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Holabird Advocate

Providing all the news we see fit to print since 2002!

Tuesday, April 15, 2003
VOL. II Issue 4K
Contrary to what was reported earlier, the Jerald E. Hinkle Company has reported a loss in 2002. In a statement made this morning, company owner and Holabird Advocate Publisher, Jerry Hinkle said, "It appears that I was wrong when I released a previous statement as to record profits. I guess I need to learn how to read a 1040 form." When asked why the business took a loss, Hinkle replied, "I overestimated the number of people who would want to improve their automotive fuel mileage in my 'Friction Free' project. I suppose gasoline is just too cheap and plentiful in this part of the country. Given all of this, it's really hard for me to believe people actually want me to run for the Presidency next year"
With Harold and Mary slated to leave for Ireland on April 23, George and Mavis Kennedy have apparently decided to come over and visit the day before. It's reported that Mavis needs a "Daddy fix". Upon hearing the news, Harold has heard to exclaim, "He'll fix her, all right!". Mavis Kennedy is, of course, the oldest daughter of Holabird's oldest citizen, 100 year old E.E. Hinkle.
by Buster Brock, Special to the Holabird Advocate
Television has sunk to new lows. A mini-series called "Married by America" ended it's run on the FOX network last night. Of course, none of the Holabird Advocate Readers watched that crap, because they're not stupid. The only reason I found out about it was because I heard all about it on "Jimmy Kimmel Live" last night. Two couples had a wedding, neither couple was married. From what I saw the people who left their partner at the alter were the smartest people on this show, even if it was "too late smart" as the saying goes. They certainly were smarter than the morons who followed this junk week after week for the entire run of this stupid show.

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