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Holabird Advocate

Providing all the news we see fit to print since 2002!

Saturday, September 09, 2006
VOL. V Issue 9G
ING Raises Interest
Effective on September 5, ING, the official bank of the Holabird Advocate, has raised the interest on their Orange Saving Account from 4.214% to 4.4%. They also have 12 month Certificates of Deposit at an impressive 5.2%. Sign up now before they go any higher.
Hinkles Clean House?
the Kennedys and Joyce Ferris both left for home after breakfast. When they came to the Ponderosa last Sunday, E.E. Hinkle's house was a clean as it was the day he died. When they left, it looked worse than Jerry Hinkle's bedroom. Well, the kitchen is pretty clean, but the rest looks like a mess.
And speaking of cleaning, Wilbur Goehring had some folks do some work on his Model T Ford. Well, as the people were taking the back seat out of the "T" they found a tire pressure gauge (Schrader-Universal) patented July 06, 1900. Unfortunately, it was discovered previously by some mice, who left an unmistakable impression on it.
A Modest Proposal
With the American Army spread pretty thin, and the National Guard in similar shape, all of us here at the Holabird Advocate are wondering if there is anyone out there that could help in the fight against terrorism. Harold Hinkle believes that he has come up with a solution that just might catch on: W should activate the Red Hat Society.
While it sound a bit unorthodox, the idea may have some merit. After all, they are everywhere. And more and more of them are popping up everyday. We have visions of Brigadier General Gladine Boschee grabbing illegal aliens by the ear and yanking them all the way back to Mexico. And what terror cell wouldn't run away in fear to see an entire regiment of old ladies in red hats, purses at the ready, and heading right for them. The best part is sending Lt. Colonel Hyacinth Bucket to Afghanistan to sing until Osama gives up. So call your Congressman today and get the ball rolling on what could be our most valuable Homeland Security resource. Or we could wait for them to volunteer.
Politics of the Jungle
Submitted by Doug Hague
A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry he sat down and looked over the menu...
Broiled Missionary: $10.00
Fried Explorer: $15.00
Baked Politician: $100.00.
The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a price difference for the politician?" The cook replied "Have you ever tried to clean one?"

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