I've lost two good old friends in the past few weeks. They were both 95 years old, so I guess that can't be too much of a shock. We are coming up on December. This means that it's been almost a year since meningitis took the earthly life of my cousin, Tony. That was a shock! He was only 35! Sometimes I have to wonder why.

Why is it that some people last well into their 90th birthday while others go so young? Why did Tony leave behind a wife and three kids that needed him? Why couldn't someone as totally worthless as I go in his place and get planted 6 feet under? Why? I don't know! And I've been pondering the answer to that question as I read my Answer Book (the Bible) ever since Tony left us.

Grandad lived about as long as anyone could care to, but even he wondered how he lasted that long. Time was not exactly on his side, or was it. His first 99 years were well spent. Those last few afterward were not his best. Many times I heard him say that he wished he was dead. I once responded, "I wish I was dead too! But it's not up to us, it's up to God!" He shook his head, and admitted I was right. At that time, I couldn't bear the thought of him being gone. When the time came, he was ready. In a way, I was ready to let him go.

I still struggle with Tony's loss. The odd thing is I wasn't that close to Tony, at least not at the time he died. I know he's better off. He even donated organs to 3 different people after his spirit left his body.

Sometimes I wonder if anything I've done really matters, but then I remember the old saying "God isn't finished with me yet". God still has work for me to do, the trouble is finding it. My dad told me the other day that since I graduated from DWU, I should be working at a job that makes 60K/year. I'm not sure that's true, but if it is, that's not part of the plan, at least not yet.

Lately, going on a mission trip to Haiti has been on my mind. The prospect of catching cholera has a lot of appeal for some reason. I need $3000 to do that though. Not sure if I can swing that. I've been leaving it all up to God. He is in control! I may not know what he is doing now, but when the time comes, I will. I'll be ready for it, when it happens