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 Holabird AdvocateProviding all the news we see fit to print since 2002!Friday, April 01, 2005 VOL. Issue 4A Elvis Moves to Holabird The Holabird Church of Universal Life has announced that Elvis "the King" Presley is moving to Holabird. He has become a minister of the Universal Life Church, and wishes to assist Reverend Hinkle and Pastor Potluck in their work. Pastor Potluck of the Holabird Church of Universal Life said this morning, "Three is a crowd, but when Elvis says he wants to help you who am I to say no. I mean, it's ELVIS, for God's sake!" Rev. Hinkle has Elvis bunking in with E.E. Hinkle until a more permanent situation can be arranged. Elvis has expressed interest in the old Mac Zilverberg house. "It reminds me of the place I grew up in back in Mississippi", he said. "I've lived in mansions and fancy hotels, but I was never happier than when I lived in that shack in Tupelo."He better move in quick, as E.E. is getting tired of the all night sings and having to eat fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches for breakfast. Elvis has been very busy since his "death" in August of 1977. He plans on explaining things in more detail later on. You can count on the Holabird Advocate to get every detail down to the faithful who have waited for Elvis's return to public life. Pope Nears Death as World Watches Things are not looking good for Pope John Paul II today as he is experiencing failure of his heart, lungs and kidneys. He has received the Last Rites" for about the 15th time this year, and has taken what Catholics call "Last Communion". If the Pope Does, in fact, expire today, the Holabird Advocate will bring you an "Extra Edition" with more details. Demi Catches Ashton With Daughter by Ethan Aniston Entertainment Editor Holabird Advocate Newsblog Hollywood is buzzing about the "rumor about Rumer" and Ashton Kutcher. It seems that Demi Moore has caught Ashton in a very cozy embrace with her 16 year old daughter, Rumer Willis. Since catching them in the act, Demi has reportedly been very cold to both of them. This on top of stories that Demi is expecting at age 42 has kept fans of the couple busy guessing what will happen next to these people.
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