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 Holabird AdvocateProviding all the news we see fit to print since 2002!Thursday, January 15, 2004 VOL. III Issue 1K JANUARY THAW COMES BACK TO HOLABIRD Earlier this year, the Holabird area was visited, for a short time, with the legendary January thaw. Soon afterward the mercury got down to -12 degrees. Now it appears that the January thaw has come back. Most of the snow has either melted or turned to ice. The high temp for today was 48. We can expect those highs to stay in the 40s around Holabird for a while. Holabird Advocate Meteoroligist, Storm Chaser, predicts a snow storm next Wednesday. W TURNS SPACE CADET President George W. Bush has announced plans to have another moon shot take place in 2015 as the first step to puting a man on the surface of mars. This has earned him the nickname "Bush Lightyear" (We'll stick to W thank you very much). All of us at the Holabird Advocate support the space program. However, perhaps it's time to have some corporate sponsors help pay for this. That's the American way. POETRY CORNER "Why I Love South Dakota" When it's springtime in South Dakota, And the gentle breezes blow, About seventy miles an hour And it's fifty-two below. You can tell you're in South Dakota 'cause the snow's up to your butt, And you take a breath of springtime air And your nose holes both freeze shut. The weather here is wonderful, So I guess I'll hang around, I could never leave South Dakota. My feet are frozen to the ground! MEMO TO THE DEMOCRATS: QUIT $&#**^' AROUND by Jerry Hinkle, Special to the Holabird Advocate It was Will Rogers who first said " I'm not a member of any organized political party. I'm a Democrat." That's the way I feel. As I see the way the current crop of Presidential canditates are carrying on, I want to hit somebody. As the headline tells you, this is the second time I've had to use my anti-profanity program. The first time was with Ralph Nader. If not for the fact that we are commited to Joe Lieberman, I'd consider voting for Nader right now. Of course Lieberman isn't grabbing the headlines these days, which may or may not be a good thing. The morons that are grabbing them are ruining any chance this party has of putting a Democrat in the Oval Office this time next year. Front-runner Howard Dean, now here's the prototypical Limozine Liberal. A week or so ago, somebody got Dr. Dean's mother on videotape saying the imortal words, "I wouldn't say Howard had a prililaged background. We never treated the servants like servants". Oh yeah, W is gonna run that little clip on his ads every chance he gets, thereby running Dean's candidacy into the ground. Then there's John Kerry, or as I like to call him Mr. Teresa Heinz. His wife better sell a boatlaod of ketchup to pay for this folly. He has the nerve to say that he is electable-Dean is not. Well, Mr. Heinz-OOPS-Kerry, time will tell who is electable and who is not. Remember that in 2000, Bill Bradley tried the strategy that you are employing now. It didn't work. In the end both He and Gore were not electable. Now Richard Gephardt has the right idea concerning free trade, and it's the same one he had 10 years ago, before, as he puts it, NAFTA and GATT took jobs "overseas" to Mexico. When Gephardt ran in 1988, he was wanting to "get tough" on Japan. NAFTA did just that. How quickly they forget. I'd like to see a Lieberman-Gephardt ticket in November. I'd also like to see Jennifer Garner in hot pants and an "I celebrated Emory Hinkle's 100th birthday" T-shirt, rollerskating in the Ponderosa kitchen. This is not going to be my year.
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