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Holabird Advocate

Providing all the news we see fit to print since 2002!

Monday, May 09, 2005
VOL. IV Issue 5D
Publisher Goes Back to Reality
The trouble with dream vacations is that at some time, you have to wake up. Holabird Advocate Publisher, Jerry Hinkle, came into the home office in a cheerful mood. He was even singing that old Motown classic, "Knock on Wood". Bare in mind it was a Monday. Something was up. Something big. The details are herein contained.
Seems that Jerry, and his father, Harold Hinkle were trying to out do each other for the biggest bad mood. Some say that, until Saturday night Jerry would have won the prize. And then it happened. But let's go back a few hours. While Jerry was with his family at the Prairie Home Companion, he was struck by the unusual beauty of a certain young lady with hair that was, according to Jerry, "an interesting shade of orange".
Her name is Amanda Barrett, half of a musical duet called The Ditty Bops. Jerry was so struck by her that he wanted to have his picture taken with her. As luck has it, Jerry's aunt, Phyllis Ehlers, had a camera at the ready.
After the show was over, the Goehring family group went to a steak house called The Depot. Jerry wanted to go to Bonanza, and said so. Several times, over and over again, he would remind them that he would have preferred Bonanza. There's just something about steak and soft ice cream that gets to him. And then it happened. A group of 16 people from the show came into the Depot, and Ms. Amanda was one of them. You know, Jerry never mentioned Bonanza one time after that. Meanwhile, the Goehring group had reservations for 10 at 8:30, and were not called until 8:54. It was about this time that Jerry could have used a bag of ice down the pants. After everyone ordered, Jerry started thinking. Such is a dangerous proposition under the best of circumstances, to say nothing of this situation. He reasoned that if it took 24 minutes to get seated, it would take a while for the food to get cooked, so he's just mosey on over to the billiard section of the place where Ms. Amanda was running the table, and good. Between shots this angel from the City of Angels (yes, she lives in L.A.) actually spoke to him. Small talk mostly, but they got to know each other a little bit. When her table was called, Ms. Amanda gave him her popcorn bowl. Jerry considered discreetly smuggling said bowl out of the place, but ended up chatting her up again after he was done eating his 9 oz. prime rib.
So this is the romance of the century, right! Not exactly, but one never knows when the hand of God will bring them together again. There's also e-mail, should it come to that. At his age, Jerry needs a pen pal more than a romantic attachment anyway.
All interested Readers can get a look at Ms. Amanda while she was a brunette, and you can also buy The Ditty Bops self titled debut album at their web site: thedittybops.com/. The album is available at Amazon.com for just $11.99, or you can get it used for $7.64. It's currently rated #78 in Music. It's a iron clad, copper riveted, self loading, lead pipe cinch what Jerry wants for his birthday. Unfortunately, the cost of that would exceed the $20 limit.
Kennedys Go Home
With Harold, Mary, and Jerry Hinkle back home safe at the Ponderosa, George and Mavis Kennedy decided to get back home to take care of some pressing matters. After Mavis was done frying up huge stacks of pancakes, they motored on home. They got back by 3 pm Holabird Time. They'll be back for Emorymas in July. E.E. Hinkle will see to that.
Mavis did a spendid job as a substitute for both Mary and Jerry. Nobody heard a complaint from E.E. at all. The old boy did have a dream that upset him though. Seems that he had this dream Saturday night around 9pm where a red headed gal took Jerry away from him. That could never happen, could it?
Raymond Gets Closer to Finish Line
by Ethan Aniston,
Holabird Advocate Entertainment Editor
"Everybody Loves Raymond" is gearing up for a big finish next week. At least, that's what CBS hopes. The last few episode are painfully lacking in substance. This evening's episode had Robert's mother-in-law smoking. Not the best ratings stunt one could come up with, is it? Next weeks "Raymond" is the last new episode, and its going to be a 90 minute show. If the last few shows are any indication, you'd best drink a lot of coffee and go to the can during commercial breaks. You may stay awake for all of it.
If I was to write the finale, I'd do it like this. Raymond's writing gets him noticed in Hollywood, perhaps even a spot on ESPN. He has to move to the West Coast. The Kids (who have been noticeably absent for a few seasons, don't they have AMBER alerts on TV) and Debra get ready to go to California, while the rest get ready to say good-bye. Robert acts truly happy about this move, but in the last 5 minutes he will realize that, in spite of all of the bitterness between them for all of those, that each of them cares for the other, and they will be missed. Raymond agrees to sell his house to Robert and Amy so they can move out of the house next door. Just before Raymond leaves his house for the last time he embraces his brother, at which point Frank walks in. With all the gusto he can muster, we hear for one last time, those immortal words, "HOLY CRAP". Fade to black, the end. Like I said before, I don't expect CBS to end the show this way, but that is the way it should end. This may be the end of an era for the Monday Night Comedy, but life will go on. It always has and always will. As Jerry Hinkle said when Baywatch folded, "Cheer up, boys! There's always reruns!" I wish them a fond farewell next week. I hope you will as well. They had a good run. So Long Raymond!

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