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Holabird Advocate

Providing all the news we see fit to print since 2002!

Thursday, June 29, 2006
VOL. V Issue 6M
Publisher Fills Grandfather's Shoes
A number of years ago, E.E. Hinkle went to Mexico and saw a pair of shoes that he thought big enough to fit his grandson, Jerry Hinkle. When he got back home he discovered that, in fact, they fit perfectly. The funny thing was, the old boy thought the shoes were too good for Jerry and started wearing them himself. They slipped off and on easy enough, as one suspects a shoe sized 13D would when one has average sized feet.
But the story doesn't end there. Someone in E.E.'s family, for whatever reason, threw the shoes in the trash can, where Jerry later discovered them. Jerry then fished them out of the trash heap, and tried them on for size. As it happens, he's wearing them now. So it appears that the rest of the grandkids will have to wait for their inheritance. But to paraphrase Charlton Heston, "If they want Jerry's shoes, they'll have to take them from his cold dead feet"!
Don Hinkle Remembers When
Jauhn Remembers the Alamo
It took a while, but we have a second installment in the "Remembering When" series. Don Hinkle told of a time when his son, Jauhn Hinkle, was 6 years old or so. Don's brother E.E. Hinkle was visiting from South Dakota at the time and saw Jauhn playing with a Mexican girl. Later on, E.E. asked his youngest nephew, "Do you remember the Alamo? Her brothers aren't going to like you playing with her, and they'll beat on you!"
It took Jauhn 20 years to play with another Mexican girl, his wife, Jennifer. All of us here at the Holabird Advocate are glad that Jauhn took a chance on her. By the way, Jennifer has no brothers. Coincidence? We doubt it!
A Man Who Knows His Math
by Doug Burton
I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a femaledriver cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing thedriver to swerve onto the shoulder to avoid hitting her.This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung hisarm out his window and gave the woman the finger."Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself. I alwayssmile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a femaledoes anything to me in traffic and here's why: I drive 48miles each way every day to work; that's 96 miles each day.Of these, 16 miles each way are bumper-to-bumper. Most ofthe bumper-to-bumper is on an 8-lane highway. There are 7cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.Even though the rest of the 32 miles is notbumper-to-bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4,000cars. That brings the number to something like 36,000 carsthat I pass every day. Statistically, females drive half ofthese. That's 18,000 women drivers! In any given group offemales, 1 in 28 has PMS. That's 642. According toCosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfyingor unrewarding. That's 449. According to the NationalInstitute of Health, 22% of all females have seriouslyconsidered suicide or homicide. That's 98. And 34% describemen as their biggest problem. That's 33. According to theNational Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons,and this number is increasing.That means that every single day, I drive past at least onefemale who has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggestproblem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, hasPMS, and is armed.Give her the finger? .... I don't think so!!!!!!!

hahahahahahaha..... I laughed so hard that it brought tears to my eyes. Oh my stars, that was funny! I would have to agree with that very good advice. I know a few women that wouldn't need all those extra excuses to cause damage after given the finger! Good one, Doug.
Thanks that was nearly as funny as Hunter and Houston laughing at their 10 month old sister Quincee this evening. Ahhhhh what I wouldn't give to have caught that belly-laughing on tape!
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