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 Holabird AdvocateProviding all the news we see fit to print since 2002!Wednesday, April 24, 2002 VOL. I Issue 4G PRESIDENT W COMES TO SOUTH DAKOTA Shortly after noon today Air Force 1 touched down in Sioux Falls.Marine 1 took W,Gov. Bill Janklow and several others to The airport in Madison,South Dakota where they motored to the nearby town of Wentworth(population 200)to look over the ethanol plant and engage in a "round table" discussion of ag issues.At 2:30pm W made a speech pertaining to the "War on Terrorism",as well as ag and energy concerns.When questioned about his "big oil" ties,he replied" I've been called the 'Big Oil President' but I want to be known as the 'Little Corn President' because I support the use of ethanol." W will be at the Sioux Falls Arena this evening for a campaign rally for John Thune's Senate race,then to Crawford,Texas to meet with the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia.All of us here at The Holabird Advocate expect a different speech for him. VANDALISM WAS NOT ISOLATED TO HOLABIRD AREA Whoever was responsible for the mailbox vandalism in the Holabird area may have been responsible for a similar occurance south of Highmore.It has been speculated that the responsible party was from Sully County.Certain members of the Highmore High School tack team are not on the suspect list as they were caught breaking curfew at the Blair-Hemminger wedding at 1 am. MARY HINKLE CELEBRATES BIRTHDAY AS DUST STORM RAGES April 23 was Mary Hinkle's birthday.Her Granddaughter Brittany Hinkle made her a cake(with some help from one of her uncles and Duncan Hines).That afternoon Harold took Mary out to dinner at the Golden Buffalo along with Roger and Linda Wurts .On the the way home 40-50 MPH winds blew dust all over Hyde County.At the Ponder-osa, Mary's plastic bird bath was damaged,tree branches were scattered and shingles were blown off the roof.Even the Mailbox was blown down.Harold tried to blame the vandals,but not even they would have wanted to be out that night. ETHANOL:THE AMERICAN FUEL OF THE FUTURE by Jerry Hinkle,Special to The Holabird Advocate At times like this,when the price of oil and gasoline is so high and in such short supply,we need to look for alternative sources.The ethanol subsidy is a very contraversial issue in Washington right now.I don't know the exact dollar amount of the subsidy,but I have just recently heard that this country spends at todays prices $21million/day buying oil from Iraq.We as American's have to ask ourselves if we want to give dictators like Saddam $21million/day or the American corn farmer that money.That figure is just Iraq.That doesn't take in Saudi Arabia,Iran,Kuwait,Mexico,Venezuela and all of the other OPEC nations.So if you love America,and I know you do,put ethanol in your fuel tank.If you got a diesel engine try that soy diesel and let me know how it works out. Wednesday, April 17, 2002 VOL. I Issue 4F VANDALS ATTACK HOLABIRD AREA MAILBOXES Late Saturday night or early Sunday morning several mailboxes were damaged possibly by a group of people in a motorized vehicle.Don Zilverberg Called the Hyde County Sheriff,who investigated the incidents at 4pm Sunday afternoon.The mailboxes in question belong to Bar JZ,the Ponderosa,Henry and Sadie Single,Ron and Linda LaFortune,Gene Pastian(his mailbox is missing as well.),and Mike and Karla Aasby.The Single and LaFourtune mailbox was allegedly picked up and thrown.Jerry Hinkle our Publisher examined that particular case and reported that as heavy as that mailbox system is it's possible to him that 2 or more people did the throwing.Nothing has been reported to The Holabird Advocate concerning the Sheriff's investigation at this time. JERALD E. HINKLE CO. REPORTS PROFIT The Jerald E. Hinkle Company released tax documents reporting a $233 profit for 2001.This may seem low,but considering the state of the national economy it's amazing that the company did that well.The Jerald E. Hinkle Company is the biggest(and so far the only)Market America UnFranchise in Hyde County.All of us wish the Jerald E. Hinkle Company well in this year.Who knows?It may make a $234 profit this year. DAIRY QUEEN USES AMERICAN FOOD PRODUCTS In an interview with Doane Broadcasting's "Agri-Talka" a spokesman from Dairy Queen stated that the resturaunt chain buys meat from American companies.When asked if the dairy products were American he said "We work with 58 dairys across the country.All the fluid milk is American.I can not say for sure that the non-dairy or dry milk products are American.The fluid milk is American." Burger King has yet to comment on this,however,the chain is owned by Cadbury's,a British soft drink and candy company. Y1C PREPARATIONS CONTINUE People are making motel reservation and getting campers ready for the Y1C celebration on July 20-22.If you want to get in on the fun,you'd better do the same.Connie Hopkins and The Farley's have made reservations at the Prairie View Motel.Ed Wallis and each of his 5 children are bringing tents to sleep in.Don and LaRayne Hinkle will be travelling with their daughter Major Shirley McGuire(ret.) and sleeping in her camper.Their son Juahn Hinkle will be camping with his Daughter Jianni and his pregnant wife Jennifer.Darrel Hinkle will take people in,especially if they do diapers.Agnes Hahn has also openned her house to any of the Y1C celebrants.It has been reported that K.C. Ferris has not made firm plans and that he plans to sleep in one of the grain bins if all else fails. Saturday, April 13, 2002 VOL. I Issue 4E MCDONALD'S TESTING AUSTRAILIAN BEEF The McDonald's of fast food resturants has decided to test market beef from Austrailia and New Zealand.The reasons for this,a McDonald's spokesman said in astatement for Doane Broadcasting's "Agri-Talk" radio program,was because of the low supply of lean beef in the United States.The imported beef is more economical(cheaper)than American beef as well according to the spokesman.McDonald's is still the biggest purchaser of American beef,despite the test marketing being planned.There has been talk of a boycott.It was discovered by Doane Broadcasting that foriegn meat is nothing new to fast food.Only the "Wendy's"chain of fast food resturant's was found to use 100% American beef in there hamburgers E.E. HINKLE GETS MORE VISITORS Friday morning,E.E. Hinkle was pleasantly surprised when he was visited by Clyde and Edna Hemphill of Deer River,Minnesota.Clyde is a 1st cousin of E.E.'s late wife Bergit.They were glad to see the old boy is such good spirit's and will make there best effort to come to the Y1C celebration in July.Brittany Hinkle also visited her great-grandfather entertained everyone present by catching a catterpillar and showing it to them.Clyde and Edna were on there way back home after visiting one of their kids in Denver.They left before dinner time as they were going to try to be in Watertown,South Dakota before nightfall. APRIL KLEINSCHMIDT TO APPEAR ON "LETTERMAN" As a joke someone wrote to David Letterman and suggested that he have the entire 2002 graduating class from Harrold High school come to New York to be on his show. He consented to fly the entire class over at his expense.Now before you feel too sorry for the boy,just know that the entire class consists of one person.Her name is April Kleinschmidt.A young lady who happens to be the grandaughter of Rollie Kleinschmidt,a good friend or our Publisher.April will be on "The Late Show with David Letterman" on May 22nd.When word got out she was also aproached buy Tom Brokaw and "Good Morning America" .She is scheduled to appear on "Good Morning America" May 23. WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN by Jerry Hinkle,Special to The Holabird Advocate Yes,What does it all mean.Well,just this,In order to get on T.V.,you don't need talent,but you have to be in a class all by yourself.It means that it doesn't take muck to entertain old men or people from Minnesota.But most of all it means that if you love this country,get a "Wendy's" hamburger. Thursday, April 11, 2002 VOL. I Issue 4D ON THE ROAD AGAIN Because his teeth are wearing down,Harold has gone to the dentist to see what can be done.If only he would have drunk his milk when he was a kid.Kristi took Brit to the clinic in Highmore because of a tonsil infection.She was given instructions to say yes to drugs,in this case antibiotics,and sent home.It was mentioned that Darrel had this very trouble and it ended with the offending tonsils being removed. DOUG HINKLE TO FIREMAN'S CONVENTION Doug took a week off from work to go to a Fireman's convention,leaving Noel and Cade to fend for themselves.Kristi has invited them over for the weekend.When asked for details,all Doug would say about the event is that it was sort of like a Shriner's convention,which is all he was told. ABOLISH DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME by Jerry Hinkle,Special to The Holabird Advocate We as human beings have come up with some pretty far out concepts.The Electoral College,bottled water,7 human years for 1 dog year,and T.V. sitcoms that are not in the least bit funny. However the most outlandish idea that was ever concieved was Daylight Savings Time.Every April we,like sheep,turn our clocks and watches forward one hour.Why do we do this?Because the government tells us to,I guess.Then in October,like clockwork(get it)we set them back to the original time that they were back in April.This practice is humorously refered to as Daylight Savings Time.Have you noticed we are not saving any daylight?In the time between April and October the days are longer becausethe Sun is up longer up until about June 22,when finally the days become shorter.In fact,in my younger days, there were times when I went to school before the Sun came up simply because the government had the clocks set at a certain time.If Anyone actually benefits from this madness,I have yet to meet them.That is why,when the time comes I refuse to participate in this exercise.I do not set clocks forward in April and do not set them back in October.It's my way of fighting the insanity and the monumental ignorance that the government foists upon us.However,if I ever have an ocasion where a real fine young lady want's to meet me at 8 o'clock for a $6 Burger at Hardee's,I just might change my tune and synchonize my watch to Daylight Savings Time. Wednesday, April 10, 2002 VOL. I Issue 4C HINKLE'S MISSION TRIP PLANS FINALIZED Harold and Mary Hinkle went to Forrest City,Iowa to complete registration for the trip to Austrailia that they will undertake on July 23.Among the items they had to take to the meeting were their respective passports.They took a lot of kidding from home folks about having to take passports on a trip to Iowa.While there they got aquainted with some of the other people going on the trip.They also saw their nephew,Kevin Hansen, play basketball.Time was made to see the home of their niece Anne Hansen.Harold commented that they spent a good deal of time eating.They came home Monday afternoon.Both Harold and Mary were quite tired as even the extra hour in the evening couldn't keep them awake. E.E. HINKLE HAS CHECKUP E.E. Hinkle went to see Dr. Douglas today.He told thew old gentleman that he had to cut out the salt.All of us at The Holabird Advocate would take this doctors advice more seriously if the doctor was 99 years old himself.If E.E. Hinkle made it this far,why stop now.At any rate,his next visit with the doctor will be May 8.Providing of course that the doctor's advice doesn't kill the old man first. MEMO TO MR. JAMES B. HARDEE:LOSE THE $6 BURGER by Jerry Hinkle,Special to The Holabird Advocate Mr. Hardee,I'm a man that enjoys your resturaunt.You've provided good food and great service at reasonable prices at All of the Hardee's resturaunts I've been to through the years.However,I've grown tired of your $6 Burger commercials.You know the one's,"Spiderman only takes off his mask for 2 thing's".Those 2 things are a liplock with the lovely Kirsten Dunst and a $6 Burger.Mr Hardee,I'd have to think about the 1st thing(for about 12-15 seconds)but there is no way in the world I'd pay $6 for a hamburger. I'd turn vegetarian before I'd do that.As far as paying $3.95 for a $6 Burger,well the only way I'd spend that kind of money is if the lovely MS. Dunst herself asked me to get her one.That's not gonna happen though,is it Mr. Hardee.Few people enjoy beef as much as I do.I like it very much.For $3.95,you'd better throw in a drink and an order of fries. Friday, April 05, 2002 VOL. I Issue 4B E.E. HINKLE HAS COMPANY The latest visitor to the Ponderosa is Joyce Ferris,who arrived at about 7pm yesterday.She will be taking a little vacation from her recycling station and just in the nick of time too.It seems that bent over and broke a rib just before coming out there.It may sound funny but nobody's laughing.Joyce was sure glad to see her father in such good shape. Some of his body heat is even getting to his hands now.That's a sign of spring for sure. CALVING GOES WELL ON PONDEROSA Calves on the ponderosa are being born at about the right rate considering the warming spring weather.A few were stillborn and premature,but for the most part they are well.Darrel Hinkle reported twins at one point this week.he is attempting to use one twin to take the place of one that died.A tricky proposition,but one that he can handle quite well when the time comes PUBLISHER BREAKS HEARTS WITH "OSMOND HOAX" In the previous edition of The Holabird Advocate it was reported former(at some ladies claim present)heartthrob Donnie Osmond was going to be hunting on the Ponderosa in the coming pheasant hunting season.That report was an April Fools prank fabricated by our Publisher,Jerry Hinkle.So if any of you gals out there were planing on taking off time from work to stalk Mr. Osmond we are sorry to inform you that it's not gonna happen.Previous Donny sightings did happen in the Miller-St. Lawerance area,so there is hope,but you'd do better to wish for a new Mercedes,as that wish may come true before you see Donny Osmond in the flesh around here. DISNEY GOES SEQUEL HAPPY By Jerry Hinkle,Special to The Holabird Advocate 2002 is shaping up to be "The Year of the Sequel"for the Mickey Mouse outfit known as the Walt Disney company.Sequels are nothing new to Disney,nor are they in the entertainment word at large,but so far this year we've had "Lady and the Tramp II" "Cinderella II" and "Hunckback of Notre Dame II".Plans are underway for "Jungle Book II" and "Lion King III".What's next, "Aladin IV"? I hope that the company that was build on imagination 70+ years ago hasn't run out of original ideas.It's bad enough that the company that bares the Disney name is rewriting history with their commercials reguarding Walt's childhood.If they don't shape up in the present, then the future of Walt's legacy will dry up and blow away.I hope I'm wrong,but what are the odds of that. Monday, April 01, 2002 VOL. I Issue 4A AGNES HAHN THROWS ANNIVERSARY GATHERING A change of plans for the celebration of Wilbur and Lynette' Goehring's 25th anniversary moved the gala to the Agnes Hahn house instead of the Golden Buffalo Casino as previously reported.All of Agnes's children and their respective spouses were present for the get together with the lone exception of Ken and Joan Hansen,who will no doubt recognize the ocasion in their own way.in addition to those mentioned also prsent were Brenda Ehlers,Leanne Hoffman,Sydney Goehring,Andy and Tracy Lennick,Jake the Wonder Dog and Ming Chow.Anyone else present was not reported to The Holabird Advocate at press time.This being the acual anniversary date,All of us at The Holabird Advocate would like to take this time to wish both Wilbur and Lynette well on this happy occasion.25 years of wedded bliss is a rare thing and getting rarer.They've done all of their family and friends proud. E.E. HINKLE CELEBRATES EASTER IN CHUCH Despite a little trouble with a cow at the Ponderosa,Harold managed to get his father,E.E. Hinkle to the Easter service at the Methodist Church in Highmore.Afterward they went to Easter dinner at Agnes Hahns house,where as always, too much food was served.Several people complained that they ate too much.At around 3pm. E.E. needed to have lunch and did so.When he got home he ate a pretty good supper as well.He tips the scales at an impressive 139 lb. these days.Not quite the 170 lb. youth he used to be,he is quite different from the 125 lb withered old man of just a few months ago. DONNY OSMOND TO HUNT AT PONDEROSA THIS PHEASANT SEASON Hunting scouts from Miller,working for Donny Osmond were looking for places for the famous singer and former talk show host to hunt pheasents, the state bird of South Dakota.Among the locations scouted was the Ponderosa.When asked about hunting fees and other considerations,an agreement was made and finalized this afternoon.The exact day Mr. Osmond will hunt is not being disclosed at this time.You can count on The Holabird Advocate to keep you abrest of any and all developments in this story. 
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