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Holabird Advocate

Providing all the news we see fit to print since 2002!

Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Just Where is the Hinkle Empire
Jerry Hinkle likes to say that he's world famous in Holabird, and barely recognisable everywhere else. Just HOW famous Jerry is, or isn't, can be settled at last. Thanks to a new service that Jerry discovered on the blog of Ms. Rita Mosquita has shown us just who reads our little Newsblog. From Flasher, North Dakota down to San Antone from North Hollywood to Ireland, and points in between, we've seen quite a few hits. Jerry is slightly disappointed that Ambassador Kurek from Germany or the Hinkletons from Sonoma State are absent, but that will either change or it won't.
As far as the Hinkle Empire goes, we have a map of the world At the bottom of the Front Page. Everywhere that one sees red is part of that empire. It's just the opposite of Colonial England. The Hinkle Empire is representation without taxation. One could say that it is a state of mind. But as Red Green reminds us, "So is insanity".
Publisher a Quart Low
The Blood drive took a lot out of our courageous, dynamic Publisher. After a rigorous screening process, they gave Jerry Hinkle the thumbs up to donate not just one unit, but two. For those who don't know, Jerry has been visited by "The Maginnis Curse" of high blood pressure from time to time. Yesterday, his pressure was 142/80, which is borderline, but low enough for him to give two units of blood.
As fate would have it, the person who recruited Jerry to give blood donated at the same time. Jerry was just light headed to get a kick out of that. He also offered up to her his "air high 5", which was reciprocated. After Jerry was drained, he went to the juice and cookie table. Nobody appears shocked by that, so we'll continue. As he ate and drank happily, he noticed that his friend was having a little trouble. She kept going, like the trooper she is. As it happens, she and Jerry had Life and Teachings of Jesus together that afternoon. He was wondering if she was going to make it, but she did. It's said that someone who gives a unit of blood saves three lives. In her case, she may have risked hers. She is one brave little lady. In fact, Jerry told her that she is his hero, and he wants to be just like her. Well, miracles do happen!
North of 40:Outdoors is not in
by Red Green
A lot of you guys out there could probably benefit from my experience. That's a nice way of saying that in the River of Time, I'm a little farther up the creek than you. Now, I bet that you still think of yourself as that virile outdoorsy guy you were 20 years ago, but I'm here to tell you that is no longer the case. As the years have passed, Nature has been taking its course, but you haven't been keeping up with the curriculum. Heading out into the wilderness at your age is just asking for trouble. Remember how you used to grab the old knapsack before hiking up the mountain? Now you need to grab a nap in the sack before hiking up your pants. Was the last white water you were in from spilling your Bromo in the Jacuzzi? And when's the last time you saw your hiking boots? Heck, when's the last time you saw your feet? Forget the wilderness. Would you rather leave your home and spend the day in the remote wilderness like your forbearers? Or, would you spend the day at home with the remote and leave the wilderness for bears? Just settle into your Barcalounger, tune in to National Geographic and enjoy the natural disasters in total comfort. At our age, we don't need high adventure, we need high fiber. And, if you eat enough oat bran, you may get both.

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