Holabird AdvocateProviding all the news we see fit to print since 2002!
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Mitchell Hits Single Digits
It's colder that it has been for a while here in Kornfield County. The coldest we've seen is 9, which beats -9, but not by much. The Park Avenue didn't start right away this morning, but it did start, and it wasn't covered with frost.
"A's" All The Way
The time of from DWU did our Publisher a little good. Before he left, Jerry Hinkle took his open book test on Martin Guerre. after he came back, he discovered that he got 50 points out of 50. His first perfect score in a non religion class. He's been constantly getting 30 out of 30 on the Reading Reflections for Classics of Christian Thought. It gets so that he doesn't even try to make sense on them anymore. Of course, how can you make sense out of John Calvin's predestination theory when you haven't had the lecture yet. The best part is that Jerry got an A on his Power Point Oral Report that he gave concerning Rev. Tim Fountain. Things are looking up, for now.South Dakota Barbies on the shelf for Christmas
Submitted by Marla McGeorge
Sioux Falls Barbie
This queen Barbie is sold only at Macy's. She comes with an assortment of Chanel Handbags, a Volvo, a French poodle named Charisse, and a Lincoln County McMansion. Plastic surgery available upon request. Hey, she has to look beautiful when she works at KELOland TV. CitiBank Ken sold separately.
Rapid City Barbie
This tough little sport comes with optional hiking boots or mountain bike. When she's not selling magnets at Mount Rushmore, she can be spotted off-roading in her Land Rover or running on the bike path. Inhaler included to give relief during forest fires. Buy her while you can because Ken works at Ellsworth and might be getting transferred!
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Ocean . She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Spearfish Barbies and the optional Hybrid Toyota, you get a "Free Tibet" bumper sticker for free.
This "Frost Queen" comes with an entire winter wardrobe! Her parka is reversible and can be used as an emergency igloo whenever needed. Package includes a shrink for seasonal depression.
This young, hip girl actually comes with her own pepper spray. Her USD sweater is made of real wool and her Cavalier gets great mileage between the Empire Mall and Vermillion. Available keg with purchase of makeup. Ken doll sold separately with broken cell phone... he never seems to calls back.
This brassy, tobacco-chewing gal comes with camouflage overalls, Cabela's Credit Card, and a rifle. She can be found just north of town shooting pheasants and drinking an ice cold 40. Cabela Ken available with purchase of Chevy Silverado.
This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan or Honda Odyssey Minivan with matching Wal*Mart sweats. She gets lost easily while taking Stacy to her soccer games and has no full-time occupation other than the PTA. Ken doll sold with matching Daktronics company car.
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, leather chaps, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) ...unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about. Harley sold separately along with deadbeat Ken. Jail uniform available with purchase of Mobile Home.
Belle Fourche Barbie
This model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans, a NASCAR t-shirt and Care Bears tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Johnny Cash CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her Mega Ton Dodge Dually pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
She may be a 75 year-old, Brandy drinking, Virginia Slim smoking cuss, but she has more audacity than Calamity Jane. She just got out from Gambler's Anonymous and needs to get rid of some spare change. Deadwood Barbie can be found at the Monday night "Kevin Costner Fanclub" meeting just down the street from Cadillac Jack's Prime Rib Buffet. Ken comes free, but is usually working two jobs to keep a roof over their head.
(What? No Holabird Barbie?)
Jerry,Post a Comment
With a 3.98 GPA at SDSU (I got a B in college algebra) I will never understand why my parents, teachers, school counselor, and many of my so called "friends" told me I wasn't smart enough to go college. Go figure. Anyway keep up the good work and I am happy to see that you are back online full time again. MJ