all of you Readers for making it this far into 2004, and hope to see you through to the end of this year. WAKE UP AMERICA Ya know what make's Sick? Ya know what makes me so angry that I jest wanna give Baby New Year a wedgie? It's all this "Don't drink and drive" crap. They say "Don't drink and drive", But ya know, our new minivan has drinkholders in it. My hand on the book, it does. Right there by the drivers seat there's one. They say, "Don't drink and drive", but all the bars have parkin' lots. They say, "Don't drink and drive", but at the liquor store, the first thing they want is my drivers license. WAKE UP AMERICA!!! Oh yeah, and don't drink and drive! 
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