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 Holabird AdvocateProviding all the news we see fit to print since 2002!Wednesday, November 10, 2004 VOL. III Issue 11F Ashcroft Resigns to be Replaced by Gonzales President Bush has picked White House legal counsel Alberto Gonzales, a trusted adviser of W's from Texas, as his new attorney general, and has announced it before the nation this afternoon. If confirmed,Gonzales would be the first Hispanic-American to become the country's top law-enforcement official. He would replace Attorney General John Ashcroft whose resignation was announced on Tuesday night. Ferris Surgery Postponed Joyce Ferris was to have surgery on her gall bladder today, put was put off until Friday. The reason for this was that because she is not diabetic, her situation was not an emergency. All of us at the Holabird Advocate feel that if throwing up for 17 hours and having chills is not an emergency, then we hope that nobody gets in an emergency situation. North of 40 by Red Green After you get married, there are things you need to learn that nobody ever talks about. They're not in any of the manuals, and neither your parents nor your teachers ever mention them. So I guess it's my job. Here's the main one: To survive as a happily-married man, you have to learn how to sneak food. You have to pretend that you're getting out of bed in the middle of the night because of a clunking sound you heard coming from the basement, and not from a growling sound you heard coming from your stomach. You have to learn to find the kitchen in the dark and unplug the fridge so you can open the door without detection. You have to be able to grab the food you want, close the door and plug the fridge back in, all in one motion. You must eat quickly and be ready to stuff all of it into your cheek at a moment's notice so that when your wife calls down to find out what you're doing, you can call back without the telltale sound of a mouthful of leftovers. Finish the job, hide the evidence and then climb back into bed. And if your wife starts making advances, don't give in to her. She's not feeling romantic, she's trying to do a strip search. Remember, I'm pullin' for ya. We're all in this together.
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