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Holabird Advocate

Providing all the news we see fit to print since 2002!

Wednesday, April 23, 2003
VOL. II Issue 4P
Yesterday at this time, it looked like Agnes Hahn would miss Ireland for sure. She was having some kind of difficulty that made a trip to Hand County Hospital in Miller neccessary. Once there, it was discovered that she was anemic and low on potassium. Not to worry, drugs are available to treat this. She got back home and got ready to get on the road for the Twin Cities. Barring some unforseen event, she and the rest of the travellers should be flying over that Altantic Ocean tomorrow.
It was Mary Hinkle that took Agnes to Miller yesterday, of course. E.E. Hinkle said that taking care of her mother will make Mary old before her time. The jokes on him though. Today, she will be turning 65 years old. SHE IS OLD ALREADY!!!!
by Buster Brock
Usually our courageous, dynamic Publisher, Jerry Hinkle does the top 10 list. He has asked me to help him to decide whether he should run for President like that group of people wants him to. I have two top 10 lists each displaying the Pros and Cons of this idea. SO FROM THE HOME OFFICE IN HOLABIRD SOUTH DAKOTA HERE IS OUR TOP TEN TWOFER
"Top 10 reasons for Jerry Hinkle to Run for President"
1. If he wins, even the athiests in the ACLU will start praying
2. His choice for Homeland Security Chief: Chuck Norris
3. Renting out the Lincoln Bedroom could help strenghten his 401k plan
4. Seven White House interns-seven days in the week
5. His Surgeon General: Dr Phil
6. Mr. Sumner Redstone will stop ignoring him
7. He wouldn't have to think for himself because E.E. would tell him what to do
8. Four words: Attorney General Stephanie Herseth
9. Bernie Hunhoff would put him on the cover of his "South Dakota Magazine"
10. Only Jerry Hinkle could Get America Moving Again
"Top 10 reasons for Jerry Hinkle not to run for President"
1.He might lose
2. He might win
3. He doesn't have the money to run for cover, let alone President
4. He would have to leave Holabird
5. The Bush Twins would never forgive him
6. His connection to Vin Diesel could come to light
7. Nobody else could Publish the Holabird Advocate
8. Bimbo eruptions
9. The Media may discover "Her" identity
10. He couldn't get elected as Holabird's Dogcatcher if he was the only one running

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