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 Holabird AdvocateProviding all the news we see fit to print since 2002!Friday, June 20, 2003 VOL. II Issue 6J AGNES HAHN TO BE CROWNED OLD SETTLER'S QUEEN The home office of the Holabird Advocate is buzzing with the news that Agnes Hahn will be crowned as the Old Settlers Day Queen tonight. Mrs Hahn, who is a lifelong member of Hyde County was born there on May 2, 1918. She was Married to Wilbur Goehring on February 27, 1937. She and Wilbur lived north of Holabird, where he farmed and ran cattle. They had 8 children together. After Wilbur's death on October 10, 1964, she lived as a widow until love found her a second time around with Ernest "Bud" Hahn. They were married on December 31, 1966. Shortly after his death on January 13, 1993, Agnes moved into Highmore, where she presently makes her home When he recieved the news, Holabird Advocate Publisher, Jerry Hinkle had a choice to make. He either was to bathe to go into the coronation tonight, or stay at home and watch Baby Bob. Needless to say, the bath water is being drawn. LAWYERS PLANNING TO SUE FOOD COMPANIES The country's greediest trial lawyers, boldest food nannies, and most outlandish academics will convene in Boston this weekend to plan a legal onslaught against restaurants. The Public Health Advocacy Institute (PHAI), which is playing host, declares that the event is "intended to encourage and support litigation against the food industry." The usual suspects -- lawyers and activists who use junk-science in an attempt to erode consumer freedom and turn food companies into their newest cash cow -- will be on hand: Richard Daynard -- PHAI president, Northeastern University law professor, and the "intellectual godfather of tobacco litigation." Even lawyers being sued by Daynard for 5% of their $3 billion tobacco settlement say he is "greedy." Kelly Brownell -- Yale psychologist most notable for having first proposed the infamous "Twinkie tax." Michael Jacobson -- executive director of the Center for Science in the Public Interest, the undisputed leader of America's food police. Jacobson is "proud about finding something wrong with practically everything." What will this motley crew of anti-consumer choice advocates plan? If their past remarks are any indication, it won't be to the benefit of ordinary consumers. They'll demonize the food choices of millions of Americans: "Sellers of food products do not attract the same kind of attention as purveyors of drugs or tobacco. They should." "We've got lots of different legal theories. We're also now looking at going after schools and school boards and even school board members." -- John Banzhaf, in an interview with National Public Radio's "Talk of the Nation" (August 8, 2002) "I think the litigators who've been talking about using their skills to improve the American diet and prevent obesity would do well to look at school systems." -- Michael Jacobson, at a Consumer Federation of America food policy conference (May 8, 2003) They'll trample individual rights and mock personal responsibility: "All these platitudes about, 'people should eat less,' 'responsibility,' all this crap!" -- John Banzhaf, in a speech at the Consumer Federation of America's food policy conference (May 8, 2003) "I recommend we develop a militant attitude about the toxic food environment, like we have about tobacco ... [smoking] became so serious that society overlooked the intrusion on individual rights for the greater social good." -- Kelly Brownell, in the Center for Science in the Public Interest's Nutrition Action Healthletter (July 1998) "A reaction of many readers may well be that our proposal [for government-issued 'Smoker ID' cards] gives too much information to government agencies, therefore creating a 'Big Brother' problem ... it may be too late to worry about the sort of privacy concerns that this proposal raises." -- PHAI speaker and Harvard Law School professor Jon Hanson, explaining his vision of government-mandated "smoker ID" cards that would keep track of a smoker's age, brand preference, and smoking frequency (Yale Law Journal, 1998). [Editor's note: scratch out "smoking," insert "eating."] They'll troll for media attention: "What persuaded us was, in a sense, the media. This thing is so radioactive in terms of media attention that cases will bring in other lawyers and bring in other cases." -- Richard Daynard discussing why he supports obesity lawsuits against restaurants, in Fortune magazine (January 21, 2003) And they'll set the stage for "sin taxes" on food and drink: "A small tax [on soft drinks] may be more politically feasible and would mostly go unnoticed by the public." -- Kelly Brownell and Michael Jacobson, in an article co-written for the American Journal of Public Health (June 2000) "[F]ood is too cheap in this country." "We could envision taxes on butter, potato chips, whole milk, cheeses, [and] meat." -- Michael Jacobson, in The Newark Star-Ledger (April 30, 2002) The PHAI event is billed as the first annual conference on "Legal Approaches to the Obesity Epidemic." It should be called "Brainstorming How to Get Rich off of the Obesity Scare." POETRY CORNER "Ragged Old Flag" I walked through a county courthouse square, On a park bench an old man was sitting there. I said, Your old courthouse is kinda run down. He said, Naw, it'll do for our little town. I said, Your flagpole has leaned a little bit, And that's a Ragged Old Flag you got hanging on it. He said, Have a seat, and I sat down. Is this the first time you've been to our little town? I said, I think it is. He said, I don't like to brag, But we're kinda proud of that Ragged Old Flag. You see, we got a little hole in that flag there When Washington took it across the Delaware. And it got a bad rip in New Orleans With Packingham and Jackson tuggin' at its seams. And it almost fell at the Alamo Beside the Texas flag, but she waved on though. She got cut with a sword at Chancellorsville And she got cut again at Shiloh Hill. There was Robert E. Lee, Beauregard, and Bragg, And the south wind blew hard on that Ragged Old Flag. On Flanders Field in World War I She got a big hole from a Bertha gun. She turned blood red in World War II She hung limp and low a time or two. She was in Korea and Vietnam. She went where she was sent by her Uncle Sam. She waved from our ships upon the briny foam, And now they've about quit waving her back here at home. In her own good land she's been abused -- She's been burned, dishonored, denied and refused. And the government for which she stands Is scandalized throughout the land. And she's getting threadbare and wearing thin, But she's in good shape for the shape she's in. 'Cause she's been through the fire before And I believe she can take a whole lot more. So we raise her up every morning, Take her down every night. We don't let her touch the ground And we fold her up right. On second thought I DO like to brag, 'Cause I'm mighty proud of that Ragged Old Flag. Written by Johnny Cash One nation "UNDER GOD" indivisible with liberty and justice for all.
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