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Holabird Advocate

Providing all the news we see fit to print since 2002!

Saturday, February 08, 2003
VOL. II Issue 2D
Because of the nefarious activities of the other PETA group, PETA(People Eating Tasty Animals) will henceforth be known as PITA(People Ingesting Tasty Animals). The reasons for this were revealed at PITA's International Headquarters in Holabird this morning by PITA founder, and Holabird Advocate Publisher, Jerry Hinkle. The statement is as follows:
We the People Eating Tasty Amimals are changing our name to PITA, or Peple Ingesting Tasty Animals, because the Group known as People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals was the focus on a John Stossel "Give me a Break" piece on last night's 20/20 report. Activities they have engaged in have usually been shameful and disgraceful, but it seems they have stooped to terrorism to spread their message. We are not about that. We believe in getting together in groups, having fun, and eating a meal that we prepared ourselves with God's help. Sometimes we raise the animals we eat, other times we kill them and have the meat processed into a delicious form suitable for grilling.
No law are broken at any PITA gathering I've ever attended. We don't feel the need to bomb a reserch lab where life saving work is taking place. We don't paint ourselves red, nor do we spill red paint on other people. We don't make fools of ourselves when we see someone wear fur or leather. Best of all we don't have stupid so-called celebrities like Alec Balbwin speak for us. We speak for ourselves, and then only when we have something to say. We welcome any celebrity endorsements, but so far I am the most famous PITA member.
One member we are very proud of is Ms. Dawn Blain of Joliet, Montana. She successfully hunted and killed her first elk this past week. Not only is she having it processed, but she has offered to share the meat with other PITA members. I, for one, look forward to grilling some ground elk in the near future.
Valentine's day was celebrated early by Darrel and Kristi Hinkle. They went to dinner and a movie in Pierre. The movie was "Just Married" starring Aston Kutcher and Brittany Murphy. The resturaunt they went to was not reported, but all of us at the Holabird Advocate hope it wasn't McDonald's as we are boycotting them because of Austrailian meat. Yes, even PITA members have standards.
Babysiting services were provided by Harold and Mary Hinkle who had no trouble with the three Hinkle children. Harold even watched a western movie on Darrel and Kristi's DSS system.

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