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Holabird Advocate

Providing all the news we see fit to print since 2002!

Wednesday, March 14, 2007
You Can't Keep Good Stock Down
The Holabird Advocate was under attack on Monday on the Blog$hares site. A rather disagreeable chap who is unworthy of mention on the Front Page tried to drive our price down to around B$7/share. The price rose to around B$33, more or less on it's own.
No Crops, but Quite a Show
The people who put it on quit calling it the Crop Show years ago, but for a lot of us around Hyde County, that's what it is. There were plenty of interesting booths. Some selling their wares, and some giving stuff away, mostly information. The big part of the Crop Show is the free pancakes. The Hinkle family was lucky enough to not have to wait in line like they did back when Jerry Hinkle was a kid. In fact, Randy Houdek even slipped Jerry a couple extra sausages to get some favorable press for Venture Communications. By golly, it worked too!
Kolda Processing and Eureka Bakery did not have a booth this year, but there absence did not take away from all the fun and excitement of the Crop Show. Jerry picked up a pizza cutter, while Phyllis Ehlers was lucky enough to get a dish scraper and $5 in booster bucks.
Meanwhile, at the Come Hahn Inn, Agnes Hahn baked some lutefisk to avoid having too many people in her house at the same time (darn Fire Marshall doesn't believe "There's always room at the table"). Jerry gave it thumbs up. There were no leftovers for Andy and Tracy Lennick when they came over later. The lutefisk sure went fast. That's because it tastes better than it smells. It would have to.
North of 40: Off-hand questions, on-target answers
by Red Green
"You should always be ready for the call. It could be a pardon from the governor."
I've been married for quite a while. In fact, I've been married longer that I was single. You'd sense that in a flash if you saw me in person -- the hunched shoulders, the cautious gait, the avoidance of eye contact. And if there's one thing I've learned about women in all this time, it's that you have to watch out for the off-hand questions. Don't worry about the straight-out, interrogation-style stuff where she stands directly in front of you and asks, "Where have you been?" or "Do you know what time it is?" or "Why is the shed on fire?" Those are the easy ones. You can say anything you want because she's already guessed the answer and probably doesn't even expect one.
The important questions are way sneakier. She'll be reading the paper or looking for something in the fridge or removing her make-up, and she'll put on her most casual just-making-conversation voice and say "Did you notice that blonde woman in the blue dress?" Your instincts tell you to say "no" -- but don't do it. Just say, "Which woman?" She'll then say, "The one you were talking to over by the pool." (Aren't you glad you didn't say "no"?) Now you have a problem because this next answer will determine your immediate future, especially if it's bedtime. More important than the content of this answer, it must be the perfect length and tone. She asked in a fake-casual way, and your answer should match. Eight words are perfect. Any more or less, and your wife'll be suspicious. I suggest, "She's our new receptionist. I think she's gay."

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