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 Holabird AdvocateProviding all the news we see fit to print since 2002!Saturday, March 29, 2003 VOL. II Issue 3R AGNES HAHN TO GO TO IRELAND It appears that Agnes Hahn may be going to Ireland along with Harold and Mary Hinkle. Ken and Joan Hansen were offered the same trip. As it happens, Waldorf College can't be without Proffesor Hansen for a whole week, so he suggested to Jo that she ask her mother to take his place on the trip. It must have been one of those offers you can't refuse, because she didn't. There still remains the detail of getting a passport, which is being looked into. AMERICA FIRST FOR E.E. HINKLE E.E. Hinkle has tryed to talk Harold and Mary out of going to Ireland and going to Alaska instead. He would feel better if they went there because the U.S. still owns Alaska, and besides that, as he says,"You won't have to drink so much water when the plane crashes". What the old boy doesn't seem to realize is that their hotel rooms are in Ireland and going to Alaska would kind of defeat the purpose. What's more, They don't drink water in Ireland anyhow, they drink Guinness. JERRY HINKLE ALMOST TURNS REPUBLICAN Last night Jerry Hinkle was at the Ponderosa, watching John Ritter and Peg Bundy on the tube, when a call came that disturbed the peacefulness of the evening. It was Democrats wanting money, his money. They asked for $35 which he turned down. Not 30 minutes later, they called again, asking for $15. Once again he refused. The second call was more of a hard sell approach as well. Talking about how bad the President is and all. They must not have heard Bill Clinton saying that we have to support the President in this time of war. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate think that the next time he gets a call like, he should ask them to buy a bottle of OPC-3 or Friction Free 3000. Kinda bring back the barter system. IGNORANCE ABOUNDS IN THE "WAR ON TERROR" by Jerry Hinkle, Special to the Holabird Advocate Hard as it is to believe, Jimmy Kimmel told me last night that French's Mustard had to get on TV and tell the American people that they have nothing to do with the country of France or the French people. Patriotic American citizens were boycotting them because of of the "War on Terrorism". Good Lord, the next thing you know, teenagers will stop french kissing at the mall (which may or may not be a good thing). How about remembering that the reason the French are against the U.S. is because they do business with Iraq. And get a load of this. In the week just passed, Vladamir Putin, President of Russia as requested that the fighting stop now, nevermind that Russia has been supplying Iraq with weapons since the fighting started. Are we going to boycot russian dressing, or russian peanuts? Well, I'm not gonna drink any Russian vodka, I'll tell you that much. The thing that really hurts is that part of my family came from Russia back in 1884. Right now, I couldn't be more ashamed of that part of my herritage. I Thank God that, because Jakob Goehring left that place far behind him, I'm an American. At least we can be glad that we have Allies in this war that we don't have to boycot. Those Allies currently are: England, Spain, Austrailia, New Zealand, Bulgaria, Kuwait and Turkey. One more thing, even though Canada is not on board with us, I'm not giving up my Canadian aftershave. I love this country, but there is a limit to what I'll do for it.
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