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Holabird Advocate

Providing all the news we see fit to print since 2002!

Wednesday, May 31, 2006
VOL. V Issue 5O
No Buffalo Run in Deadwood
A proposal to run a half-dozen buffalo down a fenced-off portion of Main Street in Deadwood has been dumped by local officials. The mayor and city commission voted 4-1 against the idea. Officials were worried about lawsuits if people are injured or killed and the negative publicity that would bring to Deadwood. An Omaha business that is involved in the bison industry had hoped to use the event to draw attention to the humble buffalo. Opponents of the plan say that the proposal would bring the wrath of animal rights groups and smear Deadwood's image as a popular tourist destination. The plan would have allowed dozens of people to run with the buffalo for short segments on a course along Main Street.
By the way, does anyone know where a 2 ton buffalo sleeps? Anywhere he wants, of course!
E.E. Hinkle Holding His Own
There has not been much improvement in the condition of E.E. Hinkle. He isn't getting any worse either. Any hopes that E.E. was faking his latest setback were dashed when Jerry Hinkle told his grandfather that if he didn't start cooperating, he was going to register Republican. The perplexed 103 year old Democrat could just say "Huh?"
The worst party of the current state of affairs is that Jerry is afraid to leave home in case someone puts E.E. in the nursing home while he's gone. Jerry is also praying for patience, but that is just taking so darn long.
New Weather Station in Holabird
Recently UBS installed a computerized weather station at the home office. It is a free service of The Weather Channel It's about as accurate as a dart board, but it's free. It does give a rough idea of the wind speed and direction. Luckily our Publisher still has the Keloland Wind Chill Chart that Dave Dedrick gave him a few years back, so now he can put it into use.
Rating Stunt Gone Bad
by Jerry Hinkle
Holabird Advocate Publisher
May is a "TV sweeps" month. There were many cheesy stunts pulled this moth trying to get our attention this month. But the prize for the absolute Cheeziest was "David Blaine" You know, the goofy street magician who tries to freeze himself in ice, camp out in a plastic bubble, and all kind of crazy stuff. Well, I must admit, I missed his latest stunt. I also missed the point of this stupid show stunt.
See, Mr. Blaine was going to dive down into a tank of water and hold his breath for 9 minutes. This must be some kind of record or something. But hold on, the story gets better! The show was 2 hours long. HELLO! Even a Norwegian knows that it doesn't take 2 hours to hold your breath for 9 minutes. They must have had a lot of time to fill with commercials and all that. Like I said, I missed the point.
Blaine missed his goal too! After all the build up I understand he didn't do the deed. Maybe it takes 3 hours to hold your breath for 9 minutes. Perhaps it was the "Live show" aspect of it that messed him up. At any rate, I can only surmise that Geraldo Rivera was happy that it went so terribly. He is hoping that everyone will forget about Al Capone's vault. Well, not quite!

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