Holabird AdvocateProviding all the news we see fit to print since 2002!
Thursday, November 07, 2002
VOL. I Issue 11G
KENNEDYS HEADING SOUTH
TO BEAT THE BLOWING SNOW
At 8 am. this morning George and Mavis Kennedy started out for Arizona, hoping to be there before the snow that is predicted to fall by Sunday night. Last night, Darrel, Kristi, Brittany, Shelby, and Justin Hinkle went up to the Ponderosa to visit them. The kids were quite lively.
BRITTANY HINKLE HAS GOOD REPORT CARD
Report cards are out for the 1st quarter of the school year. Brittany Hinkle has a lot of Ss and Es on her report card. Her teacher, Mrs. LaMont, has complimented Brit for her example to the other kids. She has been known to write them all letters at one point or another. Her classroom deportment is not lacking in the least. On top of all that she has also developed a thirst for learning. She seems to enjoy school, and school, it appears, enjoys her
CRIME AND PUNISHMENT FOR WINONA RYDER
By Jerry Hinkle, Special to the Holabird Advocate
I hope dear Readers that one of you to the very least has the ear of the judge that is hearing the case of Ms Winona Ryder. I believe that Ms. Ryder, being a general menace to the public, needs guidance.
Also, because she is so hard up as to make it neccessary for her to steal $6000 worth of merchandise, she needs a job. I'm talking steady, dependable, and possibly well paying work. And for that reason, I believe that perhaps Ms. Ryder should be sentenced to be cast as my television wife in a show I hope to develop under the watchful brilliance of Mr. Sumner Redstone of Viacom. A show tentativly called "The Fat Guy and the Hot Wife".
Now, I know that Ms. Ryder is supposed to be a movie star, but let's face it, she hasn't had a hit movie since-er-since-well I'm sure she had one. See, the movies are just not dependable way to make a living. Besides, she has to pay for her crime. I'll make sure she does just that.Originally I was going to suggest that Ms. Ryder be locked up in my bedroom and whatever happens, happens. This idea was frowned upon by my family on the grounds that she hasn't commited murder.
Of course, the Viacom deal hasn't come through yet, but I expect to hear any day now from Mr. Redstone. It's also my hope that someone with Mr. Redstone's ear brings this to his attention. He and I both have a chance to help this poor misguided soul make something out of her life. I just need a chance. If she can't be my T.V. wife, perhaps she can be cast as the wacky neighbor. Think about it Your Honor, and get back to me as soon as possible.
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