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 Holabird AdvocateProviding all the news we see fit to print since 2002!Wednesday, December 31, 2003 VOL. II Issue 12V BLOGGER CRASHES HOLABIRD ADVOCATE DELAYED For reasons unknown, Blogger.com has crashed, leaving several sites up in the air. As we are puting this edition of the Holabird Advocate together, we have no idea when it will be read. It is the possible work of a hacker or group of hackers. LET THE FATTENING BEGIN George and Mavis Kennedy arrived at the Ponderosa yesterday, bringing with them all kinds of cookies, candy and popcorn. For dinner, she made a huge pot of gulosh. This afternoon, she started baking a cake. The cowboys at the Ponderosa better loosen their belts before the end of the week. JAIME HANSEN SOUGHT BY READER The Holabird Advocate Circulation Department has reported that a Reader has found the Newsblog in a search using "jaime hansen" as the search criteria. It has been discovered that there are possibly two people at leat going by that name. One is a cousin of our Publisher, Jerry Hinkle, the other is a stage actress. Wouldn't it be a hoot if they were both the same person? Then again, maybe it wouldn't. PUBLISHERS NOTES by Jerry Hinkle As 2003 draws to a close, so does the second year of the Holabird Advocate. One thing I know for sure is that we'll be bringing news of Sara to you next year, and hopefully it will be good news. More likely than not, the name of Stephanie Herseth will be brought up. In fact, she'll probably be mentioned more than she (or anyone else) would like. We will be following her progress in the June and November elections. I will see about getting Audblog added to the Newsblog. In fact on January 7, I will have a poll concerning the offer by the Nemec Ranch to be our corporate sponsor. the door will be open for other sponsors until Ground Hog Day. Once Audblog is in place, I will see about getting an interview with Ms. Herseth, just to prove that I actually did get the interview. If I can't get Audblog, I'll just settle for a print interview. The next year of 2004 promises to be an interesting year. I hope it will be a happy one for each of you. Tuesday, December 30, 2003 VOL. II Issue 12U HINKLES PREPARE FOR CANCUN TRIP Passports are ready, bags are getting packed, and the car is being washed so that Harold and Mary Hinkle can get underway to join Larry and Phyllis Ehlers for the big plane trip way down south in Cancun, Mexico. Jerry Hinkle has seen to it that Harold and Mary have $500,000 worth of flight insurance each. You know, just in case. The plan is for them to leave dark and early Friday morning so as to avoid rush hour traffic in the Twin Cities. They leave from Minneapolis International Airport on January 3, and will fly back there on January 10. Harold and Mary are expected to be home, barring the unforseen, sometime around January 12. PUBLISHER TURNS HUMBLE ONCE AGAIN by Jerry Hinkle, of the Holabird Advocate For the second time this year, I am going to step out from behind the courageous, dynamic curtain to once again ask you, the Readers, for your help. The first time I did this, it was for prayer on behalf of our Allied Fighting Force in Iraq. This time it is for one person and her family. Longtime Readers will recall the difficulty I had in dealing with "Her" marriage last year. Well, "Her" name is Sara. This is not really important. What is important is that Sara and her husband had a baby. The baby, as I understand it, is doing fine. Sara, however, was in critical condition. A lot of people, myself included, are quite concerned about this situation. I couldn't believe it at first. After all, this is the 21st century, and women can't die in childbirth anymore. They just don't. Or do they? I want to do everything within my power to help Sara and her family, but I can't do it by myself. That's where you Readers come in. When you log off your computer, please say a prayer for this young family. From what I hear they need all the help they can get. We helped keep our Allied Fighting Force safe, for that I thank you. Now let's rally around Sara so her child can know it's mother. I just know Sara's gonna hate me for the rest of her life for doing this. I hope it's a long and healthy hate. Monday, December 29, 2003 VOL. II Issue 12T KENNEDYS TO ARRIVE TUESDAY Instead of going back to Arizona, George and Mavis Kennedy will be staying at the Ponderosa for a spell while Harold and Mary Hinkle go to Cancun, Mexico. It is not known how long the Kennedys will be there, but Harold and Mary are due back by January 12. Anyone needing to contact George and Mavis can do so by e-mailing the home office of the Holabird Advocate or calling (605) 852-2543. Don't be surprized if a cranky 101 year old hard of hearing guy answers. MAD COW'S CANADIAN ROOTS INVESTIGATED The USDA is looking into the possibility that the case of BSE found in the Yakima, Washington area could have had it's root in a ranch in the Province of Alberta, Canada. Confirmation of this origin will take place by weeks end. TOP TEN NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS OF HOLABIRD ADVOCATE PUBLISHER, JERRY HINKLE FOR 2004 by Jerry Hinkle, Special to the Holabird Advocate Yes, it is that time of year where we throw out the old and bring in the new. It is also the time when we all make those resolutions. You know, "exercise, go on a diet, quit smoking, drinking and writing bad checks". Well, none of that mundane stuff for me. No way! I'm going to make some challenging, but doable new year's resolutions. At the end of 2004, I'll publish how I did. That said, FROM THE HOME OFFICE IN HOLABIRD, SOUTH DAKOTA, HERE ARE THE TOP TEN NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS OF ME, JERRY HINKLE, FOR 2004 1. Get an interview with Stephanie Herseth ( it may be easier to exercise, but this is meant to be a challenge) 2. Be less judgemental about my mother's wine drinking (another toughie, but it is a personal growth exercise) 3. Now that my brother Doug has been named "Firefighter of the Year" for 2003, encourage him to be "Husband of the Year" for 2004 4. Keep the light of Justice, Freedom, Wisdom, Truth, and Love shining all year 5. Take better care of Grandad (it's gonna be a long year) 6. Take a vacation this year (Did you hear that Mavis?) 7. Be more tolerant of Oprah (this year I learned to quit hating Janklow, let's see if I can do the same with Oprah) 8. Make Audblog work for the Holabird Advocate 9. Endorse a Democrat for President 10. As I try to do each and every one of these things over the next 12 months to remember what Grandad always says, "Just do the best you can" Saturday, December 27, 2003 VOL. II Issue 12S E.E. HINKLE TAKES SECOND TUMBLE It's almost becoming a Christmas ritual with E.E. Hinkle to fall over. On the second day of Christmas (yesterday) he was walking toward the phone in his living room with no lights on to answer it when he fell over. E.E. didn't spend two hours on the floor this time, because a few minuytes later Jerry Hinkle went in to check on his grandfather. His pulse was taken and read to be 40.The old boy didn't, and still doesn't, appear to be nor have been dizzy. Jerry is checking on him regularly. ANNE HANSEN TO OBSERVE 24TH BIRTHDAY Because of a rather nasty illness on her birthday two months ago, Anne Hansen was prevented from celebrating her 24th birthday on the actual date of her birth. Since Christians don't celebrate the birth of Jesus on his birthday, and since Americans don't always celebrate the birthdays of George Washington and Martin Luther King on their birthdate, she decided that she wanted to celebrate tonight. It is not known how many will attend this celebration, which is to be held at one of the casinos on the reservation south of Highmore, but we do know that Jerry Hinkle preffers to stay at home with his grandfather, E.E. tonight. MAD COW CAME FROM CANADA It has been reported that the mad cow from the Yakima, Washington area was imported from Canada. This is not a valid excuse for why it is in this country, but it is the only excuse our government has. American beef has really took a hit from this current scare. People are afraid to eat beef. Even in South Dakota the consumption has declined 51%. There is even a ban on products made with cattle such as soap. This country is turning into France. The mainsteam media isn't helping. The Holabird Advocate is trying to help guide the world through this crisis, but we only have 2500 Readers. Hopefully you, the Reader, can help spread the word that beef is safe, especially when you know where it comes from. This is why we need the Country Of Origin Labeling bill to go through. Perhaps you can write your Representative in Congress. If you don't know your Representative's name, contact the Holabird Advocate with your ZIP code, and we'll track it down for all interested parties. DON'T LET THE LIGHT GO OUT by Jerry Hinkle, Special to the Holabird Advocate This is the third day of Christmas, it is also the last day of Hannukah. At sundown tonight Hannukah will end. This Holiday is called the "Festival of Lights". Christmas is the Christian's "Festival of Lights". Jesus has been called "The light of the world" . The Jewish tradition has it that the evil Antiochus slaughtered most of the Hebrews in Jeruselam. After 3 year struggle with the Syrian tyrant, he was defeated by the Maccabees, led by Judah. They rebuilt the temple and lit the mennorah. Although there was a days worth of oil it burned for 8 days. Light has several meanings today it stands for love, justice, fredom, and truth. The light from all four of these should burn in our hearts all year around. Every one of us can be a becon of light to conquer the darkness of tyranny. We have to keep the light lit to do it. It's not an easy proposition, but nothing truly worth doing is easily done. But we can still try. It is truly amazing how much light burns from one candle. Light a candle and see for yourself some time. Friday, December 26, 2003 VOL. II Issue 12R E.E. HINKLE FALLS OVER CHRISTMAS DAY For some reason, E.E. Hinkle wanted to be alone on Christmas Day, shunning an invitation to Agnes Hahn's house for Christmas dinner. Harold and Mary Hinkle went there, and against his better judgement Jerry did as well. Sometime around 5pm, the 101 year old decided to wash his bedsheets. He fell over in the laundry room and crawled to the living room. At least two hours after his fall, Harold and Jerry found him lying down beside his chair in the dark. Jerry thought he was dead, when all the sudden his grandfather moved. In a group effort Harold and Jerry got him up while Mary made him something to eat. It was Jerry's turn to stay with him. He didn't get much sleep, and blames himself for what happened. the events relayed here could have happened on any other Thursday and nobody would think much of it. Because it was Christmas, however. The guilt will be especially bitter for Jerry. The old boy is doing spendid however, and not being the worse for wear, considering his family deserted him for a prime rib dinner. MARY HINKLE TAKES BOXING DAY SERIOUSLY After hearing that our friends in Canada are celebrating Boxing Day, she has decided to box up all of the Christmas decorations and put them away so she can get ready for the big trip to Cancun. They could leave as early as New Years Eve because of weather conditions in the Twin Cities area. CHRISTMAS FEATIVE DESPITE "THE GREAT FALL" Christmas Eve festivities were quite lively at Agnes Hahn's place. People giot just what they deserved (in some cases even better). Jerry Hinkle got a collector's edition Coca-Cola throw pillow (which he will not throw at anybody or anything), some 5 year old sparkling wine and a generous check, part of which will make it to a Salvation Army kettle near him someday. Among Shelby's Hinkle's gifts was a make-up kit, which she tried out to comic perfection. Big Sister Brit was critical of Shelby's application technique until the next day, when Uncle Jerry produced some pictures od Christmas past in which an then 3 year old Brit had trouble aiming her lipstick. On Christmas Morning. Doug Hinkle and his family had breakfast with Harold, Mary, Jerry and E.E. Hinkle. Sometime around 10am Darrel and his family arrived, ten minute after E.E. went home. Christmas cheer erupted yet again. Jerry got a Johnny Cash CD/DVD package, as well as a cash gift that the Salvation Army will share. he also got Brit's present by accident, a couple of picture frames for girls. Jerry felt like sant thought he was one of those Metrosexuals you hear about that live in the big city, until the mistake was corrected. Brit also got gift certificates to Burger King and Walmart. She wants Jerry to go with her when she makes the trip, but that don't mean it will happen. Harrold and Mary Got matching fishing gear, which will comein handy next July 10-11, when the 2nd Annual Goehring Family Fishing Jamboree will take place. After gifts were distributed the Hinkles were forced to watch a dreadful movie called "Pirates of the Carribean' which was made barable for Jerry only because of the magicly delicious Keira Knightley. Too bad she's only 17. better luck next year Bubba. Tuesday, December 23, 2003 VOL. II Issue 12Q MAD COW BITES WASHINGTON A possible case of BSE, also known as "Mad Cow Disease" may have been spotted on a ranch outside of Yakima Washington. This according to U.S. Secretary of Agriculture, Ann Veneman in a statement that she made today. The cow is a holstien, which is a dairy breed, and as such did not enter the American food supply. Further testing needs to be done. It is not known if this ailment travells in milk, but the government isn't worried about it, nobody else should be either. KENNEDYS TO HAVE "BIG POW-WOW" E.E. Hinkle reports that his oldest daughter, Mavis Kennedy told him that he was going to have a "big pow-wow", and a "jamboree" on Christmas. Mavis later reported to the Holabird Advocate that she will have a big crowd of 30 people at the Kennedy mansion. It was also reported by the 101 year old E.E. that Mary Hinkle has something in the works, although she has yet to come up with a report to that effect. METHODISTS GET READY TO SAY "HELLO EARL" Even though some of the Methodist congregation may me Dixie Chicks fans, they still have to greet Earl. It's just that this is a family whose last name is Earl. Janine Earl, her husband and two children will be the parish family for BHH for the year, starting on January 4, 2004. The first order of business for the Methodists was to repair the cement work in the basement of the Parsonage. This was professionally done by Mark Van Zee. Another project was ripping out the carpet that they spent $750 to clean, and pulling up the staples. Among the Methodist workers is Holabird's own Harold and Mary Hinkle, who have been hard at it Monday night and Tuesday afternoon. TRACK SANTA WITH NORAD Since 1955, the North American Aeospace Defense Command(NORAD) has been tracking the Movements of Santa Claus. We don't know how they do it, but they have "Santa cams" in several different locations around the world. It seems that the taxpayer wants NORAD to track Santa as well as look for Russian missiles and other traveling objects in outer space. The Holabird Advocate has a link to the Santa Tracker on the Free Links page. Between 8pm-2am Holabird time on Christmas Eve, the web site will keep tabs on Santa Claus. As an extra bonus, the site has Christmas music supplied by our Publishers favorite Beatle, Ringo Starr. There's no word on if Santa will skip your house if you stay up all night looking at this sight, so use your best judgement when visiting this site. Monday, December 22, 2003 VOL. II Issue 12P TERROR LEVEL GOES TO ORANGE-AGAIN Once again the the nation is at Orange Alert, just in time for Christmas. All of us at the Holabird Advocate can't wait to see what Jimmy Kimmel has Terry the Terror Crab do on his show. It is at this time we feel sorry for the mainstream media, who have to treat the whole terrorism situation serious. One can tell they are thinking that the whole thing is as ridiculous as the rest of us. We wonder what the politicians are thinking. PUBLISHER ADMITS MISTAKE After hearing that "Time" magazine has made the American soldier their "Person of the Year", Holabird Advocate Publisher has admitted defeat. "This year, 'Time' really came through. They have chosen a better 'Person of the year' than we did. Think about it. Courageous: you bet. Dynamic: of course. I congratulate both 'Time' and all of the people who call themself an American soldier. Male, female, black, white, yellow, and red. In reality, our Allied Fighting force should be 'Person of the Year' an every year. CAPT. DOUG HINKLE: FIREFIGHTER OF THE YEAR Most likely because it was his turn, Captain Douglas A. Hinkle of Engine Company Number 1 recieved the Firefighter of the Year award for 2003. Fire Chief Tam Gatge said "Hinkle's willingness to serve, coopertive spirit, and positive attitude" were all factors in the decision. KRISTI HINKLE PLAYS SANTA The Christmas spirit has really caught on to the Hinkle family in a big way. Kristi Hinkle spent a good deal of the last day of school distributing presents to the teachers at the school in Highmore. She as also gone to the houses of her family and friends and has been most generous with packages not to be openned until Christmas. We could all learn a lot from all of the kindness that Kristi has shown in this holiday season. CHRISTMAS: IS IT TOO COMMERCIAL OR NOT? by Jerry Hinkle, of the Holabird Advocate After watching "Miracle on 34th Street", a movie made in 1947, I started to wonder about the commercialism of Christmas. If it is too comercial, it is possible that it started long before this 56 year old movie. Think about it. Would children sing a sone called "Jesus Christ is Coming to Town"? It is possible, but Santa Claus is more marketable than either Saint Nicholas (a priest by the way) or Jesus himself. When my family gathers at Garndma's house, it's not as festive as it used to be. We used to have the Christmas story told before the unwrapping of presents, maybe a carol or two. We don't do that anymore. We just eat ourselves stupid, and after a few ill fated attemps to get some singing started, we just give up and let the kids go to it. So is Christmas too commercial? I don't know. What do you think? Saturday, December 20, 2003 VOL. II Issue 12O AGNES HAHN RECIEVES WORD OF DEATH Yesterday morning Agnes Hahn was told of the death of longtime friend and neighbor, Alice Sunding. She was 89. Her funeral will be held at 10:30am on Monday, December 22. All of us at the Holabird Advocate wish to express our condolences to all of those who mourn her passing. We are all releived that her battle with cancer is over, and she is free at last from pain. METHODISTS TO PRESENT CHRISTMAS PROGRAM. At 11:15am, The Methodist Church in Highmore will be presenting it's annual Sunday School Christmas program on Sunday, December 21. Brittany and Shelby Hinkle will be among the children who will be participating. They have been learning "Away in the Manger" for their part in the program. Agnes Hahn plans to attend this program, as well as going to see Samantha Hoffman in the Luthern Church's Sunday School Program. After the service, The Highmore congregation plans on having a farewell potluck for Brother Bill, who won't be leaving until the end of the year. As it happens Brother Bill has a nasty case of the flu, and it is possible he won't be in church tomorrow. Friday, December 19, 2003 VOL. II Issue 12N JANKLOW FILES FOR NEW TRIAL Representative Bill Janklow has filed papers in the Moody County courthouse requesting either an aquittal or a new trial. Janklow was convicted on four seperate driving charges on December 8. Janklow stated that the prosecution failed to prove it's case beyond a reasonable doubt. Janklow will still be sentenced, but the date was moved forward two days to January 22. PONDEROSA BUTCHERS STEER On the Ponderosa there are two steers that have been fed on corn for quite some time now. Since the corn supply is running low, it was decided to butcher one. The steer dressed out at 1100 lbs., but yielded only 306 lbs. of hamburger, some stakes and a few roasts. Brittany Hinkle helped with the butchering process after school. She learned quite a bit about how hamburger gets to her table at dinnertime. The Hinkles plan on butcher the other steer sometime before Christmas. HIGHMORE SCHOOL OVER FOR THE YEAR The last day of school for Hyde District was today. After two weeks of vactation, school will resume at January 5, 2004. Students even got out at 2:30 to see Santa Claus at the bank. POSSIBLE AWARD FOR "JOAN OF ARCADIA" This past week the television show, "Joan of Arcadia" recieved a Golden Globe Nomination. Actress Amber Tamblyn is up for the "Best Actress" award for a dramatic TV series. All of us at the Holabird advocate are pulling for her, even though Jennifer Garner is up for the same award for her work in "Alias". Wednesday, December 17, 2003 VOL. II Issue 12M FREEZING RAIN HITS HOLABIRD A gentle, but persistant freezing rain has turned the sidewalks and highways of Hyde County into an ice skating rink this morning. While going about doing his daily tasks, our Publisher, Jerry Hinkle himself was using caution so as not to do the famous Triple Klutz move. He managed to avoid getting hurt, but did do a Double Klutz. Temps in the Holabird area have been forcasted by meteorologist, Storm Chaser, to reach into the 40s later on this afternoon. THUNE ESCHEWS HOUSE SEAT Former Representative John Thune has written to the State Republican party that he wishes not to be a candidate for the lone seat in the House of Representatives in either the special election or the primary election. Both elections are scheduled to take place June 1, barring the unforseen. Senators Daschle and Johnson are among those who would like to see the special election take place in February. Such a move would cost the state $400,000. There is a growing movement, not endosed by the Holabird Advocate, that the state make the move. It is almost a foregone conclusion that Stephanie Herseth will be the Democratic candidate in the special election. Several Republicans, including former Senator, Larry "press release" Pressler, have expressed interest in South Dakota's seat in Congress. The Republican party can only choose one candidate for the special election, but the primary is wide open. WHAT A DIFFERENCE A CENTURY MAKES by Jerry Hinkle of the Holabird Advocate It was 100 years ago today, on December 17, 1903, that former Holabird residents Orville and Wilbur Wright made their 12 second 100 feet flight. a planned reanactment of that flight At Kitty Hawk, North Carolina was put off because of weather. Last night, I watched the Public Television program "Nova" to see how the plane was put together. Let me just say that it justified (to me at least) my fear of flying. That not withstanding, it does make you wonder where we will be flying by 2103. Maybe Mars, maybe farther away than that. I know that they'll never get me in the flying machine when they go there. At 136, I'd be a little too old to go anywhere. Of course, you never know until you try. The history of the Wright brothers has a gap of about 10 years. From 1893-1903. For a while in that decade, they lived in the Holabird Area. We know this from eyewitness testimony, yet it is never mentioned in anything about the pair. Quite a lot happened in that span of 10 years. I wonder if we'll ever know what it was. Monday, December 15, 2003 VOL. II Issue 12L SADDAM CAPTURED OVER WEEKEND At about 11:30am, Holabird time, Saddam Hussien was captured by the 4th Armored division of the United States Army. Confirmation of this did not come through the regular channels until Sunday morning. It was reported that although Saddam was found in an 8 foot deep hole with a couple of automatic pistols and an AK-47 assult rifle, he preffered to try to did his way in deeper. Pentagon sources say that Saddam has been more talkitive than any other Iraqi soldier in custody yet, even though the only torture device in their area is the movie "Swept Away". It has been mentioned that a big story like this could have been "phoned in" to the Holabird Advocate had they put Audblog in place, something that the Publisher is taking into consideration at this time. CLAIRE VOYANT PROVEN WRONG-THIS TIME Chapter 13 of the 8th "Survivor" saga revealed that "Sassy Sandra" was the winner instead of the evil Jonny Fairplay. It was previously reported in the Holabird Advocate that Psychic Claire Voyant had visions of Mr. Fairplay as the winner. So disturbed by this was Ms. Voyant, that she went into hiding someplace where there is no television set. She'll come out of hiding when she is ready. At least her annual Madonna prediction was right on the money. HINKLES GET READY TO RETURN GRANDKID After a weekend of turmoil and strife, Harold and Mary Hinkle are getting ready to get Cade back to his parents sometime today. It hasn't been all bad, but he has been a challenge for them. His most notable trick is turning lights off and on. He is also fond of openning doors to let in the cold. In a few hours, all that will be behind them-for a little while. His allergies did not pose a problem to them at all, but they had treatments for them, just in case. Jerry's biggest problem with Cade was calling him "Justin" all the time, while Cade's great-grandfather, E.E. Hinkle kept trying to get him to shake hands. Saturday, December 13, 2003 VOL. II Issue 12K PROSPECTIVE SPONSOR COMES FORWARD Holabird Advocate Publisher Jerry Hinkle has announced a possible corporate sponsor for an audblog service for the Holabird Advocate. It is not known how much of the $36/year fee this sponsor will pony up. "We are looking for other sponsors to spread the financial burden", Publisher Hinkle said. A test was performed last Monday on the audblog program that was downloaded by the Newsblog. some were impressed, others were not. Among the latter group is Harold Hinkle, who sees little practical merit in the service. this is not surprising, however, as he sees little practical merit in the Holabird Advocate as it is. The Holabird Advocate Publisher has decided to keep all options open. If there is an overwhelming desire to add an audblog service, it could become a real possibility. NEMEC CHRISTMAS PARTY BRINGS COMMUNITY TOGETHER The 2003 Nemec Christmas party was held at 6pm last evening. Dinner was started excactly at 7pm as stated in the invitation. The firmness that the invitation showed worked as few of the people that did show came in late. The highlight of the meal was the ham. It was cooked to perfection. There must have been leftover punch, as Holabird Advocate Publisher spent most of the time drinking coffee. The children that were present behaved reasonably well. Those with attention spans not conducive to watching videos were masterfully handled by guest, Jackie St. John, who, it can be assumed is looking for babysitting work. She won't be looking long. Discussions ranged from memories of Mac Zilverberg, Bud Hahn, and the old timers who ran the Pool Hall in Highmore years ago. There was also talk about all of the different livestock salebarns that have been having financial trouble around the state and the grain elevator under construction in Highmore as well. Carol Zilverberg showed off the construction paper Christmas tree that she made as part of the arts and crafts portin of the evening to Jerry Hinkle. There were other ladies who participated in this endevor, but did not see the need to show off their handiwork. A card game broke out with the men when Ed Nemec brought out out a new deck of cards. If anybody cheated, they were not caught. Of course, it's the ones who cheat that care about winning the most. The true spirit of Christmas was displayed that evening. It was a time of true "Peace on Earth and goodwill to all". At least on the Nemec's part. Barbara had asked Jerry Hinkle to mention the party so that her kids that were far away could read about it on the Holabird Advocate. It is needless to say he was going to mention it anyhow. THUNE DECISION AWAITED, BUT NOT ANTICIPATED According to the Keloland net poll, several hundred people have an opinion as to what John Thune, former U.S. House of Representitives member, will do in the next election cycle. a little over one-third of those who care think that he should run for his old seat in the House. a little ove one-fourth believe he should run for Senate against Tom Daschle. a whopping 42% believe that he should stay out of politics. thune says thgat a decision about his political future will be forthcoming. Friday, December 12, 2003 VOL. II Issue 12J JANKLOW PARDON POSSIBLE ROUNDS SAYS South Dakota Governor Mike Rounds has said that he may consider a pardon if the Board of Pardons and Paroles give it a favorable recommendation. "I'll follow the same guidelines for Bill Janklow that I would for anyone else." Rounds also remarked, "I consider Bill Janklow to be a friend, I've worked with him, I've seen him work very, very hard and I've seen him work long hours and seen him do very, very good things for the people of South Dakota." CADE HINKLE TO VISIT GRANDPARENTS Doug Hinkle and Noel Pothast will be going to Rapid City for Christmas shopping this weekend. They have asked to have Harold And Mary watch their son, Cade, also known as Cader Tater Terminator, during that time. That means another guest for the Nemec Christmas party tonight. It is not known how he will get back home. Cade's uncle, Jerry Hinkle said, "We just might have to keep him around and toughen the boy up a little. That kid has more allergies than that queer guy on 'Yes Dear' ". E.E. Hinkle had Jerry sweep up the floor in case Cade decided to start eating crumbs off of it. He never said it, but you can tell he is excited about having cade around. it isn't often that the oldest living Hinkle and the youngest living Hinkle get together. POETRY CORNER "I Saw Paris Hilton" by Jerry Hinkle I saw Paris. Not in France. Wish I saw some underpants. Those lowriders are so whack. Hey Paris! Just say "NO" to crack! WHERE IS DOCTOR ATKINS BEEF CHECK-OFF CHECK? by Jerry Hinkle, Special to the Holabird Advocate If you're anything like me, you have been flabbergasted by the high price of beef and eggs as of late. Both spikes in price have been credited to (or blamed on, depending on your point of view) the world famous Atkins diet. If the people who hold the check-off check book had any scruples ( a mighty big "IF" that would be too) they should give the late doctors estate healthy cut of that $1/head that Americas Beef Producers kick in to that whenever they sell cattle at a sale barn near you. This diet has done more in 6 months for the cause of beef demand than the check-off has done in 15 years. What about Pork? Why isn't that price going throught the roof as well? Bringing home the bacon isn't a figure of speech anymore. Eggs are averaging 17 cents each in the Holabird Area. I don't know if eggs have a check-off, but it doesn't appear that they need one. Uncle Jake tells me that he and his wife, Verna Louise, are going to have eggs and bacon for Christmas dinner. Not being able to have toast with the bacon and eggs is taking its toll on Uncle Jake though. Having to forego turnips hasn't made the situation any better. At least he's not sleeping in the barn anymore. Thursday, December 11, 2003 VOL. II Issue 12I DESPITE SNOW E.E. HINKLE GETS AROUND The snow fell lightly on the pains of the Ponderosa valley as Jerry Hinkle drove his mother Mary and his grandfather E.E. Hinkle to Highmore. There was not enough to to prevent him from using criuse control. E.E. Hinkle had some urgent banking business that Harold had no time for. Jerry took the 101 year old gent to both banks in Highmore. the old boy even let Jerry look at the new $20 bill (he wasn't allowed to touch it however) Boy! doesn't take much to amuse those Hinkles, huh! They dropped Mary off at the clinic so she could get a her yearly mamogram ( she's cancer free so far) all of you ladies should follow Mary's example and get a mamogram as well. when you do let us know if we're spelling it right. After she was done, she had to walk to the Senior Center (arriving before the men) for dinner. After dinner it was a quick trip to the grocery store. they were kind of short staffed so Jerry had to start boxing their groceries. He did so well, that he's thinking of asking for a position at the store. "One day of working at Vlcek's could pay for a year of Audblog", he observed. Always thinking about the Newsblog, that's our Publisher. The outing to Highmore did the oldest living Hinkle a world of good. His pulse has raced all the way up to 48. HANSENS PLANT A GARDEN OF LOVE Kevin and Jaime Hansen have notified the home office of the Holabird Advocate that they are to be parents for the first time. June 4th is the due date. As for future plans, Kevin reported, "We are looking to get out of our apartment - for the sake of our neighbors. Hee hee hee." All of us at the Holabird Advocate offer our most heartfelt congratulations and good luck. Personally, we hope you'll have a boy named Clarence. HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDMA by Jerry Hinkle Today would have been the 91st birthday of my grandma, Bergit Hinkle. She died just five days shy of her 82nd birthday. Her death, when it came hit us all hard. Grandma had been failing for some time, but still, it was a shock, to me anyway. It is this time of year that I miss her most. Our family used to go to the State Capital building and look at all of the Christmas trees on display. We haven't done that since she died. I went on my own for the last time 9 years ago today. I'm not sure why, that's just how it is. I have kept my grandma's spirit alive by following all of her best words of advice. She was quite wise for someone with an 8th grade education. I've sometimes thought of making a "Top Ten" list, but I can't remember 10 pices of advice. By far, her best advice was "Don't holler 'til you're hurt". I can''t tell you how many times I had been discouraged by some sad turn of events only to find some bit of good to come out of it. It's called serendipity, an unexpected pleasure. Things aren't always as bad as they look at first. I don't always remember that, but I should. Tuesday, December 09, 2003 VOL. II Issue 12H SPECIAL ELECTION ON JUNE 1 TO FILL JANKLOW VACANCY Governor Mike Rounds as issued a writ of election to fill the seat in the House of Represenatives made vacant by the resignation of Bill Janklow last night. The special election will take place on June 1, the same day as the primary elections. The new Reresentative wil take her seat, (OOPS, I mean their seat, at least for now) on June 8 and will serve until January, when Janklows term would have ended. That is, unless the new Representative runs for and wins reelection next November. If you Readers are confused by this, all that we at the Holabird Advocate can say is "Join the crowd, Bubba! We are just as confused!". OOPS I DID IT AGAIN!!!!! by Jerry Hinkle You, the Reader may or may not think that as a Publisher, I am courageous and dynamic. However, as a fact-checker, I have much to be desired. I have discovered three separate mistakes so far today. they are as follows: 1. The worst mistake was that my mother was going in for an MRI yesterday. That is incorect. She goes in for that on Friday. Yesterday she had a bone density test. I regret the error, of course 2. The special election is obviously more than 90 days away. That is because I read the Constitution wrong. It give "the Excecutive in charge therof" (meaning the Governor of the state) 90 days to issue the writ of election (Rounds did the job in less then one day, we should be SO proud of him for that) 3. While double-checking error #2, I discovered another error. Earlier I said that Tom Daschle could be the first Senator to win 4 terms in the Senate from South Dakota. I'm Afraid Karl Mundt already did that, but Tom would be the first Democrat to do so if he is successful in winning reelection next year. As a manner of explanation, just let me say that the reference work from which I extracted that Mundt had only been elected thrice was printed in 1961, before he made the fourpeat in 1966. That is not a good excuse, but it is mine, and so is the blame for this most horrible of mistakes. Monday, December 08, 2003 EXTRA, EXTRA, READ ALL ABOUT IT Representative William J. Janklow, just a few hours after being convicted of manslaughter, wreckless driving, speeding and failure to stop, has announced that he will resign his seat in the House effective January 20, 2004. This means that 90 days from that date, there will be a special election to decide who will fill out Janklow's term. Janklow's conviction was reported in the audblog experiment that The Holabird Advocate conducted earlier this evening. All of us at the Holabird Advocate hope that all of you Readers become listeners to that experiment, and let us know what you think of it.  audio post powered by audblogVOL. II Issue 12G MARY HINKLE GET'S DOUBLE CHECKED During Mary Hinkle's annual check-up, X-rays showed something suspicious. Today Mary is having an MRI done in Pierre to make sure nothing is wrong. She doesn't seem to be too woried, as she took her mother along. Later in the evening, they plan to attend the "South Dakota Acoustic Christmas" concert in Pierre. TEXANS PLAN TO COME NORTH FOR THE SUMMER The Holabird Advocate has been informed that Bert and Virginia Caraway are planning a trip to South Dakota this summer and were wondering if there was a special occasion to attend there. If all goes well, they hope to have 11 Texans in their group which includes children, grandchildren, in-laws, and possiblly outlaws. A possible campout in early July peaked the interest of Virginia, who is an aunt of Holabird Advocate Publisher, Jerry Hinkle. She and her Husband Bert are from Decatur, Texas. Jerry has assured her that if a special occasion is all it takes, he will put a special occasion together. Several members of this delegation has jobs and getting time off for all could be a tall order, but Jerry is optomistic about things on his end. SHELBY HINKLE TURNS THREE WITH PRIVATE PARTY Yesterday, in observance of Shelby Hinkle's third birthday, her family went to Pierre for a party. The exact number of guests were unknown, as well as the names of said guests. The location of the party is also a mystery. It is known that it was either McDonald's or China Buffet. Neither place was Shelby's choice, as she preffers Burger King. E.E Hinkle was not invited, nor would he have gone had he had been. He was disgusted that as he put it, "They went all the way to Pierre to give that little girl a party like they were a bunch of millionaires." Of course Jerry Hinkle was not at the party either, as he had all he could handle already. He took over his mothers Sunday School class and made sure his grandfather was safe warm and not hungry. Harold and Mary managed to get home from Lemmon shortly after 7pm Sunday night sop they missed the party as well. JANKLOW TRIAL GOES TO THE JURY The Manslaughter case of State vs. Janklow has completed jury instructions and as of 1pm Holabird time has gone to the jury. The Holabird Advocate will bring the verdict to the Readers, when a verdict is reached, in a unique way. HOLABIRD ADVOCATE RESUMES AUDIOBLOGGER EXPERIMENTS Blogger has offered a trial demonstration of AudioBlogger for it's users. The Holabird Advocate has decided to try it out. The demonstration is for one minute. It has been decided by the Publisher to use the AudioBlogger demonstration to announce the verdict in the Janklow trial. AudioBlogger, if the experiments are successful, could become a regular part of the Newsblog's service. It will cost $36/year, which would be paid for by a corporate sponsor, providing one can be found. Saturday, December 06, 2003 VOL. II Issue 12F HINKLES LEAVE FOR LEMMON Shortly after dinner today Harold and Mary Hinkle were on the way up to Lemmon, South Dakota to celebrate the golden wedding annversary for Maurice (also known as Moose) and Marilyn (also known as Twinkletoes) Ham. They were having an open house (as well as an open bar) with a dance to follow starting at 6pm MST. Harold and Mary are expected back sometime tomorrow. PUBLISHER GETS CHRISTMAS E-CARDS OUT It has been said it's not really Christmas until you get your e-card from Jerry Hinkle. Despite numerous illegal operations on the part of the computer at the Pondrosa, he got out 29 e-cards. If you didn't get your e-card, better make sure Jerry has your correct address. Chances are that all who wanted one, as well as some that didn't, got an e-card anyway. This meant delays at the Holabird Advocate. hopefully the effort was worth it all. JANKLOW TESTIFIES AT TRIAL Bill Janklow was called to the stand in his manslaugher trial. The Moody County Courtroom was filled to capacity and some people were turned away from hearing today's testimony. During his by Ed Evans, Representative Bill Janklow started by telling jurors he had an allergy to the cold it could kill him. Evans brought up the allergy because the courthouse’s heat had been turned off. He testified that at an event at he Brown County Fairgrounds, he said a woman offered him a BBQ, Janklow said, "They asked me if I wanted to eat. I said I’ll wear it." Next he talked about driving back, but told jurors he remembered nothing of the crash. "It’s driving and that’s it," Janklow said. As for the heart medicine Atenolol, Janklow said he never received instructions about it. He said he stopped taking it the day after the crash when a pharmacist told him it could block signs of hypoglycemia. Janklow also said he knew when he was having low blood sugar because he would get sweaty and his heart would race. Janklow said, "I'm a lucky diabetic. Any time I go low I know it." The state then started it's cross examination. Prosecutors are focused on a bottle of glucose pills Janklow said he found empty after the accident. They asked why Janklow would’ve gone 20 hours without eating and not used a glucose pill. While Janklow said, "I take a glucose when I think I’m getting in trouble," he added that he did not replace meals with the pills. But the pills that were left in the bottle Janklow took with him on August could not be found. Janklow said doctors who prescribed atenolol never told him about side effects. When asked if he read the information that came with the pill bottle, Janklow said, "If they were in there, I didn’t read them." Prosecutors asked Janklow about other accidents involving phantom cars, Spacifcly about a November 1993 crash involving a Sioux Falls city bus. Janklow claims a car came at him, he swerved and then clipped the bus. They also looked at a December 27, 1993 accident where Janklow reported a vehicle moving toward him and again he tried to get out of the way. The defense then called Betty Stoner, a Sioux Falls city bus driver. She told jurors that during a December 1993 accident involving Janklow, she saw the car that hit him. This information had not been found in the police report concerning this crash. The defense rested. Then the state has called Dr. Kim Wilde, a Watertown doctor who works with diabetics, as a rebuttal witness. Dr. Wilde said if Janklow suffers from hypoglycemia a couple times a week, he should be seeking medical helping for it. The state then rested. The trial will resume Monday with jury instructions at 9am, and closing statements at 10am. WAKE UP AMERICA by Jake Bisbee Ya know, I like Christmas as much as the next feller, but the catalogs in the mail are a bit much. L.L. Bean, Land's End, Victoria's Secret, when's it all gonna end. My wife Verna Louse done showed me this pair of panties in the Victoria's Secret catalog. It had Gold thead with silver trim, all decked out with jewels. Looked like the Christmas tree at the bank. That there was million dollar undies. Verna Louise done said to me, "How would ya like to see me in them, Jake". I ain't a gonna tell ya yhe answer to that'n, but I will tell ya I been sleepin' in the barn fer quite a spell now. Who buys this crap anyhow. WAKE UP AMERICA. Hey Verna Louse, kin I come home now! Friday, December 05, 2003 VOL. II Issue 12E JOYCE FERRIS TO ENTER NURSING HOME It has been a difficult two weeks for Joyce Ferris. Nobody expects it to get much better anytime soon. After a few more days in the hospital, Joyce will be going into the Huron Nursing Home for continued physical therapy. Eventually it is expected that she will be going to the home of daughter Sandy Soulek and her family. All of us at the Holabird Advocate are sure that Joyce and her family are thankful for the love and concern that all of you Readers have shown for her during this difficult year. We ask that you continue to keep her in your best thoughts, wishes and prayers. DEFENSE CONTINUES IN JANKLOW TRIAL The defense called Dr. Fred Lovrien of Sioux Falls. he told jurors he's been diabetic for 44 years and experiences hypoglycemia at least once a week without symptoms. He added that once while driving his blood sugar dropped. Lovrien said, "A lot of it I don’t remember. I was just terrified. I didn’t get the shakes." Lovrien met with Janklow in October. They reviewed Janklow's medical history and his use of Atenolol, a beta-blocker for the heart. Lovrien said that if Janklow showed symptoms of hypoglycemia prior to the accident, they could've been masked by the hot day and Janklow becoming angry after an encounter with a heckler. Lovrien added that the combination of not eating and timing of Janklow's dose of insulin would've made his blood sugar lowest around the time of the crash. During cross examination by the state, Lovrien was asked about being a close personal friend of Janklow's family physician. Lovrien also told jurors he is being paid for his testimony today, the same as if it were an office visit.Prosecutor Roger Ellyson had Dr. Fred Lovrien read the list of drugs Janklow said he was taking the day after the accident, and Atenolol wasn't on it. Lovrien says it would not be wise to prescribe such a medication for Janklow because it would make his cold-induced asthma worse. The prosecutor then got the defense witness to admit it would be unusual for someone to go 20 hours without eating, as several witnesses have said Janklow did on August 16th. And the doctor agreed with the state's assertion that it would be "highly dangerous" for a diabetic to not eat and then drive fast. The defense has finished with its witnesses for today. Janklow’s brother, Art, testified about a cell phone conversation that the two shared before the accident. There is one more defense witness who for scheduling reasons cannot come in until Saturday. HOLABIRD SCRAPBOOK The Holabird Advocate is proud to present a special article taken from the Holabird Scrapbook from February 1, 1912: REACHED THE LIMIT Highmore has made a descent upon the quiet and unoffending village of Holabird and carried off one of it's most influential citizens and prospective Mayor at the coming spring election. Highmore of late years seem to have it in for Holabird They run their screeching automobiles through the streets of the city, at from fourty to sixty miles an hour. They dump thier loose women on to us when they become a nuisance there, and some of them come here occasionally and raise the dev to the disturbance of all of us Now they have reached the limit. they have taken our pool hall merchant and carried him off bodily to the state capital and closed the doors of the city jail behind him. His place of business now stands silent and uninviting, there is no click of the pool balls, no smoke pouring out of the elevated chimney, no stir around there at all, and nothing to be seen there except a bakers dozen cats, of various colors, cat-a-wailing at the door, mourning for there master. The only thing we can do is have military rule, each one with a gun, and be fully organized, and when there is another invasion sail in and clean our that county seat bunch, bent upon our destruction. Thursday, December 04, 2003 VOL. II Issue 12D HINKLES BRAVE SNOW TO GO HURON Just as snow started to fall on the frozen terrian of the Ponderosa, Harold and Mary Hinkle took E.E. Hinkle to a doctor appointment in Huron. They were also going to visit Joyce Ferris in the hospital. E.E. had not been told of her hospitalization as per Joyce's wishes. All of us at the Holabird Advocate supect that he figured it out eventually. When Questioned about the events of the day, the 101 year old E.E. played it pretty cagey. He seemed more concerned with getting a brown paper bag to put his bananas in rather than discussing his medical visits or anything else. Mary, however, reported that his kidneys and bladder checked out alright. They had blood tests done, the results will be in later. E.E.'s pulse was 34. Mary also reported that Joyce was doing well. She has been doing physical therapy in her hospital room and is upbeat, which should help her through the days ahead. Despite all the snowing and blowing, the Ponderosa did not get the forcasted 2 inches of new snow promised it by Keloland. Better luck next time. JANKLOWS DEFENSE HITS GROUND RUNNING Defense attorneys questioned Bob O'Shea, an engineer from Illinois. He reviewed accident reports and reconstruction information from the crash. Attorneys also showed the jury some of the 91 accident photographs that O'Shea analyzed. His calculations show Janklow only drove 63-64 mph when he collided with motorcyclist Randy Scott. Yesterday during testimony for the prosecution, accident reconstructionist Gene Barthel with the South Dakota Highway Patrol said Janklow drove 71mph. He further stated that Randy Scott's motorcycle was going more than law enforcement's estimated 59 mph, possibly as fast as 65 mph. O'Shea added that Janklow used his brakes and neither vehicle could have seen each other unless close to the intersection. Senator Tom Daschle testified for the denfense as well. He was on the stand for about 5 minutes. he testified that he did not see Janklow eat anything the afternoon of the crash and that Bill Janklow was " A good and honest person". Court ajouned at 4:30pm. The defense will resume its case tomorrow. JACKIE QUINN RELEASES NEW ALBUM Singer, songwriter and recording artist Jeckie Quinn will be showcasing her new album, a 9 track CD entitled "Raging Wildflower", on her 2003 Christmas tour. She will be appearing in concert at the Methodist church in Highmore on December 14th at 7pm. Our Publisher, Jerry Hinkle, has known Ms. Quinn since she was 12 years old and has said that listening to her sing is so wonderfully excellent that no words in the English language can describe it. He is even hoping to attend the concert, at the risk of missing "Alias", that night. Of course, it will depend on how things go with his grandfather, E.E. Hinkle that evening as well. HOLABIRD SCRAPBOOK Here are a couple of items from the Holabird Scrapbook from 1910: Somebody in this town is stealing chickens. A dance was recently given at the house of L.T. Adair and a large number of young people were in attendance. Wednesday, December 03, 2003 VOL. II Issue 12C PROSECUTION RESTS CASE AGAINST JANKLOW On the third day of the Janklow manslaughter trial, accident reconstructionist, Sgt. Gene Barthel explained to jurors there was no way Randy Scott could have seen Janklow's white Cadillac because a field with corn 7 feet high blocked Scott's view. Barthel said that if Janklow stopped at the stop sign "according to state law" he would have seen any east-west traffic. The trooper added that during his analysis, he determined Janklow drove 71 miles an hour while Scott's motorcycle was going 59. When defense attorney Ed Evans asked Barthel to add up his education in accident reconstruction, it totaled less than 4 months of classes in about 12 years. Evans also questioned Barthel's calculations, his use of different methods for each vehicle and a "slight" margin of error even the trooper admitted could exist. Chris Braendlin, the man who rode with Congressman Bill Janklow on August 16, became the state's 11th witness. Braendlin told jurors that on the day of the crash the two went to get breakfast at the hotel where they spent the night. He said Janklow ordered diet soda and then they left. Braendlin detailed the rest of the day, including a stop at the Brown County Fairgrounds in Aberdeen. Braendlin then talked about the crash. He told jurors he did not remember seeing another car or if Janklow slowed down. Braendlin, who's worked for Janklow for 9 years, described the impact as, "It's motorcycle, flash, bang." Several times prosecutors pointed out that Braendlin's statements on the stand contradicted testimony he gave to troopers at the crash scene. When Deputy Prosecutor Roger Ellyson asked if Janklow ran the stop sign, Braendlin said, "No he didn't stop. He went right through it." two paramedics who talked to Bill Janklow at the scene of the August 16th accident said the Congressman showed no signs of low blood sugar or hypoglycemia. One of those EMTs is also a diabetic. Jennifer Walters, who had an alleged close call with Janklow at the same intersection 8 months before the August crash took the stand, as did Deputy Tony Aas, called to active duty and brought back from Iraq. He talked about clocking Janklow driving at 91 MPH that same day. The prosecution rested its case shortly after 5pm. Prosecutors called 16 of their possible 25 witnesses. The defense will start their case at 1pm tomorrow. JOYCE FERRIS COMES OUT OF FOUR HOUR OPERATION The Huron Regional Medical center must operate on what Harold Hinkle calls Ferris Standard Time. The 2 hour surgery that Joyce Ferris was to have at 1 or 2 o'clock didn't happen until 4pm. It lasted 4 hours at that. Her daughter, Sandy Soulek, reported that Joyce was sounding groggy, but good. There seems to be some contraversy about Joyce's room number, but we do know that she does have a hospital room somewhere in there. REALITY STILL BITES by Jerry Hinkle I'm getting really disgusted with the so-called "reality shows" on TV lately. More spacificly the atention they get from the rest of the media. Take that Jessica Simpson. Do you really think that she is so dumb that she doesn't know that "Chicken of the Sea" is, in fact, tuna. Of course she isn't. Some comedy writer thought that up. Some people fell for that crap. Holabird Advocate Readers, however, are nowhere near that gullible. I was an honored guest at the Nemec ranch last night to watch the very first episode of "The Simple Life", the Paris Hilton-Nicole Ritchie offering. A more ridiculous show could not be possible, so of course it was a nationwide hit. I believe I'd rather watch a reality show where the Nemec girls are forced to "rough it" in the Presidential Suite of a Hilton Hotel. That is, of course, providing they can keep their buttcrack covered. My psychic friend, Claire Voyant, told me that she kept having visions of "Jonny Fairplay" winning the current "Survivor" game. She then went into hiding. Let me remind you that she has picked the winner the last 4 times out. I really hope she's wrong. 'Nuff Said. Tuesday, December 02, 2003 VOL. II Issue 12B JANKLOW TRIAL STARTS SECOND DAY On Monday the manslaughter trial of Representative Bill Janklow started by selecting the jury. Out of the 90 prospective jurors there were 12 members and 1 alternate selected, making a total of 13 jurors (unlucky for some). After the jury was seated, both the prosecution and the defense made openning remarks. Testimony began today. Randy Scott's friend, Terry Johnson who was motorcycling with him that afternoon on August 16 said did not see the accident, but when he realized what happened, he went into a field to search for his friend’s body saying, "I found him face up. I stood by Randy’s body for a few minutes and then walked back to the motorcycle."When defense attorney Ed Evans questioned Johnson, he asked how Johnson never saw Janklow's white Cadillac coming through the intersection. Johnson replied he did not know why. Michael and Patty Jenkins Of Garretson were moving toward Janklow in their white car right before the intersection. They say it looked like Janklow's car never slowed for the stop sign and then the crash happened. They then stopped and then went to check on Janklow and his aide, Chris Braendlin. Monica Collins testified that about 5 minutes before the crash, a car similar to Janklow's passed her. "He passed me as if I were standing still,". JOYCE FERRIS TO HAVE SURGERY At about 1 or 2pm. this afternoon Joyce Ferris was scheduled to have an intricate operation that will give her an artificial ball joint in her leg and pin her hip, leg and this new joint together. This surgery is supposed to take about 2 hours. "UNCLE JAKE" BISBEE TO CONTRIBIUTE TO HOLABIRD ADVOCATE by Jerry Hinkle Some people know someone who is not related by blood or marriage, but because of their close ties to the family they are usually refered to as "Uncle So and so" or "Aunt So and so". for me one such person is my Uncle Jake Bisbee from Dogpatch, Arkansas. His place has just been wired for internet, and he's wanting to help me out. From time to time he's going to expose ways in which he thinks we as a nation are asleep. He will call his column, "Wake up America". Uncle Jake will do this free of charge because he don't consider it work and "I don't take charity". He thinks that letting me tell off the people of this country is payment enough I guess. I predict he will be a good fighter in our "war on ignorance" even though I'm not sure whose side he will be on sometimes. Monday, December 01, 2003 VOL. II Issue 12A JUDGE ROY MOORE SELECTED AS 2003 "PERSON OF THE YEAR" It was not easy for the editorial staff to select this year's recipient of the "Person of the Year. We wanted someone that, first of all "Time" Magazine wouldn't have the guts to name as their honoree. That pretty much let out Private Jessica Lynch, and maybe even Arnold. Yes, even Bill Janklow was considered, as well as W. All of us at the Holabird Advocate feel that Judge Moore is worthy of this honor because he is every bit as courageous and dynamic as our Publisher. Judge Moore did what he believed was right, even when the critics told him it was wrong. He recognized the authority of God, and it cost him his position on the Alabama Supreme court. How many of us would sacrifice our career for such a purpose? It is for these actions that he has performed in this year that we are proud to name Judge Roy Moore as the Holabird Advocate "Person of the Year" for 2003. JOYCE FERRIS TO HAVE SURGERY After being in traction this weekend, Joyce Ferris is preparing to have surgery to replace the ball joint on her leg after a fall she took on church steps in Pierre on Thanksgiving day. The surgery is to take place either today or tomorrow sometime. Joyce as also sustained a broken hip as the result of this same fall. Many are wondering just how she made it home with that much misery. HOLABIRD ADVOCATE ENDS MCDONALD'S BOYCOTT It has been announced that Holabird Advocate Publisher, Jerry Hinkle has decided to end the Newsblogs boycott on the McDonald's resturaunts. "Recent spikes in the cost of beef have caused me to reconsider my position on this issue.", Hinkle said in a statement this morning. "And besides, My niece, Shelby, is having a birthday party there, and I love Shelby more than I hate McDonald's". Saturday, November 29, 2003 VOL. II Issue 11Q JOYCE FERRIS BREAKS HIP This afternoon, Ken Ferris reported to the Holabird Advocate that his wife Joyce not only cracked her hip bone, but in fact has broken it. It woiuld be ironic to say she was in a buttload of pain, but none the less, it is true. She was taken to HRMC this morning and will be there for quite a spell, we reckon. Those who would like to send Joyce a card can get the address from the Holabird Advocate home office. HOLABIRD'S SOCIAL SEASON BEGINS Invitations have been sent for the annual Christmas party at Ed and Barbara Nemec's house. This year's event will be held on Friday December 12. This means that Jerry Hinkle will miss "Joan of Arcadia" unless he can find a good excuse to get out of the thing. Of course, the VCR was invented to help such problems. Mary is to provide two pies for this get together after being on hot dish detail for several years. Jerry will more than likely not be able to avoid helping make the pie, as a VCR won't help him there. CHRISTMAS STARTS EARLY FOR MARY HINKLE Mary Hinkle has started her Christmas shopping by buying herself a Kodak EasyShare CX 4310 digital camera. She is slowly learning about all of the bells and whistles that go with it. She is also putting the pressure on Harold to get a Dish Network sattelite dish, never mind that they already have a dish from another company that has never been installed. We haven't heard the end of this for sure. PUBLISHERS NOTES by Jerry Hinkle As one month ends, so another begins. Our 24th Issue will no doubt be filled with Christmas cheer, as well as highlights of the Janklow trial. The first edition of the Holabird Advocate will have our "Person of the Year for 2003". Will it be W? Schwarzenegger? Jessica Lynch? It couldn't be Bill Janklow, could it? The only way to find out for sure is to log on to the Holabird Advocate on Monday. The poll for December will ask who you think should have been "Person of the Year" Because the Christmas season is upon us, the Forum page will explore the favorite movies songs, maybe even memories for Christmas. Naturally, if you Readers want to use the Forum page to rag on Janklow or anything else, be my guest. That's what it's there for. See you all next month. Friday, November 28, 2003 VOL. II Issue 11P THANKSGIVING SURPRISES ABOUND WORLDWIDE The Thanksgiving holiday provided many people with some unexpected events. Soldiers in Baghdad were surprised by a visit from W, which boosted the morale in that part of the world. The rest of the world was surprised as well by the visit. Closer to Holabird, Jerry Hinkle got a surprise when after much begging, pleading, and a little bit of prayer, he was able to convince his grandfather, 101 year old E.E. Hinkle, to join him for Thanksgiving dinner at Agnes Hahn's house, much to the disconcertment of his parents. In their view, he made the old boy go. Jerry looks at it differently. "Thanksgiving is a time to spend with your family", He said. "And he is my family. I was perfectly willing to stay home and cook a frozen pizza. I'm quite disappointed that my mom and dad have lost sight of that. I will remember this when they get old". Not every Thanksgiving surprise was a happy one. Harold Hinkle reports that his sister, Joyce Ferris, fell down a set of church steps in Pierre yesterday and cracked a hip bone. She is understandably in a certain amount of pain as a result. PUBLISHER DISCOVERS MAYFLOWER ROOTS As anyone who has ever studied history can tell you, the pilgrims who came over on the Mayflower had what is believed to be the first American Thanksgiving. One of the pilgrims was a man named James Chilton. He died on the way to America. Chilton's great-great-great-great-great-great grandson was Elisha Ward. Ward's great-great-great-great-great-great grandson is Jerry Hinkle, our courageous, dynamic Publisher. How does Jerry feel about this new found illustrious ancestor. He repeated the words of Will Rogers. "A lot of people are impressed about having an ancestor who came to this country on the Mayflower. Well I'm part Indian. My folks met the boat". Jerry is kind of curious how Allie Blain will react when she's old enough to comprehend that her great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather was one of the original pilgrims. Are those some roots or what? Only in America. HOLABIRD SCRAPBOOK Here's an item from the Holabird Scrapbook from February of 1892 concerning the first Publisher of the Holabird Advocate, A.B. Vines: Bro. Vines of Hyde county newspaper celebrity now recognizes us by an exchange which he sends to our slide at the P.O. In a recent Issue recieved we noticed Bro. V has made a "mash". We don't know whether it's a leap year catch or the result of an actual bona fide rustle. He is editing the "Magnet". Perhaps this accounts for his catch. Wednesday, November 26, 2003 VOL. II Issue 11O AMERICA PREPARES TO GIVE THANKS We, the people of the United States, have a lot to be thankful for. You wouldn't know it to look at the Holabird Advocate Forum page, but we still do. So far this month only our Publisher, Jerry Hinkle, has listed what he is thankful for. And now he has one more thing. His car was having alternator trouble. His brother Darrel spent a lot of time digging in the snow at the Hinkle Automotive Used and Abused Car Lot to get to another alternator, take it of that car, and then put in Jerry's car. He has also been given the chance to see a sofa that Stephanie Herseth has sat upon. Do people in Holabird know how to party or what? Needless to say, the home office of the Holabird Advocate will be closed tomorrow. Today's edition has a collection of traditional Thanksgiving songs in the South Dakota Songbook. Our Publisher doesn';t know for sure where he will be spending the day, but he will be with his grandfather, wherever that may be. HOLABIRD SCRAPBOOK Here's an item from the Holabird Scrapbook from 1889: Mrs. Winans, a teacher at the school on the Sam Mason place south of Holabird, Mrs. Masom and her sister, Mrs. Frances felt a distict urge cityward-a wanderlust that would not be denied. But Mr. Mason had other plans for the oxen and wagon that day, and the case seemed hopeless, until Mrs. Frances said, "Well, we're going to Highmore. I have a yoke of oxen, and if I haven't a wagon, there's the stone boat". So they hitched the oxen to the stone boat and proceeded marrily, if slowly, to town. On nearing Highmore, however, pride overcame them, they tied up the oxen and walked the last mile. SOUTH DAKOTA SONGBOOK "We Gather Together" 1.We gather together to ask the Lord's blessing; he chastens and hastens his will to make known. The wicked oppressing now cease from distressing. Sing praises to his name, he forgets not his own. 2. Beside us to guide us, our God with us joining, ordaining, maintaining his kingdom divine; so from the beginning the fight we were winning; thou, Lord, wast at our side, all glory be thine! 3. We all do extol thee, thou leader triumphant, and pray that thou still our defender wilt be. Let thy congregation escape tribulation; thy name be ever praised! O Lord, make us free! "Now Thank We All Our God" Now thank we all our God, with heart and hands and voices, Who wondrous things has done, in Whom this world rejoices; Who from our mothers’ arms has blessed us on our way With countless gifts of love, and still is ours today. O may this bounteous God through all our life be near us, With ever joyful hearts and blessed peace to cheer us; And keep still in grace, and guide us when perplexed; And free us from all ills, in this world and the next. All praise and thanks to God the Father now be given; The Son and Him Who reigns with Them in highest heaven; The one eternal God, Whom earth and heaven adore; For thus it was, is now, and shall be evermore. "Harvest Home" Come, ye thankful people, come, raise the song of harvest home; All is safely gathered in, ere the winter storms begin. God our Maker doth provide for our wants to be supplied; Come to God’s own temple, come, raise the song of harvest home. All the world is God’s own field, fruit unto His praise to yield; Wheat and tares together sown unto joy or sorrow grown. First the blade and then the ear, then the full corn shall appear; Lord of harvest, grant that we wholesome grain and pure may be. For the Lord our God shall come, and shall take His harvest home; From His field shall in that day all offenses purge away, Giving angels charge at last in the fire the tares to cast; But the fruitful ears to store in His garner evermore. Even so, Lord, quickly come, bring Thy final harvest home; Gather Thou Thy people in, free from sorrow, free from sin, There, forever purified, in Thy garner to abide; Come, with all Thine angels come, raise the glorious harvest home. Tuesday, November 25, 2003 VOL. II Issue 11N HOLABIRD SLOWLY DIGS OUT After getting 10 inches of snow dumped on them, the people of Holabird are getting on life. The folks at the Ponderosa are still short on milk, but have borrowed a some expired milk from Darrel and Kristi Hinkle. Hopefully the will get to Highmore tomorrow. They could have went to Highmore earlier, but had to preg test cows on Monday. Today they are watching Shelby and Justin for Kristi while she has her Girl Scout meeting with a troop 13 girl scouts (unlucky for some). The Methodist church in Highmore had no Sunday School or church service because Brother Bill was snowed in at Faulkton all weekend. Darrel Hinkle took his kids out snowmobiling to cheer them up. CODY ZILVERBERG COMING HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS Holabird's own Cody Zilverberg, son of Don and Peg Zilverberg will be coming home from Guatemala. It is reported he will be coming by bus at least as far as El Paso, Texas. All of us at the Holabird Advocate hope he has a good trip. MEDIA TRIES TO SEQUESTER JANKLOW JURY There are 19 seperate media organizations (the Holabird Advocate is not one of them) have petioned Judge Steele to sequester the jury in the case against Representative Bill Janklow. They claim that this will allow them more journalistic freedom. A similar motion was also filed by the McCook County States Attorney's office earlier, However, that motion was refused by the judge. On an unrelated matter, the federal investigation into the lobbyist how was given an in-state elk hunting license by Janklow when he was South Dakota's Governor was dropped because of "insufficent merit". Saturday, November 22, 2003 VOL. II Issue 11M PONDEROSA GETS 8 INCHES AND COUNTING Snow arrived at the Ponderosa at 10am Friday morning and it has snowed of and on since then. So far there has been 8 inches on the ground with another 2-4 inches predicted by Holabird Advocate Meteorologist, Storm Chaser, for tomorrow morning, with high winds pretty much all day long. The Hinkle's are praying for a break in the weather because they are low on milk. The last time they were low on milk, Jerry had to have apple juice on his cereal. They don't have apple juice either. Brittany Hinkle is hoping that the snow won't stop the Methodist Sunday School and church service. Brother Bill is currently in Faulkton and will be waiting out the storm there until further notice. JANKLOW CRASH BLAMED ON POSSIBLE DIABETIC REACTION There has been talk, none of it confirmed be the Holabird Advocate, that Bill Janklow may have pased out behind the wheel of the car he was driving during the crash that took the life of motorcylist Randy Scott last Summer. The suggestion that he is diabetic could be reason for Janklow passing out. There has been no medical confirmation that Janklow has been diagnosed with such a malady. Anyone who works at the Mayo Clinic that can confirm this please contact the Holabird Advocate Home office ASAP. MICHAEL JACKSON INOCENT UNTIL PROVEN WEIRD by Jerry Hinkle, Special to the Holabird Advocate The man known as Wacko Jacko has sure got himself in a jam now. He has been accused of some rather unspeakable stuff. Personally I think it's all crap. Before I go on, let me say that I'm no fan of the Gloved One. I bought a box of 33rpm records at a rummage sale that happened to contain "Thriller". Other that that occasion, I don't belive I have any Jackson recording material. I had a few cousins that played his stuff. One song I can remember them blasting on their boom boxes went something like, "Make love-to the post hole. Don't stop 'til you get enough." Of course those may not be the exact lyrics, but that's what I heard. Naturally I wasn't a devoted fan, although I enjoyed the "Thriller" album a little. I haven't listened to it very much lately. Now then, Jacko may be weird, even unconventional. He doesn't consume sugar, he keeps his children's faces out of the public eye by masking them, and he's had more plastic surgery that the Laker Girls. Does this make him weird? I suppose it does. I wish I could avoid sugar like he does, though. As far as sheltering his kids goes, at least he doesn't beat up cameramen like some other celebs have done. I must admit that the plastic surgery does seem out there, but I'm not paying for it. So I'll live and let live on that. The big thing with Jackson is sleeping with children. As Red Green says, "Sometimes sleeping together just means sleeping together". Does this mean I'd let one of my nieces or nephews sleep with him? Not on your nelly!!!! But then, I wouldn't want to sleep with my nieces, nephews, or Michael Jackson either one. Thursday, November 20, 2003 VOL. II Issue 11L WINTER WEATHER ON THE WAY FOR HOLABIRD Everyone on the Ponderosa has been busy the last couple of days getting ready for a three day blizzard. There are two seperate storm systems that may be coming through the area possibly starting on Friday night. As much as 12 inches of the white stuff, maybe even more, could fall down from the sky. Everything that you don't want covered up or needs to be dry should be indoors. Yesterday, Mary Hinkle put a snow fence up beside her strawberry patch. HOLABIRD SCRAPBOOK Here's a few interesting items out of the old Holabird Scrapbook from July 1909: Charley Sunding is remodeling farm residence and will give it a fresh coat of paint. The Hotel Holabird is crowded with guests about every day. Landlord Graham and his wife are kept busy all the time. The school house is yet without repairing, the school house grounds have not yet been touched with a plow nor the trees trimmed, and yet they say we have a school board. JANKLOW AND PASSENGER HAVE DIFFERING STATEMENTS Bill Janklow said in a statement to the Highway Patrol that he sped to pass a white car on the afternoon of August 16, when he was involved in a crash with motorcyclist Randy Scott. Chris Braedlin, Chief of Staff for Representative Janklow, was a passenger in the car that Janklow was driving that afternoon. While the accident happened, Braendlin sat next to him. He told investigators, quote, "I do recall seeing a motorcycle going across the intersection and then something came by us. But he was slowing down. I do remember that. He was slowing down." The papers include no mention by Braendlin of seeing a white vehicle. Judge Steele ruled that if Janklow's lawyers choose to bring up the issue of this white car, that only Janklow reports seeing, then prosecutors can bring up two crashes from 1993. In both of those cases, Janklow reported seeing another vehicle, swerving to miss that car and because of that, getting into an accident. Tuesday, November 18, 2003 WARMING TREND HITS HOLABIRD Just a few short weeks ago, the Holabird area had 6 inches of snow. Temps have been in the 50 throughout the last week or so, and looking for snow has become quite difficult in some places, downright impossible in others. There has been talk of the mercury rising to as mauch as 70 degrees and beyond. There has also been talk of a 3 day blizzard starting on Saturday. MAVIS KENNEDY ASKED TO STAY AT PONDEROSA With Harold and Mary Hinkle slated to fly south for the winter next year, Harold has guilted Mavis Kennedy into staying at the Ponderosa to watch over Their father E.E. Hinkle while they are gone. It has been speculated that Mavis may bring her husband, George, along. He may do so grudgingly, as it is difficult to give up the Arizona sunshine for South Dakota in January. Monday, November 17, 2003 VOL. II Issue 11J HINKLES PLAN ON FLYING SOUTH FOR THE WINTER Like ducks, geese and other instinctive birds, Harold and Mary Hinkle are flying south for the winter. Only they will be taking a plane (of course) and going way down south. Almost to Central America, in Cancun, Mexico. Their flight leaves from Minneapolis International Airport at 5:55 am on January 3, 2004. They will be guests of Larry and Phyllis Ehlers who have booked a luxury condo for six people. If you would like to be one of the remaining two, contact the Holabird Advocate and we'll see what we can do. Have your checkbook handy. E.E. HINKLE GETS HIS STARCH BACK Mary Hinkle supplied her father-in-law, E.E. Hinkle with butterscotch pudding mix, figuring he could do with a break from the instant vanilla pudding that he calls "corn starch puddin'". The old boy didn't take to it too hot, so Jerry sent it back and made some more of the usual stuff. It's true that getting old is not for sissys. When you're 101, it seems to ring even more true. Saturday, November 15, 2003 VOL. II Issue 11I GOOD NEWS FOR E.E. HINKLE Early this afternoon E.E. Hinkle's doctor, Doc Paul called to let the Hinkle's know that his 101 year old patient does not have cancer. The mole extracted from the old boy earlier this week turned out to be an infected cyst. This morning his blood pressure was 159 over 59 and his heart rate was 42. BEEF RATIONING TO START ON PONDEROSA Because of the high cost of beef these days, Harold Hinkle has seen fit to start meteing out just so much beef at one time to his family. He also has laid in a fair supply of pork.Kristi Hinkle has got into the spirit of things and started buying chicken in bulk. PARSONAGE WORK LEADS TO LABOR Mary took a break from the usual profound nonsense at the Ponderosa to help do some interior painting at the Ponderosa. Among those joining her was 9 months pregnant Heather McDonnell. Not too long after work was completed on the project, her water broke. Because Heather is the Sunday School teacher for Brittany and Shelby Hinkle, Mary Hinkle will be substituting for her. Jerry Hinkle will do likewise for his mother. Friday, November 14, 2003 VOL. II Issue 11H E.E. HINKLE'S FOLLOW-UP SCHEDULED FOR DEC 4 The hinkle family will hopefully know more about what they are dealing with concerning their patriach, 101 year old E.E. Hinkle, soon. Besides the possibility of cancer there may be something wrong with his kidneys. They have made an appointment for him with some sort of specialist. The concern is that while E.E. doesn't drink a lot of water, he makes a lot of trips to the bathroom. Also of concern is his pulse. It has been hovering between 38-40. According to Holabird Advocate Medical Advisor Mel Practice M.D. his pulse should be 60-80. E.E. Hinkle has been in some tough spots before. Perhaps he'll come out of this one as well JANKLOW EXPLAINS HUNTING LICENSE FLAP Congressman Bill Janklow describes the mix-up over an in-state hunting license he granted to lobbyist Eric Washburn as "Just another thing that didn't work out very good". Janklow says Washburn played a key role in improving the Missouri River. The congressman granted the license in the late 1990s while he was governor. He says he thought he had the power to do it. Janklow says, "I was just trying to do a good deed. To me this isn't that different from people that do heroic things to help someone outside the country, there are way we can reward them, things we can do for them." Washburn hunted elk with the license last month and that launched a federal investigation. Governor Mike Rounds has since asked him to stop using it. According to Harold Hinkle, local expert on South Dakota Hunting and fishing, only South Dakota residents can get this particular coveted elk license. Even then there is a drawing process, sort of a lottery in which not everyone who wants it gets one. It costs $100 to apply, which is refunded should the hunter not recieve the license with which to hunt the South Dakota elk. He believes that out of state hunters can get the an elk hunting license in South Dakota for $250. SERVING TWO MASTERS SURE IS HARD ISN'T IT by Jerry Hinkle, of the Holabird Advocate Jesus once said, "Man can not serve two masters. He will love one and hate the other". I love God, but I also love my country. There's my problem. I have been caught in a conflict of interests. As a Christian I don't like the way that some have reacted to the Ten Commandments monument that Judge Roy Moore displayed in the Supreme Courthouse in Montgomery, Alabama. By that I mean the supporters of the monument. One of "The Ten" says not to worship a graven image. These people didn't read the monument nor did they practice it's meaning. I heard one supporter shout "Give us back our God". These people are, I believe, are not worshiping God, but the monument. Nevermind that the U.S. Supreme court also displays the Ten Commandments, that is not the issue. As an American, however, I believe that the monument should have stood as a testament to Judge Moore's Freedom of Expression. His Constitutional right to express his religious views freely. As an American, I believe that Judge Moore should not have been removed from the bench. This is the same bench that he was elected to by 85% of the voters in Alabama. Talk about thwarting Democracy. As I said, I love God and I love America. Do I have to make a choice? I really don't want to go to Canada or some other country to worship God. I hope I won't have to. Otherwise I'll have to change name of the Holabird Advocate to the Possum Lake Movement. Believe me, nobody wants that. Wednesday, November 12, 2003 VOL. II Issue 11G E.E. HINKLE MAY HAVE CANCER During his regularly scheduled check-up with Dr. Doug, E.E. Hinkle had a growth on his face removed by none other that Doc Paul. According to E.E. Doc Paul's hands are every bit as steady at 91 than ever before. This growth will be looked into, and in three weeks time Dr. Doug will know what they are dealing with. The family of the 101 year old E.E. are not too worried as of yet. Jerry Hinkle, the old boy's grandson and self appointed keeper, never even noticed the growth on his face. "Dr. Doug should look at Grandad's back.", Jerry said, "There is some major growths on that unit. It looks like the surface of the planet Mars". Harold And Mary Hinkle managed to pick up a box stale chocolate covered donuts of some of which Jerry had for supper. MUSIC REVIEW by Jerry Hinkle George Jones once said that Dolly Parton has two good reasons that she's well known. I don't know about that, but Dolly's new album "God and Country" shows that her is in rare form. The song "Welcome Home" is a celebration of the soldiers fighting overseas. It also recognizes that some "come home" to America, while others do so to Heaven. If you love America, Dolly Parton, or country music in general, I recommend this album as an arternative to the "angry patriot" that is Toby Keith or the "ashamed Texan" that is the fat Dixie Chick. I for one hope Santa puts this recording in my stocking for Christmas. Tuesday, November 11, 2003 VOL. II Issue 11F SCHOOL IN SESSION ON VETERANS DAY For some reason the Hyde School District saw fit to not be in session on Monday and to resume classes on this, one of the most important national holidays of the year. all of us at the Holabird Advocate hope that they at least observe this holiday in the classroom somehow. JANKLOW DRIVING RECORD INADMISSABLE IN COURT The judge put the brakes on jurors hearing Janklow's South Dakota driving history, with its dozen speeding tickets in 12 years and several accidents. Prosecutors say it shows a pattern of reckless driving and disregard for the law. But fearing that hearing about so many tickets would prejudice the jury, the judge sided with Janklow's legal team. Judge Rodney Steele said there's a chance he would change his mind on admitting the driving record, but that's only if something would come up during the trial. That's scheduled to begin December 1. But a plea bargain could be struck at any time. Besides his manslaughter trial, a federal investigation is under way into whether a Washington, DC, lobbyist violated any laws when he hunted elk in the Black Hills. Eric Washburn used a resident hunting license granted to him by former Governor Bill Janklow. Washburn killed an elk last month while hunting in the Black Hills, but he denies breaking any laws. He says Janklow gave him resident hunting and fishing privileges in the late 1990s, after they worked together on Missouri River legislation. BLOGGER IMPROVES ITSELF AGAIN Blogger.com has made more changes claiming they will serve it's users better. Time will tell if that actually happens. All of us at the Holabird Advocate hope that you, the Readers, notice no change, unless it is a change for the better. Monday, November 10, 2003 VOL. II Issue 11E SMELL OF SMOKE ALLEDGED AT PONDEROSA Sunday night, around 9pm, Harold Hinkle swore he smelled smoke outside. He called on his son, Jerry Hinkle to help him investigate. Jerry dismissed it as either volcanic ash or possibly from a forrest fire in the Black Hills. At any rate, the full moon bright in the sky and the the fog on the ground thick enough in the distance that flames if there were any, went unseen. Long story short the Ponderos did not exactly burn up last night. JUSTIN HINKLE ENTERS TERRIBLE TWOS When he was first born, Justin Hinkle had a hard time getting started. Two years later, it's hard to believe that he ever had trouble to begin with. The birthday party at his home has a "Blues Clues" theme. Plenty of gifts were recieved, mostly toys. E.E. Hinkle come up with the ides of giving his great-grandson a $2 bill. The 101 year old E.E. did go to the party and put in a late night, staying up until way past 9 o'clock. Jerry Hinkle shocked several of the guests at his nephew's party by stating that he thought that "that 58 lb. anorexic chic on Entertainment Tonight" was hot. However, when pressed, he could not remember her name. We at the Holabird Advocate think he's pulling our collective leg. LEGAL NOTICE: JERRY HINKLE'S LIVING WILL by Morley Krupt, Attorney at Law of Ural, Krupt, Sumi, and Dye Because of the contraversy surrounding the woman in Florida that is in a vegatative state, Jerry Hinkle has decided to make a living will and publish it in the Holabird Advocate for all to read so there is no doubt about his wishes concerning the end of his life when he sheds his mortal coil and gets ready for the old dirt nap. This is a very unconventional move, I'm not sure it's legally binding. Those who know Mr. Hinkle can testify that he is very unconventional, and doesn't stand on ceremony. His living will reads as follows: I, Jerald E. Hinkle, being of sound mind, or as sound as I can get at this stage of life, and having no ill health at this time, wish that should I, for any reason be unable to answer for myself, be hooked up to a feeding tube only if said food is some kind of beef product. As far as respairators go, hook me up to one, two, or three if you have to, just make sure that beef feeding tube is hooked up. As far as extraordinary measures to revive me go, try them all, every known measure, even experimental methods, but don't forget the beef feeding tube. you can even try to get that anorexic chic from Entertainment Tonight to give me mouth to mouth, but don't forget the beef feeding tube. I make these statements of my own free will and under no duress. Dated this tenth day of November in the year of my Lord two thousand and three. PUBLISHERS NOTES by Jerry Hinkle Because of the Veterans Day Holiday the Home Office will be closed after 11am. Those who wish to do so can read the November, 2002 archive for our Veteran's day edition. Friday, November 07, 2003 VOL. II Issue 11D NEMEC COMES IN SECOND AT "FEAR FACTOR" COMPETITION Holabird residents do have a young lady we can be quite proud of in the "Fear Factor" department. Ana Nemec was beat out only by Scott Wheelhouse of Highmore in the last event of a Fear Factor competition by a few seconds. The event was bobbing for apples with a garter snake. Scott got his apple first, only by the advantage that the stem did not break off like Ana's did. As it was it only took her 5 seconds to retrieve her apple from the tub with the snake in it. Perhaps a rematch with a rattler in the tub is in order. All of us at the Holabird Advocate predict that young Wheelhouse would crap in his pants at the thought of it. Maybe Ana would too. Ana's Mother, Mary Jo Nemec, provided the play by play for this event. She also provided our courageous, dynamic Publisher with a web site address that Ana is working on. Inthe interest of her privacy, it will not be revealed by us. Ana is more than welcome to put it on the "Free for All" links page when she feels ready to open it up to the public. One thing we know for sure is that she could do wonders if she worked for the Holabird Advocate. We couldn't afford her though. JUSTIN HINKLE TURNS 2 With Justin Hinkle's second birthday Saturday. The Hinkle's are celebrating on Friday night. It is unknown if E.E. Hinkle will be joining in the festivities because of the late hour. Today also marks the 72nd anniversary of his wedding to Bergit Hinkle. SCIENTIFIC POLL SHOWS HERSETH'S CHANCES FOR REPRESENTATIVE 11/06/2003 It's still a year away, but what if the 2004 election were held today, who would you vote for in South Dakota's U.S. House race? While there are a lot of unknowns, there's a lot of jockeying for position. South Dakota's House race will possibly have three well known possible candidates, a former Congressman, an up and coming Democrat and an incumbent facing criminal charges. With Congressman Janklow facing manslaughter charges, his political future is uncertain and U.S. House Seat up for grabs. If Janklow runs for re-election, he'd have a tough time defeating the person he beat in 2002, Democratic candidate Stephanie Herseth. According to a Keloland TV/Sioux Falls Argus Leader scientific poll, if the election were held today, Herseth would defeat Janklow this time and quite handily, 57% to 29% with 14% undecided. But Herseth would have a much tougher fight if former congressman John Thune decides to run again. According to this poll, Thune would defeat Herseth by 7% of the vote, handing her her second loss in two years, which analysts say could put her political future in jeopardy. Although he lost his senate bid last year, Thune's popularity remains strong. Poll data shows that he has a favorable rating of 54% compared to Herseth's 47%. The poll was conducted for Keloland and the Sioux Falls Argus Leader by Mason-Dixon Polling & Research. The company contacted 400 South Dakota voters last Thursday through Sunday. Wednesday, November 05, 2003 VOL. II Issue 11C PONDEROSA DIPS INTO SINGLE DIGITS With an overnight low of 3 degrees, it was with very little surprise that Jerry Hinkle saw his pet steers eating snow this morning. They had to the tanks were frozen over. With Jerry's help, his brother Darrel was able to start the tank heaters. JANKLOW'S DRIVING HISTORY REVEALED Despite U.S. Representative Bill Janklow's lawyers trying to suppress it, parts of his driving history was made public. It seems that Darrel Hinkle may have to relinquish his title of "Suicide Jockey" to Bill Janklow. In the past dozen or so years Janklow has had 12 speeding tickets and 16 separate accidents. One near collision was at the same intersection where Janklow was later involved in the crash that took the life of Randy Scott on August 16. Janklow's trial begins December 1. JUST HOW MANY WEEKS ARE IN A YEAR ANYWAY by Jerry Hinkle, Special to the Holabird Advocate There is a phrase slipping into the the lexicon of America that needs some investigation. When people started saying "24/7", it was OK, we all figured it out as 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Some people need to remember that. Recently my father told me I spend too much time on the internet. I explained that I don't use the computer at all on Sunday, to which he replied, "Yeah, but the rest of the time you're on it 24/7!" Actually, I have no problem with 24/7, provided it is used within the proper guidelines. What really gets my goat is the sequel to the phrase. That being "24/7/365". Whoa there!! That's 24 hours a day 7 days a week 365 weeks a year! What moron thought that up?! Is the American education system so screwd up that people actually think there are more that 52 weeks in the year?! I hope not, anyway. Now this phrase is not a prevelent as it's predecessor. Hopefully all of us at the Holabird Advocate, including you, the Reader, can help correct those who would be ignorant. You might start these people thinking. Hopefully they'll thank you for it. Now then, how long should we keep up this correction. I think we should start now and continue it 24/7/52 until people stop saying it. Tuesday, November 04, 2003 VOL. II Issue 11B HOLABIRD AREA GETS 6 INCHES OF SNOW The first major snow storm hit Hyde County Sunday evening and lasted well into Tuesday morning. At the Ponderosa, flu shots were the order of the day. Mary, Harold, and E.E. Hinkle went to The Highmore Clinic to do just that on Monday morning. It was a quick trip, as Harold did not want to get stuck in town. He ignored his fathers pleas to stop at the bank so he could get a new $20 bill. All of us at the Holabird Advocate think that God's gonna get him for that. KENNEDYS GO SOUTH Mavis Kennedy called the Ponderosa twice on Monday morning to let everyone know that she and George were headed to Arizona for the winter. It was almost as though she was saying, "So long, suckers". They travelled in snow until the got to Denver. They planned on getting into Trinidad, Colorado to stay for the night as they have in the past. At last report they were just passed Santa Fe. Before Mavis left, she e-mailed Holabird Advocate Publisher, Jerry Hinkle, to remind him that she is unable to get the Newsblog in Arizona (ignorance must thrive there). She also said that if Jerry was to get a job with Stephanie Herseth's campaign, she would take care of E.E. for him. Jerry laughed about that for a heck of a while. If possible, Jerry will try to put the message on the Forum page. Saturday, November 01, 2003 VOL. II Issue 11A QUIET HALLOWEEN ON THE PONDEROSA Only 3 tric-or treaters showed up at the Ponderosa for Holloween. They were Brittany Hinkle as a witch, Shelby Hinkle as a fire fighter, and Justin Hinkle as a Holstien Calf. None of the other Hinkle's were in costume at the Ponderosa, but they ate enough candy to kill 5 diabetics. HERSETH REACTIVATES WEB SITE Stephanie Herseth has officially reactivated her campaign web site with a letter to all of her supporters. It reads as follows: Dear Friends: Thank you for taking the time to stop by my campaign website! As many of you know, I have decided to run for Congress in 2004. There is nothing I would rather do more with my education, experience, values and passion than to put them to work for the people of South Dakota - people who I believe have among the highest levels of integrity and commitment to family, friends, and community. South Dakotans maintain a way of life worth fighting for, which is why I want to work hard to help people live, work, and raise families in South Dakota. I look forward to visiting with many of you in the weeks and months ahead. Thank you again for stopping by and please come back often! Sincerely, Stephanie M. Herseth November, 2003 Thursday, October 30, 2003 VOL. II Issue 10Q PHEASANT FLU EBBS AT THE PONDEROSA Mary and E.E. Hinkle are both recovering, albeit slowly, from the Pheasant Flu. The 101 year old E.E. ate only oatmeal for breakfast, but considering he had chicken broth the previous day, he's all right. Mary cancelled the flu shots scheduled for this morning, even though E.E was dressed to go to town. Meanwhile, Mary has had nothing to eat, yet between naps managed to get both the laundry and dinner done today. Harold and Jerry spent most of the day getting ready for the inch of snow that the weatherman is expecting for the Holabird area. HERSETH TO MAKE A SECOND RUN Stephanie Herseth has announced her intention to make a second run for the South Dakota U.S. House of Representatives next year. Ms. Herseth had made an impressive show in the previous election last year in which she narrowly beat Bill Janklow for that post. Some Holabird Advocate Readers may be wondering if our courageous, dynamic Publisher, Jerry Hinkle is going to endorse her candidicy. If they have to ask, they must be new Readers. Ms. Herseth's web site is still up and running, and besides the number on hit counter, precious little has changed since November of 2002. Over 38000 people have visited this web site since it started. Should events warrant, the Holabird Advocate will add a link to the campaign web site. PUBLISHER'S NOTES by Jerry Hinkle Because of the Halloween holiday, the home office of the Holabird Advocate will be closed. This will effectively close the 22nd Issue of our Newsblog. The 23rd Issue promises to be interesting. In case you, the Reader are tired of the political polls, take heart. The standard rating poll will be in place to see how you feel about the Newsblog's overall quality. With Thanksgiving closing in, I'd like to have a thread on the Forum page discussing what we are all thankful for. On Nov. 1, I will start this thread if nobody else has by then. Be sure to let me know in the next month who you would like to be the 2003 "Person of the Year and why. Someone who has made both this year, and the Holabird Advocate, memorable. There's a lot to be done in November. The Holabird Advocate will be there evey step of the way when it happens. 
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