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Holabird Advocate

Providing all the news we see fit to print since 2002!

Thursday, July 13, 2006
VOL. V Issue 7G
Holabird Reaches High of 103
Well, we don't know yesterday's high temp in Pierre, but in Holabird it was 103. Looks like Paul Rollie over at KPLO really knew his stuff. Of course, once the temp reaches 3 digits, it's just plain HOT. If we do in fact see 111 as Harold Hinkle claims, we may have to rethink our position on global warming. That is until it is 31 below on January 15.
Our Publisher found out that not all of the bugs in the Ponderosa pool are dead. At least he has not gotten bit YET.
DWU Reads Holabird Advocate
Our Publisher was as tickled as a movie star with a new divorce to hear that someone at Dakota Wesleyan University has recently read our little Newsblog. Now, whoever did the reading has not exactly rushed to the e-mail to beg our Publisher to rush on over and enroll. Still, they haven't told him to stay away and never come around either. He is hoping that whoever it was reads again, and soon! In fact, the sooner the better!
South Dakota Needs a Drink
by Jerry Hinkle
Holabird Advocate Publisher
on top of the heat, it is very dry in Holabird. In fact, throughout central and western South Dakota, it is as dry as E.E. Hinkle's liver. Keloland has been featuring the effects of the drought on several counties and towns along the Missouri River. There are some ranches that are selling off their herd because of the lack of grass. The Federal Government has low interest disaster loans that will finance waterlines and such, but not even W himself Can make the grass grow.
The sad fact is that we can do nothing to make the grass grow except for prayer. Some of you Readers are already doing that. Those of you who aren't should try it. One might say that prayer doesn't work, but doing nothing sure hasn't helped. So get your knees to hit the floor and let your heart do the rest.
Rules to Enter South Dakota
Submitted by Marla McGeorge
Slightly Edited by Jerry Hinkle
1. Pull up your droopy pants. You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your LEXUS. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed....NOT. We have $200,000 combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
4. They are cattle & feed lots. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-90 goes east & west.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of pheasants are coming in, WE WILL SHOOT IT OUT OF YOUR HAND. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat catfish. You really want sushi & caviar? IT'S available at most gas stations where they sell BAIT!!
8. The "OPENER" refers to the first day of pheasant/deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the 3rd week of October and the weekend after Thanksgiving. Don't plan on anything being open except those places that sell Beer, Gas or Hunting licenses. Don't plan on having a wedding or funeral during this time. Don't like it, see rule #4.
9. We open doors for women. THAT IS APPLIED TO ALL WOMEN regardless of age. We say Thank You, Please, You're Welcome, God Bless You and other phrases are mandatory and not suggestions.
10. Our treasures aren't colored green. They are our children, our parents and our grandparents. OH YEAH....It's not just our's, it's our neighbors children, parents and grandparents too. Touch them and you will know it's "YOUR TIME" and quickly say your prayers!
11. ORDER STEAK or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: MEATS....VEGETABLES....And BREADS. We use three spices: SALT, PEPPER, and PICANTE. OH YEAH, We call it a Runza or a Reuben. We don't care what people call that stuff in Malibu. It all originated in the Midwest.
13. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
14. The SDSU Jackrabbits, DWU Tigers, or USD Coyotes, High School football/Baseball/Volleyball/Basketball/Track/Wrestling/Softball are as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks are too you, but our's are a whole lot more fun to watch.
15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards. It spooks the fish.
16. Colleges? Try SDSU, DWU, USD, DSU, NSU, Black Hills State University or a bunch of others. They come outta there with an education plus love for GOD & COUNTRY and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.
17. SO just WAVE if you are a South Dakotan................ :) Always remember what Gen. Eisenhower once said: South Dakota can make it without the United States, but the United States can't make it without South Dakota.
We don't need any more bad influences on our children. We have enough to deal with keeping them safe with the internet and it's information highway and all the other crap you shove down our throats.
Oh Yeah. And WAVE!

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