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 Holabird AdvocateProviding all the news we see fit to print since 2002!Thursday, October 30, 2003 VOL. II Issue 10Q PHEASANT FLU EBBS AT THE PONDEROSA Mary and E.E. Hinkle are both recovering, albeit slowly, from the Pheasant Flu. The 101 year old E.E. ate only oatmeal for breakfast, but considering he had chicken broth the previous day, he's all right. Mary cancelled the flu shots scheduled for this morning, even though E.E was dressed to go to town. Meanwhile, Mary has had nothing to eat, yet between naps managed to get both the laundry and dinner done today. Harold and Jerry spent most of the day getting ready for the inch of snow that the weatherman is expecting for the Holabird area. HERSETH TO MAKE A SECOND RUN Stephanie Herseth has announced her intention to make a second run for the South Dakota U.S. House of Representatives next year. Ms. Herseth had made an impressive show in the previous election last year in which she narrowly beat Bill Janklow for that post. Some Holabird Advocate Readers may be wondering if our courageous, dynamic Publisher, Jerry Hinkle is going to endorse her candidicy. If they have to ask, they must be new Readers. Ms. Herseth's web site is still up and running, and besides the number on hit counter, precious little has changed since November of 2002. Over 38000 people have visited this web site since it started. Should events warrant, the Holabird Advocate will add a link to the campaign web site. PUBLISHER'S NOTES by Jerry Hinkle Because of the Halloween holiday, the home office of the Holabird Advocate will be closed. This will effectively close the 22nd Issue of our Newsblog. The 23rd Issue promises to be interesting. In case you, the Reader are tired of the political polls, take heart. The standard rating poll will be in place to see how you feel about the Newsblog's overall quality. With Thanksgiving closing in, I'd like to have a thread on the Forum page discussing what we are all thankful for. On Nov. 1, I will start this thread if nobody else has by then. Be sure to let me know in the next month who you would like to be the 2003 "Person of the Year and why. Someone who has made both this year, and the Holabird Advocate, memorable. There's a lot to be done in November. The Holabird Advocate will be there evey step of the way when it happens. Wednesday, October 29, 2003 VOL. II Issue 10P MARY HINKLE STRUCK WITH PHEASANT FLU One thing the Ponderosa didn't need was for Mary Hinkle to get struck down with the Pheasant Flu, but that's just what they got. With E.E. Hinkle still recovering from his bout with the dreaded disease, Harold is just a little worried. Jerry is still trusting in OPC-3 to keep him safe from all harm, however. Harold, E.E., and Mary were all scheduled to have flu shots tomorrow. It is unlikely that any one of them will get a flu shot now. As E.E. said, "I already got a shot of the flu." MARION MAGINNIS GOES BLIND Word was recieved that former Holabird resident, Marion Maginnis, 87, of Fairfield, California, has gone completly blind. He was already blind in one eye. The exact cause of his blindness is not known, but is suspected to be internal bleeding of the eyes. LET'S GO TO THE VIDEOTAPE by Jerry Hinkle The 1989 movie "Uncle Buck", while not a classic, is still pretty interesting. It starred John Candy late in his carreer (and late in his life as it turns out), and Macauley Caulkin at the beginning, or at least before "Home Alone". Also recognizable is Gaby Hoffman, who was a supporting player in a few other films such as "Sleepless in Seatle" and Laurie Metcalf, who played Aunt Jackie on the "Roseanne" show. This is a John Hughes film, that means teenagers. The featured teenager in here is Jean Louise Kelly as Tia Russel. She and Candy share much of the screen time and some of the films funniest moments. Those who watch this should suspend disbelief on a few issues to enjoy the viewing experience. Also be prepared for Caulkin and Hoffman to utter a few profanities, which 14 years ago was quite shocking, but they are still tame by today's standards. If you'd rather not rent or buy "Uncle Buck", just wait for one of the cable channels to run this sure to be a classic movie. If you, like us at the Ponderosa, don't have cable then by all means find a way to watch this movie. The issues explored in this cinematic masterpiece are still just as relevant to 2003 as they were when this was released. So, until next time, be kind, rewind! Tuesday, October 28, 2003 VOL. II Issue 10O E.E. HINKLE'S PHEASANT FLU HANGS ON The latest victum of the Pheasant Flu, 101 year old E.E. Hinkle, while improving, is still sick. He has been able to keep chicken broth down, as well as all of his usual pills. Joyce Ferris, however, is not doing as well. She has a hiatal hernia that may require surgery, and maybe a little prayer wouldn't hurt. HOLABIRD SCRAPBOOK IS FOUND Mary Hinkle has become a candidate for living sainthood after performing what eldest son Jerry says is a miracle. She found the scrapbook that Bergit Hinkle compiled. It was lost, but now is found. After looking over the scrapbook, Holabird Advocate Publisher, Jerry Hinkle, has found a few clippings that may prove amusing, and he plans to reprint a few choice clippings in the future. SIOUX FALLS SEEKS VIKING TRAINING CAMP There are a few people in the Sioux Falls area that are trying to get the Minnesota Viking's training camp to move into that area. Apparently they need $7.5 million (bribe money?) to put a proposal together. There are people on both sides of the state line that are against this plan. People in Minnesota say, "It's called the 'Minnesota Vikings' for a reason'". South Dakota people remember the joke that the late Governor George Mickleson used to tell: Q: Why doesn't South Dakota have a professional football team? A: Because Minnesota would want one too. Besides Sioux Falls, Minnesota towns Mankato and Duluth are also vying for this camp. The final deadline for the decision is Friday. Monday, October 27, 2003 VOL. II Issue 10N E.E. HINKLE LATEST TO CATCH PHEASANT FLU Early Monday morning 101 year old E.E. Hinkle became the latest victum of the "Pheasant Flu". He has notbeen able to keep any food down. He can't even keep his vitamins and other medicines down. Presently, the old boy is in his bed, resting as comfortably as he can. His daughter, Joyce Ferris was planning to come to the Ponderosa for a visit, but she is dealing with a flu bug of her own. Other victums of the Pheasant Flu have been Joan Hansen, as well as Vicki, Drew, and Dillon McQuarie, who have since recovered. PUBLISHER'S NOTE'S by Jerry Hinkle It has come to my attention that The Pierre Capital Journal has printed an article about what they have discovered to be the factual connection between the Wright brothers and Holabird. One of the parties involved were Holabird's own Nick and Marry Jo Nemec. The article makes no mention of items printed in the "Hyde Herritage" book, published in 1977 by the Historical Society, yet in confims that at least some of those items were true.The Holabird Advocate will reprint the article without permission. Copies of the "Hyde Herritage" book are still on sale at the Historical Society museum for all interested parties. WRIGHT BROTHERS' TIES TO S.D. NOT JUST FOLKLORE by Dorinda Daniel of the Capital Journal Staff Ten years before they changed the world with the first successful airplane flight, Orville and Wilbur Wright might have lived near Holabird and attempted to change young lives. “Wilbur was supposed to have taught at a Holabird school in 1893. Orville, so the story goes, substituted Sunday school for his cousin, Clara,” said Carol Jennings, a researcher in the state archives, which is a program of the State Historical Society, located in the Cultural Heritage Center. An uncle, Samuel Wright, homesteaded near Holabird. Holabird is located about 40 miles east of Pierre along U.S. Highway 14. One story was that Orville and Wilbur’s dad got sick and tired of their working on their experiments and sent them away, Jennings said. But from what she has read of the Wright family, she believes that to be just a story. What makes her believe that the story about the Wright brothers living near Holabird may be true is that it was in newspapers. She came across articles mentioning the Wright brothers and Clara Wright in researching Hyde County, the county where she is from. According to an article in a 1945 Highmore Herald, a woman named Lillian Gregory, a war worker of Spokane Air Technical Service Command, had a well-worn velvet-covered autograph book containing the signature of W.A. Wright, Dec. 27, 1893. The article stated: “Mrs. Gregory remembers tall, dark Wilbur as a young, indulgent teacher. At the time, he inscribed his name in her book, Wilbur Wright was teaching in a tiny school in Holabird, and she was one of his pupils. “Wilbur Wright was even then teaching only to raise money to carry on experiments in perpetual motion that he and his brother were interested in at the time.” Jennings said she believes that the Wright brothers lived in South Dakota only that one year, when Wilbur taught. On June 15, 1915, a tornado went through Highmore. The Wright brothers’ cousin Clara was drawn out of the building she was in by suction. “They didn’t believe Clara would live. Wilbur came out and visited her,” Jennings said. Orville had died of typhoid on May 30, 1912, at the age of 45. Wilbur died on Jan. 30, 1948, at the age of 76. What is verifiable in the tale of the Wright brothers in South Dakota is that Samuel Wright homesteaded on 160 acres one mile east and one mile south of Holabird. Samuel Wright proved up on his claim in 1894. It is unknown how long he stayed on that land, Jennings said. His name is not listed in either 1900 or 1905 censuses, she said. The land owned by Samuel Wright is now owned by Nicholas and Mary Jo Nemec. The quarter section owned by Wright is located adjacent to land on which the Nemecs have their house. The title to the land listed someone named Wright, Nicholas Nemec said. It’s part of local folklore that one of the Wright brothers taught at Holabird, he said. “We thought there might be a connection,” Nemec said. A book about the Wright brothers by Tom D. Crouch, senior curator at the Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum, and Peter L. Jakab, chairman of the aeronautics division at the Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum, would seem to have the brothers living in Dayton, Ohio, at the time they are supposed to have lived in South Dakota. In “The Wright Brothers and the Invention of the Aerial Age,” Crouch and Jakab state that the brothers had a print shop in Dayton, Ohio. In 1892, the brothers branched out by hiring help for the print shop and establishing a small bicycle repair and sales business. “They continued to enjoy some success with their two businesses, and began manufacturing bicycles on a small scale in 1896,” according to Crouch and Jakab. Wilbur was born on April 16, 1867, the third child of Milton and Susan Wright. Otis and Ida Wright, a twin boy and girl, were born on March 7, 1870, and died soon after. Orville was born on Aug. 19, 1871. Katharine, the youngest of the Wright children, was born three years later. “Wilbur and Orville Wright would always credit their parents for much of their success in life. This was a warm, loving, and protective family in which children were encouraged to experiment, think for themselves, and support one another,” wrote Crouch and Jakab. Milton Wright became a bishop in the Church of the United Brethren in Christ. Their mother, Susan, was a well-educated woman for her time and place, according to Crouch and Jakab. After graduating from high school, she attend Hartsville College. “Wilbur and Orville could thank their mother for their lifelong penchant for tinkering, and for their extraordinary gift for visualizing machines that had yet to be constructed. That ability, coupled with their gift for problem solving, would carry them far,” Crouch and Jakab wrote. On Dec. 17, 1903, Wilbur and Orville Wright accomplished what humans had been attempting since ancient times: flight. The first flight lasted 12 seconds and covered 120 feet. By noon, they had flown three more times. The airplane traveled 852 feet in 59 seconds on the final flight. The aerial age was born. Saturday, October 25, 2003 VOL. II Issue 10M LURLEEN CHEATWOOD LEAVES HOLABIRD ADVOCATE It is with a heavy heart that we at the Holabird Advocate announce the departure of Holabird Advocate Home Economist Lurleen Cheatwood. Lurleen is leaving for greener pastures in St. Paul, Minnesota. We here at the Holabird Advocate wish her well. In the meantime we could use another Home Economist if anyone out there is interested. YOU'RE WITH HER,BUT I AM NOT by Jerry Hinkle Some time ago, I had some not so nice things to say about "I'm With Her". That was before I saw a single episode. Now I've watched a couple episodes, and I must say that while the show is not as bad as I thought it would be, it pretty much bites the big one here. Chris Henchy did manage to give the best and funniest lines to the person based on him. Teri Polo is still to ugly to be Brooke Shields. The very delicious Rhea Seehorn, who plays the sister (Brooke is an only child in real life, but this is Hollywood) does so to perfection. When this show is eventually cancelled, as I'm sure it will be by February, I hope she finds work that showcases her talent. Better luck next time, Mr. Henchy. DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME ENDS TONIGHT-FOR YOU ANYWAY by Jerry Hinkle, Special to the Holabird Advocate Well, suckers, Daylight Savings Time will end at 2am tomorrow morning for everyone but me. This is because I, unlike the rest of the sheep in this country didn't see fit to conform to this madness last spring. Did you save daylight? I dare say you didn't, because in the summer the days are longer because the Sun is out longer. Now, the Sun is up less because the days are getting shorter. Now is the time to save daylight, but we can't. I'd participate in this exercise if only someone out there could show me what good it did so to do. I've heard it said that the only things Daylight Savings Time does is give the bankers more time to play golf. This I can believe. So anyway, I hope that you that do participate in this exercise of futility get your clocks right so you're never late for another edition of the Holabird Advocate, providing this article didn't put you off of it for good. Friday, October 24, 2003 VOL. II Issue 10L PHEASANT FLU CLAIMS ANOTHER VICTUM That which we at the Holabird Advocate call the pheasant flu has effected different people in different ways. At last report Bonnie Nickleson was having trouble shaking the darn thing. To make a bad thing even worse, Agnes Hahn has also come down with this dreaded disease. A lot of good her flu shot did. RULES COMMITTEE TO REVIEW NEW FAIR DATES South Dakota Secretary of Agriculture Larry Gabriel will be presenting the South Dakota State Fair's proposed new dates for review to the Legislative Rules Review Committee. State Fair Manager Susan Hayward said the entire process will take about 45 days to complete with a hearing planned in December, probably in Pierre. She said the public will be informed when the hearing is set, giving everyone the opportunity to attend and enter testimony. Members of the legislative committee are Sen. Royal (Mac) McCracken, chairman; Rep. Jean Hunhoff, R-Yankton, vice chairman; Reps. Orville Smidt and Richard Engels, and Sens. Eric Bogue and Paul Dennert. In other business, Hayward reported that a State Fair Task Force has been formed to promote year-round events on the fairgrounds. SOUTH DAKOTA SONG BOOK "The Great Speckled Bird" ascribed to Rev. Guy Smith 1. What a beautiful thought I am thinking Concerning the great speckled bird Remember her name is recorded On the pages of God's Holy Word. 2. With all the other birds flocked against her And she is despised by the squad But the great speckled bird in the Bible Represents you the great church of God. 3. With all the other churches against her They envy her glory and fame They hate her because she is chosen And has never denied His dear name. 4. Desiring to lower her standard They watch every move that she makes They long to find fault with her teachings But really they find no mistake. 5. She is spreading her wings for a journey She is going to take by and by When the great trumpet sounds in the morning She will meet her dear Lord in the sky. 6. In the presence of all her despisers With a song never uttered before She'll arise and be gone in a moment Till the great Tribulation is o'er. 7. I am glad I have learned of her meekness I am glad that my name is on her book For I want to be one never fearing On the face of my Savior to look. 8. Oh, her wings shelter men of all nations Of earth's every color and race She has gathered them all in her keeping To present to her Lord face to face. 9. When Christ cometh descending from heaven With the clouds as He writes in His Word I'll be joyfully carried to meet Him On the wings of the great speckled bird. Wednesday, October 22, 2003 VOL. II Issue 10K SHELBY HINKLE CATCHES "PHEASANT FLU" The latest victum of what is being called "Pheasant Flu", for lack of a better word or phrase, is Shelby Hinkle. Shelby complained that her stomach hurt, and had the dry heaves. Everyone who has this illness, including Shelby it seems, has been improving. FLORIDA GOVERNOR FORCES COMATOSE WOMAN TO LIVE Governor Jeb Bush of Florida has signed exectutive orders to have a woman who is in a coma and brain damaged to have her feeding tube reinstated. It is believed he is doing this so the woman can vote for his brother in the presidential elections next year. JOAN KROC DIES AT SAN DIEGO HOME It has been reported that Joan Kroc, widow of E.E. Hinkle's cousin, Ray Kroc, died on October 12 at the age of 76. She was the heir to the McDonald's hamburger chain fortune that her husband, Ray, founded in 1952. Although it should go without saying, nobody in the Hinkle family is likely mentioned in her will. Tuesday, October 21, 2003 VOL. II Issue 10J FLU BUG INVADES PHEASANT CAMP What was supposed to be a celebration of Anne Hansen's 24th birthday took an unexpectantly bad turn as several people from the Goehring family pheasant hunt were bitten by a flu bug. Those effected were Jesse Gervais, Justin Hinkle, Larry and Bonnie Nickleson, Ken Hansen and even Anne Hansen herself. The party mood was dampened considerably because of that. Those who were able gathered at Agnes Hahn's home for fried chicken and potatoe wedgies. AGNES HAHN ADDS ANOTHER LIMB TO FAMILY TREE If somebody were to draw a diagram of Agnes Hahn's family tree it would be an interesting looking shrub indeed. To any aspiring artists out there who would attempt to do such a thing, we at the Holabird Advocate can tell you that Agnes has another great granddaughter as of 5:26 this afternoon Holabird time. Art and Cassandra Schupner have a second daughter, who's name and vitals are a mystery to us. All is fine, Baby Girl Schupner can be expected to join her big sister Avery in all kinds of mischief before too long. Monday, October 20, 2003 VOL. II Issue 10I PHEASANT HUNT GOES WELL The first weekend of pheasant hunting season went well for Hyde County. No hunters were shot, accidentally or otherwise. There is no accurate count on the exact number of pheasants extricated, but it is reported that several hunters got their limit. Agnes Hahn spent most of the weekend trying to makes sure that all of her family and friends had too much to eat. HENRY SINGLE GOES TO DOCTOR Harold Hinkle took time out of his busy schedule to take neighbor, Henry Single to the eye doctor in Pierre today. Henry may have gloucoma, and this eye specialist is so in demand that it would be another month before Henry could get another appointment. All of us at the Holabird Advocate are hoping and praying for the best. PROFESSOR KENNETH HANSEN ADVERTISES FOR GOLF COURSE It has recently come to the attention of the home office of the Holabird Advocate that Waldorf College Professor Kenneth L. Hansen has lended his image to the Bear Creek Golf Course in Forest City, Iowa. It has been rumored that Professor Hansen may retire and live off the celebrity he has created for himself. Holabird Advocate Readers can see the Bear Creek's web site on our "free-for-all" links page. ANNE HANSEN TURNS TO CELEBRATE BIRTHDAY It was 24 years ogo today that little Annette Kristen Hansen was born. She's not little anymore. In facte she does everything in a big way. In her brief span so far, Anne has made herself the center of attention whereever she goes. Her unique positive attitude and love of life has made her a role model for both young and old. Anne wouild like to celebrate her birthday by going to a casino and blow a lot of cash. She is currently in Highmore on a paid vactation. She hasn't said what her job is or declared her salary, but she can afford a big screen TV, so it ain't minumum wage, Bubba. Thursday, October 16, 2003 VOL. II Issue 10H SPRING CLEANING IN OCTOBER Mary Hinkle and Mavis Kennedy gave E.E. Hinkle's home a right going over. A job that was way overdue. While this was going on Darrel Hinkle took his father, Harold, and George Kennedy along to Redfield for combine repairs and a side trip to Aberdeen for metal siding to put on E.E.'s roof. While in Aberdeen, the group went to Steak and Buffet. Harold claimed they didn't see any fat people their. Mary said that they should've looked in the mirrors at the Steak and Buffet. CIRCULATION DEPARTMENT ANSWERS BURNING QUESTION The Holabird Advocate Circulation Department has recieved a lot of search engine traffic in the last month wondering if John Ritter was cremated. None of us at the Holabird Advocate can figure out why people need to know this. Our answer to the all important question of "Was John Ritter cremated?" is "We don't know, go ask Jeeves!". ALL AROUND THE HOUSE AND HOME by Lurleen Cheatwood Hello Dearies! This month I thought I'd share a recipe for vegatble beef roast that came to me from Mrs. Lola Howe of Sioux Falls, South Dakota. For this you will need the following: 1 lb. beef roast 1 small onion 1 celery stalk 3 carrots 2 potatoes 1 teaspoon salt 1 tablespoon sugar 1 tablespoon tapioca 1 cup tomato juice and a 7x11x 1.5 pan Put meat over with vegtables. Put on salt, sugar and tomato juice. Seal the pan and cook in oven at 325 degrees for 3.5 hours. Until next time Dearies! Wednesday, October 15, 2003 VOL. II Issue 10G PHEASANT HUNTING PREPARATIONS UNDERWAY With the openning day of South Dakota's pheasant hunting season coming up, Agnes Hahn and her family have been busy getting ready for everything. Agnes has no more room in her house so if you don't have a confirmed resevation, you're out of luck. Hunters may be able to bunk with E.E. Hinkle, providing they can take the noises he makes. Boarders can make all the noise they desire. Mary Hinkle has laid in a supply of bread, lunchmeat, corn chips, cookies, soda, and wine (sorry, no beer) for the hunters who visit the Ponderosa. Rates are reportedly the same as last year, but are subject to change without notice. HOLABIRD LANDSCAPE CHANGES Ron LaFortune has been busy having rafters put on his new garage. It is not known if this construction project was approved by the Hyde County Zoning Board, but we at the Holabird Advocate dare those weasels to just try and tear it down. Our Publisher, the courageous, dynamic Jerry Hinkle has been quoted as saying. I will defend Ron and that garage with my last breath. Everyone around here knows that Jerry's breath is certainly a powerful weapon. Harold Hinkle spent the better part of this afternoon helping Ron with this project. Not with his breath, but with his back. Harold says it is an impressive sight. PLEDGE FIGHT TO GO TO SUPREME COURT It was announced on Tuesday that the Supreme Court will decide whether or not the Pledge of Allegience, which has been recited by countless American schoolchildren for years is unconstitutional. This case, Elk Grove Unified School District v. Newdow, came about when a father took the school district to task for "forcing" his 9 year old daughter to recite the Pledge. It was later discovered that his custody of the child was questionable. The Father, Dr. Michael Newdow, an atheist, supposedly took up the fight for a daughter who professes to be Christian, and lives with her mother, who is also a Christian. The fight is over the phrase "one nation under God". A phrase that has been part of the Pledge for almost 50 years. It was placed there in 1954 to set the world apart fom godless communism. It now appears that Dr. Newdow and the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals want to change that. CUBS GET LAZY AFTER FAN CATCHES BALL by Jerry Hinkle, of the Holabird Advocate It's a case of much ado about nothing. Jerry Seinfeld will probably play the fan in the movie about this whole deal. The Chicago Cubs were ahead 3-0 in the 8th inning of Game 6 of the World Series playoff, when all of the sudden a fan in the stands does what a Chicago outfielder couldn't. Catch a fly ball. Instead of going on, the Cubs give up 8 runs and cry "Foul!" Little wonder they haven't won a World Series since the invention of radio. The Cubs better get smart and sign that fan up for the next season. They could be all done for this one. The Cubs fans for some reason blame this fan for losing their shot at victory. Last time the Cubs were this close, they blamed a goat for their loss. Baseball players and their fans sure have funny ideas, don't they. Monday, October 13, 2003 VOL. II Issue 10F MAKE AND BAKE CRAFT SHOW A SUCCESS The Highmore United Methodist Church took in around $2000 at the 11th annual Make and Bake Craft Show last Saturday. Of course that's gross, not net. Hopefully though, the church will net more than the $69 that the Historical Society did with their fundraiser. WEANING CONTINUES FOR HINKLE FAMILY Harold Hinkle spent the Columbus Day holiday weaning his cattle and having them hauled to his son Darrel's place, where they were vaccinated for the fall and put in with Darrel's other calves. Harold's cows are at the northwest corner of the Ponderosa, which is far enough not to keep everyone awake at night with their bawling. PHEASANT REPORT There have been a few pheasants found flying in the northern area of Hyde county. Very few at that. It is reported, however, that there is more than enough ducks to go around. Trouble is, nobody knows when duck season starts in South Dakota. LIMBAUGH IN REHAB: SAY IT AIN'T SO, RUSHBO by Jerry Hinkle, Special to the Hoalbird Advocate This past week, I, as well as the rest of the Holabird Advocate staff, was shocked to learn about Rush Limbaugh's addiction to Oxycontin. Of course, the liberals were really laying it on thick, almost reveling in the news. That bothers me. After all, Mr. Limbaugh is human, just like anyone else. It takes a certain amount of courage to own up to your shortcomings the way he has. Bill Janklow and Bill Clinton could both learn a lot from him. Bouncing back from addiction is hard, for the addict, as well as the family of the addict. I have a few assorted relatives with addictions of one sort or another. Relatives that I have been powerless to help, mostly because they won't help themselves. All I could do is pray and wait, and that's really all I did do. Rush has a hard road ahead of him. A journey I wouldn't wish on anyone. Hopefully the destination will not be too far for him and his family. I will pray and wait for Rush and his family as well. I hope you, the Readers, will do the same. Friday, October 10, 2003 VOL. II Issue 10E CRAFTS SHOW TOPS OFF BUSY WEEK FOR MARY HINKLE Every week is a busy week for Mary Hinkle, but this week was especially busy. On top of the usual chores she has been learning how to quilt on Tuesday, giving blood at the blood drive on Thursday(earning a one gallon pin in the process), Friday saw her helping Darrel wean his calves and getting ready for the Methodist Make and Bake Craft Show, which she will be in charge of on Saturday. WEANING GOES SMOOTHLY FOR DARREL HINKLE Although Harold Hinkle will never admit it, weaning his son Darrel's calves went along pretty good. Helping Darrel were Harold, Mary, and Jerry Hinkle, Larry Nickleson, and Ron LaFourtune. Ron only worked half time because of injuries relating to a disagreement with one of his own cows earlier this week. He was in pain and it showed. He missed a wonderful dinner of ham, baked potatoes, and green beans prepared by Darrels wife Kristi. Shelby Hinkle provided the entertainment. HEMPHILLS VISIT E.E. HINKLE On Wednesday morning, 101 year-old E.E. Hinkle was surprised to hear that a couple of his late wife Bergit's relatives, Clyde and Edna Hemphill from Deer River, Minnesota, would be calling on him. He and the rest of the Hinkles enjoyed catching up with them. For lunch, E.E. served his guests lemon flavored sandwich cookies and orange soda (And Jerry poured without spilling) George and Mavis Kennedy may be coming on Monday, but may not get the same hospitality. The only way they'd get so much as cheese and crackers is if they brought them along. Thursday, October 09, 2003 VOL. II Issue 10D INDIAN SUMMER BRINGS EARLY WEANING Because of temps in the 80s this week, the cowboys at the Ponderosa were able to get caught up on a lot of their Summer work. The corral has been spruced up with guard rail fence and new lumber. The old lumber has been hauled away to be used for kindling this winter. Darrel has decided to wean his calves early chosing just 10 days before pheasant hunting season when the fire of a rifle is sure to spook them through a fence. Usually calve are weaned in November. All of us at the Holabird Advocate sure hope Darrel knows what he's doing. NEW BUSINESS FOR HOLABIRD AREA Jerry Hinkle has announced that the area of the Ponderosa formerly known as "the automobile graveyard" will be hencefoth known as "Hinkle Automotive Used and Abused Car Lot". Jerry has pledged to sell any car to anybody who make a good faith offer, with the proviso that they not be too fussy about the title. JERRY HINKLE OFFERRED RELIGIOUS TRAINING: HEAVEN HELP US After Jerry Hinkle's star turn in "A Good Land" A few people have told him that he should take up the ministry. Mary Hinkle has taken it up a notch by trying to talk him into going to the Certified Lay Speaker Training that the Methodist Church offers in Aberdeen. Jerry has nixed the plan because nobody would be home to give his grandfather pudding at 3 o'clock if he were not there. CALIFORNIA RECALLS GOVERNOR DAVIS FOR AHNOLD by Jerry Hinkle, Special to the Holabird Advocate In the special recall election the voters of the People's Republic of California have chosen to get rid of Governor Gray "Grey out" Davis in favor of Arnold "The Terminator" Schwartzenegger. Even the Governor himself voted for the recall, joining the 57% of the voters who threw him out of office. Arnold got 48% of the vote from the crowded field of 100+ candidates. This is a story that I have avoided devoting too much space to, seeing as how it doesn't effect Holabird, nor even south Dakota in general. I have been watching this little expermint in democracy. The people spoke, and they chose Arnold. a man who came to this country speaking very little English, a true immigrant success story. A story that could only happen in America. When he first got to this country, he changed his name to Arnold Strong (I wish he'd have kept the change, because Strong is so much easier to spell). The people in California haven't always had it their way. They voted overwhelmingly for medical marijuana and against welfare for illegal aliens. The State Government has not abided the wishes of the people. But now the people got thier way. I wish the new Governor of the People's Republic of California well. The Liberals in and out of california have been acting as though the voters are not smart enough to think for themselves and handle their own affairs. I hope that Arnold proves them all wrong. he might surprize us all, you know. Paul Harvey said this afternoon that Arnold has a business degree from the University of Wisconsin. He may have need of it. Monday, October 06, 2003 VOL. II Issue 10C HOLABIRD POPULATION INCREASES BY 1 Mike and Karla Aasby are the proud new parents of a baby boy as of 4am this morning. The child's name is Grady Michael Aasby and his vitals are unknown at this time. All of us at the Holabird Advocate want to welcome Baby Grady Aasby to Holabird, and to the world. CAROL ZILVERBERG IN RECOVERY It has been reported that Carol Zilverberg has come through surgery alright and will be staying with her daughter Julia Silbers for the duration of an expected 6 weeks. Those wishing to send cardsor other well wishes may contact the home office of the Holabird Advocate for the address. E.E. HINKLE MAKING SLOW PROGRESS Since catching pneumonia a while back, 101 year old E.E. Hinkle has taken his own sweet time to recover. he has made some progress, however. He has a bit more energy than before. He has been walking on his treadmill, and he has a pretty good appetite. Today, he even did his own dinner dishes. It took him a while, but they were clean. PETA PREVENTED FROM POSTIONG ANTI-RODEO BILLBOARDS By Baxter Black Big news in Helena during rodeo week. The animal rights group PETA was prevented from putting anti-rodeo billboards up in the city. It turns out the owner of the billboard company thought the poster was too risque. Actually, I thought part of the poster was funny. It had a seductive model laying on a bed of straw with the caption: "Nobody likes an eight second ride." Cute, huh! But, PETA had also added a crude play on words that justifies its rejection. PETA is known for its vulgarity and insensitive ads, activities and pronouncements such as comparing slaughtered chickens to the Holocaust, butchering hogs to Jeffrey Dahmer, the child killer cannibal, and stating it would be a good thing if American animals contracted foot-and-mouth disease. Some of their ad campaigns also bordered on sort of a loopy cleverness with promotions such as "Drink beer, not milk" and "Jesus was a vegetarian." But they don't quite know when to stop. They are still recovering from their 9-11 brush with bioterrorism. Yet they continue to sink into crassness and invectives like the Holocaust versus chickens campaign - that is bound to be driving off donors. So the anti-rodeo ad seemed a surprise to me. 'Eight seconds,' for the rodeo illiterate, is the length of time required for a qualified ride on a bronc or a bull. Cowboys and cowgirls have told that same joke in one form or another since rodeo began. Same for the belt buckle jokes and Copenhagen can jokes. The jokes are the verbal jousts of armchair cowboys, dudes and, of course, girls. It is a way for the less adventurous to tease or irritate macho men. It's harmless. Because, of course, there are lots of folks who do like an eight second ride. In my old bull riding days, more than once I'd have been thrilled to make one. You could put me or Blue Stone or Jesse Bails on that billboard reading "Who says nobody likes an 8 second ride?" We could start a whole new billboard campaign: A picture of a coyote stating, "Who says nobody likes lamb?" or a mountain lion, "Who says nobody likes calf liver?" or a bass, "Who says nobody likes sushi?" or a bull snake, "Who says nobody likes raw eggs?" or a house cat, "Who says nobody likes the Sahara?" or a buzzard, "Who says nobody likes leftovers?" or a baby robin, "Who says nobody likes regurgitated worms?" Not a bad idea. However, remembering back on my daughter's 4-H project, the perfect billboard spokesman could be a rabbit. I think, in his case, eight seconds was about right. Saturday, October 04, 2003 VOL. Issue 10B PONDEROSA INVADED At about 8:15pm Friday night approximately 200 cattle from the Nemec ranch found their way to the Ponderosa. Harold, Mary, and Jerry Hinkle gave chase immediately. As it happens every gate on the Ponderosa was openned at the time. The bulk of the bovine marauders ended up about a half mile south of the old Mac Zilverberg place an hour later, where the chase ended. Afterwards, Harold Hinkle informed Mary Jo Nemec of the situation that they were in. The next morning, she dispatched in-laws, Derek McCloud and Victor Nemec, to make sure the cattle were placed properly. According to Harold, he did that all by himself. Later on Saturday afternoon, they got out again and headed north. This time, Darrel Hinkle chased them back before he went to Highmore on business. Ed Nemec came up to the Ponderosa and reported that the cattle were out of grass where they were, and possibly very hungry. Harold Helped the Nemecs fix up the fence. With a little luck they'll stay put for a while. CAROL ZILVERBERG HAS SURGERY Kathy Zilverberg reports that her mother-in-law, Carol has had surgery for the gallstone problem mentioned in a previous edition of the Holabird Advocate. It is expected that she will be released from the hospital on Monday. She will, in all likelyhood, miss the Methodist Make and Bake Show next Saturday. TOP TEN WAYS THAT RUSH LIMBAUGH AND HAROLD HINKLE ARE DIFFERENT by Jerry Hinkle, Special to the Holabird Advocate I've been working on this list for sometime. With Rush Limbaugh inthe news so much theese days I was inspired to finish it up and publish it. SO NOW,FROM THE HOME OFFICE IN HOLABIRD, SOUTH DAKOTA HERE ARE THE TOP TEN WAYS THAT RUSH LIMBAUGH AND HAROLD HINKLE ARE DIFFERENT: 1. Harold is a Democrat, Rush is a Republican 2. Rush has a 9 year contract worth 285, Harold gets by on Social Security and other government welfare programs 3. Harold was in the army, Rush was 4F 4. Rush smoked pot, Harold has not 5. Harold has nasty things to say about Rush, Rush never even talks about Harold 6. Rush has been married 3 times, Harold got it right the first time 7. Harold beat his kids regularly, Rush didn't have kids to beat 8. Rush is deaf, Harold just won't listen 9. Harold wishes Rush would run for President, Rush doesn't want to run 10. Rush has never called Jerry Hinkle stupid, lazy, or worthless, Harold cannot make that claim Thursday, October 02, 2003 VOL. II Issue 10A RUSH LIMBAUGH UNDER FIRE This is not shaping up to be Rush Limbaugh's week. The conservative radio talk show host said a few things that upset a lot of people. Nothing new here, except he said them while giving football commentary on ESPN. This was a job that nobody here at the Holabird Advocate knew he had until the news came out that he said that quarterback Donavan McNabb is overrated because the media wants a successful black quarterback. The remarks, while not meant to be racial, were taken this way. This McNabb fella, who appears to be black did not ask for an apology, and did not get one. Limbaugh has left his position with ESPN because of this melee. Freedom of speech does not apply to Mr. Limbaugh, or so it appears. Limbaugh is also being investigated in connection with a drug ring that is dealing in Oxycontin, a drug that is illegal without a prescription. He has not been accused of a crime or any other wrongdoing as of yet. Limbaugh was unavailable to the Holabird Advocate for comment, because he is giving the keynote address for the National Association of Broadcasters. E.E. HINKLE ON THE MEND SLOWLY He still breathes heavy, but other than that, E.E. Hinkle is doing fine. He hasn't been coughing, which may or may not be a good thing. The doctor presribed Zithromax, which costs about $10/day. E.E. bal;ks at the price, but if he had to spend $10/day for the rest of his life, he'll still have a way to go before he runs out of money. E.E. is taking things in stride, as well as taking this pneunonia better than his kids are. His oldest daughter Mavis is ready to come when needed. His son, Harold, doesn't believe she's needed yet. His youngest daughter Joyce thinks Mavis was needed last week. CAROL ZILVERBERG HOSPITALIZED IN TWIN CITIES Former Valley Township resident Carol Zilverberg was visiting her daughter in Minneapolis when she started to feel sick. She is currently in a hospital somewhere in the Twin Cities area. It is believed, according to the UMW prayer chain, that she is having trouble with gallstones. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate hope she is doing better soon. MONSTER CEREALS: THEY'RE BAAAACK Who knows why, but General Mills has rereleased their "Monster Cereals" Those who grew up with cereals like Count Chocula, Frankenberry, Boo Berry, and Fruit Brute, well they are available again. Kristi Hinkle has informed the Holabird Advocate that she got a box of both Count Chocula and Boo Berry. When her daughter, Brittany, found out that she was going to have a cereal for supper that will turn milk blue, she was tickled and very excited. CLAIRE VOYANT PREDICTS W REELECTION. Holabird Advocate Psychic friend Claire Voyant has predicted that George W. Bush will be reelected on election day next year. In spite of that, the country will go ahead with the election. If last month's Holabird Advocate poll is any indication, the vote won't even be close. 
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