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Holabird Advocate

Providing all the news we see fit to print since 2002!


Wednesday, April 23, 2008
 
Publisher Takes a Break
It seems that Jerry Hinkle has been so busy with University and washing dishes at the Hut for the last couple weeks that he hasn't checked in at the Holabird Advocate. Not that much is going on other than the three papers that must be complete before May 1. Actually the Expository Writing paper is due on April 25.
Jerry went to the College Republican and Pro Life PETA cookout this evening. That stands for People Eating Tasty Animals, of course. He also bought a chocolate and peanut butter cupcake to celebrate his mother's birthday. Tomorrow it's back to the paper grind!
Busy Night For Pierre Fire Department
Our friends at the Dakota radio group report that Pierre Firefighters have had a busy overnight, responding to three separate calls starting late last night. Second Assistant Chief Doug Hinkle says several people called the local emergency dispatch number last night about the smell of smoke in northern parts of Pierre, especially around North Euclid Avenue. Department members responded around 10:00 p.m. and after not being able to find the source of the smoke in town, ventured farther out into the county. Hinkle says smoke odor was noted on Range Road and on 293rd Avenue. It was later determined the smoky smell was likely originating from controlled burns that had taken place yesterday in Sully County.
Around midnight, Hinkle says the department was summoned to a grass fire on Governor’s Drive between the Cultural Heritage Center and the Department of Health Building. A small fire burned a section of grass measuring about thirty feet square. Hinkle says the wind that was blowing last night helped keep the fire up against the roadway and prevented it from spreading farther into nearby dry grass.
Around 4:30 a.m. this morning, firefighters were called to the report of light smoke coming from the laundry room area at the Comfort Inn at 410 West Sioux Avenue. Hinkle says the smoke was enough to cause alarms to go off in the business and resulted in several guests having to leave their rooms and wait outside while the situation was assessed. Hinkle says the industrial dryers are used extensively and the dryer that had caused the smoke was found to have had a lint build up around the heating element. He says the laundry room was ventilated and guests were allowed back into the building. Firefighters were at the scene of the fire call until about 5:30 a.m. this morning.
North of 40:Packaging matters
by Red Green
Recently, I bought a cartridge for my printer. It came in a box mounted on a card and wrapped in plastic. When I took it apart, I found that the printer cartridge itself was actually quite small, but they made the packaging unnecessarily large to make it harder to steal and to make the customer feel better about the high price.
I pointed this out to my wife and mentioned how my weight gain over the years of our marriage should have the same effect: It made me seem more valuable and also made me harder for other women to steal.





Friday, April 11, 2008
 
April Showers Bring Long Weekends

In this case, it's a snow shower. The Harold Hinkle Telephone Pole Scale (patent pending) of visibility measurement in a blizzard does not seem to apply in downtown Mitchell. There aren't enough telephone poles to measure with, first off. And secondly, the buildings seem to keep the snow from getting to wild around the home office. We have heard reports from various sources claiming anywhere from 6-12 inches of snow. One report claimed the snow reached a certain part of the anatomy of the reporter. Don't ask, we won't tell. Besides, all of us here at the Holabird Advocate think he was sitting around outside at the time anyway.

At this point, it should be mentioned that all classes have been cancelled at DWU for the day, and the offices are all closed. The McGovern Library was reportedly open until 1pm, but we can't confirm that because we're snowed it here at McGovern Hall. At this point we pray that the snow lets up so we can get our Publisher out of the office and over to the Hut where he has to wash the dishes

"Chicken house" Picks up Support

Friends and family alike have let it be known that they believe that Jerry Hinkle should, in fact, try out for "The Best Little Chicken house in Texas". One friend, of Jerry's, top secret designation "Rabbit" thought he should try out for part of the pimp. Silly Rabbit, there is no pimp in the show. Jerry, if he does try out, will audition for the role of the Governor. The reasons for this are: it's a small part, he won't be one until the beginning of the second act, and he'll only be on for 10 minutes or so. The bulk of what he'll be expected to do is in this link to a video clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7mNDHTfdn1A&feature=related

North of 40:The no-fault dent

by Red Green

You just got home and found a new dent in your car. A dent your wife put there. You're about to go right off the deep end. But be careful. A lot of guys have drowned underestimating just how deep the deep end is.
I know you've never put a dent in the car. Other people have. Like, when that idiot tore the door off when you left it open to go into the store to buy milk. Or when you got rear-ended because some goof didn't notice that you stopped on the highway to pick up what you thought was a dime. Or when the engine seized because none of your friends reminded you to check the oil.
You know your wife's not so careful with the car as you are. But you don't need to get bent out of shape about a little dent and cause a head-on collision.
Don't be the one trapped in your vehicle. Your mouth may be big, but it's not the jaws of life. Just smile and say, "That's OK, Honey." I know you still love your car. Just not enough to sleep in it.





Wednesday, April 09, 2008
 
Publisher Gets Registered

It took a while, but Jerry Hinkle finally got registered for the Summer and Fall Terms. Why did it take a while? Well, "Anne Frank" was one reason. The other one, Let's just say "to err is human, to really mess up, you need a computer". But it's all over now. Jerry is currently awaiting his financial aid status.

Audition Gets Seal of Approval

One hurtle down, and a few more to go. Agnes Hahn has given her blessing for Jerry Hinkle to audition for the role of the Governor in "The Best little _____house in Texas". In fact, she is hoping he gets the part so she can come on down to M town and see the show. She does know that Burt Reynolds isn't playing the sheriff, doesn't she? Since the production isn't until August, Jerry just might not tell Dr. Blumer, Prof. Miller, and the rest. If this show is anything like the movie, there will be a fair bit of singing and dancing in this role. But if Charles Durning can do it, Jerry can pick it up. The worst anybody can do is turn him down.
North of 40: Getting ready for New Year's
by Red Green
I want to talk to all the middle-aged guys out celebrating New Year's this year.
This may seem premature, but don't be fooled. It's never too soon to start thinking about the traditional midnight New Year's kiss. You don't want to screw it up again this year.
You only have to remember one thing - kiss your wife first. Excuses don't work.
Like "I thought I was kissing you," or
"I tried to, but someone Else's lips got in the way,"
or worse still,
"Come on, honey, it's New Year's. I'm supposed to have fun."
Now, in order to kiss your wife at midnight, you have to be able to find her. That means you need to stay relatively sober throughout the evening.
If you're too inebriated to see, you can't recognize your wife. Braille is not an option. And after you do find her, and you're kissing her like she's your own personal Beauty Queen, don't be simultaneously making eye contact with Miss Congeniality. A split focus at that crucial moment can lead to other splits - a split lip, a splitting headache, or even a splitting wife.
Don't use New Year's as an excuse to reconnect with ex-girlfriends. Should old acquaintance be forgot? Absolutely. Especially if she's attractive, and she's at the party, and she's carrying around pictures of a 12-year-old boy who looks exactly like you.





Saturday, April 05, 2008
 
"Anne Frank" Closes
Yes, we know, It's been a while since we've put out an edition of our little Newsblog. After performing in "The Diary of Anne Frank" seven times, there was a kind of burnout factor. Jerry Hinkle was glad to get back to reality, and work. He had a shift at Pizza Hut shortly after the closing matinee. He also had a bit of homework to catch up on.
Several of Jerry's friends, relatives, professors and classmates saw the play. It is pretty much universal that "Anne Frank" was the most moving drama that DWU has ever been involved in. Some have told Jerry that he stole the show, but he bristles at the thought. There can be no doubt that each member of the cast contributed something special to the production, except for the #!&^ cat, of course.
So what's next for Jerry? He has three more weeks at DWU, summer school if he ever gets registered, and an offer to audition for the part of the Governor in "The Best Little @^($#house in Texas". As you can tell, our Publisher has trouble with the title. He's also nervous about telling his Grandma, Dr. Blumer, Professor Miller, the Vetters, and the people at both of his churches.
Give a Click for Mammy
There, but for the grace of God, go I" Take a moment to do this please. A favor to ask, it only takes a minute.... The Breast Cancer site is having trouble getting enough people to click on their site daily to meet their quota of donating at least one free mammogram a day to an underprivileged woman. It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on 'donating a mammogram' for free (pink window in the middle).
This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors /advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram in exchange for advertising. Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know:
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/
Our Publisher has checked the site out, and everything looks like it's on the level. The site was brought to his attention by his aunt, Roxie Goehring, who recently lost her mother, Dee Myers, to Breast Cancer. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate recommend that everyone who has or has had a mother should click at least once.
North of 40:What's in it for you
by Red Green
There comes a time in the lives of most men when you realize you've treated your cars better than you've treated your own body. You've even treated rental cars better than your own body. But it's not a rental car.
You can't ditch it in the woods and then report it stolen. Are you one of these guys? Is it possible that you haven't kept yourself in showroom condition? There's an easy way to find out. Stand in front of the bathroom mirror. Don't actually look directly into the mirror; you're not ready for that shock yet. What you do is open up your medicine cabinet and look inside. Remember how when you were young, there'd be some toothpaste and maybe some mouthwash in it? What's in there now?
Antihistamines, anti-inflammatories, antidiarrheals, antidepressants (in case the antidiarrheals don't work). Your medicine cabinet used to be practically empty, now you've had to build on. Anti-fungals, unguents, ointments, poultices, patches, plasters, salves -- all these bottles and tubes spill out onto your sink counter, the top of the toilet tank, every horizontal surface in your bathroom. Decongestants, muscle rubs, eye drops, wart remover, hair restorer, nasal sprays, denture cleaner, antacids. If this sounds like your bathroom, it's time to take stock of your health. And time to buy stock in a drug company.




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