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Holabird Advocate

Providing all the news we see fit to print since 2002!

Friday, April 11, 2008
April Showers Bring Long Weekends

In this case, it's a snow shower. The Harold Hinkle Telephone Pole Scale (patent pending) of visibility measurement in a blizzard does not seem to apply in downtown Mitchell. There aren't enough telephone poles to measure with, first off. And secondly, the buildings seem to keep the snow from getting to wild around the home office. We have heard reports from various sources claiming anywhere from 6-12 inches of snow. One report claimed the snow reached a certain part of the anatomy of the reporter. Don't ask, we won't tell. Besides, all of us here at the Holabird Advocate think he was sitting around outside at the time anyway.

At this point, it should be mentioned that all classes have been cancelled at DWU for the day, and the offices are all closed. The McGovern Library was reportedly open until 1pm, but we can't confirm that because we're snowed it here at McGovern Hall. At this point we pray that the snow lets up so we can get our Publisher out of the office and over to the Hut where he has to wash the dishes

"Chicken house" Picks up Support

Friends and family alike have let it be known that they believe that Jerry Hinkle should, in fact, try out for "The Best Little Chicken house in Texas". One friend, of Jerry's, top secret designation "Rabbit" thought he should try out for part of the pimp. Silly Rabbit, there is no pimp in the show. Jerry, if he does try out, will audition for the role of the Governor. The reasons for this are: it's a small part, he won't be one until the beginning of the second act, and he'll only be on for 10 minutes or so. The bulk of what he'll be expected to do is in this link to a video clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7mNDHTfdn1A&feature=related

North of 40:The no-fault dent

by Red Green

You just got home and found a new dent in your car. A dent your wife put there. You're about to go right off the deep end. But be careful. A lot of guys have drowned underestimating just how deep the deep end is.
I know you've never put a dent in the car. Other people have. Like, when that idiot tore the door off when you left it open to go into the store to buy milk. Or when you got rear-ended because some goof didn't notice that you stopped on the highway to pick up what you thought was a dime. Or when the engine seized because none of your friends reminded you to check the oil.
You know your wife's not so careful with the car as you are. But you don't need to get bent out of shape about a little dent and cause a head-on collision.
Don't be the one trapped in your vehicle. Your mouth may be big, but it's not the jaws of life. Just smile and say, "That's OK, Honey." I know you still love your car. Just not enough to sleep in it.

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