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Holabird Advocate

Providing all the news we see fit to print since 2002!

Wednesday, September 06, 2006
VOL. V Issue 9E
Hinkle Family Delay Sale
The Children of E.E. Hinkle were chomping at the bit to sell off as much of the contents of E.E. Hinkle's house so they could tear it down. Clearing the house and organizing the contents was a bigger job than anticipated. Some items are too valuable to part with, while others wouldn't sell for a dime. Among the treasured items found was a bible that belonged to the Grandfather of Bergit Hinkle's grandmother, published in 1817. There are also some "McGovern '72" jewelry pins that are in immaculate condition. Of considerably lesser value was a "Wollman for Governor" bumper sticker that is still sticking to the original paper. E.E. Used to claim that he had $40,000 worth of antiques in the house, but a professional has appraised the items well under that estimate. Of course, you know what they say about one mans junque.
The Best Headlines of 2005
submitted by Marla McGeorge
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[No, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalker
[ That'll stop 'em. ]
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[What a guy!! ]
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[No-good-for-nothing lazy so-and-so's!]
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[See if that works any better than a fair trial!]
War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[You think?]
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[Who would have thought!]
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[They may be on to something!] Are these the same police who suspected homicide when the guy was found in a trash bag in the trunk of an abandon car in KC ?

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges!
[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!]
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[Weren't they fat enough?!]
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]
Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]

And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Hopefully this brought you a chuckle

North of 40: Night and Day
by Red Green
I'd like to offer an observation about mixed marriages -- a morning person should never marry a night person. Believe me, conflicting shifts is the hardest part of any union.
The difference between day people and night people is like ... well, like night and day. At the crack of dawn, the morning person is bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, while the night person is bleary-eyed and bushy-tongued. But, in the wee hours, Mrs. Merry Morning has lapsed into deep hibernation on the couch and is snoring so loudly, Mr. Night Owl can barely hear his infomercials.
Burning the collective candle at both ends can put a strain on any marriage, and sadly, no amount of coffee can change a day person into a night person or vice versa. The only way to save one of these unnatural unions is to concentrate on the afternoon, the only quality time where nobody's tired or cranky. So, I say get together for a romantic candlelight lunch, slap on that song "Afternoon Delight" and let your biorhythms do the rest.
South Dakota Stays Home
According to the Pollmaster General, Most of those who voted in the latest Poll would rather stay home rather than go to the South Dakota State Fair and spend money on gas to the tune of $2.75/gallon. A total of 63% saved their money, while a respectable 29% "Took in the Big One". The rest, a modest 8%, Thought the "Big One" was the Sioux Empire Fair.
Folks who did go to the State Fair reported that a good sized crowd had joined them there as well. Some have even declared, "The Fair is back", but all of us here at the Holabird Advocate are going to wait and see before believing any reports of success or failure.

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