Nearly thirty years ago, I was kicked off television for exercising my First Amendment right: freedom of speech. The local ABC affiliate received some angry phone calls after, as a minister, I dared to say that the Bible called homosexuality a sin.
I had taken a few minutes to, in their estimation, put them "in a bad light," expressing my opinion that gay sex is unnatural, destructive to society and potentially dangerous to one's health (and this was before the AIDS epidemic!). At the time, the so-called "Fairness Doctrine" prescribed equal time for opposing views. The station determined that forty seconds of my opinion needed "balancing." Therefore, my entire half-hour time slot was forfeited and given to promote homosexuality. Half an hour to balance 40 seconds-government "fairness" at work!
With the help of strong public outcry, decision was overturned and we were put back on the air. Within a short time, the "Fairness Doctrine" was also discarded as it was found to actually be unfair to broadcast and station owners.
A quarter of a century later, religious leaders and institutions continue to operate under a virtual gag order. While faithful ministries work to build the family, strengthen marriages, rebuild lives, feed the hungry, clothe the naked, give water to the thirsty, provide shelter to the homeless and engage in other activities contributing to a functional society, many work under intense scrutiny of the IRS. As soon as spiritual leaders speak out too much on issues we believe are important issues that may have a "political" impact, such as gay marriage, abortion, judicial activism, mercy killing, and other matters rooted in morality, they face potential tax ramifications that would gut their humanitarian relief efforts and effective ministry outreaches by revoking the non-profit status.
There has been much hand-wringing in the press and on Capitol Hill regarding last week's "Justice Sunday," organized by James Dobson's Family Research Council. Clearly, the event was a partisan Republican effort to mobilize people of faith to impact the political process, in this case to pressure Congress to actually vote for or against Bush's judicial nominees.
Some people do not like this.
It reminds me of the early '60s when those meddling preachers wouldn't shut up about racism. The Southern Democrats fought hard to keep the religious activists in their place, but to no avail. Those church rallies eventually got completely out of hand and led to an entire political movement called Civil Rights. (It is interesting to note that in the South, Democrat senators voted 21-1 against the Civil Rights Act of 1964. One of the few Republicans voting against the act was senator Barry Goldwater of Arizona, who asserted, "You can't legislate morality.")
This week, Paul Greenberg, editorial editor for the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, defended Christians' right to engage in political dialogue. "The moral imagination of Americans, which is so much a part of our national character, is inseparable from our religious roots," he wrote.
The church and people of faith must continue to stand up for moral issues. We should not become "kingmakers" or the pawns of political parties, but we must remain active in the political process. We must use our voice to engage in social debate and our vote to impact the political process. To refrain from doing so would not only be un-American, but also un-Christian.

Now that the Holabird Advocate has audio capability, we are planning an historical event. We plan to interview E.E. Hinkle with questions from Holabird Advocate Readers. So if you ever wanted to ask a question of an almost 103 year old man, drop us a G-mail with your name, address, and your question. Nothing will be off limits. We can't guarantee that he will answer your question, but every question will be asked.

We believe that this is the first time that a centurion will be talking over the internet. We're not sure if this will play on South Dakota 123, but we have experimented with Audblog previously, and know that it will work on the Holabird Advocate.

Sadness abounds on the Ponderosa as Jerry Hinkle has lost the best friend he ever had. He was never judgmental, never told Jerry he was stupid, lazy, worthless, and no good. He was always there for Jerry when he needed him. That is until yesterday afternoon. That is when his George Foreman Grill, George II, died on him. The cause of death has not been determined, but it was the second grill that Jerry's had in the last 5 years.

George II was actually an imitation grill, made by Hamilton Beach. Jerry has already replaced the grill with one of unknown origin. George III heats up faster than the previous grill, but is a monster to clean. There is a green light on the unit telling him when it is ready for cooking. He lost the instructions to it too, so Jerry will just have to guess the cooking length of whatever he grills on the thing.

The fact that a story like this made it to the Front Page of the Holabird Advocate is a pretty good indication of why our Newsblog is not listed in the "News" section of South Dakota 123.

Any and all people who wish to get me something for that big birthday I have coming up (yes, both of you) should pay attention. As much as I like and admire Captain 11, I do not, repeat NOT want his bobble head. I have nothing against the Captain, it's the bobble head I have a problem with. On second thought, I could go for a Jodi Schwan bobble head, or Jessica Hopkins, or even Nancy Naeve (OK, Nancy is on the other station, but she's still fine).

Let's face it, I'm hard to shop for. I'll probably get socks and underwear, or even a lump of coal. But as long as I don't get a Captain 11 bobble head, I'll take whatever I get.

We would tell you what the surprise is, but she may read this ahead of time. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate wish Mary the best on her special day. Just remember Mary, you're only old once, so do it right and you'll be old for a very long time.

The Holabird Advocate's courageous, dynamic Publisher coined the word Newsblog, in much the same way that Little Richard invented Rock and Roll. By that we mean that someone else may have thought it up, but he came up with it on his own.

That said, we were quite surprised that on South Dakota 123 developed a category called "News" and we aren't in it. Mount Blogmore seems to be in that class all by itself. Now Mount Blogmore does have some sort of connection with the Rapid City Journal, but that's all there is to it. Come on, is reporting that there is someone in the world who is counting the number of times the F word is used in the TV show "Deadwood" real news.

Of course our Publisher is happy being placed in the same class as Bernie Hunhoff, even though he is hard of earning that distinction. We are glad to showcase Holabird and it's people, even if they don't bother to make tally marks when somebody cusses on TV. What they think and do may not matter to Rapid City and the rest of the world, but it matters to us.

Mary Hinkle and Agnes Hahn planned on going to Faulkton to see Dianne Macek. Agnes changed her mind because she wasn't feeling well. She felt good enough to go to the Highmore Clinic. Jean Fieldsend took her from there to the Hiway 83 Junction to meet Bonnie Nickleson who took her to St Mary's in Pierre. There is a rather unfunny joke that goes, "The Pierre Hospital is a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to die there!". Predicably, nobody knows what they are dealing with concerning Agnes. Speculation goes from bleeding ulcer to internal bleeding. If it were real serious, she'd have been taken to Sioux Falls. Whatever it is that is bringing her down, we hope she gets to feeling better real soon.

Don Hinkle wrote to his older brother, E.E. Hinkle, that he and wife, LaRayne Hinkle, may be coming out in June. Earlier they thought May. Don will turn 89 on May 26. LaRayne's age is not even up for discussion. Their Grandson, Stryder Impyn, may be interested to know that the fish will still be biting.

Good Writing

by Professor Ken Hansen
For you lovers of good writing, these are the 10 winners of this year's Bulwer-Lytton contest --AKA Dark and Stormy Night Contest-- (run by the English Dept. Of San Jose State University), wherein one writes only the first line of a bad novel:

10) "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber, he would never hear the end of it."

9) "Just beyond the Narrows, the river widens."

8) "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned, unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description."

7) "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the East wall: 'Andre creep... Andre creep... Andre creep.'"

6) "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex-change surgeon to become the woman he loved."

5) "Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from eking out a living at a local pet store."

4) "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do."

3) "Like an over-ripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor."

2) "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'; a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies."

AND THE WINNER IS

1) "The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, 'You lied!"

With 36 MB in the can, we are still nowhere near full as far as G-mail is concerned. When the Holabird Advocate started saving G-mail on April 20 of last year, we has 1 GB of storage space to fill up. Since April 1 of this year, the storage space has steadily increased. It is now up to 2.096 GB. At first, we thought it was an April Fools joke. The joke, it appears, is on us.

Hanson County was listed fourth among the ten fast-growing growing counties in the nation. Their population is 7.9% higher than last year. Hanson County is home to a business that caters to people who live in recreational vehicles and who need a permanent address. Why can't Holabird do this? We have all kinds of permanent addresses here. A lot of empty space is going to waste. As I understand it these people don't even have to show up here in Holabird to be a resident. So much the better.

I propose that the Holabird Chamber of Commerce double their efforts to cater to the trailer trash trade. The fact that they don't have to come around could be just the angle we have been looking for. The motto could be, "move to Holabird, and get outta town".

For those who'd like to visit, there is our annual Emorymas celebration. And this year, July 22 falls on a Friday. Anyone who travels around the country looking for something to see could stop buy the Ponderosa and look at the oldest living Hinkle. He'll be 103 on this years Emorymas. It will be lots of fun. We'll even have a petting zoo for the kids. We might even have a "Come to Jesus" meeting if the spirit moves me. Hope to see you there!

VOL. IV Issue 4G
Ponderosa Gets First April Shower
The predicted drought for the Holabird area will be postponed at least for awhile anyway. The Ponderosa got rained on from Sunday night until Monday afternoon. It measured up to .85 of an inch. This would have been almost 9 inches of snow in winter time.The feedlots are muddy, and if any of the cows have trouble calving, only the grace of God will deliver them right now. Feeding was put off until noon, and it was pretty slick out there then. The Hinkles had to hunt up there overshoes. It was still a pretty sight. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate was sure glad to get this rain, and we'll take more when the LORD decides to send it. We also hope that all those Readers out there who needed rain got more than their fill of it this weekend.
Ferris Family Rolls Homeward
Joyce Ferris called her brother, Harold Hinkle, to let him know that she and husband, Ken Ferris are on the way back home. She called last night from the Tucson Area, and will come home by way of Texas. Someone Ken knows from that area has a steel guitar for sale, and he just might be in a buying mood. They have to avoid the snow in Denver as well.
My Salute to Vernon Brown
by Jerry Hinkle, Publisher,
Holabird Advocate Newsblog
Oh dear, is my face red! The editorial staff and myself got a little silly with our article the other day about "Downtown" Vernon Brown spending the night in the emergency shelter in Sioux Falls. This shelter is operated by the Salvation Army at a cost of $20,000/month. The Salvation Army is the official charity of the Holabird Advocate, and if I had the $20,000, I would give it to that fine organization. I feel chastened and rebuked, and most humbly offer praise to Mr. Brown for his efforts on behalf of the shelter. Jesus tells us, "Feed my Sheep". This particular flock, as Mr. Brown has said is difficult to feel any compassion for, yet he does. His is a tough job, and my hat goes off to you, Mr. Brown. You, Sir, are an inspiration to Methodists, Universal Lifers, and every other branch of faith that is a Holabird Advocate Reader. Great Job!

Does Rupert Murdoch really think this is a good idea. I hope he's doing it for the tax write-off. But then, horror of horrors. What if this venture succeeds. Oh well, I don't expect that I'll be tuning in. The only reality shows I watch are those clips that Jimmy Kimmel has on his show. That way, if something is good, or at least funny happens, I don't have to sit for an hour waiting for it all to end.

There is one show I am spellbound by, other that "Survivor", of course. It's that "Amazing Race". I love watching this show, just to see where the fix is in. I keep hoping Boston Rob and Amber will fight, so that by the end of the race, she'll dump his stupid butt and then I'll have a chance at her.

As for a whole cable network devoted to this genre, Let's just say that that's a little too much reality for me. More than I need right now. I mean, TV is supposed to be an escape from reality. Isn't it? Not anymore I guess.